For the "multitudes" who have been "clamoring" for a new post: hark and behold! And complain no further!
However I must be honest (for once): this is not one of the entries that have been slowly writing themselves in my noggin. Rather, it's the result of inspiration striking (or technically, being "on strike") in the form of Lamby's latest post, entitled "Politics". Enjoy, please.
Lamby: I'm glad to see Hilary Clinton is not winning the democratic nomination. The thing that really bugs me about politicians is that they tell you how bad their competition is. It's like they're saying I am not the right choice for what you are to decide BUT my competition is worse than I am. In other words, I'm not the right choice, but my competition is not any better. Is it any wonder why people don't vote?
Pug: You have a point, my dear Lamby. Sure, perhaps many, many other make a better point than you do. Perhaps some of them have much more luxurious wool to fleece, but maybe just for once this isn't about finding the best choice. Maybe just this once, it's about looking no further.
Lamby: I am a Republican by choice. I am against abortion, especially when its used for birth control. I don't want my tax dollars to go to killing unborn babies. Life starts at conception. Abortion is murder.
Pug: I agree with you on your position against abortion. In fact, I am favor of many, many positions that may possibly (if we're not careful) result in the birth of a child. Not only for the reasons that you stated, but also because OUR offspring would be terminally adorable! This is why I believe tax dollars should go toward the creation of OUR unborn babies, because let's face it: not only does life begin at conception: MY love life typically begins immediately before (and sadly, usually wanes right after).
Lamby: I'm also against gay rights. The Bible calls them sodomites. If you want to live that way, go ahead, but don't flaunt it in front of me. Marriage is between a man and a woman.
Pug: I also - to a lesser extent - agree with your anti-sodomite stance. Sodomite is a reprehensible pairing of calcium and magnesium, and I for one am OUTRAGED that those two minerals choose to crystalize their relationship. Probably in caves, and other areas which should not contain that sort of activity. However, I am not entirely sure that marriage between a man and a woman should be flaunted either, since impressionable youngsters may seek to emulate that behavior as well.
Lamby: Illegal Aliens GO HOME!!!! If you want to stay here, go through the process we have set up. You can stay here legally then. But if you decide to stay here, at least learn English.
Pug: I agree, which is why I have set up my own process for obtaining citizenship. The first step is securing their loyalty via a straightforward system of rewards and punishments. Then I start them on the road to learning a trade. Some show a natural propensity for gardening, while others are more suited to construction and remodeling. For the ladies, we have home economics and culinary internships. I also help a lucky few hone their skills in attracting and retaining a beau. As time permits, I tutor them in English, starting out with basic phrases such as: "No Police", "Have a Nice Day", and "Obey the Pug".
Lamby: There is at least one Republican that will or says he will secure our borders. So far, he has my vote. Let's see if he gets on the ballot for 2008.
Pug: I agree. What have immigrants ever done for this country? Not as much as Republicans. That's for darn sure.
Lamby: I just thought I'd share that with you so you know where I stand. I also get into these moods where I have to speak up and let the chips fall where they may.
Pug: As I drive erratically down that proverbial road of life, I can't help but think that you are somewhere up ahead. So it's important that I know where you stand. Perhaps that is you holding a bag of Lay's, carelessly allowing actual chips to fall where they may. Or maybe it IS just a metaphor. Either way, it's an image that puts ME in the mood, and you in my cross-hairs, if you catch my drift. And I think you just might.
Lamby: I'm not looking forward to this election in November. I dread the ads. What I also hate is when they say "This ad was paid for by... Now c'mon, we already know who paid for it by what you say. Stop treating us like morons! The idiots we put into office must think we're the idiots if we can't tell who paid for the ad. That has always bothered me.
Pug: What if YOURS TRULY has been secretly paying for those ads all this time, but remained anonymous because he didn't want to "cheapen" the gift by taking credit for it?
Anyway Lamby, I really liked your post; you continue to provoke me in many different ways. This time, you provoked me to think. Don't let it happen again!