Wednesday, May 06, 2009

A Quick Note To My Loyal Readers


Hi Everybody,

So sorry for the delay. I'm not going to lie to you (this time). I could make up some elaborate and exotic excuse as to why I've been able to post only once a month, but the simple excuse is that I've been working quite a bit.

You see, when not avidly pursuing convert Taliban operatives here on the blogs (you know who you are, infidels!), I've been overseeing the last of the Guantanamo torture assignments before that little version of Camelot comes to an end.

Since waterboarding is no longer acceptable, I force the prisoners to read through Lamby's blog. Even the most hardened terrorist is reduced to a quivering blob of confessions within minutes. Excellent work, Agent Lamby.

However I must admit the solace of making America safer is sadly tempered by the realization that I'm shirking my obligations here in blogland. And of course it has completely pushed back Puglypaloosa to the summer months, where public nudity will be necessary to cope with the heat. I'm sure at least one special lady won't have a problem with that. Make that TWO special ladies. And don't even get me started on this gal. Does she ever wear clothing? Geez.

And I've been contributing to society in other ways.

For instance, someone has to reassure all of the Craigslist masseuses that most of "ad respondents" are NOT killers. So at least once a week, I visit a new one and whip that message out.

And what about "Octomom"? Someone had to track down the deadbeat dad. I have it narrowed down to either this guy

or that guy.

Bastards. They should have their tentacles cut off.

Finally, someone had to step in as a surrogate father of Bristol Palin's baby, keep the breast milk flowing, and make sure the two women in the Governor's Mansion are "appreciated". Why can't I be the Dustin Hoffman to their Anne Bancroft and Katherine Ross? I've been around enough hot abusive drunk women

and misguided debutantes

to know the ropes.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to drop this quick little note to let you know I haven't forgotten you, truly do plan a new post shortly, and miss everyone.

Ciao for now, mon amis.