tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-294127942024-03-07T19:19:00.836-07:00Why oh why must it be this way?Hello and welcome to Puglypaloosapuerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.comBlogger133125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-88192306770395038622014-12-13T08:18:00.001-07:002014-12-13T08:18:06.222-07:00Puglypaloosa Is Officially Open For BusinessA Message from our Chairpug and CFO:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZKvltFgwZY7lTi2uyTNZX6wUUJE55fCkVHAZENltIB1r1HkbJtkXxCqd9KprRaASAH92cRZdVU7YwVKkvS-D3l47tKJUuIOwxtltOobi1_ve4fIbfqdokEiQpdaTsI19zDU7ZVg/s1600/BB+002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZKvltFgwZY7lTi2uyTNZX6wUUJE55fCkVHAZENltIB1r1HkbJtkXxCqd9KprRaASAH92cRZdVU7YwVKkvS-D3l47tKJUuIOwxtltOobi1_ve4fIbfqdokEiQpdaTsI19zDU7ZVg/s1600/BB+002.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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Greetings readers, investors and litigants!<br />
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<br />
Due to a recent court injunction, I am pleased to announce that Puglypaloosa is now officially reopened. It will take more than allegations of: "fraudulent business practices", "sexual misconduct", "discrimination", "OSHA non-compliance", "safety concerns", "health code violations" and "inability to meet minimum community and decency standards" to permanently shut us down. These colors (fawn and black) do not run (and not only because of shortness of breath). So enjoy the blog and treat it the way you might treat any amusement park.<br />
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Stay tuned for more updates!<br />
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Cheers,<br />
Black Bart<br />
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.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-83027899427182691082012-02-17T05:49:00.009-07:002012-02-17T20:15:50.643-07:00Puglypaloosa News<u><strong>Nigerian underwear bomber gets life sentence</strong></u><br />
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DETROIT -- Nigerian Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who tried to blow up a Detroit-bound international flight with an underwear bomb on Christmas Day 2009 on behalf of al-Qaida, was sentenced to life in prison without parole Thursday.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQHhh6Lq745Yq4Q9OL-GboSn6Fa5LY12VdWMO2hrr71L9eTNwWmZn3zv8RPp_8B5B79epaFY7qvi6EVP9XW_sHaRb9tiauRbQW5immlJ2v_pvivwz80i1OuXQNUbi5f91ZJNYwTw/s1600/Underwear+Bomber.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQHhh6Lq745Yq4Q9OL-GboSn6Fa5LY12VdWMO2hrr71L9eTNwWmZn3zv8RPp_8B5B79epaFY7qvi6EVP9XW_sHaRb9tiauRbQW5immlJ2v_pvivwz80i1OuXQNUbi5f91ZJNYwTw/s320/Underwear+Bomber.png" width="320px" yda="true" /></a></div>Photo of either Abdulmutallab or one of the Jackson 5<br />
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Abdulmutallab, 25, the son of a wealthy Nigerian banker, pleaded guilty in October and admitted he was on a suicide mission for al-Qaida when he tried to detonate explosive chemicals hidden in his underwear minutes before the plane landed at Detroit Metropolitan Airport. Fortunately there was no one in Detroit at the time, as they were all attending job fairs in other cities.<br />
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In order to illustrate the magnitude of the threat, Puglypaloosa spokespug Black Bart stated that - as part of the Puglypaloosa 4th of July fireworks extravaganza - he plans to demonstrate the destructive force of explosives similar to those Abdulmutallab carried, by placing some in a random diaper provided to visitors as one of many amenities available in Puglypaloosa public restroom facilities. <br />
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The government said Abdulmutallab first performed a ritual in the airplane lavatory — brushing his teeth, perfuming himself, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOZuxwVk7TU"><strong>then briefly making out with Britney Spears in a stewardess outfit</strong></a> — and returned to his seat. <br />
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The device didn't work as planned, but still produced flame, smoke and panic in the cabin. His groin was badly burned, similar in fashion to an infamous coffee spill / flirting rebuff incident suffered by a heavily-intoxicated <a href="http://ihaveabombshelterandyoucantuseit.blogspot.com/"><strong>Puglypaloosa patron</strong></a> during a return flight to Boston in 2011.<br />
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On a related topic, self-appointed "defendant-advocate" Black Bart so far has allegedly failed to return unused bail money wired to his bank account from Abdulmutallab's Nigerian relatives.<br />
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Reports from the prison where Abdulmutallab is being held, confirm that fellow inmates have so far been reluctant to approach the underwear bomber and introduce themselves to him in their traditional, amorous fashion.<br />
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<em>- Scoop Puerileuwaite, Puglypaloosa Press / Neuters News Agency</em><br />
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.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com50tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-80472178528990560392011-12-06T03:48:00.001-07:002011-12-22T11:18:26.076-07:00The Great Pugsly - Part III<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMOESf4RJyw2hQElkFoAz3F_ACgCCYZPHjZpieTqg8cVr0m5pdL99zU-wF7geErAqSMQlMUuVdRaf3BvxO21cq9L0v3dFekRj4ieF4nKWqRjdPZk7Iu9sVpjMg74aFxb9D5Fl5-g/s1600/The+Cottage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="212px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMOESf4RJyw2hQElkFoAz3F_ACgCCYZPHjZpieTqg8cVr0m5pdL99zU-wF7geErAqSMQlMUuVdRaf3BvxO21cq9L0v3dFekRj4ieF4nKWqRjdPZk7Iu9sVpjMg74aFxb9D5Fl5-g/s320/The+Cottage.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><br />
The meeting I'd been coerced* (* much like this blog update) into arranging, had finally arrived in the front room of my tiny cottage.<br />
<br />
Me: "Foamy, I'd like you to meet my neighbor, Mister Pugsly. Mister Pugsly, this is my cousin Foamy. Be sure to keep her in the locked and upright position until we have reached cruising altitude. I'll be out on the porch with my crack pipe, headphones and pimp hat."<br />
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Pugsly: "No offense, old sport, but I left the Rohypnol at my mansion, so let us go there."<br />
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Me: "If you like. This is Foamy, so it probably isn't necessary. However, once there, I strongly advise that you not allow her to view clouds or your shirt collection."<br />
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We tour Pugsly's impressive mansion and wind up in his master bedroom suite.<br />
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Foamy: (Gazing out the window) "I'd like to get one of those pink clouds, put you in it and push you around."<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdshtx1Uc2e3a1D8UOjWnC4di1eEV5Eyzz7d29c4ezVxT82G3SOgV-mexnEkcJTvg_EczkZrc71RVVj1m-04yfHcApMeKt_W9wlxtXiC1cwYE2mypNqSAjYFHyk35HgIr4g2cAPw/s1600/Pink+Cloud+Example.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="240px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdshtx1Uc2e3a1D8UOjWnC4di1eEV5Eyzz7d29c4ezVxT82G3SOgV-mexnEkcJTvg_EczkZrc71RVVj1m-04yfHcApMeKt_W9wlxtXiC1cwYE2mypNqSAjYFHyk35HgIr4g2cAPw/s320/Pink+Cloud+Example.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><br />
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Pugsly: "No offense, old spice, might we wait until we are married for you to push me around?"<br />
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Foamy: (Turning her incredibly short attention span to Pugsly's <a href="http://www.tjmaxx.com/">T.J. Maxx</a> shirt collection) "I've never seen such beautiful shirts before!"<br />
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Me: (Makes hanging by tie gesture while rolling eyes) "Don't say I didn't warn you."<br />
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Foamy: "Is this a scrapbook containing printouts of all my <a href="http://thefoaming.blogspot.com/">blog</a> postings?" <br />
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Pugsly: "I had a lot of free time and Internet access during the war. Anyhoo, why did you marry Mr. Foamy? Why didn't you wait for me?"<br />
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Foamy: "Rich girls don't marry canines, don't you know? Plus you were poor. Also, the neutering was a concern. Do you think it was easy for me? Young Lieutenant Pugsly scoots across the carpet and into my life, wearing your romantic uniform that hid who you were ... where you came from ... breaking my heart with your impossible love! <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invasion_of_Grenada">Going off to your adventure</a> ..."<br />
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Pugsly: "I told you I'd come back for you, in my tweet*. Your Facebook* status indicated that you'd wait." <em>(* Editors Note: Did you notice how I incorporate current technology in order to make this timeless story more accessable to today's generation of hipsters?).</em><br />
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Foamy: (Sobbing into one of Pugsly's T.J. Maxx shirts) "I'd waited so long! Paula Abdul was completely clean and sober by the time I'd given up. We were so close .. in our 3.5-minutes of love. And I couldn't stop crying, but I wouldn't let go of my laptop containing your last blog entry, never knowing if there would be another. I hung onto it and hung onto it ... until ... townsfolk started comparing me to the Log Lady from Twin Peaks."<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSe6ErbXJ01WmO7g7EAaTh5EQxI6gYJfZqiZlmA5U5gSWBWDjfjcrDSqHgKEs7d3jWbv5x-6OGXEFWKaJ1tyUABioFLE4KukdHky3vMYZhV66k2oXHApEapwCu2uozAkuUum2A3g/s1600/Log+Lady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSe6ErbXJ01WmO7g7EAaTh5EQxI6gYJfZqiZlmA5U5gSWBWDjfjcrDSqHgKEs7d3jWbv5x-6OGXEFWKaJ1tyUABioFLE4KukdHky3vMYZhV66k2oXHApEapwCu2uozAkuUum2A3g/s1600/Log+Lady.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Later, Pugsly and I converse alone.<br />
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Pugsly: "I'll fix everything ... just the way it was before. Just the way I was fixed. She'll see."<br />
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Me: "You can't repeat the past."<br />
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Pugsly: "Can't repeat the past? Of course you can, old sport! Is Rick Perry not another "W"? Is Herman Cain not another <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=don+king+wig&tag=mh0b-20&index=aps&hvadid=23015897&ref=pd_sl_1kgx02uni2_b">Don King</a>? Is <a href="http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/09/28/heidi-cross-eyed-opossum-closes-eyes-forever/">Michele Bachmann</a> not another Sarah Palin? Is Mitt Romney not another <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Davidson_(entertainer)">John Davidson</a>? Is Ron Paul not another <a href="http://www.culteducation.com/hgate.html">Marshall Applewhite</a>? Is Rick Santorum not another <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050383/">Jimmy Piersall</a>? Is Newt Gingrich not another Newt Gingrich? Is Jesse Jackson not another Puerileuwaite?"<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQbdSgyBJ5sdvoCvMD0ff0QvnCQ8OauXQc0LUHbY65E7Pd1up3HfRtJfLyr-1BsHMBPUCGpNJeEcQhHud1g2gXnKAPSQQtzWXtXH7wOxdZ2mpGy1HTN9u7WefHE6vODWswJDQ6fA/s1600/jesse-jackson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="216px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQbdSgyBJ5sdvoCvMD0ff0QvnCQ8OauXQc0LUHbY65E7Pd1up3HfRtJfLyr-1BsHMBPUCGpNJeEcQhHud1g2gXnKAPSQQtzWXtXH7wOxdZ2mpGy1HTN9u7WefHE6vODWswJDQ6fA/s320/jesse-jackson.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><br />
It was when curiosity about Pugsly was at its highest that the lights in his house failed to go on, one Saturday night.<br />
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Foamy: "Have you ever stalked anybody else?"<br />
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Pugsly: "No. <a href="http://www.topsocialite.com/celebrities-without-makeup/">However I did date quite a few celebrities</a>."<br />
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Foamy: "Of course, you could never love anybody but me. I love the way you love me. I just wish it would last longer than 3.5 minutes a pop."<br />
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Pugsly: " Well I love that you love the way I love you." (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KgzoheDZ9Q">puts on a Bobby Vinton CD</a>)<br />
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Me: "Today is my birthday. I am 30, once again. And I shall be going to <a href="http://www.dennys.com/">Denny's</a> for my free meal."<br />
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Meanwhile the 2-rubes are fighting over global warming and who really invented the Internet, in their government provided former-Vice Presidential lodging over the garage.<br />
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Husband: "Maybe you think you can fool me, Tipper. Maybe you can. (gazes out the window) But you can't fool God. God sees everything."<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwE9yFbF4nWK6o43Ib1OPlXGp1Ali3mvEIdxlxVRejcKa7Io0ytz7EIkhmL-0srAiI1SEDDZ11mG-ZdT68qpJiOo_CtiZ9yfbMH8arRKjbMg_2pvj6UK2KIDZtUyEodRdqvWYHWw/s1600/Dali+Ink.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="240px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwE9yFbF4nWK6o43Ib1OPlXGp1Ali3mvEIdxlxVRejcKa7Io0ytz7EIkhmL-0srAiI1SEDDZ11mG-ZdT68qpJiOo_CtiZ9yfbMH8arRKjbMg_2pvj6UK2KIDZtUyEodRdqvWYHWw/s320/Dali+Ink.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><br />
Wife: "That's an advertisement for the Canadian version of 'Breaking Bad'. You're so dumb, you think carbon credits are viable."<br />
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Husband: "Let's not fight anymore. Let's stay in and watch 'The Sarah Silverman Show' reruns on Netflix. There's some dangerous drivers out tonight (husband and wife both gaze out the window as Pugsly and Foamy whiz by, mooning the couple)."<br />
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I stand in Foamy's driveway as Pugsly pulls up.<br />
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Pugsly: "What are you doing here?"<br />
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Me: "Just standing here."<br />
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Pugsley: "Did you see any trouble on the road?"<br />
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Me: "Yes."<br />
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Pugsley: "Did the rubes over the gas station look upset?"<br />
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Me: "Yes.<br />
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Pugsly: "I thought so. I told Foamy I thought so."<br />
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Me: "Why didn't you stop?"<br />
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Pugsly: Foamy prefers drive-by moonings."<br />
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Unbeknownst to Pugsly and I, the rube decides to get revenge.<br />
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Pugsly: "Imagine what this island looked like when those sailors from the Flying Dutchman first saw it. Fresh green ... <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_(TV_series)">no smoke monsters or irritating black guy yelling "Walt!" every 30-seconds. They must have held their breath, still looking forward to a satisfying end to the story ... afraid the writers would get lazy ... before all of the plot holes were filled in</a> ..."<br />
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Me: "The rubes saw your bare asses, and you drove off!"<br />
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Pugsly: "All I can see is Foamy's moon. All I can think about is Foamy's moon."<br />
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Me: "You ought to go away for awhile, completely off-grid, perhaps to Alberta or Toronto."<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL0uertGpiH0kfPbPyptwUFe66Ff0d_rruD3ZCwgXEMBXY3r1aOrS4Ta7Qn_JIVPjtpUROx2oEaDPs_Q41gti7ixZT1E0-MgNccWG6jke62sTpHfEfFlVbc4q30vHhwDov0TXjTA/s1600/Nice+Shot+of+the+CN+Tower.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="320px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL0uertGpiH0kfPbPyptwUFe66Ff0d_rruD3ZCwgXEMBXY3r1aOrS4Ta7Qn_JIVPjtpUROx2oEaDPs_Q41gti7ixZT1E0-MgNccWG6jke62sTpHfEfFlVbc4q30vHhwDov0TXjTA/s320/Nice+Shot+of+the+CN+Tower.jpg" width="260px" /></a></div> CN Tower, Toronto Canada<br />
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Pugsley: "I can't leave! She'll be coming just as soon as she can get away."<br />
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Me: "Summer's almost over."<br />
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Pugsly: "Sad, isn't it? Makes you want to ... I don't know ... reach out and ....dress it in a gimp suit and hold it prisoner in the basement of a pawn shop."<br />
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Me: "There'll be other summers. (Pugsly starts walking away toward his mansion) They're a rotten crowd. Except possibly for <a href="http://littlelambonline.blogspot.com/">Lamby</a>. You're worth the whole damn bunch put together."<br />
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I'll remember the rest of that day as an endless drill of police and photographers and newspapermen, in and out of Pugsly's house. A rope across the main gate, and a policeman by it, kept out the curious. But little boys discovered they could enter by my yard. There were always a few of them, open-mouthed, about the pool, attempting to scoop out one of the many Snickers bars deposited there by the rube as payback.<br />
<br />
Shocked and horrified by what appeared to be a substantial amount of human waste in his pool, Pugsly had recoiled in revulsion, failing to remember that a wood chipper borrowed from the 'Fargo' set was directly behind him.<br />
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All I could think of was Pugsly's extraordinary gift for hope. A romantic readiness such as I have never found in the absence of Viagara, and which it is not likely I shall ever find again. <br />
<br />
I thought of Pugsly's wonder when he first saw the recycling bin full of empty liquor bottles at the end of Foamy's driveway. He had come a long way to this motley collection of bloggers and misfits. His dream of finding at least one marginally honest and reputable woman must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to escape it once commited. <br />
<br />
He did not know that - much like the bizarrely-placed wood chipper from 'Fargo' - it was already behind him.<br />
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.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-50931862911060233912011-06-11T22:48:00.077-06:002011-06-18T05:17:30.681-06:00The Great Pugsly - Part II<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig6Os_2vd9nEW_STqRzvMit-6qNE7X3g2T0y6K9fTsVHANMZTixratR-RZITwjXvUIuHg_La0wot1WBDu8pxMu04Y5WQrSKAIACa2_nHkg6_F2wKko4xdLd8iNzwb-bQkt2f0f6A/s1600/Foamy+Mansion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig6Os_2vd9nEW_STqRzvMit-6qNE7X3g2T0y6K9fTsVHANMZTixratR-RZITwjXvUIuHg_La0wot1WBDu8pxMu04Y5WQrSKAIACa2_nHkg6_F2wKko4xdLd8iNzwb-bQkt2f0f6A/s320/Foamy+Mansion.jpg" t8="true" width="320px" /></a></div>.<br />
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My cousin <a href="http://thefoaming.blogspot.com/">Foamy</a> lived in one of Good Egg's glittering white palaces with her husband Mr. Foam, whom I'd known from one of their frequent <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hangover_(film)">over-the-top drink-fests</a>. They had spent the years since their marriage drifting unrestfully, not unlike Stephen King's floating vampires from <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079844/">Salem's Lot</a>.<br />
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<br />
I had the familiar conviction (since overturned on appeal) that life was beginning again with the summer. By autumn, my mood would be very different. No longer would I want privileged glimpses into the blogger heart, provided one could even be located.<br />
<br />
About halfway between the two Eggs and New York, the motorway hastily joins the railroad and runs beside it for a short distance, presided over by the eyes of one Doctor <a href="http://pbnmopo.blogspot.com/">/t.</a> <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4k_z2_AB7z8BaDqdX2C8DGpwoCbtAlhnA0YTiAmg9Ei1zjJg-xi_xbYbfpK_aZ4u8-xsskf4zZ8iWwhdUaL6kxztiwSdAtzlksa28566v89RnQAAFp3KvuqWlOtQmM2dqcvfHUQ/s1600/Doctor+t.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4k_z2_AB7z8BaDqdX2C8DGpwoCbtAlhnA0YTiAmg9Ei1zjJg-xi_xbYbfpK_aZ4u8-xsskf4zZ8iWwhdUaL6kxztiwSdAtzlksa28566v89RnQAAFp3KvuqWlOtQmM2dqcvfHUQ/s1600/Doctor+t.jpg" t8="true" /></a></div><br />
Quite inexplicably, the good Doctor opted to billboard advertise here rather than in his native Canada. Some would claim it was for the same reasons that "Doctors" from the <a href="http://www.hydroxycut.com/">Hydroxycut</a> and <a href="http://www.lipozene.com/">Liposene</a> commercials can never be successfully <a href="http://googled./">Googled.</a><br />
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This desolate area is a valley of ashes, a fantastic farm where memes, what-my-day-at-work-was-like posts, and links to YouTube videos grow like shredded, colon-eroding wheat.<br />
<br />
Because I hope not to take another year or so to conclude this story, let's agree that a garage / gas station was located in this particular location of misery and despair. Furthermore, allow me to quickly state that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Al_Gore_wedding.jpg">a couple of married rubes</a> lived above the aformentioned garage and that these goobers were cruelly toyed with by Mr. Foam. As you may see before year's end, this plot element will lead to tragic consequences involving <a href="http://leasaann.blogspot.com/">Leelee's</a> swimming pool and the shocking discovery of a cadaver unlike the human variety that are frequently encountered in that body of water.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPqFa1lddL5wq4gYKUQB587pdcwr9JFyPHu58bw2qL2nnGavD4WqHKOMXpshKUxS3xixHYoZuXfycAqJVgDww6be3fdTytDdN0zcEyV_wVOonJ6Bns8Lrf3UaKh-SnYojMxIWwEg/s1600/Leelees+Pool.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPqFa1lddL5wq4gYKUQB587pdcwr9JFyPHu58bw2qL2nnGavD4WqHKOMXpshKUxS3xixHYoZuXfycAqJVgDww6be3fdTytDdN0zcEyV_wVOonJ6Bns8Lrf3UaKh-SnYojMxIWwEg/s1600/Leelees+Pool.jpg" t8="true" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Whew! Glad to get that out of the way! Anyhoo, onward.<br />
<br />
There was much speculation constantly swirling about Pugsly. Some claimed he was German, rumoured to roll with the Kaiser. Others obsessed with pinpointing the source of his wealth. Did he always take a penny and never leave one? Was it he who marketed bath-salts as crystal meth? Was he once kept by Martha Stewart?<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd5JPFrYUg7SA7mv1mcuzr19xZAFDXulYvrcdouF_4o7LZEpdJEEoPa8JFEGK18_6Mfa6_U7b0tDJTUtcvmu6X-d_3Om3_X0dErAb2FT0E8fU26d_MZRWeBC2SipTEMAdwBLb3Dg/s1600/One+is+an+Imposter.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd5JPFrYUg7SA7mv1mcuzr19xZAFDXulYvrcdouF_4o7LZEpdJEEoPa8JFEGK18_6Mfa6_U7b0tDJTUtcvmu6X-d_3Om3_X0dErAb2FT0E8fU26d_MZRWeBC2SipTEMAdwBLb3Dg/s320/One+is+an+Imposter.png" t8="true" width="250px" /></a></div><br />
A few lived in fear of him, worrying that Pugsly may get something on them. <a href="http://missbegotten.blogspot.com/">Serena's</a> penchant for picking up and disposing of men involved in divorce litigation, <a href="http://sparringk9.blogspot.com/">K-9's</a> anonymous shipments of explosive ornaments to leftist government operatives, and - of course - <a href="http://littlelambonline.blogspot.com/">Lamby's</a> fleet of Bahamas drug-running cigar boats, were all secrets at risk of exposure. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://hereismyheart-dianne.blogspot.com/">One blogger</a> thought she heard that he had killed a man once for wearing sandals and not being Israeli, or perhaps was a spy for nosy neutral countries during the war. <a href="http://sassyblondie.blogspot.com/">A horny school adminstrator in Texas</a> heard he was into oil, and henceforth she would stalk him incessantly.<br />
<br />
And then there were the ladies <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9-FD5un87M&feature=related">desperately wanting</a>, many of them rationalizing: "You can't live forever! This means the shame would have an expiration date!"<br />
<br />
One morning, a man presented himself at the door of my humble cottage. "Mr Pugsly would be honoured if you'd attend his party". It was at this evening soiree that I would first meet the mysterious stranger.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1uS82p_hdXQIR2fBv1dkoXEFG3E1gXcDTGjTSLquh1mS1_yUQH8QIp8d7tG2H-6uMLZ60bxHnY92GcDufXYqdckDZ4Rv-1IRNS7iARZvtNF_7T6LLPdaFTQQLU_Ogmtb8XoXcyg/s1600/The+Great+Pugsley.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1uS82p_hdXQIR2fBv1dkoXEFG3E1gXcDTGjTSLquh1mS1_yUQH8QIp8d7tG2H-6uMLZ60bxHnY92GcDufXYqdckDZ4Rv-1IRNS7iARZvtNF_7T6LLPdaFTQQLU_Ogmtb8XoXcyg/s1600/The+Great+Pugsley.jpg" t8="true" /></a></div><br />
Pugsly - "How do you do, old sport? I'm Pugsly. Look here, what's your opinion of me, anyhow?"<br />
<br />
Me - "I hadn't really thought about it. I normally choose not to participate in surveys."<br />
<br />
Pugsly - "I'm the son of wealthy bean-farmers from the Midwest, all dead."<br />
<br />
Me - "Well that explains the smell."* (* note how this witty reply works on 2-levels)<br />
<br />
Pugsly - "I was raised in America but educated at Oxford. It's a family tradition."<br />
<br />
Me - "I thought it was a tradition for MOST families to raise and educate their kids."<br />
<br />
Pugsly - "My family died, and I came into a great deal of money."<br />
<br />
Me - "Tragedy is no excuse for that type of perversion."<br />
<br />
Pugsly - "Then I lived in many European capitals, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eva_Braun">trying to forget something sad that happened long ago</a>."<br />
<br />
Me - "I tried that once when I lost my hot dog stand business. Frankly, Vienna made it almost impossible to forget."<br />
<br />
Pugsly - "And then came the war. I was promoted to Major after I distinguished myself in battle."<br />
<br />
Me - "I once extinguished myself in a fire. However it was one that I had set at the office, so there was no promotion."<br />
<br />
Pugsly - "Every Allied government gave me a decoration, even little Montenegro, down on the Adriatic Sea."<br />
<br />
Me - "It prefers to be called Montecountryofcolor now."<br />
<br />
Pugsly - "Please leave."<br />
<br />
Later I met the <a href="http://gatorfeedingtips.blogspot.com/">vaguely sinister Meyer Wolfsheim</a>, who was quite acquainted with the mysterious Pugsly.<br />
<br />
Me - "Have you known Pugsly a long time?"<br />
<br />
Wolfsheim - "Known him? I made him."<br />
<br />
Me - "I sure hope it was consensual."<br />
<br />
Wolfsheim - "No, I meant that I made his acquaintance just after the war. He was so poor, he wore his uniform because he couldn't buy clothes."<br />
<br />
Me - "Ladies love a <a href="http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-38843218/stock-photo-pug-dog-dressed-up-in-baseball-uniform-with-ball-glove.html">pug in uniform</a>." <br />
<br />
Wolfsheim - "But I thought, that's a dude to bring home, introduce to your mother and your sister."<br />
<br />
Me - "*Sigh* I made the same mistake with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Bundy">Ted Bundy</a>."<br />
<br />
A week passed and then I was paid an unexpected visit at work by <a href="http://taniapink.blogspot.com/">Pinky Baker</a>, one of only two professional golfers who wasn't a lesbian. She caught me alone in my cube, perfecting my stroke.<br />
<br />
Baker - "He wants to know if you'll ask Foamy to your cottage and let him come over."<br />
<br />
Me - "Who?"<br />
<br />
Baker - "Pugsly."<br />
<br />
Me - "But I was going to Spackle the den."<br />
<br />
Baker - "Looks to me like you've done enough Spackling. Pull your pants up and call Foamy." <br />
<br />
The date was set and that morning there was a knock on the door of my cottage.<br />
<br />
Worker - "Mr Pugsly sent me over to cut the grass."<br />
<br />
Me - "Tell him thanks, but <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bikini_waxing">I wax it myself</a>. Oh! You meant the lawn. Yes, quite all right. Go ahead."<br />
<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<br />
(Tune in next time for Part III - Romance and Death: Impossible to Separate)<br />
<br />
.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-945134560807497892010-12-11T23:02:00.011-07:002010-12-15T05:36:20.810-07:00The Great Pugsly<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6DhHxw7ZFh0tHapUX_0lQfnNo6BwPuOp0FiXP9EEyXT4D6jisIIGXdwIctnAsNgc7YCBgEd1GEo1oB_rQKPgMfVSwLDtzS1Qd7TnLF2EScsTaf20mvusii8ybAL1wvYTx4fHqRA/s1600/The+Great+Pugsly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6DhHxw7ZFh0tHapUX_0lQfnNo6BwPuOp0FiXP9EEyXT4D6jisIIGXdwIctnAsNgc7YCBgEd1GEo1oB_rQKPgMfVSwLDtzS1Qd7TnLF2EScsTaf20mvusii8ybAL1wvYTx4fHqRA/s320/The+Great+Pugsly.jpg" width="261" /></a></div><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">Gone is the romance </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">That was so divine </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">'Tis broken </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">And cannot be mended </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">You must go your way </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">And I must go mine </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">But now that our love dreams </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">Have ended </span></a></em><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">What'll I do</span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">When you are far away </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">And I am blue? </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">What'll I do? </span></a></em><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<em><a href="http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">What'll I do</span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">When I am wond'ring who </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">Is kissing you? </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">What'll I do? </span></a></em><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">What'll I do</span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">With just a photograph </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">To tell my troubles to? </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">When I'm alone </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">With only dreams of you </span></a></em><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">That won't come true </span></a></em><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAES7BhzSDg"><span style="color: black;">What'll I do? </span></a></em><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
In my younger and more precociously vulnerable years, a <a href="http://pbnmopo.blogspot.com/">renowned code poet</a> gave me some advice that I've been struggling to decipher and possibly then consider, ever since. <em>"When you feel like criticizing anyone,"</em> he told me,<em> "remember that all the people in this world haven't had your advantages. For while you are multidimensional, they are all ones and zeros. Zeros, mostly." </em><br />
<br />
He then went on to cite my good looks, wickedly witty sense of humor, charm (especially with the ladies) and convincing humility as just a few of those advantages. <br />
Around that time, his scripting caused my browser to freeze, so in consequence I reserved all my judgement until offshore tech support purged the offending code.<br />
<br />
It was by poor choice that blog vote predetermined I spend the summer on a slender and withering appendage known as Shlong Island. As a struggling Ponzi schemer, I could only afford to squat on that less fashionable side of the Discourtesy Bay known as Bad Egg. <br />
<br />
While the filthy rich, and also the occasional <a href="http://taniapink.blogspot.com/">Canadian expatriot</a> and <a href="http://hereismyheart-dianne.blogspot.com/">Australian celebrity</a> thrived and inflicted themselves on the more fashionable arm referred to as <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Fabergé</span> </span>Egg, I made do in a cottage where the only amenities were a Meth Lab left in haste by a <a href="http://missbegotten.blogspot.com/">previous tenant</a>, and <a href="http://littlelambonline.blogspot.com/">Lambonline</a> dial-up Internet.<br />
<br />
Only my neighbor, Pugsly, would be exempt from both Ponzi scheme and generic distain for other lifeforms. Pugsly, who represented everything for which I have an unaffected scorn. For Pugsly turned out all right in the end. It was what <a href="http://whataroadtrip.blogspot.com/">preyed</a> on him, what <a href="http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=29412794&postID=94513456080749789">foul dust floated in the wake of his posts</a>.<br />
<br />
At least twice a year, teams of warehouse club sample servers, amateurish writers, unabashed plagiarists, copyright infringers and under-the-table Teamsters would descend upon Pugsly's place to construct Puglypaloosa.<br />
<br />
Like moths to a zapper, errant bloggers would wander into Pugsly's fragrant and enchanted garden; perhaps wondering why he chose not to "defoliate" per commonly accepted hygenic practice. <br />
<br />
There was music from Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers through those summer nights among the trolling and the word verification and the stars. <a href="http://gatorfeedingtips.blogspot.com/">They</a> started <a href="http://thefoaming.blogspot.com/">their</a> quest for <a href="http://anna-lys.blogspot.com/">bondage involving animal costumes</a>, and yet somehow ended up at Pugsly's blog; a simplicity of mind serving as its own ticket of admission.<br />
<br />
<br />
(end of Part-1) <br />
<br />
.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com55tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-13294474294011580852010-07-14T12:57:00.090-06:002010-11-09T20:44:25.078-07:00Injunction JunctionHi everybody,<br />
<br />
So sorry for the delay, however because of the impending legal action, I was required to wait 90-days before posting anew. Thankfully that requirement has now been met and I can fill you in to the extent that the law allows.<br />
<br />
Suffice it to say, Black Bart and all Puglypaloosa funds are nowhere to be seen. I am hoping for the best, and that this will be revealed as pure coincidence. However there are many indications that the 2-disappearances may be related. <br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Authorities are searching for Black Bart and the missing monies, and attorneys are diverting all attention from <a href="http://missbegotten.blogspot.com/"><strong><span style="color: blue;">Serena's Workperson's Comp case</span></strong></a> to instead focus pro-bono on formal charges and protection from Puglypaloosa creditors. I am presently dealing with the aftermath of Black Bart's apparently endless, shady business dealings, least of which include the truckloads of illegal Mexicans and Canadians that he snuck in as cheap labor. </div><br />
I've been able (until now) to placate both groups, pending a plan for repatriation to their respective banana republics. However I've run out of cheap beer and World Cup Soccer for one group, and even cheaper beer and Regional Curling rebroadcasts for the second. Any suggestions would be appreciated.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, if anyone spots Black Bart, please report his whereabouts to the local authorities or dogcatcher. And remember that while he is not armed, he can be dangerous (mostly as a trip hazard). So use extreme caution, especially around stairs. Also be wary of his ability to charm and manipulate. As many of us can attest, he makes <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Bc0WjTT0Ps"><strong><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;">"The Most Interesting Man in the World" from those Dos Equis commercials</span></strong></a> look like a schmuck amateur.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOruw1RsRJtgvSs54Dm1zoEAf3hOWh41gPOBnRRLoxFmRbBWKhdD7yzEaHWTKyyVOMAl2ZaL1ZRUIeo_l9dqcYudmTCGGgfymbG046wfuTAWx9z-svrWdVe5paxX62az8-W40r-A/s1600/Wanted+-+Black+Bart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" rw="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOruw1RsRJtgvSs54Dm1zoEAf3hOWh41gPOBnRRLoxFmRbBWKhdD7yzEaHWTKyyVOMAl2ZaL1ZRUIeo_l9dqcYudmTCGGgfymbG046wfuTAWx9z-svrWdVe5paxX62az8-W40r-A/s320/Wanted+-+Black+Bart.jpg" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Here at Puglypaloosa "Command Central", we've already been fielding reports of Black Bart spottings across the globe. Let's keep those updates coming in, and keep each other abreast* (* usually - in more carefree days - I would attempt a sophomoric aside here, however this is not the time for titillation) of developments.<br />
<br />
So far these are a few of the unconfirmed Black Bart sightings:<br />
<br />
- Seen at the World Cup in South Africa with Paris Hilton; reportedly showed little interest in her Vuvuzela; unlikely to be the real Black Bart, as he is a notorious horn-dog. Paris later detained for marijuana possession / tried to pin it on Black Bart.<br />
<br />
- Allegedly duped British Petroleum into believing he was an "Oil Spill Consultant"; being blamed for failed design of first containment seal, which is identical to twist-off cap from Boone's Farm wine bottle.<br />
<br />
- Multiple sightings with Lindsay Lohan; reportedly convinced her to invest in and become a celebrity endorser for "BLOactive", a cocaine-based topical acne treatment; also reputedly duped her into drinking by falsely claiming she could slip skin from a cadaver betweeen her ankle and the alcohol monitoring bracelet to fool the authorities.<br />
<br />
- Identified as Mel Gibson's new sidekick; overheard convincing Mel that it was okay to "get crazy" and "tie one on", on occasion; also observed convincing "Braveheart" that his views were "spot on" (particularly the ones on relationships and minorities) and meant to be shared with others; then leaked (after first leaking on) the tapes.<br />
<br />
- Allegedly convinced Larry King to "try other things while he was still young", allegedly to entice Larry into resigning so that Kathy Griffin* (* a suspected Black Bart associate) could take over (<i>Disclosure: I am also currently being considered as Larry's replacement</i>) and install Black Bart as Producer.<br />
<br />
- Suspected of orchestrating a Yankees coup where he is running the team by October (don't know how he plans to get rid of George Steinbrenner)<br />
<br />
More reports to follow, as they become available.<br />
<br />
.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-41780504010425857702010-04-14T11:01:00.009-06:002010-04-15T08:04:40.581-06:00Puglypaloosa Award: The Pug Scores a Bogey<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP8H6-V-II3RJwkv1Yd3sbtGQXgY4YDoqb5zbMjRp27cNv9Mrw0ZLrfxQKTQJmtQc6GFel9awUeIHxG3GVM2njY4tKAz-aPYS4G381k8g8Zi6XmT6APWmFINkAMjCxPyknQzBhgw/s1600/original+award.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP8H6-V-II3RJwkv1Yd3sbtGQXgY4YDoqb5zbMjRp27cNv9Mrw0ZLrfxQKTQJmtQc6GFel9awUeIHxG3GVM2njY4tKAz-aPYS4G381k8g8Zi6XmT6APWmFINkAMjCxPyknQzBhgw/s320/original+award.jpg" wt="true" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Hi everybody,</div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I know there's been a delay in delivering the next round of entertainment here at Puglypaloosa. For most of you, the effect of alcohol has worn off, and ugly regret is starting to once again seep to the surface. So what do you say I make it up to you with my award acceptance ceremony as today's humble offering?</div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">The rules that go with this award (thank you Boneman for deeming me worthy) are to list five things about yourself and pass the award on to other bloggers.</div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><strong>1) I worry that people will notice I tend to dwell a bit too long on art that features female nudity.</strong></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I fully became aware of this "quirk" (along with my blossoming sexuality) during my first visit to a world-renowned art museum. I tended to linger longer in front of paintings featuring exposed breasts and nether regions. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Gauging by the numerous old-timers in trenchcoats around me, I was reassuredly not alone in my new-found legal voyeurism. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">However before you judge too harshly, "bare"* (* note the clever wordplay) in mind that the ladies of my admiration were universally "Reubenesque" and thereby fostered a future appreciation of the typical female blogger. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><i>(UPDATE: I just realized the previous sentence may be horribly misinterpreted by one or more readers** (** well, the honest ones)! By "Reubenesque", I - of course - did not mean to imply that anyone out there is "plump" or not in shape, as measured by today's unrealistic*** (*** geez, apparently) standards! I simply meant that with liberal applications of sauerkraut, Swiss cheese, Russian dressing, Black Bart and yours truly, you would make a fine sandwich.)</i></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDj7uelk7P9_UG2ViYvmh-mv9XAMYzx-QAnyGdSwhq2xHFF3f1BtTIDXNEbku0r-aWtrf688xol1sUK8MM6RSjm9L9HI0GvpIIf3h0kVxDwwmIzDiR6-uoffS6siiDQCl6ELkVwA/s1600/Plastered+Pug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDj7uelk7P9_UG2ViYvmh-mv9XAMYzx-QAnyGdSwhq2xHFF3f1BtTIDXNEbku0r-aWtrf688xol1sUK8MM6RSjm9L9HI0GvpIIf3h0kVxDwwmIzDiR6-uoffS6siiDQCl6ELkVwA/s320/Plastered+Pug.jpg" wt="true" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
During the same visit, I chanced upon a full-size plaster sculpture of a naked woman in a brass bed* (* also rendered in plaster). Long story short: I wound up explaining to security that another patron squeezed her bottle of baby powder on me for calling her "Reubenesque". Plaster fallout: I've been hooked on unclothed gals in full-body casts ever since.</div></div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><strong>2) I am obsessed with collecting applications for my iPhone.</strong></div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">It wouldn't be fair to the one or two non-geeks inadvertently stumbling across this post, for me to inflict a narrative of EVERY application (or "app" for us hipsters) that I have (so far). So allow me to share just two for now.</div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">"Earthquakes": This app alerts me everytime an earthquake occurs somewhere in the world. Which apparently is every 15-friggin' minutes. So bite me, Haiti, I thought you were unique. And just so you know, I've cancelled my plans to abduct, er, rescue your orphans and convert them to my new servitude-based religion.</div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">"MoonPhase": As the name implies, this app tells me what phase the moon should currently be in. Then, when another app (I lied, and snuck in a 3rd app. So sue me. There's an app for that.) called "Planets" confirms that the moon should be visible, I scamper outside and compare phases. Everytime they do not match, I write an angry letter to my congresspersons, urging them to cut NASA's funding.</div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><strong><br />
</strong></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><strong>3) I don't think any golfer should be popular enough to have groupies.</strong></div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">This gives false hope to pseudo-athletes everywhere. Soon: bowlers, curlers, synchronized swimmers, Frisbee-golfers, bocce-ballers and cricket players everywhere will start desiring opposite-sex companionship. And that means increased competition for this Pug, Ben Rothlisberger - and even possibly Black Bart - at every Denny's, porn convention, strip club, Vegas casino and church parking lot.</div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><strong>4) I believe that Facebook and Twitter will ultimately make you boring even if you normally weren't.</strong></div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">My apologies to my readers with Facebook or Twitter accounts. I certainly didn't mean to imply that YOUR Facebook and/or Twitter accounts were boring! In fact, in particular I LOVE keeping tabs on expensive new purchases and when you leave the house. </div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">However, are those "tweets" about every bowel movement and how much you enjoy vanilla ice cream REALLY necessary? If you're going to tweet, at least use it to report on the neighbors': probable terrorist activities, excessive purchases the I.R.S. would be interested in, swinger parties or crack-dealing.</div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Ditto for Facebook. And while I'm on the subject of Facebook, WHO THE F**K are these people who comment that they "approve" of a new activity?! For those (in this case: fortunate) cave-dwellers who may be unfamiliar, here is an example (citing a fictional Facebooker named "Doris") of a typical Facebook exchange:</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Doris commented on Suzette's trip to the Piggly Wiggly (grocery store).</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Jerry likes Doris' comment (shows a "thumbs up sign).</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Doris became a fan of Ravi Shankar's Muzak blog.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Gunther approves.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">(... etc., ad nauseum ...)</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I just don't get it. Maybe you need friends to get it. However since in my case that isn't an option, perhaps the key is to "adapt" Facebook more to my liking. Here is an example:</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Bob commented on Gunther's Aryan Nation wall.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Pete likes Bob's comment (shows a "Sieg Heil" sign).</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Puerileuwaite became a fan of Bob's and Pete's respective employers' HR sites.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Puerileuwaite commented on Bob's and Pete's respective employers' HR sites.<br />
<strong>- </strong>Bob became a fan of Denver Post's Now Hiring website.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Pete became a fan of Miami Herald's New Job Opportunities website.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Black Bart likes living in Bob's recently vacated house.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">- Puerileuwaite approves.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><strong>5) I want there to be one global conspiracy that systematically eliminates all conspiracy theorists.</strong></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I had a lot more to say on this topic, however I was advised by certain unnamed moles in Google / Blogger management to keep it to one carefully worded sentence.<br />
<br />
.</div></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpMlmGj3_RyphocDJGlNM1R74FimmwESRB-gXj7P3nWe6Me02tAHUb96Drj1FVkNLzOGIvDZgY0cT4D5FqXsexf0e5PqaPttlixYFtxoeviP_Nmb8Q-9oiLR9YRTdllLKa2HqJCg/s1600/award+sans+words.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpMlmGj3_RyphocDJGlNM1R74FimmwESRB-gXj7P3nWe6Me02tAHUb96Drj1FVkNLzOGIvDZgY0cT4D5FqXsexf0e5PqaPttlixYFtxoeviP_Nmb8Q-9oiLR9YRTdllLKa2HqJCg/s320/award+sans+words.jpg" wt="true" /></a></div></div>puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-27967713089353603082010-03-05T09:42:00.010-07:002010-03-05T11:19:49.731-07:00The Sweater<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5fuJCmmY4gfqN8UnldXS6BUH1xeELImxjUpgsiUtPWF8OkNkLOXzil12aRl8MqqhnuhUq0jBBHfbxr1FaZuMK_DPPt6nJQwh2WAtN9JFTHBY8kSdrEPcWoKTL6iE7CuMP41959Q/s1600-h/The+Sweater.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" kt="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5fuJCmmY4gfqN8UnldXS6BUH1xeELImxjUpgsiUtPWF8OkNkLOXzil12aRl8MqqhnuhUq0jBBHfbxr1FaZuMK_DPPt6nJQwh2WAtN9JFTHBY8kSdrEPcWoKTL6iE7CuMP41959Q/s320/The+Sweater.jpg" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I loved that sweater. </div><br />
Everything about it. Perfect shade of blue, hint of green. And how it smelled of her. <br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I recently read how the masculine animal is more attracted and aroused by the natural scent of a woman* (* dispense with the Al Pacino jokes, you heathens, and do your worst) than by contrived perfume manipulation.</div><br />
And scent is the most unexpected and dominant characteristic of my memory of her.<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Please forgive my rambling. Love tends to blind me to proper construction. And too often reason as well. Damn you, love. You strive to deny me both Pulitzer and happiness.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I could go on ad nauseum. For it is so easy to focus on the symbol rather than the woman. Symbols conveniently quantify all-consuming emotion into tolerable allotment. Symbols define as required, do not require compromise, nor do they force confrontation.</div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Symbols enable others to con us into things we do not need and can ill afford.</div><br />
I miss her, my heart aches, and rarely does a day go by where I manage to escape unreminded.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">It has been years gone by. I regret how that sweater - amongst her other possessions - had been left behind in long forgotten dresser in closed room and chapter.</div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">And yet to cling to it would be to cling to a symbol, and not the breasts and the woman that it once contained.</div><br />
Perhaps I need to get out more.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj29DB7w3j36Oupwiscj6Y3H7vKgSM2jRxAGGC-BBIddZLmgg3Y34k-70nZ0cvJecR1BFZxKpHTeNRpEwdQYQ1S_eReEKgIlxxnnSgPRS9hKhp_vy5ZPmHTxXbxz-5wSZX-yPBDBw/s1600-h/Sweater+Meat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" kt="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj29DB7w3j36Oupwiscj6Y3H7vKgSM2jRxAGGC-BBIddZLmgg3Y34k-70nZ0cvJecR1BFZxKpHTeNRpEwdQYQ1S_eReEKgIlxxnnSgPRS9hKhp_vy5ZPmHTxXbxz-5wSZX-yPBDBw/s320/Sweater+Meat.jpg" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">.</div>puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-83327816508101834082010-02-19T09:06:00.076-07:002010-02-19T10:06:56.338-07:00Welcome Again to Puglypaloosa<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzuDcUcrd6kmnjPz-tjain0YxOHZhwJIc4KCm16RRH-51VvEoPdD2hU3kocX-JZ-DlH2Lt8soDsFA_PBdzLlc0asRuWaQGhedQdNFpnxkWJL0hvyNn90Hs2MGXgQmz3Z-m214mNA/s1600-h/Co-Founders.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ct="true" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzuDcUcrd6kmnjPz-tjain0YxOHZhwJIc4KCm16RRH-51VvEoPdD2hU3kocX-JZ-DlH2Lt8soDsFA_PBdzLlc0asRuWaQGhedQdNFpnxkWJL0hvyNn90Hs2MGXgQmz3Z-m214mNA/s400/Co-Founders.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Hi everybody!</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">As my esteemed colleague Black Bart so eloquently put it, hello and welcome to Puglypaloosa. I hope it turns out to be everything you've dreamed of, assuming for once you didn't ingest massive amounts of Taco Bell prior to turning in.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">At this point you're probably wondering just what Puglypaloosa is all about, and if you took too much of a gamble in remaining so noncommittal in all other aspects of your hellishly anticipatory existence. Heck if I know.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">However I would rather take a stab at justification of your sacrifice than curse (and possibly belittle) your darkness. So allow me to whip out my Bic, and hope there is little methane remaining in that dreary cave of yours.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Now as most of you well know, I'd originally intended to kick off this shindig last summer; as that is the preferred season for topless behavior. Especially for the ladies. You know who you are. And if you qualify (man-boobs do not).</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">But alas, forces conspired against me. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So now here we are, summer long gone and in the cruel grip of a brutal winter. Except for Australia, apparently, because "heaven forbid" you wankers conform with the civilized rest of the planet. Nonetheless I find my disposition strangely benevolent toward our kangaroo cousins; mostly traceable to my fondness for AC/DC, "Friday On My Mind", Crocodile Dundee, Nicole Kidman* (* especially "Dead Calm" and "Bewitched" vintage Nicole), our beloved Dianne, and - of course - because Australia has been unfairly disparaged as the "Alabama of the World".</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>No one accuses ANYONE of being Alabama and gets away with it. Not even Alabama should be victimized by such derision. Not on my watch, anyway. I am a champion of the underdog. <br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
Anyhoo, it is indeed winter for most of us. Serena in particular has been getting hammered with snow (and Lord knows what else ... booze and men readily come to mind). And aside from Lamby, who probably believes it's just punishment for our debauchery, we probably all feel that we are long overdue for a respite.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">And so - submitted for your mild amusement - I humbly submit the 1st Annual Puglypaloosa.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">ALL are welcome, except for YOU, you recent blight of anonymous commenting sons of bitches* (* excluding my past "secret admirers" who albeit rarely :-( do comment anonymously. Maybe you have good reason: fear of public scorn, risk of bowling league expulsion, threat to sham marriage, risk of Pug tracking down home number, or perhaps even the potentially jarring shift in sexual paradigm).</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Here at Puglypaloosa, you have to be somebody, even if you're a nobody. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Hell, you could be anybody. But if generic praise is your game, then THIS Pug ain't a-buyin'. Unless it's after we've consummated our relationship. However, even then it would be nice if you were specific. "Dear Previous Occupant" is not only distant; it also deflatingly means that my deposit is non-refundable.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So what, pray tell, IS Puglypaloosa? Well that is for each of you to determine as it unfolds, envelopes, adheres and constricts. Some shall likely find it nurturing. Enlightening. Others: exhilarating. For many it may prove suffocating. A few will discover it to be nauseating. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">In the end, all entrants tread their own unique path through Puglypaloosa in quest for truth and search for exit.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Enjoy the journey, my friends.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgpT0llU0rpCzZcq3LHUrvBzZpgEgkweV1nhy630yb9vwDFa21I847c7HeD7ev2T84p5KzF34Fp5tuZnLCV3hIewvu57DqTO0afHIUBmSn3vZUx0aDvLeICRDGfrbTeSVsWGYiiA/s1600-h/Enjoy+the+Journey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ct="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgpT0llU0rpCzZcq3LHUrvBzZpgEgkweV1nhy630yb9vwDFa21I847c7HeD7ev2T84p5KzF34Fp5tuZnLCV3hIewvu57DqTO0afHIUBmSn3vZUx0aDvLeICRDGfrbTeSVsWGYiiA/s320/Enjoy+the+Journey.jpg" /></a></div>puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-59951982544180076702010-02-09T09:00:00.030-07:002010-02-09T10:36:01.205-07:00Welcome to Puglypaloosa<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJgS6IN_aVg-mGBnGbfzCMqvN70z-mrqRkPhZn0aay3pRJ9vp1nVmv-1bXxhuRNk9e2zgeq9EyUwntD8P3ceko8zNdioNv-v9RnFgYFYPLvViAYDKXsO-RWtXaaEy27zHIkfKuKQ/s1600-h/BB.jpg"></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP-eX84QCYRwWNLMWfk7vtTg7nu2Wy0yHNpRj1B5D21egnCvva1QQDSWh96V9guUR7M5hh3-B4Ws0o6IH4idyrBcEaOq9T3nF6SIsFACS_G73pnM4QBuuHmcZkaaT2nxB1lc24ew/s1600-h/BB+001.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5436274872823308930" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP-eX84QCYRwWNLMWfk7vtTg7nu2Wy0yHNpRj1B5D21egnCvva1QQDSWh96V9guUR7M5hh3-B4Ws0o6IH4idyrBcEaOq9T3nF6SIsFACS_G73pnM4QBuuHmcZkaaT2nxB1lc24ew/s400/BB+001.jpg" /></a> </div><br /><div>Hello everybody,</div><br /><div>Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Black Bart. Perhaps you have heard of me. Perhaps you have seen the Wanted posters, high-school abstinence instructional videos or even one of my ubiquitous Craigslist p4ww ads. If not, you lead a wretchedly sheltered life, and in that case it's a good thing I've come along.</div><br /><div>As Chairman of the 1st Annual Puglypaloosa, I would like to welcome all of you to the festivities. I would, but let's not kid ourselves. I would take out restraining orders on certain ones (I'm sure you know who you are; if unsure, ask a coworker), if it were within my power to do so. So let's simply say that more than a slight majority* (* when factoring in first-time blog visitors) are welcome, and leave it at that.</div><br /><div>Rest assured my cohort Puerileuwaite has been busy tending to all aspects in preparing the 1st Annual Puglypaloosa to - indeed - be the best damned Puglypaloosa ever. As you can imagine, this is no easy feat. It has required months of blog (and personal hygiene) neglect. Relationships with fictional role-based online virtual companions have suffered, as have his stud duties at the local puppy mill.</div><br /><div>And please don't get him started on the loss of Ted Kennedy's vacant Senate seat to a Republican during his extended absence from the campaign trail. The regret is almost too much to bear, and he has many nightmares about beloved "Uncle Teddy" rolling over his Oldsmobile in his grave.</div><br /><div>Fortunately Puerileuwaite accepted my humble offer of Chairmanship (and CFO) of Puglypaloosa, as this has eased the burden of cash and (immediate) responsibility, allowing him to focus his energies on the logistics.</div><br /><div>I believe the results will speak for themselves, both through the actual experience and eventually - plaintiff and defendant testimony.</div><br /><div>It started as a dream. A vapor, perhaps. A festival of fun and enlightenment, devoid of commercial trappings, pandering to celebrity, and quest for profit. Then reality set in. "Pug, (I said) won't this type of festival attract free-loaders, deadbeats, ne'er-do-wells, and - at the risk of being redundant - non-Americans?" </div><br /><div>He saw my point. </div><br /><div>"Okay, I see your point. I'll place you in charge of turning a profit to cover expenses. You'll run concessions, concierge and medical services. Just make sure prices are fair, products and amusements are of good quality, and all services are non-exploitative of our patrons."</div><br /><div>At least that's what I think he said. I get distracted after 3-consecutive sentences. The same thing happened in prison.</div><br /><div>Throughout Puglypaloosa, I shall be checking in with tips and advice to maximize your experience, and make sure you are enjoying yourselves (even if no one else enjoys you). </div><br /><div>Remember to visit one of our fine concession stands, concierge desks, or medical huts during your all-too-brief stay. We take paper or plastic.</div><br /><div>Altruistically yours,</div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNGhOmibs7QnAmzp_Q6Jsz2z35EuhxpPcdnhvsBTX4s4b01KwWMtRXzT06HeKgA0b2B1VH0qHZe36RccFOYjQ4XKfPH07pSocFUhCMgHysHUhjkopd2VRM97rgORDwEcflY08Hug/s1600-h/BB+Signature+1.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5436296070114062882" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNGhOmibs7QnAmzp_Q6Jsz2z35EuhxpPcdnhvsBTX4s4b01KwWMtRXzT06HeKgA0b2B1VH0qHZe36RccFOYjQ4XKfPH07pSocFUhCMgHysHUhjkopd2VRM97rgORDwEcflY08Hug/s200/BB+Signature+1.JPG" /></a>Black Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01168608915824551052noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-17313574701829386292009-11-09T06:50:00.094-07:002009-11-10T06:56:30.708-07:00Mid-Season Lineup<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS-JBFkW_i78U3GPd-8F3Pgkprg1LArxMAg1zcYvLi64TMheQFhe_KJ0clH_UNFpdbPTR0AQwV_0AALOdQOtIyZnNab4hnd4kFmNtDGHfkzZjBWOd0izEEImIXrhnXww67syPPZQ/s1600-h/Comeback+Complete.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 295px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS-JBFkW_i78U3GPd-8F3Pgkprg1LArxMAg1zcYvLi64TMheQFhe_KJ0clH_UNFpdbPTR0AQwV_0AALOdQOtIyZnNab4hnd4kFmNtDGHfkzZjBWOd0izEEImIXrhnXww67syPPZQ/s400/Comeback+Complete.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402441940730097922" /></a><br />Hi everybody,<br /><br />First off, whew! What a comeback! That wore me out for well over a month! But as the immortal writer Jack Frost once, ahem, wrote: "I have many promises to go before I sleep around".<br /><br />And one promise of mine was a continuation of my Comeback Tour post. So here goes, as promised.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyJGfxMwRP9zK_ZpPpboClTbVhV1LNJk2XSWmPSjPfQnX4mwQOxHwa5BYtXiTsVUyfEaADOwSfJVihw111lwpKWDw858cOFQtfN-cz7WczsCzo3Z2oFSlp213nmIMB4Eu9NLEnng/s1600-h/Nervous+Sweaty+Defensive.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 120px; height: 90px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyJGfxMwRP9zK_ZpPpboClTbVhV1LNJk2XSWmPSjPfQnX4mwQOxHwa5BYtXiTsVUyfEaADOwSfJVihw111lwpKWDw858cOFQtfN-cz7WczsCzo3Z2oFSlp213nmIMB4Eu9NLEnng/s400/Nervous+Sweaty+Defensive.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402445255771479362" /></a><br />When we last left off, this Pug was busy "copping a plea", er, sincerely explaining why I hadn't posted all summer. Please allow me to pick up where I left off.<br /><br />However, not exactly where I left off.<br /><br />You see, in retrospect I realize that my last post was chock full of what some of you may perceive as "negativity". Frankly, it seems strictly to be a list of downers which served as a catalyst for my summer seclusion. And while in some so far undiscovered circles this could garner me some "pity sex", rest assured that this was not my intention. Entirely.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKL1Fh9vOTPh8aRCqkQDW0ppbSv1rBSjT05W9zKEYfoWjZCe1JuvbtGTl2sUGp1RlBRFt1irxxfo30-sRZ_PKToo34jAzEszfPPMvoor1LAGmSnB7GDKkfwi8NEggNmmo1-tsQuA/s1600-h/Is+There+Any+Other+Kind.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 187px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKL1Fh9vOTPh8aRCqkQDW0ppbSv1rBSjT05W9zKEYfoWjZCe1JuvbtGTl2sUGp1RlBRFt1irxxfo30-sRZ_PKToo34jAzEszfPPMvoor1LAGmSnB7GDKkfwi8NEggNmmo1-tsQuA/s200/Is+There+Any+Other+Kind.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402461124115902930" /></a><br />Rather, perhaps on a semi-conscious level it was a "cleansing" of toxic vibes that must occur before creativity can once again blossom just in time for winter.<br /><br />So in the guise of that spirit I dedicate this post to one of our most positive endeavors: creativity.<br /><br />And as you shall see, my hiatus from blogging did not completely consist of scampering away from the bad, but also a reaffirmation of the good. For without it, this butterfly likely never would have emerged from his humble cocoon as a PROFESSIONAL writer.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0K_DhIAE8Nd9-1JG40wzlMtFubqNZIa_o4tIaNQq0YhIIMnSeGP42iyVYfWW72dlRn4qz9Fh73aGAhSkGn_jAvtv9k_p5qQb-xeQZ4mLy5gO-u078H7oAfL-tOeMawYb3_0gDug/s1600-h/Example+of+a+PROFESSIONAL+writer.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 131px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0K_DhIAE8Nd9-1JG40wzlMtFubqNZIa_o4tIaNQq0YhIIMnSeGP42iyVYfWW72dlRn4qz9Fh73aGAhSkGn_jAvtv9k_p5qQb-xeQZ4mLy5gO-u078H7oAfL-tOeMawYb3_0gDug/s200/Example+of+a+PROFESSIONAL+writer.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402447624463877554" /></a><br />It all started back in late April when some network suits discovered this blog and approached me about applying my skills to television. As you can imagine, I was highly insulted at the suggestion that I would readily lower my standards for a quick wad of cash. And also by their unwillingness to let me keep the briefcase along with the cash.<br /><br />However I was intrigued by the offer. Perhaps they came to me not unlike the Three Wise Men following the UFO to Britney Spears' house. Was this a case of divine intervention? Lord knows, I've become so weary of the other forms.<br /><br />Maybe it was indeed my calling to restore originality and fresh non-cocaine-fueled* (* not until I'm successful; it's a vow I've taken) thought to a cultural outlet which has sadly lacked any genuine cultural significance for quite some time. So I turned insult into challenge; poverty into promise. And in the process, yours truly has developed a few new show concepts that you just may enjoy come January as mid-season replacements. Such as ...<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinCrmTKv-1Kp9GsrzVB36OXiNtMt1KU787qM_QyUOsoCPS5921_vbyhLyR2mN50nTmM4O2um1xFhbRGP_SP9KTz9rXcJft_EHjKKb7lQvKVt4jETWhkK6NNxnciyPdwtqoN724zw/s1600-h/Psychic+Mode+-+Do+Not+Disturb.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 115px; height: 82px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinCrmTKv-1Kp9GsrzVB36OXiNtMt1KU787qM_QyUOsoCPS5921_vbyhLyR2mN50nTmM4O2um1xFhbRGP_SP9KTz9rXcJft_EHjKKb7lQvKVt4jETWhkK6NNxnciyPdwtqoN724zw/s400/Psychic+Mode+-+Do+Not+Disturb.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402450579921102322" /></a><br /><b>Small Medium At Large</b><br /><br />A certain Pug (whom by now we should all be uncomfortably familiar with) discovers he has Extra-Sensory Perception. And rather than taking the obvious path of ensuring he is always present for female celebrity wardrobe malfuctions and lottery outcomes, he chooses instead to use his powers to help others. The Pug alerts what is left of the unbiased media to upcoming bribes of Republican congressmen, feeds information of impending stock upticks to worthy, underfunded charities (such as public education), and warns of planned Nora Ephron films, amongst other noble pursuits. <br /><br />As you can imagine, this makes him a target for retribution from an array of villians, including Rush Limbaugh, Silvia Browne and even Miss Cleo. And so our intrepid do-gooder must always remain in the shadows and on the run.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUOwUpqyDR6Dfr2pkp6oE-qXg4mVV1KD2NgiUiMu7SfWKxpZOcHpFW3SOnreXivyzLrXOrCCKquIDULi1QE0T1Op3o7solBhuKRi1eRiO61SRSQfU9akB-x8kylTQgSitH5AeRFA/s1600-h/Don't+Eat+the+Rapper.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 131px; height: 160px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUOwUpqyDR6Dfr2pkp6oE-qXg4mVV1KD2NgiUiMu7SfWKxpZOcHpFW3SOnreXivyzLrXOrCCKquIDULi1QE0T1Op3o7solBhuKRi1eRiO61SRSQfU9akB-x8kylTQgSitH5AeRFA/s400/Don't+Eat+the+Rapper.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402451401692898738" /></a><br /><b>Survivor: Kanye West, Meet Kenya East</b><br /><br />Think you're a bad-ass mo-fo here stateside? Well then we are all sure you'll do just as well in the wilds of Kenya. Hopefully for your sake we won't have to remark on how the previous seasons' survivors did a better job of, um, surviving.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLeGYGYoJ-CX_tjPHKo_gD2C5MqdYFtGIS9SwWoakHgPsfDNDqGGvLK9yGUH3REV-jQzra88HyrHZBDetRZVCRh98FdKgV-edTM-C990FZEnGeUOGYJfa_C2SBbH2_stS-9jWC5g/s1600-h/Careful+With+That+Shotgun+Dick.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 180px; height: 235px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLeGYGYoJ-CX_tjPHKo_gD2C5MqdYFtGIS9SwWoakHgPsfDNDqGGvLK9yGUH3REV-jQzra88HyrHZBDetRZVCRh98FdKgV-edTM-C990FZEnGeUOGYJfa_C2SBbH2_stS-9jWC5g/s400/Careful+With+That+Shotgun+Dick.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402452392536734482" /></a><br /><b>There's Something About Cheney</b><br /><br />No longer is he supposed to be serving our country, so there is no better time to come out of hiding and into the limelight. However there are a few notable differences from the film of a plagiarizingly similar name and concept. For example:<br /><br />- Cheney does not look as delicious in HIS micro-skirts and other outfits as Cameron Diaz<br />- The Tucker character is on crutches due to being shot by Cheney on a hunting trip<br />- I had to remove all references to charity work<br />- The bleeder was shot in the crotch by Dick Cheney during a hunting trip<br />- Had to combine the "Woogie" character into Cheney's in order to infuse personality and increase likability with test audiences<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjegPP6fQEA1vFdNqDSffi5xqthh05-Pb1LVXN6MAuaIWOrlPVolB-sKOPbEZtx7fIlaG77u10PeUj36xLZKyjDqxH0oJBqiTpBDllGpzLlfUd_hR-XNyrR-cssFrTFBmJcZ0L_ww/s1600-h/At+Least+These+People+Bathed+and+Dressed+Purdy.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjegPP6fQEA1vFdNqDSffi5xqthh05-Pb1LVXN6MAuaIWOrlPVolB-sKOPbEZtx7fIlaG77u10PeUj36xLZKyjDqxH0oJBqiTpBDllGpzLlfUd_hR-XNyrR-cssFrTFBmJcZ0L_ww/s400/At+Least+These+People+Bathed+and+Dressed+Purdy.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402455582096128322" /></a><br /><b>Intervention: The Town Hall Hecklers</b><br /><br />Was this Pug the only one to notice that virtually EVERY Town Hall Meeting heckler was unhealthy in appearance? Here's a thought: maybe if most* (* except of course for those with true disabilities) of them gave up cheap beer, overflowing nacho platters and endless cartons of smokes; perhaps even - perish the thought - occasionally choosing to park more than 10-feet away from any given building entrance, you wouldn't constantly NEED the equally bloated health care system currently in place. <br /><br />(And this Pug wouldn't need to chastise you with his trademark, horrendous run-on sentences.) <br /><br />Just a thought. But what do I know? I'm only one of the many dumbasses who pay into a system that I never use, and cringe at the thought of using, for fear of the hellacious lines of overindulging self-absorbed 300-pounders, hypochondriacs and yes - illegal immigrants - ahead of me.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJtkmxgq7zHsjlgUqBgQ5HrulbuKzkHa74sMGrns9gyplexwshTBp4Ei8Z7mPS5vO6xf75r917lfbGSGA8OhYGa8Yo_0XhBrtfD1Z6lqWSz0diFIaFGis_fic_9MxPiyfvxF7pFw/s1600-h/The+Biggest+Loser.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 171px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJtkmxgq7zHsjlgUqBgQ5HrulbuKzkHa74sMGrns9gyplexwshTBp4Ei8Z7mPS5vO6xf75r917lfbGSGA8OhYGa8Yo_0XhBrtfD1Z6lqWSz0diFIaFGis_fic_9MxPiyfvxF7pFw/s400/The+Biggest+Loser.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402458117511582402" /></a><br />So here is my idea. Let's take these system-clogging forms of human cholesterol and make them contestants on MY version of one of the better reality shows already out there: "The Biggest Loser". Not only would this give us an endless stream of entertainingly whiney participants; it should also reduce our health care costs via either death or improved health. <br /><br />Winner gets 3-lifetime prescriptions of their choice along with tax-free, rent-free relocation of their mobile home to a Republican district.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBWBCEPnLS94Q1iFyjNtlD-htLAfJWdO3j3aOzzRfF9HBoL5DzUn5uahzK3bL2ZtIo1842ClhMCltHxvY2_LibkJcD-ry9I8-_12bx3HVZJQd5HSR-b13F568FX-8eS2XmSLRO5g/s1600-h/Jon+and+Kate+Aggravate.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBWBCEPnLS94Q1iFyjNtlD-htLAfJWdO3j3aOzzRfF9HBoL5DzUn5uahzK3bL2ZtIo1842ClhMCltHxvY2_LibkJcD-ry9I8-_12bx3HVZJQd5HSR-b13F568FX-8eS2XmSLRO5g/s400/Jon+and+Kate+Aggravate.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402457224023520258" /></a><br /><b>Jon and Kate Plus Hate</b><br /><br />No one enjoys a good train wreck like yours truly. Along with 99% of the rest of us. So why not keep this show going? All it needs is a little fine-tuning in order to make it more "accessible" to older demographics. They already have the classic / traditional large family. So all we need to do is compensate for relatively Gen-Y aspects such as the interracial couple and Kates' hairstyle. We can accomplish this with "retro" introductions such as chronic alcoholism, verbal abuse, domestic violence and the Bupkis family pack of dogs next door. Perhaps even add a prize lamp in the window that gets smashed as part of a recurring South Park ("You Killed Kenny! You bastards!") style hook.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtvLZQbwul3ZCQBxlA89PveqMLDEHrMkGeMmd9wDY2IxVlfV8ATbVNkA9CRCs15_6SIANYm_AqZ81k7iAnHPAZ19Se_AlPe3Q5DJt-qBU5wOjcqI0L09Wi-sSgPiNnZghUQNx3Sw/s1600-h/Jurassic+Park+IV.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 135px; height: 146px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtvLZQbwul3ZCQBxlA89PveqMLDEHrMkGeMmd9wDY2IxVlfV8ATbVNkA9CRCs15_6SIANYm_AqZ81k7iAnHPAZ19Se_AlPe3Q5DJt-qBU5wOjcqI0L09Wi-sSgPiNnZghUQNx3Sw/s400/Jurassic+Park+IV.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402458982821752258" /></a><br /><b>Jurassic Park IV: The Republicans</b><br /><br />Admit it. How many of you thought this particular movie franchise had run its course? All of us, right? Well not so fast. We're not out of predatory dinosaurs just yet. Only this variety are trapped in their own yellowing skin instead of amber. Plus curiously and instinctively they leave the rich alone, preying only on the leaner "free-range" middle-class and poor. And adding to the paranoia, based on early focus group suggestions: they are capable of reproducing asexually.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipS4bJPsqO1kqwx5HTEIaymJ2NnAeVn_NMXepXpL8KNe9WK_NAnzYg1LEi0P4jYLcT68iEkDF6DRic998n-uPNvIbuanaKMaEsm7aMs5B0h92md0m26QfxVPeGorpuD40Mz_hcDw/s1600-h/Please+Don%27t+Polka+The+Dirndl.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 160px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipS4bJPsqO1kqwx5HTEIaymJ2NnAeVn_NMXepXpL8KNe9WK_NAnzYg1LEi0P4jYLcT68iEkDF6DRic998n-uPNvIbuanaKMaEsm7aMs5B0h92md0m26QfxVPeGorpuD40Mz_hcDw/s400/Please+Don%27t+Polka+The+Dirndl.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402459792399375938" /></a><br /><b>So You Think You Can Polka?</b><br /><br />I don't have to tell you just how popular those television reality dance shows are with the viewing public. Or how popular certain "folk dancing" establishments are for a certain intoxicated Pug on a business trip and expense account. Or how the fine art of Polka dancing has been blatently ignored as the mainstream entertainment juggernaut that it should be. Picture frosty steins of beer, large-breasted women in dirndls (Polka-ing with other large-breasted women in dirndls) and Polka-Polka-Polka! Why it would only be a matter of time until Polka bars and Polish cuisine* are all the rage. <br /><br />(* which should also supply more contestants for my aforementioned "Intervention" show. This is known in the industry as "symbiosis". Cha-Ching!)<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWkWHHwzc5CIbt41PuP56U-XJA-VEGF35UdGk5LGMY-3qf8B4RXYMhyphenhyphenDaRDXnfgp7e83NGgsaLsvcL5BQP8H2rVIjFSbKJMz6i8JtubOnT5OZ4ECPYEf8Zh7oAl_V6-A6KbmyKqw/s1600-h/MTV+Crypts+-+Ian+Anderson+Show.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 370px; height: 217px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWkWHHwzc5CIbt41PuP56U-XJA-VEGF35UdGk5LGMY-3qf8B4RXYMhyphenhyphenDaRDXnfgp7e83NGgsaLsvcL5BQP8H2rVIjFSbKJMz6i8JtubOnT5OZ4ECPYEf8Zh7oAl_V6-A6KbmyKqw/s400/MTV+Crypts+-+Ian+Anderson+Show.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402462969682934498" /></a><br /><b>MTV Crypts</b><br /><br />A film crew shows up to the home of a new annoying celebrity* every week. Under the promise of featuring them on "MTV Cribs", the crew steps through the ruse until it's time for a break over cocktails. It soon becomes apparent to the celebrity that his/her drink has been laced with Rohypnol. The second part of the show reveals the now fully conscious and horrified celebrity in a specially designed crypt which "echos" the decor of their crib.<br /><br />(* assuming we can identify / locate any)<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq2n31lvERW2J2tug0dgXx0XrFlWEUYzVLKBZotg2N_IKt5JXkbsVFAHEGQW4uFfyI7MvotkoOGcf9CKIfate_CNfuAS_O_vdf-W46Yf0iCVmodCCaXAQ83C-1VqsoYtl7GCI4og/s1600-h/We+May+Have+Found+One.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 309px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq2n31lvERW2J2tug0dgXx0XrFlWEUYzVLKBZotg2N_IKt5JXkbsVFAHEGQW4uFfyI7MvotkoOGcf9CKIfate_CNfuAS_O_vdf-W46Yf0iCVmodCCaXAQ83C-1VqsoYtl7GCI4og/s400/We+May+Have+Found+One.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402464095777254354" /></a><br /><b>I Am Legend: The Last Ethical Businessman</b><br /><br />This premise should be self-explanatory. The major concern here is managing to last an entire half-season.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirH2vssn_YSehoVpNMctKkm9xGod6L49vIBfUgHESr5M7hTVqTVxSUqYZ_4EjDeu08_ulxsnXo9BmzbqVEmgZz6WVHH8Tw1nTG-Qm-hh2Lw2Wl0bjOD4nP4Td5cRPU-JhBOH37Gg/s1600-h/Smarter+Than+Us+That%27s+For+Damn+Sure.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 147px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirH2vssn_YSehoVpNMctKkm9xGod6L49vIBfUgHESr5M7hTVqTVxSUqYZ_4EjDeu08_ulxsnXo9BmzbqVEmgZz6WVHH8Tw1nTG-Qm-hh2Lw2Wl0bjOD4nP4Td5cRPU-JhBOH37Gg/s200/Smarter+Than+Us+That%27s+For+Damn+Sure.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402465278395080914" /></a><br /><b>Are You Smarter Than An OctoMom?</b><br /><br />You already know the answer to this question: NO, we are not. For the rest of us are apparently too stupid to parlay socially reckless behavior into serious amounts of cold, hard cash and fame.<br /><br />However I was tasked with development of the proper vehicle for that fame. So here goes ...<br /><br />In a bastardization of "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?", the Einsteins of NASCAR face off against OctoMom and her octets for knowledge supremacy. Categories will include "Boring Sports - 1st Grade Level" and "Methods of Birth Control - 5th Grade Level".<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH8gmJMmNzrayip3nBRI15TZmupX1q7VFd0y2Kk60cFJk3nTFiN6fFepma6yIJKwf2z9Tk5e5dZQ50TuyR5IR63siAZ6qyh2zSZJBYJreXs5x01jJsgga6ZtEir3t_2Tmlh5W6HQ/s1600-h/Shim-Pak.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 134px; height: 148px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH8gmJMmNzrayip3nBRI15TZmupX1q7VFd0y2Kk60cFJk3nTFiN6fFepma6yIJKwf2z9Tk5e5dZQ50TuyR5IR63siAZ6qyh2zSZJBYJreXs5x01jJsgga6ZtEir3t_2Tmlh5W6HQ/s400/Shim-Pak.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402468483634427954" /></a><br /><b>Shim-Pak: Carpenter by Day, Rapper by Night</b><br /><br />From nailing the wood to delivering the goods. Is this homie on the level, or simply framed for failure?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpJKMhSuzV6bcbh4aBw13nKMcN6T2yzPEUeBhUcc475XketxSeTxLS_NkJOiTMWUlhigEP_Fkk0a92fuEUB6qo4GLPpUJU4loIQ3cKAVy15u6btlXu5KFgPBk403RB-RkWZkBP4w/s1600-h/Once+in+a+Generation+Legendary+Greatness.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 161px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpJKMhSuzV6bcbh4aBw13nKMcN6T2yzPEUeBhUcc475XketxSeTxLS_NkJOiTMWUlhigEP_Fkk0a92fuEUB6qo4GLPpUJU4loIQ3cKAVy15u6btlXu5KFgPBk403RB-RkWZkBP4w/s400/Once+in+a+Generation+Legendary+Greatness.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402469366719946994" /></a><br /><b>Finding The Next Kardashian</b><br /><br />Discovering legendary cultural and entertainment talent a la the Barrymores - as Hollywood insiders will attest - is rarer than finding that hooker with a heart of gold. However just as in the case of the hooker, we should never stop trying. This reality show seeks to expedite that quest via a methodical approach based upon the most current, proven template.<br /><br /><br /><br />***<br /><br /><br />I hope you enjoyed this little foray into the creative development process that we PROFESSIONAL writers go through in order to feed the public's insatiable appetite for quality placation.<br /><br />Until next time, I bid you happy viewing.<br /><br />.<em></em>puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com85tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-28998534073093697892009-09-23T13:40:00.040-06:002009-09-23T16:31:56.908-06:00The Comeback Tour<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQldoHUx7VzxJQ6x8ie9uaT7IESpglKKM66qlndL-UscPy7moHn3ta3NAIXFGqC_8qiOSe1khKF1dFfL8kOMwv2fbSf6GMYhK-lgt6e62LyNGTymU6RI3Yt5bD1f3Ygymi8EwBuQ/s1600-h/The+Comeback+Tour.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 109px; height: 160px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQldoHUx7VzxJQ6x8ie9uaT7IESpglKKM66qlndL-UscPy7moHn3ta3NAIXFGqC_8qiOSe1khKF1dFfL8kOMwv2fbSf6GMYhK-lgt6e62LyNGTymU6RI3Yt5bD1f3Ygymi8EwBuQ/s400/The+Comeback+Tour.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384751459099304354" /></a><br />Hey everybody!<br /><br />What can I say? It's been one heck of a summer. Whew! Will you EVER find it in your hearts to forgive me? Will you ever find your hearts? <br /><br />So many questions, I'm sure, abound from both sides of the table. Perhaps from underneath as well.<br /><br />Let's start with one of mine: WHY the hell haven't some of you been posting? And don't tell me you didn't "have the time". Geez, people! You have to MAKE the time!<br /><br />Okay, let me take a few of your questions.<br /><br />Q: "Why haven't you posted all summer?"<br /><br />A: That is not an easy question to answer, I'm afraid. For you see, it wasn't just ONE thing. There were many factors, such as ...<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTn_RZJHiOWD91XroszhzPGWCYEkTdmeJwsHJz7a1JYED29aBwvdyTGRrBWji6hFqqpQyljyvvRAVQjp4Jp4FZawpaUv8MzDnG51UCTzDAg-aq939AV3JcZZgQ0hZ8_DCEAjCMLg/s1600-h/Michael+Jackson+RIP.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 156px; height: 160px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTn_RZJHiOWD91XroszhzPGWCYEkTdmeJwsHJz7a1JYED29aBwvdyTGRrBWji6hFqqpQyljyvvRAVQjp4Jp4FZawpaUv8MzDnG51UCTzDAg-aq939AV3JcZZgQ0hZ8_DCEAjCMLg/s400/Michael+Jackson+RIP.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384761670803924466" /></a><br />- Being distraught over Michael Jackson's death. As one of the "One Percenters", who openly supported "The Gloved One" BEFORE his demise, his passing hit me particularly hard. And the manner in which the details were quietly swept under the rug and completely ignored by the media (not so fast, CNN, I'm looking at you) was disgusting. After fullfilling my pledge to be one of his pallbearers (each of us wearing one glove each of course, with the other in reserve for O.J.'s funeral) and extricating myself from Janet's tight and pudgy grip, I went into seclusion.<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUIVl6NIkspAchGhZOCvaDDeJukoR8B1YXMn30yTxcJDlIxnKltuFUponX1pfUBlVqPsAbyWV2gi7GsXssPMJVytc6V3jV3jYLE2-8vmF9pni5qjGwephUymz_SdrxiPud5tgITg/s1600-h/Slicing+thru+fairways+and+democracy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 164px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUIVl6NIkspAchGhZOCvaDDeJukoR8B1YXMn30yTxcJDlIxnKltuFUponX1pfUBlVqPsAbyWV2gi7GsXssPMJVytc6V3jV3jYLE2-8vmF9pni5qjGwephUymz_SdrxiPud5tgITg/s200/Slicing+thru+fairways+and+democracy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384773630018476978" /></a><br />- Finally "jostled awake" by post-election opinion backlash; forced to accept that it IS Obama - and not "W" - who is most responsible for the current economic situation, severe unemployment and the wars in the Middle East. And now he's going after our beloved health care system that some Americans, most Mexicans and all pharmaceutical companies rely upon almost exclusively for their well-being. Now I know how Charleton Heston felt when he discovered The Statue of Liberty was holding a torch instead of a rifle. It's just a matter of time until he finishes slicing through democracy and we are all reduced to lobotomized tan khaki jackbooted tree huggers. Or worse <i>(Canadians)</i>. 8-years of getting it right, and NOW this? So then I descended into further seclusion.<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxSRq6oNTNFNyuqJbNIExNNEB9vAVue7ggYDu-d4-2TudZ1ZQL-BtSPw9Db3bZuouz9YCVC4ee3Fwo5NGIebdDS9M3nRZjAFxvJn4pTcKqwyc_2N-HDgvRCVGUX9MUObDoKAMArw/s1600-h/Chasing+Sarah.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 96px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxSRq6oNTNFNyuqJbNIExNNEB9vAVue7ggYDu-d4-2TudZ1ZQL-BtSPw9Db3bZuouz9YCVC4ee3Fwo5NGIebdDS9M3nRZjAFxvJn4pTcKqwyc_2N-HDgvRCVGUX9MUObDoKAMArw/s200/Chasing+Sarah.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384767751622377698" /></a><br />- The shock of Sarah Palin's resignation as Governor of Alaska. This left a void in me, greater than any "Drill, baby, drill!" policy ever could (feel free to make all the insulting, dirty jokes at my - and Sarah's - expense that you want. We will simply have the last laugh by submitting those expenses for reimbursement out of the general budget). I could not, and cannot, bear the thought of my fantasy girl's departure from the public stage for what appears to be the very last time. So then I descended into even further seclusion. <br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKN2XMolS9Vmx0jfqPM2XO590nAQumGs2DBCMrEBIRwrLeVMPykjoDDFJQMtB-1JW3N7r48O2EqB0mNV7ShSjtROVxnGNn9dLAmQiBR3l6bMaS2pod3hbzvEWks6gkzCsnHRGjSg/s1600-h/Pug+Evidence+Collection.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 294px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKN2XMolS9Vmx0jfqPM2XO590nAQumGs2DBCMrEBIRwrLeVMPykjoDDFJQMtB-1JW3N7r48O2EqB0mNV7ShSjtROVxnGNn9dLAmQiBR3l6bMaS2pod3hbzvEWks6gkzCsnHRGjSg/s400/Pug+Evidence+Collection.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384772297065019186" /></a><br />- The cloud of suspicion I suddenly came under, in my ill-timed attempt to purchase tents and camping gear for "Puglypaloosa" <i>just</i> as the Antioch, California "11-year kidnapping" story was unfolding. Suddenly I couldn't visit the Berkely campus, R.E.I. store, bondage emporium or Jonas Brothers concert without my probation officer in tow. So as a result - you guessed it - I descended into yet even further seclusion.<br /><br /><br /><b>( more to come ... please stay tuned! )</b><br /><br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com50tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-15671943840445066152009-05-06T14:57:00.033-06:002009-05-07T09:00:23.653-06:00A Quick Note To My Loyal Readers.<br /><br />Hi Everybody,<br /><br />So sorry for the delay. I'm not going to lie to you (this time). I could make up some elaborate and exotic excuse as to why I've been able to post only once a month, but the simple excuse is that I've been working quite a bit. <br /><br />You see, when not avidly pursuing convert Taliban operatives here on the blogs (you know who you are, <a href="http://thenyd.blogspot.com">infidels</a>!), I've been overseeing the last of the Guantanamo torture assignments before that little version of Camelot comes to an end. <br /><br />Since waterboarding is no longer acceptable, I force the prisoners to read through <a href="http://littlelambonline.blogspot.com">Lamby's blog</a>. Even the most hardened terrorist is reduced to a quivering blob of confessions within minutes. Excellent work, Agent Lamby.<br /><br />However I must admit the solace of making America safer is sadly tempered by the realization that I'm shirking my obligations here in blogland. And of course it has completely pushed back <b>Puglypaloosa</b> to the summer months, where public nudity will be necessary to cope with the heat. I'm sure at least <a href="http://leesaann.blogspot.com">one special lady</a> won't have a problem with that. Make that <a href="http://hereismyheart-dianne.blogspot.com">TWO</a> special ladies. And don't even get me started on <a href="http://anna-lys.blogspot.com">this gal</a>. Does she ever <i>wear</i> clothing? Geez.<br /><br />And I've been contributing to society in other ways.<br /><br />For instance, someone has to reassure all of the <a href="http://missbegotten.blogspot.com">Craigslist masseuses</a> that most of "ad respondents" are NOT killers. So at least once a week, I visit a new one and whip that message out.<br /><br />And what about "Octomom"? Someone had to track down the deadbeat dad. I have it narrowed down to either this guy<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1XXSctgOofhbsQy2UtSe8kCodUALvvJlV6MQq0Ih2NvnVX5qk7AT8g2WjuzmoDxrhgs19hZJ5t8arpiEuWYk6hmm-d_mKctMe5UJvoVZQ_0Qf8Q3hZnRMTTP_vbAgUFfaTip2EQ/s1600-h/Octavian+the+possible+Deadbeat+Dad.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 135px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1XXSctgOofhbsQy2UtSe8kCodUALvvJlV6MQq0Ih2NvnVX5qk7AT8g2WjuzmoDxrhgs19hZJ5t8arpiEuWYk6hmm-d_mKctMe5UJvoVZQ_0Qf8Q3hZnRMTTP_vbAgUFfaTip2EQ/s200/Octavian+the+possible+Deadbeat+Dad.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332830826531059314" /></a><br />or that guy.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOPEMgzNOwquo3jadORhifiwSv0l6aHOJh-w0KFPktR-SytKswXXGxk3vKbqjiISOry3bvkOsop1VJN5Bqv91dbzWtNtxcM6r1k4eXZtJQj3jMPUM0RhpP7E-E8gOX3RLVCP53TQ/s1600-h/Squiddly+Diddly+the+possible+Deadbeat+Dad.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 171px; height: 145px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOPEMgzNOwquo3jadORhifiwSv0l6aHOJh-w0KFPktR-SytKswXXGxk3vKbqjiISOry3bvkOsop1VJN5Bqv91dbzWtNtxcM6r1k4eXZtJQj3jMPUM0RhpP7E-E8gOX3RLVCP53TQ/s200/Squiddly+Diddly+the+possible+Deadbeat+Dad.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332830830571066498" /></a><br />Bastards. They should have their tentacles cut off.<br /><br />Finally, someone had to step in as a surrogate father of Bristol Palin's baby, keep the breast milk flowing, and make sure the two women in the Governor's Mansion are "appreciated". Why can't I be the Dustin Hoffman to their Anne Bancroft and Katherine Ross? I've been around enough <a href="http://thefoaming.blogspot.com">hot abusive drunk women</a> <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU_jq0wlarvITwWezNILP0v17nxiLeZR7V5Z-SoMsYbgMc3pBJ_9YBWcLgZW0LQ97JRcXRL9sJVqeDiymzEEx7W-SCJ90XrYpMGy4jvbxgXkmJuI1JlTpAcIU0ml5EBwkcps2QTw/s1600-h/Abusive+Drinker.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU_jq0wlarvITwWezNILP0v17nxiLeZR7V5Z-SoMsYbgMc3pBJ_9YBWcLgZW0LQ97JRcXRL9sJVqeDiymzEEx7W-SCJ90XrYpMGy4jvbxgXkmJuI1JlTpAcIU0ml5EBwkcps2QTw/s400/Abusive+Drinker.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332834474689243842" /></a><br />and <a href="http://sassyblondie.blogspot.com">misguided debutantes</a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJDj3hNG0jWVOuLuorlOJtSk1qf31apk4vSACE_lNyC6C8WDuYYPOtmb8C-so21eEQLO19kfgx_m-0_M1UcJUFMaOIvkYj29WnHk-dr9HVskRA7l5ub2BGWUrcJweU8oIHNq4qfg/s1600-h/Misguided+Debutante.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJDj3hNG0jWVOuLuorlOJtSk1qf31apk4vSACE_lNyC6C8WDuYYPOtmb8C-so21eEQLO19kfgx_m-0_M1UcJUFMaOIvkYj29WnHk-dr9HVskRA7l5ub2BGWUrcJweU8oIHNq4qfg/s400/Misguided+Debutante.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332834471727807570" /></a><br />to know the ropes.<br /><br />Anyhoo, I just wanted to drop this quick little note to let you know I haven't forgotten you, truly do plan a new post shortly, and miss everyone.<br /><br />Ciao for now, mon amis.<br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com79tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-88666374718729025032009-04-14T07:56:00.043-06:002009-04-14T10:02:40.208-06:00Road Sign Girl<i>by Pug Puerileuwaite</i><br /><br />Road Sign Girl<br />Edge of my lane<br />Attention held captive<br />No longer the same<br /><br />Blonde ponytail<br />Wafts nicotine<br />From countless smokes<br />Both harsh and serene<br /><br />Can't help but wonder<br />Waiting in line<br />When I finally cruise past<br />Will your gaze meet mine<br /><br />Do I need to stop<br />Or just slow down<br />Fickle mixed signals<br />Are you playing this clown<br /><br />Please give a sign<br />That I should proceed<br />Is a trailer nearby<br />To do the deed<br /><br />Ever you stand<br />Preventing wrecks<br />Is perchance there an interest<br />In the opposite sex<br /><br />You make it so easy<br />For me to just wait<br />Tinted windows conceal<br />I masturbate<br /><br />How can you stand there<br />Day after day<br />Protecting assholes<br />For minuscule pay<br /><br />Perhaps 'cuz you know<br />This prince you'll soon meet<br />In an '82 Escort<br />With flip-down rear seat<br /><br />And what of coworkers<br />Who leer and harass<br />Were I not late for work<br />I'd be kicking their ass<br /><br />Do they not know you're mine<br />Those ignorant jerks<br />Only I trench and lay pipe<br />That's one of the perks<br /><br />Is there a drug test<br />To get that position<br />Is sobriety why <br />You rebuff proposition<br /><br />You transcend all pretension<br />My diamond and pearl<br />Had I crappy suspension<br />You'd be rockin' my world<br /><br />I admire your dignity<br />And also your grace<br />Despite the occasional<br />Beverage in face<br /><br />Is there a place for us<br />Where we love and we function<br />No longer constricted<br />By constraints of construction<br /><br />Alas I must go, love<br />In haste and in sorrow<br />For our paths lead apart<br />At least 'til tomorrow<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB6eF6TkOhyBMUz6xODdSYGK9pDu1JIwTfvqubuIb_7rzhc-ReME70mH4lOAtZi70mLWHFh_4W1vB83Ji8VBQmrxt199Rtn1Yqadkv_Mkao-fVXY2VmtDYsEf0jF3tslGpbzGDXQ/s1600-h/Dont_Look_Up.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 155px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB6eF6TkOhyBMUz6xODdSYGK9pDu1JIwTfvqubuIb_7rzhc-ReME70mH4lOAtZi70mLWHFh_4W1vB83Ji8VBQmrxt199Rtn1Yqadkv_Mkao-fVXY2VmtDYsEf0jF3tslGpbzGDXQ/s200/Dont_Look_Up.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5324572051213622818" /></a>puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-59951647682114264512009-03-15T09:32:00.042-06:002009-03-16T08:02:08.566-06:00Our Day Will Come<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCd4xY4-I1VZkhvLvGI-7iah9yR1gS1Lb1hO7shZFBhkuT8h7FnkrPSSKS80Prg9NpfHdR1FIdUUOMtWiyfbw5op_V_JcW7kY421eiuEDay-H81hpvjCECf8o2J1rHw_K_96Lfvw/s1600-h/Puglypaloosa+Preparation.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCd4xY4-I1VZkhvLvGI-7iah9yR1gS1Lb1hO7shZFBhkuT8h7FnkrPSSKS80Prg9NpfHdR1FIdUUOMtWiyfbw5op_V_JcW7kY421eiuEDay-H81hpvjCECf8o2J1rHw_K_96Lfvw/s200/Puglypaloosa+Preparation.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313460672622954850" /></a><br />Hi everybody,<br /><br />Are you all as excited about the impending arrival of Puglypaloosa as yours truly? Every day I find myself wondering just how much longer until the blessed event. Well perhaps we can pass the time with a post or two, just to ease the tension in a refreshingly non-sexual way.<br /><br />So here goes.<br /><br />I'm delighted to inform that the creative juices (in today's case: north of the equator) are flowing once again, and inspiration is striking in both frequent and fortuitous fashion. This morning the lightning rod for epiphany was in the form of a segment on that bastion of nerds and bane of Republicans: National Public Radio.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTzOrjPPotxEBsp8Yfxk6_npC9g2pDmMRNu23MPJ75cJT6n7G4D7JOC9T6mcvYC8Z1_w4PfyBZAfTXtSy_Q7vJruDMuAkKFS1K-9LldOsdVJgHQdvRM4apKGVWgoIP2RZ9cRi-hA/s1600-h/Claudette+Colvin.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 140px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTzOrjPPotxEBsp8Yfxk6_npC9g2pDmMRNu23MPJ75cJT6n7G4D7JOC9T6mcvYC8Z1_w4PfyBZAfTXtSy_Q7vJruDMuAkKFS1K-9LldOsdVJgHQdvRM4apKGVWgoIP2RZ9cRi-hA/s200/Claudette+Colvin.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313461722762590450" /></a><br />The subject of discussion was Claudette Colvin, a 15-year old student who boarded a bus in Montgomery, Alabama on March 2, 1955 and refused to give up her seat to a white man. Colvin was handcuffed, arrested and forcibly removed from the bus, all while screaming that her Constitutional rights were being violated.<br /><br />Now some of you are probably thinking, "Big deal; didn't Rosa Parks already make history with the very same act of defiance in the face of indigity?". But - get this - Claudette Colvin did it ALMOST NINE MONTHS TO THE DAY BEFORE Rosa Parks became a legendary civil rights pioneer, for doing the exact same thing.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW1RQ5ZkpnrYZ6wFREOGzrWwFEkM5J2EAdKci8sFKeFRedzMzSYgtpPMVsqEHUb-s8zINmIvJB_g6NyYNj8RrPZWRSjLQqJpthIT4M8d_ym02nH4Y9TMxNNfNj3cJFTyvSx2OixA/s1600-h/Rosa+Parks.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW1RQ5ZkpnrYZ6wFREOGzrWwFEkM5J2EAdKci8sFKeFRedzMzSYgtpPMVsqEHUb-s8zINmIvJB_g6NyYNj8RrPZWRSjLQqJpthIT4M8d_ym02nH4Y9TMxNNfNj3cJFTyvSx2OixA/s400/Rosa+Parks.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313460877820214674" /></a><br />Claudette Colvin was still a young girl. Rosa Parks: a distinguished and refined lady. Soon after her incident, Claudette became pregnant. Rosa Parks was clearly the more publicly presentable and therefore stronger image of unfair oppression, and so when she refused to surrender her place of rest on December 1, 1955, it was Ms. Parks who served as the catalyst for social revolution.<br /><br />To her credit, Claudette Colvin understood why this had to be. And I greatly admire her for it. It was inspiring to learn of Ms. Colvin's story, and of the altruistic pragmatism in her quiet acceptance of obscurity. We should all learn and grow from this lesson of unshackling the chains of ego in favor of common good.<br /><br />Perhaps I already have.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP64r-3wslIILnc-9VsjXwNdGGZPPyTWeOecooq3KVpdhl_tm6vr3xy8djFkqhvmAhYnJ6ANlz5I37LgbRT6FZRisBfwObTp7xsnZirslQebAlV2ZQy9j3F6pudA4EAk-cfiL-ww/s1600-h/Ward+Cleaver.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 159px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP64r-3wslIILnc-9VsjXwNdGGZPPyTWeOecooq3KVpdhl_tm6vr3xy8djFkqhvmAhYnJ6ANlz5I37LgbRT6FZRisBfwObTp7xsnZirslQebAlV2ZQy9j3F6pudA4EAk-cfiL-ww/s200/Ward+Cleaver.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313462637747393826" /></a><i>(Nice guy? In both incidents it was an intoxicated and surly Ward Cleaver who demanded their seats.)</i><br /><br />For recently, yours truly went through a similar yet equally galvanizing experience. Little did I know at the time the significance of the events that were about to unfold.<br /><br />I must admit that - while in the moment - my emotions consisted largely of rage and disillusionment. Of this, I am profoundly ashamed.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQgtMZ0JBQv-4Wfg3p-VvzeO2ryG5KciF7I-0qYW1oAir6ZEe5s9HtpYLaZ-LZjDqOxHTAu0jYGDr1xSxHFlBAhAXuW9CSesgQu4zb7hitE3WQSv5tfrPK8wQWq5p4YTUbTMev6Q/s1600-h/Healing.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 157px; height: 157px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQgtMZ0JBQv-4Wfg3p-VvzeO2ryG5KciF7I-0qYW1oAir6ZEe5s9HtpYLaZ-LZjDqOxHTAu0jYGDr1xSxHFlBAhAXuW9CSesgQu4zb7hitE3WQSv5tfrPK8wQWq5p4YTUbTMev6Q/s200/Healing.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313465538849607282" /></a> <br />However now, having been graced with Claudette Colvin's story, I believe I possess the clarity to properly place my own ordeal within its rightful context. And so, even though I DID pitch in for the box of donuts for which an unnamed coworker received undivided adulation, I intend to go forward in life with the understanding that anonymous contribution can be it's own reward.<br /><br />And if this is truly not my destiny, next time I can pick up the donuts and pee on the ones that are for the others.<br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-12166899215133392292009-03-07T09:24:00.045-07:002009-03-07T12:19:51.732-07:00Pug Harvey News and Comment.<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VYx6iRe5RXw&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VYx6iRe5RXw&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Good morning fellow Americans,<br /><br />Before we officially commence Puglypaloosa, as a proud American I must first pay homage to another proud American who recently passed.<br /><br /><i>"This is Paul Harvey."</i> For decades, that familiar phrase signaled our momentary daily departure to a bygone era of conservative values, homespun anecdotes, and shameless commercial segues.<br /><br /><i>"In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these."</i> More than just a throwaway line originally intended to freak out <a href="http://litcor.blogspot.com/"><b>stoners</b></a>, nuggets of this ilk were a ubiquitous feature of Mr. Harvey's radio broadcasts. And for those of <a href="http://littlelambonline.blogspot.com"><b>us</b></a> who are nutty enough to not need chemical assistance in order to cope, these gems served a secondary role in reassuring us that the more things change, the more they stay the same. It's true.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRct7ZvQaAVyfn6C8NIIgCQbPrb3IxSQjlJLtDAjofsZ3YkHr7aaTvZWPIfx9smJISrRqPr2wUQhLbCzxjKa_YYuS6-SYbu-B1qB4nPCPX3p3dBtR09Jj-CVv4CcH7vbWYAn4QFw/s1600-h/Paul+Harvey+1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 224px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRct7ZvQaAVyfn6C8NIIgCQbPrb3IxSQjlJLtDAjofsZ3YkHr7aaTvZWPIfx9smJISrRqPr2wUQhLbCzxjKa_YYuS6-SYbu-B1qB4nPCPX3p3dBtR09Jj-CVv4CcH7vbWYAn4QFw/s400/Paul+Harvey+1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5310517313236961282" /></a><br />And so it was that when Paul Harvey died recently at age 90, after more than 75 years in radio, he left a hole that won't easily be filled. And speaking of holes that can be difficult to fill, be sure to visit one of the many fine legal brothels the next time you find yourself in Nevada. Be sure to tell them Pug Harvey sent you.<br /><br />One did not always have to agree with Harvey to find him a radio entertainer of the highest quality. And friends, when it comes to quality, there is no finer cocaine than Columbia's Finest. So be sure to ask for it by name <a href="http://thenyd.blogspot.com"><b>wherever</b></a> illegal narcotics are sold.<br /><br />A salesman for himself and his vision of the American dream, Paul Harvey was also a master peddler of many products, whose makers were as loyal to him as his listeners were. And speaking of vision: when was the last time you had YOUR vision checked? Be sure to "see" a registered Optometrist.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcstWXB0xKLIJo6ZukcgohQybyIz07Q_ymABy9C0zvjGqHsfN0YxJDPe0yQEdQJNfmA-D_IbJng-mM_cGbDRfcUFxM1mKNr779tAQV7KrKRwgkCpUw1OGwiKcI1qz961hbI7ffJw/s1600-h/Vision+Test.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 299px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcstWXB0xKLIJo6ZukcgohQybyIz07Q_ymABy9C0zvjGqHsfN0YxJDPe0yQEdQJNfmA-D_IbJng-mM_cGbDRfcUFxM1mKNr779tAQV7KrKRwgkCpUw1OGwiKcI1qz961hbI7ffJw/s400/Vision+Test.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5310499340249739250" /></a><br /><br />Page 2.<br /><br />Recently I received a letter from a long-time <a href="http://ihaveabombshelterandyoucantuseit.blogspot.com"><b>reader</b></a> who confided that his marriage was lacking its former "pizzazz", and wondered if I could discretely give him some advice. I did not even hesitate to let him know that there is only <a href="http://www.adameve.com/?oc=PS25_041007&sc=SEMGLSEX&cm_mmc=GGL-_-Sex%20Toys-_-sextoy-group-_-sex%20toys%20online%20exact&gclid=CPPL-7ivkZkCFQ_yDAodCiw-Yg"><b>ONE</b></a> place to go in order to spice up his sanctimonious union. Wait. Actually there are <a href="http://denver.craigslist.org/search/cas/?query=t4mw"><b>two</b></a>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgekN_6yMSpo8VzdzjaT-RjXooOoxJAGCVwxB2Ymba5dA5nfuTIexZzuPeDe0SN2yHdMuIZ2s0g_wcpXidOTFNFFmYNvoWwxI_HqgftRLobAskejhXhFTc70iFEiwVdnwrz_lwy6Q/s1600-h/Love+on+the+Rocks.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 157px; height: 157px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgekN_6yMSpo8VzdzjaT-RjXooOoxJAGCVwxB2Ymba5dA5nfuTIexZzuPeDe0SN2yHdMuIZ2s0g_wcpXidOTFNFFmYNvoWwxI_HqgftRLobAskejhXhFTc70iFEiwVdnwrz_lwy6Q/s400/Love+on+the+Rocks.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5310519486397254738" /></a><br />Which reminds me that <a href="http://sassyblondie.blogspot.com/"><b>many</b></a> <a href="http://missbegotten.blogspot.com/"><b>of</b> </a><a href="http://whataroadtrip.blogspot.com/"><b>us</b></a> occasionally suffer from painful, embarrassing itching; probably as a result of our active lifestyles (see previous paragraph). It is for <a href="http://edchronicles.blogspot.com/"><b>folks</b></a> <a href="http://cruelvirgin.blogspot.com/"><b>like</b></a> <a href="http://pudwhipped.blogspot.com/"><b>us</b></a> that the good people at Proctor and Gamble have developed ointments to alleviate the discomfort, and get us back in the saddle again.<br /><br />Paul Harvey will be missed by many after his sudden and completely unexpected passing at age 90. It serves to remind us all that we can truly go at any time. Although for <a href="http://pbnmopo.blogspot.com"><b>some</b></a> <a href="http://sillystuffbonemanfound.blogspot.com/"><b>of</b></a> <a href="http://mightydyckerson.blogspot.com/"><b>us</b></a> with <a href="http://www.billoreilly.com/"><b>enlarged prostates,</b><br /></a> we cannot go at any time. This is why I have referred a steady stream of friends to the <a href="http://rev-ree.blogspot.com/"><b>FLOMAX website</b></a>. Put your prostate in their capable hands today.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQUaFrdHPFXw3hkeVBtefa9AFuq3e8iG1T1xNoxcAXTC7ThWEBFTRyU0IfJITflyZ0vjUboG2VRIVAxkvcFraC16UvmLXmyomFehxS6xpJmPpsFWPRz-4Bhfg2eT05NrrVd0Wu3A/s1600-h/Ready_For_Work.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 277px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQUaFrdHPFXw3hkeVBtefa9AFuq3e8iG1T1xNoxcAXTC7ThWEBFTRyU0IfJITflyZ0vjUboG2VRIVAxkvcFraC16UvmLXmyomFehxS6xpJmPpsFWPRz-4Bhfg2eT05NrrVd0Wu3A/s400/Ready_For_Work.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5310521964752696258" /></a><br />Some may remark that Mr. Harvey lived a full and rich life, which he did indeed. And they may go on further to say that - at age 90 - he was an antique. To which I would respectfully respond that he was more of an heirloom, and that his recordings and our fond memories shall live on. The <a href="http://sparringk9.blogspot.com"><b>classics</b></a> never go out of style. Much like the classic antiques that you'll find at <a href="http://leasaann.blogspot.com/"><b>Leelee's</b></a> shoppe.<br /><br />And now you know ... the rest of the story. I want to thank all of you who have been <a href="http://thefoaming.blogspot.com/"><b>patient</b></a> and <a href="http://hereismyheart-dianne.blogspot.com/"><b>loyal</b></a> during what turned out to be an extended vacation. I am back, renewed, invigorated, and looking forward to Puglypaloosa. Until then, I bid you ... good ... day!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilAll5gAsw0z_NeWqjkWhHut2pgsV6nikuo3nIHdy9cVjbgLBPQEwKkZ9qxM-8wbY7j58CDJpwRXfMH7n-n8GW42A9x5nDbT2ZUhyphenhyphenvAZEHtuK8QdWRrPZwDACUb8CkrOW1d7v4Pw/s1600-h/Paul+Harvey.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 359px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilAll5gAsw0z_NeWqjkWhHut2pgsV6nikuo3nIHdy9cVjbgLBPQEwKkZ9qxM-8wbY7j58CDJpwRXfMH7n-n8GW42A9x5nDbT2ZUhyphenhyphenvAZEHtuK8QdWRrPZwDACUb8CkrOW1d7v4Pw/s400/Paul+Harvey.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5310517312005334690" /></a><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com134tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-45661218931424324952009-01-22T11:42:00.016-07:002009-01-22T12:50:06.404-07:00Special Announcement!Hi everybody,<br /><br />Wow! I forgot how easy it is to create a NEW post! You simply TYPE as you transcribe at least ONE of the voices in your head! It's THAT easy!<br /><br />Okay. I've calmed down a bit. I thought I'd interrupt my "regular" schedule of "Resolutions for Others" to make a SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!<br /><br />I'm all riled up again! Sorry! Please forgive me, assuming you can search somewhere in those cold black hearts of yours to locate that gesture! Sorry again! That was totally uncalled for in the majority of cases!<br /><br />Okay. Without further ado, I would like to announce ... <br /><br /><b>THE FIRST ANNUAL PUGLYPALOOSA!!!</b><br /><br />That's right! My VERY OWN festival!<br /><br />Let's take some of the inevitable questions in advance:<br /><br /><i>"Will human sacrifice be involved? Because I have a list handy." - GirlGoyle a.k.a. Ed<br /><br />"Won't this just be a cheesy recreation of 'Lambypaloosa'? Been there, done that. No pullin' the wool over these eyes a second time. BTW, I need my skirt back." - Jin<br /><br />"Can I go topless in the crowd? Otherwise I may have other obligations." - Serena<br /><br />"I see you have finally sold out. I KNEW this would happen with liberals now in charge." - Sparring K9<br /><br />"The current Canadian-to-U.S. dollar exchange rate is 1.2578 : 1. If you're going to do this please hurry so I can attend." - /t.<br /><br />"This may just be the ticket to me visiting your stupid blog again. Will it be good for once? Will there be booze? Please answer the 2nd question first." - Party Girl<br /><br />"Not if there's nudity." - Pud<br /><br />"Will it be tasteful and embrace everyone in the spirit of friendship and tolerance? Also, will there be a Nachos Tent?" - Dianne<br /><br />"Is there any possibility that it will consist of huge crowds with people packed like sardines; sandals and mopeds serving as the only sources of transportation? Plus will it smell of squid? I like to feel at home. Plus, any chance of fisticuffs? It's been a while ..." - NYD<br /><br />"Your festival sucks. I will NOT be attending. Oh wait. This is supposed to be a question. Unlike some of the other dumbasses, I shall comply. Okay here goes: will anyone at the festival NOT be gay?" - Mighty Dyckerson<br /><br />"As I write this, I am unsure of what /t.'s question will be. But I am certain it will have me LOL at /t." - Enemy<br /><br />"ANYTHING to escape this LIVING ABSOLUTE HELLHOLE of a small town I am trapped in. Even it's your LIVING ABSOLUTE HELLHOLE of a festival. As long as it's not taking place here in the same LIVING ABSOLUTE HELLHOLE of a small town I am trapped in. It IS, isn't it? I KNEW it. F*ck." - Sassy<br /><br />"I've never been to one of these things. There is a prayer service and a collection for the homeless, right?" - Lamby<br /><br />"If it's a cross between "Burning Man" and "The Lottery", count me in." - Boneman<br /><br />"Will I have unrestricted access as "Official Photographer"? I don't want to lead you on, but there is always the chance I could become the Linda Eastman to your Paul McCartney." - Foam<br /><br />"I have extra curtain fabric from my kids' "basement oasis" project. I can provide the curtains to hide the shame of the rampant fornication that's sure to take place from the opening act onwards." - Helene a.k.a. Kate<br /><br />"Sex AND drugs AND Rock'n'Roll? I am SO there!" - Leelee<br /><br />"Don't have public showers where men can bathe together. Trust me on this." - Cathy<br /><br />"Sex at your event is one thing I haven't crossed off of my list! See you there!" - RevRee<br /><br />"I've heard that your event will make the film "Midnight Express" seem like the Disney version of a Turkish prison, only with poorer quality hashish." - Bespelled<br /><br />"Your blog may have "jumped the shark" with this promotion. Unless you actually have a "Pug Jumps the Shark" event. Then it would be SO cool!" - Anonymous from California</i><br /><br />I will field more of your questions in the comments section (pics to be added BTW). I hope to see all of you real soon at <b>THE FIRST ANNUAL PUGLYPALOOSA!!!</b><br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com69tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-77515493051079104242009-01-20T16:48:00.008-07:002009-01-20T17:50:23.202-07:00Resolutions for Others: #2Hi everybody,<br /><br />The first thing I will ask you to do is click the play button on the music machine to your right.<br /><br />Okay, now we're cookin'.<br /><br />We're all WAY "politicked off" by now, so I'll keep today's resolution short and bittersweet.<br /><br />Today's resolution is simple: let's be careful from here on out who we elect to run the country.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaoEILN3afirogVJemKlUeNLbxub5U-6R9GwKCFvOA2rtBfSQ7FcdyeA-BHg5em8N7v6curepLcWcfKFprzKvd9x6f0HONskz4YEiJ4CaPiVe-HZp2cvqOO2NRsm9XbyXeUwa-fQ/s1600-h/W.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 258px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaoEILN3afirogVJemKlUeNLbxub5U-6R9GwKCFvOA2rtBfSQ7FcdyeA-BHg5em8N7v6curepLcWcfKFprzKvd9x6f0HONskz4YEiJ4CaPiVe-HZp2cvqOO2NRsm9XbyXeUwa-fQ/s400/W.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293528211648765586" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcmfC873NN3xd1wy4nKVTTniTKSRkey6hgngz3h4a9h5nX7YKutzJ3RH7_W2BhKqThnuXk8QcNXLdq4ZalWuv0xDXr5ppT3IAzIz0cXH8yq9GjHJ4OEPHi-tSINnqphID9JQAXGg/s1600-h/Hit+The+Road,+Jack.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 298px; height: 360px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcmfC873NN3xd1wy4nKVTTniTKSRkey6hgngz3h4a9h5nX7YKutzJ3RH7_W2BhKqThnuXk8QcNXLdq4ZalWuv0xDXr5ppT3IAzIz0cXH8yq9GjHJ4OEPHi-tSINnqphID9JQAXGg/s400/Hit+The+Road,+Jack.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293528210023104178" /></a><br /><br />NEVER again. Peace out.<br /><br />***<br /><br /><i>"ANY job that one is INCAPABLE of performing, can be considered a TOUGH job. Doesn't matter if we're talking about W's Presidency or even Yours Truly in the bedroom." <br /><br />- Pug Puerileuwaite, in an excerpt from his interview with Larry King</i><br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-62793182394234030742009-01-10T12:18:00.039-07:002009-01-10T15:40:22.697-07:00Resolutions for Others: #1<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZMbDsSOAfz3sv09qf9YRuJl0-Twb1CXAgHEnIiBaa9IkjNVGQuqFbranCtXD6wifcJXPU1G_LflwSLcVxW9wDsORsGECpzDR5m_F2tewdwKpE6qQ4QDR-CAOuzWdtYja2uQgbdQ/s1600-h/Star+Gate+from+2001.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 141px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZMbDsSOAfz3sv09qf9YRuJl0-Twb1CXAgHEnIiBaa9IkjNVGQuqFbranCtXD6wifcJXPU1G_LflwSLcVxW9wDsORsGECpzDR5m_F2tewdwKpE6qQ4QDR-CAOuzWdtYja2uQgbdQ/s400/Star+Gate+from+2001.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289782077558238450" /></a><br />Hi everybody!<br /><br />Sorry for the belated post, and welcome to 2009 here at Why Oh Why. I have a crapload of exciting new post ideas to assault your senses with in the coming weeks and months. <br /><br />But first I wanted to linger in the spirit of the new year by officially designating the remaining days of January for resolutions.<br /><br />Not to worry. These aren't for me. Been there, failed that, have the post to prove it. <a href="http://whycantitbethisway.blogspot.com/2007/01/you-say-you-want-resolution.html">What a disaster that turned out to be.</a><br /><br />No, rather these are for a few select corporations and individuals to adopt and become the better for it. So here goes.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht9nd1WnpJygYgf7SUKBBLStE-A6HtB6vLxAw5wFxvqypMlpRfl2LthSbpwuDVCbq0cn6ZtE0fU7zy9AORuU4odBgYn8TeUDCLFklp9T50mcJFDDr1ECbSnnlgQ3pMHLTttep4kQ/s1600-h/Average+Home+Depot+Patron.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 276px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht9nd1WnpJygYgf7SUKBBLStE-A6HtB6vLxAw5wFxvqypMlpRfl2LthSbpwuDVCbq0cn6ZtE0fU7zy9AORuU4odBgYn8TeUDCLFklp9T50mcJFDDr1ECbSnnlgQ3pMHLTttep4kQ/s400/Average+Home+Depot+Patron.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289786886034784946" /></a><br /><b>Resolution #1: Less humans manning the checkouts</b><br /><br />I first noticed this phenomenon at one and then all of my 10-local Home Depot stores. For those who may be unfamiliar, Home Depot is a vast chain of massive home improvement centers with armies of employees who are skilled in the art of avoiding us during our visits.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvjqqrpTNzxjr2kE2IARR-0aef5EtODY32nQKqtX2-pSmW0Koty_OYfs3CXmbSXv_VyQURw6cgap6OVcqfSrQBLVfsEaLH9POYM8AmXSilVumtB6e0cPcaUO5KdGKiIbwBlaC74g/s1600-h/Ocean+Example.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvjqqrpTNzxjr2kE2IARR-0aef5EtODY32nQKqtX2-pSmW0Koty_OYfs3CXmbSXv_VyQURw6cgap6OVcqfSrQBLVfsEaLH9POYM8AmXSilVumtB6e0cPcaUO5KdGKiIbwBlaC74g/s400/Ocean+Example.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289790043218399410" /></a> <br />But until a year or so previous, we could rest assured there would be at least two unfortunate short-straw drawing humanoids shackled to their "strategically placed furthest from the exit doors" posts amongst the vast ocean of checkouts, anxious to avoid any semblance of sincere interaction as they converted our patience, funds and remaining dignity into commerce.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO-MxYGgNMtCrYianpJhzpcnWkMIb8iYd1ULymRfVjLFdVQjXUdzfF6AVia2w3iPBX9_YBsnzxRckleu7ppqCWDfo3SJZd4nXPnqCdCX80pbevhil02C2DpSB0ihPwVnxjgHMi8w/s1600-h/Garden+Example.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO-MxYGgNMtCrYianpJhzpcnWkMIb8iYd1ULymRfVjLFdVQjXUdzfF6AVia2w3iPBX9_YBsnzxRckleu7ppqCWDfo3SJZd4nXPnqCdCX80pbevhil02C2DpSB0ihPwVnxjgHMi8w/s400/Garden+Example.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289790047267568290" /></a> <br />Then one day a couple of lanes appeared like weeds in the consumerist garden of mixed metaphors. The "Self Checkout" had emerged, seeking its projected margin of fluorescent light in the zero-sum soil of DIY retail.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxHAW-fsM8Q2Q0kuzQuQGAry8MdC0bWq0p9s0xfTCHgLg1X5yfK8_BsKi8-u3BBqGoXQ29uYDAQiacrQfSYC1Rk2RepUJIlMwyY7HLgCjI7eSPhvTET5z1AzFAE17uC1G5gzHPxw/s1600-h/Sea+Example.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxHAW-fsM8Q2Q0kuzQuQGAry8MdC0bWq0p9s0xfTCHgLg1X5yfK8_BsKi8-u3BBqGoXQ29uYDAQiacrQfSYC1Rk2RepUJIlMwyY7HLgCjI7eSPhvTET5z1AzFAE17uC1G5gzHPxw/s400/Sea+Example.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289790052472594818" /></a> <br />While initially an exotic curiosity, these new lanes quickly proved doldrumic Sargasso Seas (for those keeping track, we're back to oceans/seas and away from gardens for the moment) from which easy escape would prove futile.<br /><br />Expecting the average consumer with an IQ of 70 to scan and follow instructions is a recipe for disaster. Adding a demonic intelligence that anticipates a scanned item (at a pre-calculated weight) being placed into a bag on a scale at THE PRECISE MOMENT, just adds to the fun.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijUWC1ARHbBfV7hzUjN-oxkAzS7co0DsZvOHS-kZyi28erOpKkbpDv1s2lAonH29okeBO1NT_XGpiVIemHhfXC_asgqGErGyBYnyisstGHDuiZabb4GrUWfi43fZeB-ecH3t8Z5A/s1600-h/Carbon+Based+Lifeforms.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 276px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijUWC1ARHbBfV7hzUjN-oxkAzS7co0DsZvOHS-kZyi28erOpKkbpDv1s2lAonH29okeBO1NT_XGpiVIemHhfXC_asgqGErGyBYnyisstGHDuiZabb4GrUWfi43fZeB-ecH3t8Z5A/s400/Carbon+Based+Lifeforms.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289787755336931538" /></a><br />MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR WRETCHED SOUL if you neglect to place the item into the bag as (and when) directed, or if you sneeze in the direction of the bag, or if you place the sample that you brought along for comparison into the bag. Or if your nut sac accidentally rests onto the scale next to the bag.<br /><br />Anyhoo, I chalked up this disturbing new "innovation" as an isolated annoyance to be avoided by shopping at the competition, and gave it no further thought.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf4w-A7C1RvgUhyphenhyphenYql_RU71GMirNsFWOUkONH-KoF1LubD0SVjLO1K4KVu_b1qYAKK_tmGvEur1kMiUT9hZA5Whv3V7JIL_BdOXWjbf4gAp0avH1Ct-CVvmeCuEIYoh4gd6GSO_A/s1600-h/Avoiding+Self+Checkouts.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 123px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf4w-A7C1RvgUhyphenhyphenYql_RU71GMirNsFWOUkONH-KoF1LubD0SVjLO1K4KVu_b1qYAKK_tmGvEur1kMiUT9hZA5Whv3V7JIL_BdOXWjbf4gAp0avH1Ct-CVvmeCuEIYoh4gd6GSO_A/s400/Avoiding+Self+Checkouts.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289784888105401634" /></a><br />Then Walmart followed suit. Gone were the humans. Replaced by these same hellish point-of-sale gauntlets.<br /><br />In partial fairness, there typically IS one actual person per lane (consisting of 2-or-4 self-checkouts each) who is on-hand to assist the 10-out-of-10 shoppers who experience difficulty. This person is usually benevolent and even helpful: correcting overages, pointing out that one's nut sac accounted for the erroneous grapes line item, and in general slyly training us for a job that this machine has already taken.<br /><br />And so it appears to be just a matter of time before every big-box retail location in our universe consists purely of self-checkouts.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnnex2SDZMO1Z1m66-XYloUfTKOezD-utML0FTEUzWKJmZF_52JshrAajpEGsX9H8bYW8axLBfh30KuR3dS6JtsbFUUSQvan3onGTZp0HLVSMYPMMS9gUREH7F2lMBf3RJ_6JMEw/s1600-h/The+First+Self+Checkout.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 142px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnnex2SDZMO1Z1m66-XYloUfTKOezD-utML0FTEUzWKJmZF_52JshrAajpEGsX9H8bYW8axLBfh30KuR3dS6JtsbFUUSQvan3onGTZp0HLVSMYPMMS9gUREH7F2lMBf3RJ_6JMEw/s400/The+First+Self+Checkout.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289782079450251970" /></a><b>The First Self-Checkout?</b><br /><br />But why stop there?<br /><br />I propose a resolution to eliminate those obsolete, helpful humans who misguidedly try to save us from ourselves. Let's make the checkout process 100% free of carbon-based lifeforms.<br /><br />As such, I recommend that each retail location install a self-aware supercomputer similar in concept and identical in name to "Hal" from "2001: A Space Odyssey". "Hal" will be responsible for overseeing the checkout process. If you fail to properly follow directions, a jolt of electricity is conducted through your body into the grid below.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8W63RW3RRDv-Oe02rW8vmjMHZxSwJTcWKXyPhar1uLjbRa7q1zKz6qMxXkWson9XLFyi6iBj-1mzXr_p8VePZLVwdIXkzaEJ3FCrX3P9-nsWsoWhioXuZ_BWmLfQe2z14GcRkDA/s1600-h/Artists+Rendition+of+Future+Walmart+Checkout.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 122px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8W63RW3RRDv-Oe02rW8vmjMHZxSwJTcWKXyPhar1uLjbRa7q1zKz6qMxXkWson9XLFyi6iBj-1mzXr_p8VePZLVwdIXkzaEJ3FCrX3P9-nsWsoWhioXuZ_BWmLfQe2z14GcRkDA/s400/Artists+Rendition+of+Future+Walmart+Checkout.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289793083339395058" /></a><br />Attempting to abandon your transaction and flee the store? Hal also controls the exit doors. And the heating/cooling system. And the oxygen supply.<br /><br />In fact, Hal is SO self-aware, there no longer remains a commerce locale in existence with which he is not in constant communication. Hal knows the parameters of consumer brand loyalty. He sets those parameters.<br /><br />And perhaps, just perhaps, he makes us more aware - and therefore better - consumers.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfZi0Pq1kYgLUUpv1o_f7DC-R3IqJRUDcQdHGJ7DOFcpIAMyxICOCp72R-3H9iv7zyLQ-X-Ny43q8Tq57Eil_cvwP9_mf6N_7wpbQgHJ7zm5DDLplRbQayWV7kEDbGRVVUBCbLpA/s1600-h/Retail+Star+Child.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 122px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfZi0Pq1kYgLUUpv1o_f7DC-R3IqJRUDcQdHGJ7DOFcpIAMyxICOCp72R-3H9iv7zyLQ-X-Ny43q8Tq57Eil_cvwP9_mf6N_7wpbQgHJ7zm5DDLplRbQayWV7kEDbGRVVUBCbLpA/s400/Retail+Star+Child.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289783412620197650" /></a><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-66230902658160536452008-12-24T17:17:00.009-07:002008-12-24T17:38:41.200-07:00Merry Christmas Everybody!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6i0Nq7rbjso7Y82CZ9fw62O8AVYdPdcybIPXy7ewIbrqGijECO30L9iKESl6npH4OmKcYzgjq_zUv9SaZBbf-6xMaii37mQpiQxlgKKEqIY-FUWw1euuCUfSGpTk_SVHVNlOs8Q/s1600-h/pug's+CD.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6i0Nq7rbjso7Y82CZ9fw62O8AVYdPdcybIPXy7ewIbrqGijECO30L9iKESl6npH4OmKcYzgjq_zUv9SaZBbf-6xMaii37mQpiQxlgKKEqIY-FUWw1euuCUfSGpTk_SVHVNlOs8Q/s400/pug's+CD.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283515963590344210" /></a><br />I just wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas!<br /><br />First off, a heartfelt thanks to the talented and sultry K9 for Christmas CDs past, present and (hopefully) future. I shall dream of her sitting on my lap, listing for hours and hours every single present she would like for herself and for each one of the other xx-billion people inhabiting the planet.<br /><br />And of course I also would like to thank everyone for your comments, visits and friendship. I wish I could be there to drunkenly impose myself on each and every one of you during the holidays. But alas, that is not possible. So please accept the following token of my appreciation.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJRrghIR6HKH7-5IArolUY03YIpQzlSz3tZS2K0uGMvpPwyodfi5GDh-K5lyVebsYkdDmhYMsirdG4ng76V9MxBdkiaiP19upjgxGiwwezdipQZFreRgYsYadk6OxwyC7PVtWUiQ/s1600-h/Merry+Christmas+Everybody.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 384px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJRrghIR6HKH7-5IArolUY03YIpQzlSz3tZS2K0uGMvpPwyodfi5GDh-K5lyVebsYkdDmhYMsirdG4ng76V9MxBdkiaiP19upjgxGiwwezdipQZFreRgYsYadk6OxwyC7PVtWUiQ/s400/Merry+Christmas+Everybody.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5283517748662928530" /></a><br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-39273309656963011692008-12-08T17:09:00.003-07:002008-12-08T17:28:32.102-07:00Moana LisaHi everybody,<br /><br />Still no time or energy just yet to resume my normal trickle of insipid posts. So instead I thought I'd share an image courtesy of Dianne.<br /><br />And let me tell you, it was quite the challenge for me to even get to see "the goods". Which seems to mirror this particular pug's real life most poetically these days.<br /><br />I'd like to tentatively rename it "The Pug's Moana Lisa". I'll leave it to all of you to analyze the image for hidden symbols and clues. <br /><br />So I need you to put on your "historical art detective caps" and help me out.<br /><br />Why is she smiling? Why is she covering up? What is the significance of red in the picture? Is this REALLY a "thinly-veiled self-portrait" of the pug? What secret message(s) do the garter and armband convey? Why is there a noticeable absence of belly button bling? What is that green, conical object in the lower right of the frame? What exactly is a "Louvre"?<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUj0bXUapaqx8Rb2LcUPTgL5VV16hev22pK0NXHyUDEcemX1ZKUyH6ZRLpOZj_LkUqydi8LUVV1Gcm2isRI39t3ltXrIile7Ui8U43E-5H7gngepk4DbtGYjYcEhaexyjWeiDCsA/s1600-h/Be+Cheeky.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 389px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUj0bXUapaqx8Rb2LcUPTgL5VV16hev22pK0NXHyUDEcemX1ZKUyH6ZRLpOZj_LkUqydi8LUVV1Gcm2isRI39t3ltXrIile7Ui8U43E-5H7gngepk4DbtGYjYcEhaexyjWeiDCsA/s400/Be+Cheeky.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5277578106259652402" /></a><br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-44729552217023431122008-11-30T17:18:00.003-07:002008-11-30T17:26:08.231-07:00Rejected Video #6Hi everybody,<br /><br />Well I was going to stop at #5 (and save the vast supply of rejected Lamby tribute videos for future generations), but moving on takes work; and I haven't had the time and energy for it.<br /><br />So consider this an encore. Enjoy.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jX_B2zJVbIc&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jX_B2zJVbIc&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Dolly Dagger by Jimi Hendrix</span><br /><br />Here comes Dolly Dagger<br />Her love’s so heavy, gonna make you stagger<br />Dolly Dagger<br />she drinks the blood from a jagged edge<br />aw, drink up baby<br /><br />Been riding broomsticks since she was fifteen<br />Blowin' out all the other witches on the scene<br />She got a bullwhip just as long as your life<br />Her tongue can even scratch the soul out of the devil’s wife<br />Well I seen her in action at the Player's Choice<br />Turn all the love men into doughnut boys<br />Hey, red hot mama you better step aside,<br />This chicks gonna turn you to a block of ice<br />Look out!<br /><br />Here comes Dolly Dagger,<br />Her love's so strong gonna make you stagger, baby<br />Dolly Dagger<br />She drinks her blood from a jagged edge<br />Uh, right on<br />Drink up, baby<br />Hey!<br /><br />Yeah, look at old burnt out Superman<br />Tryin' to shoot his dust on the sun<br />Captain Karma kids, they're dead on the run<br />Oh the words of love, ah<br />Do they ever touch Dolly Brown?<br />Better get some highway an' clear outta town<br /><br />Here comes Dolly Dagger,<br />Her love's so heavy gonna make you stagger<br />Dolly Dagger<br />She ain't satisfied 'til she gets what she's after<br />She drinks the blood from a jagged edge<br />Alright<br />Watch out Devon<br />You give me a little bit of that heaven<br /><br />Dolly, heavy mama, get it on, get it on, get it on<br />Dolly, heavy mama, get it on, get it on, get it on<br />Dolly, heavy mama, get it on, get it on, get it on<br />Dolly, heavy mama, get it on, get it on, get it on<br />Get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on<br />Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah<br />Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah<br />Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah<br />Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah<br />Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah<br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-16550590991101684002008-11-22T08:28:00.005-07:002008-11-22T08:38:25.582-07:00Rejected Video #5Hi everybody,<br /><br />I almost forgot this (probably) last video to (possibly) close out our inaugural "Lambypaloosa".<br /><br />It's rather tame, and yet the "sharks" still had a few issues with it representing our Little Lamb. See if you can see what they saw.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xGFW9jCFml4&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xGFW9jCFml4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-75668062206757944542008-11-17T08:17:00.005-07:002008-11-17T08:23:23.820-07:00Rejected Video #4Hi everybody,<br /><br />Let us continue with our intimate little "death march" of videos that the legal beagles deemed "inappropriate" for my Lamby tribute.<br /><br />For some reason, this one in particular had them squealing their disapproval.<br /><br />Let's see what you think.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OiTb6kLzedU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OiTb6kLzedU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29412794.post-80669880158124229182008-11-16T08:18:00.005-07:002008-11-16T08:44:23.814-07:00Rejected Video #3Hi everybody,<br /><br />Shall we press on with the latest installment from videos submitted to and rejected by the attorneys, for fear of drawing the vicious wrath of the Lamb Anti-Defamation Society (LADS)?<br /><br />Okay, you win. By now you should have the rules down pat: carefully view the selection and see if you can spot any of the same concerns as the lawyers.<br /><br />(Darn ... I really thought I'd captured Lamby in her native habitat with this one ...)<br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0p9zX2nx4Gc&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0p9zX2nx4Gc&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />.puerileuwaitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16721399673017380093noreply@blogger.com13