Friday, February 19, 2010

Welcome Again to Puglypaloosa


Hi everybody!

As my esteemed colleague Black Bart so eloquently put it, hello and welcome to Puglypaloosa. I hope it turns out to be everything you've dreamed of, assuming for once you didn't ingest massive amounts of Taco Bell prior to turning in.

At this point you're probably wondering just what Puglypaloosa is all about, and if you took too much of a gamble in remaining so noncommittal in all other aspects of your hellishly anticipatory existence. Heck if I know.

However I would rather take a stab at justification of your sacrifice than curse (and possibly belittle) your darkness. So allow me to whip out my Bic, and hope there is little methane remaining in that dreary cave of yours.

Now as most of you well know, I'd originally intended to kick off this shindig last summer; as that is the preferred season for topless behavior. Especially for the ladies. You know who you are. And if you qualify (man-boobs do not).

But alas, forces conspired against me.

So now here we are, summer long gone and in the cruel grip of a brutal winter. Except for Australia, apparently, because "heaven forbid" you wankers conform with the civilized rest of the planet. Nonetheless I find my disposition strangely benevolent toward our kangaroo cousins; mostly traceable to my fondness for AC/DC, "Friday On My Mind", Crocodile Dundee, Nicole Kidman* (* especially "Dead Calm" and "Bewitched" vintage Nicole), our beloved Dianne, and - of course - because Australia has been unfairly disparaged as the "Alabama of the World".

No one accuses ANYONE of being Alabama and gets away with it. Not even Alabama should be victimized by such derision. Not on my watch, anyway. I am a champion of the underdog.

Anyhoo, it is indeed winter for most of us. Serena in particular has been getting hammered with snow (and Lord knows what else ... booze and men readily come to mind). And aside from Lamby, who probably believes it's just punishment for our debauchery, we probably all feel that we are long overdue for a respite.

And so - submitted for your mild amusement - I humbly submit the 1st Annual Puglypaloosa.

ALL are welcome, except for YOU, you recent blight of anonymous commenting sons of bitches* (* excluding my past "secret admirers" who albeit rarely :-(  do comment anonymously. Maybe you have good reason: fear of public scorn, risk of bowling league expulsion, threat to sham marriage, risk of Pug tracking down home number, or perhaps even the potentially jarring shift in sexual paradigm).

Here at Puglypaloosa, you have to be somebody, even if you're a nobody.

Hell, you could be anybody. But if generic praise is your game, then THIS Pug ain't a-buyin'. Unless it's after we've consummated our relationship. However, even then it would be nice if you were specific. "Dear Previous Occupant" is not only distant; it also deflatingly means that my deposit is non-refundable.

So what, pray tell, IS Puglypaloosa? Well that is for each of you to determine as it unfolds, envelopes, adheres and constricts. Some shall likely find it nurturing. Enlightening. Others: exhilarating. For many it may prove suffocating. A few will discover it to be nauseating.

In the end, all entrants tread their own unique path through Puglypaloosa in quest for truth and search for exit.

Enjoy the journey, my friends.

.

47 comments:

  1. Well thank you my dearest Puggles for the mention and for having the insight to determine that Australia is not the 'dead end' of the world.
    We do get a bad wrap and it annoys me that some of the detrimental publicity emanates from my own country with ads depicting us as a beer swilling, pie and shrimp eating pack of yobbos,who address each other as 'mate'and ads from our tourist board inviting visitors by saying "Where the bloody hell are ya?", I cringe with embarrasment every time I think about it.
    I can assure that I don't speak like that, most of us are civilised and these advertisements send the wrong message to the rest of the world.
    For sure we are not perfect, there is crime and violence here just like any other country, but the media always seem to focus on the negative aspects and never promote the postive ... nor the beauty of this country and the warmth and friendliness of the majority of the people who live here. xoxo ♡

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am reading this article second time today, you have to be more careful with content leakers. If I will fount it again I will send you a link

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  3. ahhh,

    i see that
    the acid berry
    has finally arrived

    all we need now is grace slick

    looking forward

    /t.

    ReplyDelete
  4. oh, there;s a party..
    must changeinop something suitablr..
    :0)
    and come back. i lobe bachabalian festivities during the lenten season..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Those pugs are ADORABLE!!!! I'm going to kidnap Puggy poo and Black Bart!

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  6. Dianne - Whew! Well that sure is a relief. I certainly would never be caught sober, er, dead with THAT sort of element.

    However, I would like to perhaps play tug-of-war with a Koala Bear for a eucalyptus branch, stow loose change in a kangaroo's pouch, hunt for UFOs over the Bass Strait, and other things I'm way too bashful to mention.

    XOXOX

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous - Thanks! Content Leakers are THE main reason I refuse to give any more nude massages at area rest homes.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous - Speaking of "wet paint", I suspect acai berries may be responsible for my own content leakage.

    ReplyDelete
  9. /t. - Funny you should mention Grace Slick. For I have found the truth, that my slick fall from grace was due to content leakage. It was as if all the joy within me ... died.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. Foamy - Obviously you are under the influence of pain medication and must be protected from predators. Allow me to escort you to my private tent where I may introduce you to a few other things you might need to consider giving up for Lent.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lamby - Menage-a-Pug? I thought you would never bring it up. We'll be waiting by the curb.

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  13. I'm still not 100% sure what Puglypaloosa is all about, but who cares? I come for the pictures! Someday when your back is turned, I'm going to puppynap a couple of those little cuties. It's true that I've been hammered with snow. Men and booze, not so much -- but all offers gladly accepted!:)

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  14. Well Puggles my sweet I would never want you to hang around with a bunch of yobbos or wowsers, whether you were sober or dead ... I am liberal minded and like to have fun, there is some middle ground.
    I think you will find that a koala would be very reluctant to give up his eucalyptus branch, they can be quite aggressive, don't let that intoxicated sleepy look fool you, they have large claws and you might come off the worst for wear.
    I would not recommend trying to put your loose change in a kangaroos pouch either,they like to box and grapple with you then kick with those large back lethal legs, some are friendly, some are not and one can get injured badly trying to determine which.
    I would stay away from Bass Strait, a plane and its pilot Frederick Valentich disappeared from there in 1978 and if you listen to the transcript of his final transmission to Melbourne Air Flight Services it is very disturbing ... there is so much that we don't understand and we should not dismiss the existence of UFO's.
    There is so much that you have to learn about my country my sweet, we have all kinds of interesting things to pass the time, don't be bashful, all you have to do is ask, I am always here to answer your questions. xoxo ♡

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  15. Serena - That makes two of us. And I'm glad that you've obviously been saving yourself for me. I'll be right over with my little Pug-sized airline bottles of cheap tequila.

    ***

    Dianne - I had no idea that Australia could be such a potentially lethal place! I'd better lay low at Casa Dianne and have you transport me to and fro in your backpack.

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  16. But of course, Pugsley! Bring on the tequila. I've got the lime.:)

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  17. Yes my sweet of course you can stay with me...
    There are some dangers here but
    I would take very good care of you and keep you away from those animals that we spoke of ... it's not all bad, there are plenty of great places to visit and we can still have lots of fun. xoxo ♡

    ReplyDelete
  18. pug,

    it is so good to see
    puglypaloosa reaching out
    to an international audience

    chinese porn stars -- excellent choice!

    /t.

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  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  20. Serena - If you've got the lime, then I've got the time!

    (the Pug has still got his mad woman pick-up skillz!)

    ***

    Dianne - It's a deal. I wanted to make sure you would protect me a la Crocodile Dundee before I committed to the outback. Now all I need to see is that you have the same tattoos as Paul Hogan. Maybe we can get matching ones too.

    ***

    オテモヤン -

    Enough! You HAD me at SEX!

    ***

    /t. - The scam is on them, my Canadian amigo. Wait until they see the size of my eggroll!

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  21. Not to worry, Pugsley; I've got plenty of lime. Enough, in fact, to blind Chinese porn stars with unnatural interests in eggrolls.;)

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  22. LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED! oops...there is no one here...

    HUGS!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Serena - As long as it's the lime you slice and put in drinks, and not he kind that expedites decomposition.

    ***

    Leelee - You have to move fast. My parties quickly change venues to elude the authorities.

    ReplyDelete
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