I have a few new posts that continue to "ferment" as they slowly increase their levels of toxicity. But I know some - if not all - of you are already way past the point of permanent water-logging from long-term exposure to my last entry. So allow me to carefully towel you off and do my best to smooth out the wrinkles (at least the ones caused by the aforementioned water-logging), as I humbly bare my soul to you.
You see, I have found myself strangely infatuated with the Vonage lady. Sorry I don't have any pictures* to share, as apparently she is very camera shy (* UPDATE: I would like to give a shout out to /t. for providing not only the photo that you now see below, but also a link to the song - in his 1st comment - that accompanies this post.).
"Fortunately" if you live anywhere in the United States, all you have to do is turn on any TV channel and she will soon appear in her distinctive orange blouse and Prince Valiant hairstyle. Her mission is to save me from the phone company, and - who knows? - perhaps from my own demons as well.
What can I say? I know I will be subjected to even more abuse than usual for this admission, but to thine own self I must be true. I like funky women! There, I said it. And she is the whole package: the eye gestures, occasional smirk, hip checks ... and of course the savings!
All I know is that I am hooked, and if she'll have me, I'll gladly be hers for no more than $25 per month. I may be loaded with "baggage", but I like to think I am also loaded with features as well. I can only promise that I will do my best to honor my commitment for the entire 12-month period, and not seek to compare our love with more traditional, conventionally tariffed forms. In the bedroom, I shall seek to avoid repeatedly asking "how much do you charge?", since I want our relationship to be constructed around value and not price.
And heaven forbid, if comes the time when she's got my number and finds that she wants to bump me from the picture, I will understand and savor each and every rounded up and rollover minute that we spent together. I will simply move on with quiet dignity to another provider.
Well, I suppose I could go on, perhaps citing testimonials from other customers of hers from all walks of life and degrees of attractiveness. But I caught some flak from those of you ADHD / Type-A "personalities" who complained about having to read too much of my last post. And so I will simply end this humble little confession straight from the heart with a few appropriate lyrics. Enjoy.
Bad Time by Grand Funk Railroad
I'm in love with the girl that I'm talking about,
I'm in love with the girl I can't live without.
I'm in love but I sure picked a bad time ...
To be in love, to be in love.
Well, let her be somebody else's queen,
I don't want to know about it.
There's too many others that know what I mean,
And, that's why I got to live without it.
I'm in love with the girl I'm talking about,
I'm in love with the girl I can't live without.
I'm in love but I feel like I'm wearin' it out,
I'm in love but I must have picked a bad time ...
To be in love, a bad time to be in love,
A bad time to be in love, A bad time to be in love.
All the stories coming back to me,
From my friends and the people that I don't want to see.
The things you say I know just couldn't be true,
At least not until I hear them from you.
'Cause I still love the little girl I'm talking about,
I'm in love with the girl I can't live without.
I'm in love but I feel like I'm wearin' it out,
I'm in love but I must have picked a bad time ...
To be in love, a bad time to be in love,
A bad time to be in love, a bad time to be in love.
You know that I love the little girl I'm talking about,
I'm in love with the girl I can't live without.
I'm in love but I feel like I'm wearin' it out,
I'm in love but I must have picked a bad time ...
To be in love, a bad time to be in love,
A bad time to be in love, a bad time to be in love.
.
Is this a commercial post for Vonage?
ReplyDeleteNot intentionally, Lamby. But since the Vonage lady is THE spokeswoman for Vonage, her passions and pursuits must become mine as well. But my heart is big, so there is a place in there for you as well. How do you feel about the left ventricle?
ReplyDeleteIf I can keep you in a box in my room and take you out and play with you, and put you back into the box when I have to go to work, that will just have to suffice.
ReplyDelete*
ReplyDeleteBad Time
All the Girls in the World Beware, 1974
(Mark Farner) Grand Funk Railroad
&
Vonage Girl
Elizabeth Beckham
/t.
Now I don't remember if you've actually posted about the Vonage lady before but I do recall reading that someone had a crush on the cartoon too. I guess if you can't find it three dimensional you may as well settle for two dimensions. And when you are done with her, she can be placed in the recycle bin along with all your other paper and cardboard materials.
ReplyDeleteHello little Pug, thats a very sad poem. Pop over to Boney's & take a look he's posted a video on his Blog that could very well be starring you.
ReplyDelete:)
Hmmm I meant sad song.
ReplyDeleteLamby - On the one hand/paw, I'm always encouraged to think outside of the box; but on the other, I tend to go out of my way to get into the box. So your arrangement just might be crazy enough to work.
ReplyDelete***
/t. - This is some SOLID research, buddy. Sound + vision! Thank you! As you can see, her lovely vonage, er, visage, is now gracing my post. Plus now I have her name to go with my fantasy, so I can "bend it like Beckham".
***
Girlgoyle - That was the old me. I have grown since then! Cartoons were just my "virtual", non-threatening introduction to the dating scene. Before you know it, my tastes will evolve so that I will be enjoying smooth jazz and smooth "live" women. Eventually I should be ready for the full-blown reality of dangerous women. That is when I plan to ask you out.
***
Dianne - First of all, WELCOME! I'm glad to have you over. Sad songs say so much, so I've heard, but is there ever a "good" time for being in love? And thanks for the tip on the video at Boney's. I'll stop by to check it out.
yep,
ReplyDeleteyou can
find anything
on the internet...
i remember this one time i thought i'd lost my viriginity...
/t.
First it's the e-surance cartoon chick..NOW the Vonage lady.. Perhaps I would have a chance if I were a cartoon..oh wait..I am
ReplyDelete/t. - Unfortunately, virginity is something I'm trying to get rid of. This is where the Internet and other "things" fall woefully short, I'm afraid.
ReplyDelete***
Leelee - Being a Simpsons aficionado, I clearly recall the time Bart ruined Sideshow Bob's date with Edna Crabapple, where Bob lamented, "I hope you're happy, Bart. There goes Edna Crabapple. A man only gets ONE shot at Edna Crabapple."
I've been worried that you were wired the same as Edna, and that somehow I too had squandered my only shot. So this totally makes my day!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt occurred to me that some of our friends from outside of the USA may not have the privilidge of getting to see these commercials (at least once every 15-minutes on every channel) featuring my latest love.
ReplyDeleteSo let me see if I can paste in a working YouTube URL for it right here (you may have to copy and paste it into your Internet Browser if it is not clickable):
Vonage Commercial
Enjoy!
5/27/2008 4:02 PM
Yay! The link works!
ReplyDeleteI mean "privilege". Sorry for the typo.
ReplyDeletepug,
ReplyDeletewell why did
you not say so...
bruno can help -- what's your address?
/t.
/t. - Wow, you have been "Johnny on the Spot"! And I really appreciate it. But in this case, I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would save myself for the "right" correctional facility inmate.
ReplyDeletesure
ReplyDelete&
me too
tho i think that
jeffrey dahmer is already dead
/t.
you know Puggles..I looked over my comments on that Simpsons post and you mentioned Edna there too..
ReplyDeleteso it's true...you DO pine for Mrs. Crabbapple (pronounced kra-bapple)..
interesting
HUGS 4 PUGS
/t. - Trust me when I say you need Jeffrey Dahmer like you need a hole in your head.
ReplyDelete***
Leelee - I know I've said it before, and recently, in fact: is there any secret I CAN keep from you? ;-)
Okay, so I do have a thing for Edna, but I like to think I have some pretty darned good reasons:
1) Her name: with a name like "Edna", you just KNOW she works hard to compensate;
2) To quote the immortal Rodney Dangerfield (again): "I like teachers ... if you do it wrong, they make you do it over";
3) Edna has a jaded outlook toward sex (and life in general, I'm afraid). This represents a challenge, and forces me to kick my game up a notch.
4) Her voice: she reminds me a lot of Carol from The Bob Newhart Show, for some odd reason or another ...
love hurts man.
ReplyDeletexx
pinks
Pinks - That's because love is a battlefield. Which is why I often go commando.
ReplyDeleteThe Vonage girl, huh? She doesn't look like a redhead to me. Your standards are slipping -- but I'm sure the pups will be cute.:-)
ReplyDeletelol Marcia Wallace...lol
ReplyDeleteno secrets from ME my puggles...NONE!!
HUGS 4 PUGS!!
Serena - Rest assured that my standards remain pristine; mostly due to my keeping them unused and carefully wrapped in layers of protective plastic.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, I continue to be drawn to redheads as is:
1) Icarus to the sun;
2) Curt Jergens was to May Britt in The Blue Angel (usually with the same humiliating results);
3) a moth to the flame (not too fond of comparing myself to a moth, but this was readily available);
4) the crackhead to the crackpipe (wait, this one's even worse);
5) a SUV to the gas pump;
...
ahem ... I think I'd better stop here ... I think for once I may have made my point ...
Leelee - If I may be so forward, I'd like to take this illicit romance up to the next level, and think of you as MY Edna Crabbapple.
ReplyDeleteOh. Okay. I feel better.:-)
ReplyDeleteVonage = Bonage to one in the throes of puppy love.
ReplyDeleteToo bad she didn't do commercials for AT&T then you could just reach out and touch...
Serena - It was the crackpipe line, wasn't it?
ReplyDelete***
NYD - Unfortunately the restraining order has rendered that an impossibility.
I'll be your Edna, if you'll be my principal Skinner..
ReplyDeleteThis Ones For YOU!!
I love Grand Funk...
yeahhh when my baby kisses me chills run up and down my spine..
Now I'm rockin'!! This illicit affair has got me all kinds of excited..
HUGS 4 PUGS!
AY CARUMBA!!!
ReplyDeleteNah, it wasn't so much the crackpipe line as it was the Icarus reference. That was ... hot.:)
ReplyDeleteI guess that makes me your "Pugasus"!
ReplyDeleteOf course!
ReplyDeletemaybe your going commando had something to do with the restraining order...
ReplyDeleteI'm just sayin'...
Serena - Yay! (Just don't wear spurs then, okay?)
ReplyDelete***
Pinks - Well if that is indeed the cause of the restraining order, then they are missing the point, entirely ...
Okey-dokey, if you insist, but that'll ruin the whole effect of my cowgirl outfit.
ReplyDeleteSerena - Since it IS for fashion, what choice do I have? And I suppose it WILL make me more tender.
ReplyDeleteOh, a post! Damn, I'm at work. I shall comment soon!
ReplyDeleteI don't know who this Vonage Lady is but the hair ..wooo wheee is baaaaaaad, like mine, only worse. And she's young. She could do something zippy whereas I am stuck with crappy thing hair. Pug, find someone else, perhaps a Subway woman or a Verizon lady.
ReplyDeleteEnemy - I just don't want this to follow the same tragic arc as many a Hollywood romance, so we need to make a decision on your career and how it affects us.
ReplyDelete***
Corn Dog - They said the same thing about fiber optics, as in: "how can a few little strands have any value"? We have come a long way since then. So I shall reserve judgement on her hairstyle, as it may simply be ahead of its time.
And not to further be a contrarian, but aren't the Subway (Jared) and Verizon (Elvis Costello wannabe) reps BOTH men? That is NOT the kind of foot-long (in the case of Subway) or ass-raping (from Verizon) I quite had in mind. What IS your TRUE agenda, lady?
Tell you what ... over time I shall work on alternate love interests, and continue to seek consensus here on them.
ah, the reliace of the commercial crush, what would I do without them?
ReplyDeleteDanm! That link is dangerous. I got stuck on utube watching related videos. Who the hell is going to cook supper?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteParty Girl - I'm already past it, I'm afraid. Seems I was nothing more than another notch (to add to the ones from over 2-million other "subscribers") on her bedpost.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I need to set my sights lower ... there's a lady on one of those "miracle weight-loss pill" commercials who seems nice.
***
Cathy - Never fear! Chef Pug is here! I'll jet right over to make my speciality. I call it: "gyros". It's spicy and exotic, much like yourself.
I'm glad you like funky ladies--that's why you like me. By the way, I did vote in your poll, can you guess which one?
ReplyDeleteEnemy - Of course! You and I are like "peas and carrots" with reefer brownies for dessert!
ReplyDeletePLEASE tell me you WEREN'T the one who voted for Deacon Jones ... it would break my heart, Fredo, er, Freida.
As I side note, I got in on Vonage when they first came out & used them for 3 years. It was excellent quality & cheap. I got in when it was $14.99 / month. I since decided I'd rather never talk to anyone if I don't have to so I cancelled it. Good luck bagging her.
ReplyDeleteRat - I'm with you on that, pal. In fact, in my next place: no land line at all (except for dSL if I have to go that route). Not a phone Pug for sure. Blogging and email are more my style. But it is a necessity, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I was curious about how good Vonage really is. So thanks for the feedback.
My phone bill (local, LD, dSL, ISP) is ALWAYS over $100/month. Ditto for my cell service. So I'm always thinking of seeing what I can do to shave those monthly bills.
One thing about phone service is that way too many people piss and moan, regardless. And let's face it: customer service is mediocre at best in ~90% of all cases, everywhere. So it's difficult to tell who the competent providers REALLY are.
I just hope she will eventually get around to returning my calls ...
In three years not one person ever noticed (on the other end of the phone). It included call waiting & caller ID too. I think it was flat rate 24 / 7 for domestic which was nice because I have most of my friends & family 3,000 miles away back east so if I want to call them before they go to sleep, it's "prime time" here. It really was awesome. In actuality, work forced me to get a cell phone. I held out until 2005. At that point, they were paying for it & the basic $39.99 / month included enough minutes for the calls I made so I was paying the $15 for nothing. After 6 months of realizing I was wasting that small amount of money, I decided it was a "free" 12 pack of beer a month so I got motivated & cancelled it.
ReplyDeleteOh, I meant to tell you it wasn't a hot chick that got me to buy into it - it was that goofy theme song on their commercials. Doot doo doot doo dooo. It killed me.
ReplyDeleteA hot chick did make me drop $2,000 on a computer back in 1995 or 1996. Once I saw Sandra Bullock in The Net, I had to "get on-line."
Rat - I'm no "professional" life coach, but I venture to say that you made the right choice on the beer. And if Sandra Bullock "floats your boat*" (* note the slick "Speed 2" reference), who am I to crash your bus** (** shifted gears into "Speed").
ReplyDeleteThat was punny.
ReplyDeleteHey Pug, I am so sorry. I had a hearty laugh at your response. I don't watch TV. I had no idea the commercial spots at Subway and Verizon were taken by MEN. SHEESH! What happened to the idea that a pretty girl sold stuff...other than the obvious stuff.
ReplyDeleteI think the Vonage Hair is a wig. I should know. I have ze wig.
Rat - Thanks for the extra "n" buddy, which my women bloggers seem to frequently leave out of their critiques.
ReplyDelete***
Corn Dog - No harm. I know you'd never intentionally plan to hurt me. But NO TV? I thought there were no Amish on the West Coast.
Really? A wig? Say it ain't so! Well if it is, I'm going to imagine that her hair underneath is identical to the wig.
We don't love girls for their spelling abilities.
ReplyDeleteRat - Indeed. In fact, I prefer the ones who think that's a heart in the middle of "I.O.U".
ReplyDeleteI miss you and I have this box to put you in so I can have you all to myself.
ReplyDeleteLamby - Forgive me for saying this, but I've seen one too many movies on the Lifetime channel: PLEASE tell me you have remembered the air holes. You see, a lot of novices tend to forget those.
ReplyDeleteOooooooooops! I forgot the air holes, thanks so much for reminding me! Let me put the air holes in first, before I put you in. When we arrive at our destination, I want you VERY MUCH alive. Alive being the key factor.
ReplyDeletePunny - having, involving, or characteristic of a pun.
ReplyDeletePuny - of less than normal size and strength; weak.
Or unimportant; insignificant; petty or minor:
Pug, your sense of irony is a little too subtle for some.
Though I must admit, I am complimented on my eyes more often than my spelling abilities.
Lamby - Ahhh, the thrill of new romance, where the female actually prefers you to be alive ... promise me you won't ever change.
ReplyDelete***
Cathy - Oh no. You sultry temptress, you! I am NOT falling for the "look into my eyes" bit again. I either wind up naked, thinking I'm a chicken, or both. Next thing I know, you're trying to give me the "Shake and Bake".
I will try never to change, only for the better.
ReplyDeleteso
ReplyDeletedid you bag her yet?
inquiring minds want to know
xx
pinks
Pinks - Funny you should ask ...
ReplyDelete(maybe I need to "save my virtue" for the right gal, though)
Lamby - That's more than I had hoped for. Yay!
ReplyDeleteI think she looks like a Vulcan...but if you love her, Pugsley dear, then I guess that says something about you. ;)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSassy - I had to "go Vulcan". Klingons are a tad too "klingy".
ReplyDeleteHoly cow, I just found this blog because I also have a thing for the vonage lady!!!!
ReplyDeleteMexigogue - Welcome! I continue to find her riveting. This disturbs me. Anyway, thanks for stopping by.
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