Saturday, October 07, 2006

Seed of Power


Some bloggers felt uneasy about Puerileuwaite's feeble come-on's. RevRee was warned about the Southwestern Blogger in September of 2006

By Reardon Pounding


In the summer of 2006, bloggers were warned to steer clear of a freshman blogger from the Southwestern U.S., who was already learning the sexual habits of commenters, dashing off notes, letters and e-mails to them, and asking them to join him for ice cream, according to Lamby, a current reader. When the naive commenters asked why, they were sternly reminded that he was a PUG! "Nuff said.


Leelee said that Puerileuwaite was known to be extraordinarily friendly in a way that made some of them uncomfortable. He would comment inappropriately on their blogs. He would lead them on, then back off, and then repeat the process. This both confused and titillated the bloggers.


Dykesdog provided a handwritten letter that Puerileuwaite had sent her, suggesting that they get together during the Republican National Convention in New York City in 2004. RNC's have long been rumored to be hotbeds of "anything goes" sexual liaisons involving cattle mutilations and tupperware parties.


"Puerileuwaite knew that he could get away with this type of behavior with his readers because they were "needy"," Fair Mayden (another loyal commenter) said. "and would meekly agree to anything in order to retain his attention".


The four-month blogger threatened to resign Friday after ABC News questioned him about sexually explicit electronic messages he had sent to multiple bloggers. Examples of such messages included, ""Let me show you the post I M working on", "I know U want it", Let me Spam all over you", "C U in Clown School", and others.


Puerileuwaite was popular with many bloggers. They come from all over the nation (and Canada, as you would expect, since blogging is now that "country's" third most popular pastime after hockey and curling) to share their semi-coherent ramblings with the Pug, despite his tepid interest.


A Canadian blogger by name of /t. is but one of the Pug's many Canuck followers. In a statement, /t. mentioned that he was not "burly" enough to be a LOGGER, unlike most Canadians. So he simply added a "b" to his job title and learned basic computer skills on his Commodore 64. The rest is history.

/t. with his good friend Little Lamb (in human form)

Bloggers' lives are tightly controlled. They seldom leave their homes and their computers are monitored. They never attend social functions and spend virtually all of their time alone. So when they do receive rare one-on-one attention, it is a big deal.


The commenters did, however, receive a lot of attention from Puerileuwaite. He attended one of their parties in a pants-less tuxedo. He wrote suggestively about them in bathroom stalls. He learned their interests and asked them about themselves. For many, it was welcome attention.

Jmeped had won a lunch with the pug with a rare, intelligently constructed comment. When she asked to go to Morton's steakhouse, Puerileuwaite replied that the two of them "will cruise in my BMW to Morton's". Instead, he took her to the nearest Captain D's in his severely damaged Ford Escort".


In the comments section of a recent post, Puerileuwaite praised his readers for their maturity. "Now, I know you have one more year of high school to conclude and that probably is some degree of relief or maybe, to those you feel like you are probably well equipped to enter your first year of college," he said. "Some of you, I think, in conversing with you, some are actually mature enough to enter college right away."


Willo Keays said that Puerileuwaite's attempts to socialize with other bloggers went beyond the ordinary. In the manner of "Eddie Haskell" from the classic "Leave It To Beaver" sitcom, he left a comment on her blog that unsuccessfully attempted to shamelessly suck up to her mother and sisters in order to win their affection.


K9, a moonshining blogger from the back woods, said that, "If Puerileuwaite took the time to eChat with you, that was a big deal. That was a huge deal."


Pud, who said she never heard about Puerileuwaite's advances, remarked that some of her blogmates may have been tempted to correspond with the Pug because they were eager to land future jobs as guest posters on his enormously popular blog. "I can see how a 16-year-old would be vulnerable to that. But us grown adults should have been more capable of seeing through his bullshit."


Dykesdog, a blogger whose younger brother also is a blogger, said: "I certainly warned my little brother, who stopped blogging last year and then returned. A few bloggers are a little too friendly to the newbies."


Crash Test Comic, who occasionally performs in clubs but refuses to let folks know the locations, dates and show times, swapped links (talk about a double-entendre) with Puerileuwaite a couple months ago. He said that numerous bloggers told him to be "very careful" of the Pug. Within weeks, Puerileuwaite learned his name and asked at least twice to adopt his suggestions for the name of Crash's next "comedy" tour. He stroked the Pug along, leading him to believe that he was a shoe-in "Name The Tour" contest winner. This angered the freshman blogger, who proceeded to exchange "Yo Mama" jokes with the "comic".


"It was an odd series of comments and replies," Crash said.

After he completed a recent "By Special Invite Only" blogger orgy, Puerileuwaite wrote thank you emails to all who participated. He received a reply from Party Girl almost immediately, suggesting that the two meet up during the Republican convention in San Diego.


Staff researcher Girl Goyle and research editor Malnurtured Snay contributed to this report.

© 2006 The Pug News Agency

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85 comments:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Why wasn't I invited to the blogger orgy?? Everybody knows I give good comment.

Little Lamb said...

That was cute, but you didn't mention /t. by name, only location.

Good post.

puerileuwaite said...

Mighty D - An orgy without the Clown present? That would be sacriligious. You WERE there, at the bottom of the pile. I also borrowed our favorite sushi place and former cruising vessel. C U in Clown school, Evil One.

Lamby - You're right. /t. WAS mentioned at one point, but then he was accidently left out after my edits. I'll add him back in.

DykesDog said...

Puggy, I love and put in use the Tupperware set that you bought for me after the RNC. Everytime I use those seal tight lids, it reminds me of when you tried to use them during our playful romp. Then in frustration you went over to the
Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear Store, only to discover that you had maxed out your credit card at the Tupperware party and on donations to the RNC. It is a bittersweet memory.

puerileuwaite said...

Dykesdog - This reminds me of an old joke: How do we know "The Go Go's" are still virgins? Because their lips are sealed!

But seriously, if women were more like tupperware in that way, just think of the impact it would have on relationships.

And let's face it: involvement with the Republicans is always bittersweet. Okay, these days it's more bitter than sweet.

RevRee said...

I'm sure glad someone warned me, before it was too late.

leelee said...

Wow, this is as good as Woodwards book..good investigative reporting!!!I'm suprised Tim Russert hasn't invited you to be a guesr on his Sunday Morning show..

PS: Now go back and edit P and link each bloggers name with their blog...hey we all want more hits and visitors..we can only hope and pray for 250+ comments..

puerileuwaite said...

Rev - It's already too late. You have already expressed fleeting, lukewarm interest in me. That is all I need. Just one question: how many kids should we have?

Leelee - You're right. That's bad form. I'll go back and edit them in.

Willo - You've got it. They don't seem to like me (hard to believe, isn't it?) anyway.

leelee said...

that's a good pug!

8-\

leelee said...

good job P...you're the BEST!! Thanks!!

RevRee said...

puerileuwaitesdfkhdsfhslrefl, how about we pratice fornicating a few 100 times before we talk kids...

Little Lamb said...

Pug I like the way you put links to our blogs. Good job.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - You called me on it. I was being too lazy to play with the links, except my own (wait, that didn't sound right). Just like Navin Johnson said in "The Jerk", "I'm in the phone book! I'm SOMEBODY! Things are gonna start happening now ...

Willo - No one is sure of that.

Rev - Wow, you really seem dedicated to making sure we do it correctly when we ARE ready! I admire your professional approach. I wouldn't want to rush in half-cocked.

Lamby - Thank you. Most people prefer NOT to have the association with yours truly. Don't know why ...

/t. - Pardon me. Having recently seen an example of Canada's finest,

http://doggerelblogger.blogspot.com/

I stand corrected. Please accept my apology, my northern blog friend.

RevRee said...

I'd rather you rush in fully
COCKed...

Baron Ectar said...

You are the only Pug I know that makes my sister call me and laugh! You are also the only Pug I know that gets her to drinking wine late at night and posting comments like she does! You are one brave Pug in my book!

Malnurtured Snay said...

I did?

puerileuwaite said...

Rev - Okay, but I'll need a special truss so I don't strain my groin muscles from the weight and g-forces.

Baron - She never knew "Pug" before. Then came me.

MS - It may have been while you were asleep. You are THAT prolific, my friend.

Little Lamb said...

You know why I squealed and warned the other bloggers about you emailing them and inviting them for ice cream, dont' you?

puerileuwaite said...

No, please do tell.

Little Lamb said...

You never once emailed me and invited me for ice cream. I love ice cream. And I love chocolate.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby, that's because you are as pure as the driven snow, and I knew you'd never go for my shananigans.

Little Lamb said...

AHA!!!! So there is something corrupt about you. So my statement of "He's a pug! Nuff said." was accurate. I knew there was something about you. We can still be friends.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - You have discovered my dark secret. I am more corrupt than human. I am similar to Darth Vader in that regard (he was more machine than human). But yes, we can be friends. And who knows? Maybe I can corrupt you.

Little Lamb said...

Time will tell if you can corrupt me too. Or maybe I can make you be pure as the driven snow.

I'd like to point out something to you. The first syllable of your screen name is pronounced pure, even though you don't spell it that way.

PUER = PURE

So maybe you can live up to that.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Perhaps. But what kind of a life would it be? Socially accepted? Revered, even? Who am I kidding, if you were to extract the corrupt parts, only a thimble of sawdust-like material would be left. Which you would probably sweep up and toss out.

Willo - I could. I watched "The Exorcist" and took copious notes. I'll need some pea soup, holy water and sheep shears.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, if you became pure like we could do things that you only dream about. It woudl be all pure and good and you won't even feel guilty about it. You'll feel good and pure about it. You could sleep at night and enjoy your days and feel good about yourself.

puerileuwaite said...

Is that possible? I am intrigued by the idea of feeling good about myself. On the other hand, freedom from guilt sounds rather boring. It does sound rather clean. Would I never need to shower? That could be the clincher.

Little Lamb said...

Well not not try it and see?

puerileuwaite said...

But I'll lose all of my new blog friends. Almost all of them are heathens. But still, I'm enamored with the crazy knuckleheads.

Little Lamb said...

Maybe not. I'm friends with them too. But not all of them come to my blog. Ok,I see your point. But I like you the way you are and you like me the way I am. You think I'm terminally cute I think you're cute too.

You told me I'd find my own audiance and I am. You have too.

I think we should keep our blogging friends and make new ones too.

Oh pug, what should we do?

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby, let's do what you suggested in your last comment. I like things the way they are, and also the direction in which they seem to be headed. We've made some new virtual friends from very diverse viewpoints and backgrounds. I like that.

Little Lamb said...

Then that's what we'll do and we can be friends and visit each other.

puerileuwaite said...

It's a deal, Lamby.

Little Lamb said...

You would use pea soup, holy water and shears to corrupt me? I hate pea soup.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Who does? That's what I'd torture you with.

puerileuwaite said...

Good night Lamby. See you tomorrow.

Little Lamb said...

good night, pug, I'll see you tomorrow too.

Little Lamb said...

I see you're still working on your story.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Good catch. I had trouble uploading the pix earlier, so I wanted to try one last time before bed. I still have a couple more to go. What do you think?

Little Lamb said...

So far so good. I like them, but don't you think you could use our avatars for each one of us or would that be too hard?

Little Lamb said...

They llok good. Do what you want. You have good taste. I'll check back tomorrow. Good night. Sleep well.

puerileuwaite said...

Thanks, Lamby. I didn't want to use anyone's avatar for two reasons:

1) Jmeped couldn't use her avatar again after I borrowed it, for some strange reason

2) You never know if someone might be offended if I use their avatar (except for Jmeped, since she's cool).

I hope no one is hurt or irritated by the pix that I did choose. I went by the image that I believe is projected my way. So, for instance, in your case I wanted to use the Ram album cover. Since I know that Willo has Scottish heritage, I chose a figurine in authentic "Scottish Lass" apparel. Then we have a few sirens and vamps.

See you tomorrow.

Little Lamb said...

I'm not offended, but I like my jumping lamb and I understand now why you didn't use our avatars. I would be heart broken if I couldn't use this lamb anymore.

I know a few people who would be happy about it, but I like it.

leelee said...

wow....I like the pic you used for me...HL...so hot...how did you know that Blondie is only ONE of my multiple personalities..I have a siren and vixen in there too..perhaps that's why my ralationship works ;)

puerileuwaite said...

Girlgoyle - Perhaps there is no conclusion. As a "gonzo" journalist who is also part of the ongoing story, you already know this. I like your approach: do one thing at a time, and do it well.

Lamby - I finally decided on your "human" form. See the new picture that I added, where I have you posing alongside Mr. /t.

Jmeped - You are getting too wise to my "either way, you pay" tactics. Curses! You are much too clever for us naughty people.

Leelee - Which relationship? Because if OURS is working, I would appreciate formal notification.

Little Lamb said...

Ok,I guess its official, I am his lamb.

leelee said...

Our relationship is NOT working P?? I thought we were doing so well.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Your horrible secret is out.

Leelee - To the contrary. I too thought it was great! But as a male, I'm somewhat oblivious. So it pays to ask the female what she thinks. Not only just to find out, but women really appear to like this type of attention.

RevRee said...

Great!! Now It looks like I'm a 12 year old boy!...

puerileuwaite said...

No, Rev, actually that's Eddie Haskell from "Leave It To Beaver", and in this post he represents me.

Because I gave you top billing in the intro, I couldn't insert a picture for you in this post. Plus, the one that I would pick, might be considered too racy for some of my more sensitive readers.

leelee said...

no need to worry..you and me P...we're "easy like sunday morning" which frees you up to work on all those OTHER relationships.

puerileuwaite said...

Oh Leelee, I don't really think of all those other relationships as work. The key is just to get whatever gratification out of them that I can.

Little Lamb said...

No, /t., that you and me together in my picture. I'm known as your lamb.

Little Lamb said...

Sorry, I didn't know there was 2 pics of me. one in lamb form and one in human form.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - It sounds like you approve of the picture that I chose.

Lamby - One picture/species was not enough.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, I feel special. You make me feel that way.

RevRee said...

ok puerileuwaiteafklhsdkghslk darlin, just send me the picture to my private email...

RevRee said...

Oh yeah, thanks for the "top billing" I like being on top!

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Well then, in that case I need a "Mission Accomplished" sign to pose under.

Willo - Except for the first photo (of Eddie Haskell, representing yours truly), every other picture FOLLOWS the person it's representing. So you're the cute Scottish Lass with the doggie. Someday soon I'll be able to start playing around with PhotoShop. Then I can make the doggie black. Then I'll also be able to wreak more havoc.

/t. - I didn't even think of the gay connotation. But if it fulfills your dream, then who am I to cat-fight with you over the symbolism? This is one of MY favorite Python scetches, BTW.

Rev - I had a feelin'. Though I do hope you're open to other positions on, er, I mean IN my post. Porn email makes me uncomfortable, however. When my email gets "rejected by the mail server", I get severely depressed and question my technical masculinity.

Mayden' s Voyage said...

Oh- PW....you have out done yourself-
The photos of Monty Python, and SNL characters- loved it.
Made me want to reach out and give you a "nuggie" (sp?) :)

Now I'll be humming "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok..." all evening :)
This was a good way to end my day- thank you :)

tfg said...

Yeah, republicans always have the best orgies.

puerileuwaite said...

Fair Mayden - Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the post. I was really happy with the pictures that I found for it.

TFG - My theory? It's because they're used to screwing people.

Pud said...

After reading this...I want to pet the Pug!

Baron Ectar said...

Shes's going to kill me for sending you that pic. Because of you I will never be able to take a picture of her again ...

puerileuwaite said...

Pud - If only you knew how long I've waited for you to write those words. (I'm assuming it's okay for me to be on the couch, then.)

Baron - Now that sis is able to sleep at night, you'll have your opportunities. We'll use PhotoShop to make it appear that she's awake and a willing participant.

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped - My theory? It's a mirror similar to the one at Hogwart's (Attention nerds! Harry Potter reference!), where you see what you most want to be.

RevRee said...

77 freakin posts? Please share with me your secret! Who are you sleeping with to get this many posts???!!!

puerileuwaite said...

Rev - The key (disappointingly enough) is to NOT sleep with anyone. It's the mystery that attracts them. The reality would only make them lose interest in anything having to do with yours truly.

sparringK9 said...

/bark bark bark

WTF? i turn my back one second and i get deliverance? just as long as i can be burt and not ned. (one day, the machines are gonna break, and then i get to use this compound bow. for survival!yeeeeeeehawwwww!)


(paddle harder bro, i hear banjo music!!!!)

hey! wait a minute! i didnt get any tupperware!!!

/grrrr!

Melissa said...

silly Puggy, it's Lumberjack not Logger...

it's every lil Canadian boys wet dream to be a lumberjack and have Pamela Anderson on his arm.
~or not.

puerileuwaite said...

K9 - Forgive me. I try to work in a Deliverance reference where ever possible. I've also learned that in the blog world, sometimes we're Burt, sometimes we're Ned. But if you believe the rumours, Burt in real life is sometimes Ned. If you are interested in tupperware, I can work you a sweet deal on a 24-piece set. I'll even throw in a model replica of a clipper ship.

Miss_Lissa - I guess I AM silly. I thought lumberjack and logger were the same thing. But the thought of Pamela Anderson on MY arm "shrivels me timber". Substitute Anne Murray for THIS particular "Snowbird", and you've got yourself a deal.

/t. - Do Canadians have a right to bear arms? Do we have an obligation to bear Canadians? Would I like to see a bare Canadian? The answer to one of these questions is Yes! If she's Shania Twain. I'd sure like to butter HER scones!

puerileuwaite said...

Bella - That's why you need a pair of "sensible" shoes. The kind that will lead me ... back to you.

But the ones from the RNC you may no longer be interested in. We couldn't get that crazy Newt Gingrich bastard out of 'em. Said they went nicely with his fishnets.

Why the attraction? Hmmm. How do I explain without resorting to cliches? I can't! So here's one to wet your, um, whistle.

Perhaps I am that elusive rainbow which everybody wants to ride on, so that a wonderful spectrum of color appears to shoot out of THEIR asses (in addition to the usual brown). Ride the light, baby!

Willo - I view my comments section as the amusement park outside of the theatre where you just had to endure a tedious hour of Osmond Family lookalikes earning minimum wage recreating "The Jungle Book".

It's where the real fun begins.

Will we throw up on the roller coaster? Get laid in the dark recesses of the Fun House? Or get knifed in the Tunnel of Love?

And at the end of the evening, we just may be rewarded with a stuffed animal of some sort.

leelee said...

P's comments are kinda like having a favorite bar stool in the CHEERS bar..you know...where everybody knows your name.."a group of wacky characters that make it their home away from home"...

hmmmm...I see a virtual sitcom in our future

Party Girl said...

YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO GIVE OUT MY NUMBER!

I said, 'deal'

you said, 'deal'

and we shook on it in our special Puerlieuwaite and Party Girl way!

Melissa said...

Anne Murray?

wow.

And with that one foul swoop you went from hero to zero in my book.

mwuahahaha!

actually no, she's pretty sweet. For an ol' lady!

KT Lang! or KD whatever...
now there's a hot Canadian chick (lol)

Hey did you hear that she died??

yeah... they found her face down in Ricky Lake.


oooooo- bad joke. Terrible. I deserve a spanking now. hahaha!

Baron Ectar said...

Ohhhhhh, you do that was bad!

Baron Ectar said...

LMAO - "ride the light" - ROFLMAO!

puerileuwaite said...

WTF? I leave for awhile to do some honest work, and all hell breaks loose.

***

Leelee - Your "Cheers" comparison reminded me of one of the countless verbal exchanges whenever Norm entered the bar:

Woody: How's it hangin', Mr. Peterson?

Norm: Shriveled and slightly to the left.

***

Party Girl - Not to worry. It was a calculated move on my part. It'll drive these maniacs crazy (and occupied) dialing and dialing until they figure out the proper area code.

***

Miss_Lissa - Um, I do believe the "usual" term is "fell swoop". I'd like to think the use of "foul" was purely accidental. On the other hand, your "hero to zero" remark does tie in nicely with my amusement park roller coaster analogy.

KD Lang? I wouldn't **** her with HER strap-on! She's like the girl with somethin' extra, without the somethin' extra. It'd be like sodomizing the Sal Mineo character from "Rebel Without A Cause", which is more of a prison fantasy.

Regarding Anne Murray, you do have a valid point. She's probably 70+ by now. Even though that's only 60 or so in American years, there are pros and cons to the age aspect that should be considered. On one hand, if I were to perform poorly (not like THAT would ever happen), her eroded memory would save me future embarassment when we cross paths at Bingo. Conversely (and more realistically), if I rocked her ever shrinking world, she might not remember long enough to brag about it to her friends. Referrals in this biz are everything.

***

Baron - Glad you enjoyed it. "Ride the Light" was Qwest's motto before they changed it to the equally moronic "Spirit of Service".

***

Willo - Why thank you. A cruel irony is that "the truly intelligent man" knows asexuality is the safest path. But why walk, when you can ride?

Though I'm unsure of where you where going with the lizard reference, I know where you can find one. I prefer the woman to the capture and release part while I film it. Bring karma to my chameleon.

***

Melissa said...

oh shit.

Look at that, I made a booboo.

That rarely happens. *snicker*


Well, when the baron makes his trip across the border with his doll maybe you can hook a ride and we can go on a quest for Anne.
Get it Qwest... god I'm on a roll with corny Tie ins.

and no worries about KD lang. She's fuckin nasty. I met her once and she's even uglier and Dykier (no offence DD sweetie) then she appears on her album covers.
*shudder*

I mean, I'd screw William Shatner (speakin of old folks) before I touched something by the likes of her.
just sayin.

puerileuwaite said...

Miss_Lissa - I'll all about the corny tie-ins. And I think we ALL know what "corny" rhymes with.

William Shatner? Well in that case, set my Phaser to "Stunned".

puerileuwaite said...

I'll? ... I meant "I'm" (... going to drink my coffee now).

DykesDog said...

HA! Miss L ... KD Lang is nasty!

Puggy ... WTH you giving us a bad name? Not coming when called! Corny Huh ... better mind Puggy old boy!

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped - You have to rub the UNDERSIDE of the pug. Geez, didn't they teach you anything in biology class?


Dykesdog - Sorry, but my position when it comes to homely lesbians - while not prone - is firm (actually the problem is a certain thing that isn't firm!). Fortunately you are not in this category, and as such, remain one of my many "reclamation" projects.

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped - What do you win? You get to rub the REAL pug's underside to see what happens. Thanks for playing!

puerileuwaite said...

Actually, 100 comments means it's definitely time to start work on a new post. Let me see if I can actually pinch one out today.