Hello fellow "Musicphiles",
(Hopefully this is the only noun ending in "phile" that geniunely applies when describing your interests. Because I have no tolerance for stamp collectors.)
Anyhoo, the time has come for yet another tedious and juvenile installment of "Musical What The F*ck?!"
WTF?! 001 > "Badge" by Cream
Thinkin' bout the times you drove in my car
(Well, RODE, technically)
Thinkin' that I might have drove you too far
(Guilt? Obviously he is NOT a playa)
And I'm thinkin' bout the love that you laid on my table
(So far, so good. It has a pleasant, laid back tempo, and it alludes to car sex and possibly on a table as well, which hopefully means the kinky fun kind and not getting screwed in a Poker game. On the other hand, what if this happened at Thanksgiving, where the bimbo was from the local strip joint, and there she was, drunkenly spread-eagled naked on the table amidst the turkey [insert stuffing joke here] and "fixins'" just as the family converged on the dining room? Oops. That was MY Thanksgiving. Nevermind. Moving on ...)
I told you not to wander round in the dark
(She has to be TOLD this little nugget of wisDUMB? Wait. Un momento por favor! Perhaps this makes her the IDEAL one-nighter)
I told you bout the swans, that they live in the park
(No shit, Sherlock. Where the hell did you think they lived? In that goofy* (* no pun intended) "Swan Hotel" at Walt Disney World? Why the hell do you think they call that tune "Swan Lake"? Because the swans just happened to go on a picnic that day? Dumbass)
Then I told you 'bout our kid, now he's married to Mabel.
(Mabel?! C'mon everybody, join in with me and shout at the top of your lungs: WHAT THE F*CK?! How did he ever tear "Mabel" away from her job at the Hooterville Telephone Company switchboard? And what's with this "now" crap? How many times has he been married, and why does his mother* (*presumably) have to be "brought up to speed"? Damn, and I thought my family was disfunctional ...)
Okay, there ARE more lyrics to this song, but quite frankly, after that stupid-ass "Mabel" line, I generally lose interest. Sorry.
WTF?! 002 > "Don't Sleep in the Subway" by Petula Clark
Actually this observation isn't mine. It belongs to a very funny female comic (whose name unfortunately escapes me) from a few years ago, who came up with it. Her perfectly timed remark was: "What kind of guy is this woman going out with?
You wander around on your own little cloud
(Sounds like an addict. If not, he doesn't sound like the aggressive provider that women seek to ensnare and emasculate)
When you don't see the why or the wherefore
You walk out on me when we both disagree
(Okay, so maybe he is an okay dude ...)
'Cause to reason is not what you care for
(So far, so good ...)
I've heard it all a million times before
Take off your coat, my love, and close the door
(Can I close the door and THEN take off my coat? The other way just seems so awkward. After all, here I am at the damned door, so WHY THE F*CK do I have to do all of that other shit first? [We guys think like that when all we really want is to have a quick drink, bite to eat, get laid, and rest up for tomorrow's "hunting and gathering"])
Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'
Don't stand in the pouring rain
Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'
Once again everyone, join in with me and shout at the top of your lungs: WHAT THE F*CK?! Don't sleep in the friggin' subway?! Don't stand in the pouring rain? WTF? Is this guy Canadian for Chrissakes? Dayum!)
The night is long
Forget your foolish pride
Now you're beside me again
(Ho hum. This section could be from any Toni Braxton or Sade song, in which case, if you're actually listening to the lyrics instead of copulating, then you DESERVE to sleep all wet in the subway. Dumbass)
You try to be smart, then you take it to heart
'Cause it hurts when your ego is deflated
You don't realize that it's all compromise
And the problems are so overrated
(Sounds here like the "lucky gal" is attempting to cheer the loser up for "underperformance" issues, when instead she should be immersed in a world that rocks. But on the other hand we must remember that this "tune" was written in the days before Viagra or attractive women)
WTF?! 003 > "Lovely Rita" by The Beatles
Screw the lyrics. When have you ever seen an attractive Meter Maid? 'Nuff said.
By Your Side...
1 hour ago