Sunday, November 30, 2008

Rejected Video #6

Hi everybody,

Well I was going to stop at #5 (and save the vast supply of rejected Lamby tribute videos for future generations), but moving on takes work; and I haven't had the time and energy for it.

So consider this an encore. Enjoy.

Dolly Dagger by Jimi Hendrix

Here comes Dolly Dagger
Her love’s so heavy, gonna make you stagger
Dolly Dagger
she drinks the blood from a jagged edge
aw, drink up baby

Been riding broomsticks since she was fifteen
Blowin' out all the other witches on the scene
She got a bullwhip just as long as your life
Her tongue can even scratch the soul out of the devil’s wife
Well I seen her in action at the Player's Choice
Turn all the love men into doughnut boys
Hey, red hot mama you better step aside,
This chicks gonna turn you to a block of ice
Look out!

Here comes Dolly Dagger,
Her love's so strong gonna make you stagger, baby
Dolly Dagger
She drinks her blood from a jagged edge
Uh, right on
Drink up, baby

Yeah, look at old burnt out Superman
Tryin' to shoot his dust on the sun
Captain Karma kids, they're dead on the run
Oh the words of love, ah
Do they ever touch Dolly Brown?
Better get some highway an' clear outta town

Here comes Dolly Dagger,
Her love's so heavy gonna make you stagger
Dolly Dagger
She ain't satisfied 'til she gets what she's after
She drinks the blood from a jagged edge
Watch out Devon
You give me a little bit of that heaven

Dolly, heavy mama, get it on, get it on, get it on
Dolly, heavy mama, get it on, get it on, get it on
Dolly, heavy mama, get it on, get it on, get it on
Dolly, heavy mama, get it on, get it on, get it on
Get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on
Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah
Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah
Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah
Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah
Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah


Saturday, November 22, 2008

Rejected Video #5

Hi everybody,

I almost forgot this (probably) last video to (possibly) close out our inaugural "Lambypaloosa".

It's rather tame, and yet the "sharks" still had a few issues with it representing our Little Lamb. See if you can see what they saw.


Monday, November 17, 2008

Rejected Video #4

Hi everybody,

Let us continue with our intimate little "death march" of videos that the legal beagles deemed "inappropriate" for my Lamby tribute.

For some reason, this one in particular had them squealing their disapproval.

Let's see what you think.


Sunday, November 16, 2008

Rejected Video #3

Hi everybody,

Shall we press on with the latest installment from videos submitted to and rejected by the attorneys, for fear of drawing the vicious wrath of the Lamb Anti-Defamation Society (LADS)?

Okay, you win. By now you should have the rules down pat: carefully view the selection and see if you can spot any of the same concerns as the lawyers.

(Darn ... I really thought I'd captured Lamby in her native habitat with this one ...)


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Rejected Video #2

Hi everybody,

Today's video selection, for some odd reason, was even more vehemently rebuked by the legal eagles than the last one.

Perhaps the lines between fantasy and reality for this canine should not have been laid in chalk. Some may see this vignette and ask "Why Lamby?", while I see it and ask "Why not?".

Anyway, check it out and see if you can spot anything that the lawyers found to be objectionable.


Friday, November 14, 2008

Rejected Video #1

Hi everybody,

As "promised", here is the first of the tunes* (* more so than the videos themselves) that didn't "pass muster" with the lawyers. See if you can determine why.

For those just tuning in (who weren't here yesterday), please refer to the previous ("A Tribute to Lamby") post, to get up to speed.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

A Tribute to Lamby

Hi everybody,

Serena recently posted on the topic of "promises" which I found to be a fascinating concept that I wish to someday explore a bit further.

Apparently one of the "caveats" of a promise is that "ideally" it should be kept. But this shouldn't discourage any of you from also seeking to learn more on the subject.

Anyhoo, I though I would "test the waters" by keeping a sort-of promise that I made to Lamby. I said that I would post "her video" after getting the previous offering out.

Well let me admit here and now that this was no easy task. Lamby has many rabid, er, AVID followers who would turn on me even more mercilessly than they already do; if I were not "extremely careful" with my choice.

So as a precaution, I ran each and every "proposed video selection" by my company's legal department* (* access to these folks is a perk they arranged for me, for some strange reason, as a condition of employment), before they FINALLY approved this one.

As such, I would like to present Melanie's "Brand New Key" as my (officially approved) choice for the tune that represents the essence of Lamby.

Who among us cannot picture a cute little woolen creature on roller skates screeching down the broken pavement of our imperfect world, seeking to make it a better place? Here she comes! Now where did I misplace that brand new key?

As an added bonus, each day I shall post one of the videos that the legal team rejected.

Litigiously yours,
Pug Puerileuwaite, Esq.


Saturday, November 01, 2008

An Independent Choice

Hi everybody!

First off, I would like all of you to note the exclamation point at the end of my greeting above, as it boldly punctuates my genuine joy in seeing your bright shiny faces today!

I'm delighted to have you here; since I have a hastily thrown together, surprise announcement to make: This Humble Pug is throwing his collar into the ring as YOUR candidate for the Presidency of these United States of America! Including Texas (for now)!

So be sure to WRITE ME IN as YOUR CHOICE for President when you go to the polls tomorrow. And if you've already voted, I have great news: you can STILL vote again. We'll simply arrange for them to "lose" your original ballots. And if you vote within the next 24-hours, I'll throw in Black Bart as my "Vice" President at no extra charge!

Also, I want to give a HUGE shout-out to my Future First Lady, the lovely Sparring K9, who not only convinced me that I could get some change out of running, but also provided ALL of the images for this post. Together in the White House, she and I will make JFK and Jackie look like Ozzie and Harriet (or Ozzie and Sharon, if you prefer)!

You probably want to know (a) little about me, so here is where I stand on our most popular issues:

Economy - I am for a strong economy. As such, there will be no Republicans, Texans or women advising me in this area.

Iraq - I am committed to withdrawing ALL troops and oil by Christmas.

Health Care - Everyone will be provided with "goodie bags" containing prescriptions of their choice. Additionally, all of you will be automatically enrolled as "Beta Test Subjects" in all current and future testing of new pharmacueticals.

Terrorism - I am firmly opposed to terrorism in any form. As such, anyone suspected of planning or being engaged in terrorist activities will also be enrolled in my aforementioned pharmaceutical beta test program.

Joe the Plumber - Enough with the division and wisecracks already. "Joe the Plumber" must mean more to us than a political device used to manipulate morons who can barely manage to read something other than "Letters to Penthouse" or pull a lever other than the tiny one in their pants. Anyone with a fat ass and droopy drawers should and will be entitled to a trade that provides frequent thrills for neglected housewives. So let us reverently embrace those among us who fix our leaks without toiling at a clinic.

Ellen DeGeneres - Will be shipped to Guantanamo immediately along with Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah for "reprogramming" sans any video cameras. Let's see how enthusiastically she dances after the enemas, boarding, and other "waterpark activities".

CEOs - Orange will be the "In" color this year for the current crooks. Be sure to wave as you pass them by on the road. Or rather, on the side of the road; where chained together they will be seen breaking up rocks, serve as a natural protective barrier for loose, tumbling boulders, and catch those discarded hot coffee containers that we were almost finished consuming.

Abortion - Although The Pug is currently Pro-Choice, I think we all agree that abortion should be eliminated. Life is precious. I certainly know how fond I am of my own* (* from there, it of course becomes increasingly less precious, based on a sliding scale of inverse proximity). So the best way to prevent abortion is to prevent conception in the first place. But HOW can we promote abstinence using a "holistic" approach? My plan is to equip all women with Birkenstock sandals, "alternate" lifestyles and corporate middle management positions. The men will be provided with unlimited access to video games of all forms, which they will be encouraged to discuss incessantly in their places of employment. These enhancements should reduce social mingling of the sexes, and keep conception to a minimum (if not eradicate it entirely).

Taxes - My plan is to eliminate all federal, state, local and sales taxes within the next 2-years. Instead the government will generate revenues by installing pedestrian and vehicle toll booths at every intersection. Also, all Internet Pornography will be strictly pay-per-view and taxed at a rate of $1 per genital. No exceptions or "free samples". Not even for politicians or clergy.

Illegal Immigration - The ugly truth is that we need illegals to cheaply perform the jobs that pampered Americans find reprehensible. This includes any task that actually requires Americans to earn their pay. But the problem is that they also occasionally try to benefit from our education and medical institutions. My plan - instead of a border fence - is to install a wall containing inlet tubes that funnel these workers to the work, and then returns them safely across the border at night. And no place else. A human "habit-trail", if you will, where "who moved my cheese?" will REALLY be a relevant complaint.

Celebrities - All celebrities will be required to report for their shifts at their local rendering plants, effective immediately.


Darn. I can see by the clock on the wall that our little "fireside chat" has to be extinguished for now. Tomorrow we will take up where we left off, when I share my thoughts on some or all of the remaining issues facing us as a nation* (* including Canada, Australia and Japan: all of which I plan to annex during my first 30-days in office).

Social Security
The Stock Market
Dick Cheney
The Bush Family
Materialism and Greed
The Environment
International Relations
Our Veterans
Campaign Reform
Separation of Church and State
The Biased Media
Small Business
Insurance Companies
Banking and Finance
The Military
Oil Companies
The Arts
Zamboni Operators
Chicago Cubs Baseball

Tagline #1: The Pug - Will Work For Change

Tagline #2: The Pug - A Trying President For Trying Times

Tagline #3: The Pug - If You Shoot Me, Black Bart Becomes President

Tagline #4: NPR, NRA - The Pug Will Eliminate One of Them