Saturday, July 12, 2008

Seduced by a Cougar


When did we first connect? I wasn't sure. Nor was I confident in remembering the precise circumstances. We males are just wired that way, I suppose.


But once we did, I knew that my life would never be quite the same again. I was hooked. She exuded confidence and a sexuality that would come off as brazen and undignified in a younger woman. I found this refreshing.

And that body. The manner in which her slinky dress instinctively knew where to end and begin again; the way it tenderly caressed her curves while shimmering and shadowing in all the right places. It was only with great difficulty that I could avert my eyes at all.


I've never been fond of wildlife comparisons to describe these encounters. I've habitually chosen to avoid using terms such as "predator" and "prey". If something is meant to be, there should be no element of capture or conquest to it.

But for some strange reason, ever since first hearing the term "cougar" to describe an older, attractive and available female who is drawn to younger men, I have been enamored with it. This obviously contradicts my aforementioned stance; though this is not unusual for our species and as such I readily admit to and embrace this paradox.

Perhaps this is partly because of the image that a cougar evokes in my mind: sleek, bold, smooth, graceful. It is therefore a perfect representation of the sophisticated and sexy older woman.


I felt fortunate to be in a position to vie for her attention the very next time our paths intersected at that black tie affair. Maybe it was fate. Whatever the case, it became apparent soon enough that the feeling was somewhat mutual, as we deliberately gravitated toward each other while the presence of others dissipated into the ether.

Thus began the tango of mutual desire and motives uncertain. We embraced. We kissed.


Arriving at my place, our dance continued. Soft music, wine, candles, hushed tones speaking what need not be said. The flow of intertwined limbs writhing over silken sheets. All of a sudden, a glimpse out of the corner of my eye: a spilled glass of red wine, delicately weaving its way along the sheet in close parallel to my leg.

Then I remembered.


It was an actual cougar that had me in its tight grip. The wine wasn't wine at all. It was blood. This was an embrace of death, not ecstasy. Why oh why did I choose to hike alone, and at dusk, of all times?


And yet, I didn't fight it. Perhaps it was the delusional state I was in, most likely due to excessive blood loss. Or it could be that I was - in some twisted way - infatuated with my captor? After all, Stockholm Syndrome has been well-documented in many hostage situations. Was I not a hostage to this most elegant of hunters?


I would have made love to it with the last of my fleeting energy, if it had so wished. Alas, I could only take solace in knowing that our molecules would soon become virtually indistinguishable. I'd be but a passenger on the new journey that awaited me.



.

68 comments:

leelee said...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

/t. said...

mmmm

nice pussy

nice car, too

/t.

cathy said...

Teaching is a vocation.

Sassy Blondie said...

I always wonder how old one must be to be considered a "cougar"? And is it really a flattering term? What do they call the much more common phenomenon of the much older man-chasing bimbos scenario?

Seriously, I need answers....

Sassy Blondie said...

Oh! And cute post too, Pugsley... XOXO

Enemy of the Republic said...

LOL at /t.


So you are into beastility. You are in good company--think about Katherine the Great and all her horses.

If you ever see The Golden Compass, the Daniel Craig character walks with a cougar by his side. It fits him. If ever a cougar was sexy, it was in that movie. But he has to come with Daniel Craig or no p*&(%$%, to use /t.'s words.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Meow.

cyberhostage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Wow! My FIRST "Comment Cougar"! You never forget your first one of those!

***

/t. - You reminded me of this:

An oft-repeated story—since dismissed as an "urban legend"—involved a guest appearance by Zsa Zsa Gabor carrying a white Persian cat. Gabor is said to have asked Johnny if he would like to "pet my pussy?" During a 1989 appearance, Jane Fonda noted that her son had repeated the claim, and "my son said that you said, uh, 'I'd love to, if you'd remove that damned cat!'

***

Cathy - I agree, and it's a noble one at that. However, is it REALLY necessary for teachers to circle all parts used incorrectly, in bold red marker?

***

Sassy - Don't ask me! Being just a young pup, they ALL seem like cougars to yours truly.

But heck, if it gets them in MY lair, then it's flattering enough.

"Buzzards"or "vultures" readily come to mind in the opposite scenario that you describe. What would you call them? Inquiring pugs want to know!

And - aw shucks - thanks! XOXO right back at ya.

***

Enemy - (Damn you, /t.! You made Enemy LOL AGAIN! What IS it with you two? Get a room!)

Allow me to borrow from Jack Nicholson as the Joker: "Ah ... Beauty and the Beast. But if anyone ELSE calls you Beast, I'll rip their lungs out."

If Empress Katherine REALLY did do "those" things, then indeed she WAS Great. Sure would be a tough act to follow, though, if I was scheduled to entertain her the very next evening.

And yes, I DID see The Golden Compass. Of course, I was more interested in monkey business with Nicole Kidman.

***

Mighty D - Welcome back, buddy. I KNEW my cougar post would bring the Prodigal Clown back to the zoo.

Party Girl said...

meeee-yow!

dianne said...

Puggles darling,were you intoxicated, what have you been smoking, has someone given you any doggie treats that contain little green herbs?
Even in the throws of passion didn't you realise that you were with a cougar not a human female! She might have been purring but couldn't you tell the difference between post coital pleasure and her contemplating you as dinner? That journey would have definitely been your last! ;)
Nice pussy eh /t.! Lol Puggles,love the comment about Zsa Zsa & Jane Fonda!! xoxoxox

Serena Joy said...

Oh, lookie, lookie -- you DID write a new post. All I can say is look out -- and that I'm very glad I don't have to worry about being seduced by cougars. Otherwise, just ... look out. That's all.:-)

Little Lamb said...

Tigers are nice.

/t. said...

cathy
is HOT!

/t.

(enemy, too)

NYD said...

How lucky for you to be enveloped in rapture so deeply that even life loses it's value.

Fortunate Pug.

JMEPED said...

For some reason I don't think you could roll a cougar over and rub her belly, without her eating your face off that is. And what does constitute a cougar? As of late when I go out I feel so old. These cute little boys is all I can think...

And then my thoughts drift to pug laying next to the fireplace chewing on a squeaky toy...

limpy99 said...

Thank god, for a minute I thought you were sleeping with Madonna! Imagine my relief at learning you'd only been gnawed on by a mountain lion.

Pink said...

a pug AND a poet...must be lurv...
xx
pinks

puerileuwaite said...

Party Girl - My sentiment exactly.

***

Dianne - In this crazy world - even without intoxicants or hallucinogens - I'm not sure of anything anymore.

Yes, I went back and reread the "move the cat" blurb, and realized there was no mention that it was the legendary Johnny Carson from The Tonight Show. But perhaps that was easy enough to figure out.

***

Serena - I would pay good* money (* as opposed to the other kind that I carry) to see that, and even more to serve as a "buffer" between the two of you.

***

Little Lamb - Maybe in our case, I could be the tiger. Then we can play our own game of "Lady, er, Lamby or the Tiger".

***

/t. - LOL at that comment! There, I said it BEFORE one of your shills could.

***

NYD - Oh, I don't think life has lost its value. I simply believe that it's a "buyer's market" right now. In my case, I just hope I don't have to cover for a "margin call" anytime soon.

***

Jmeped - Most mornings, I'm happy if I can roll a cougar over just to free up my arm and escape the room!

Maybe you shouldn't go out then. I'll dress up like Angus Young from AC/DC and cater to your predatory needs.

(p.s. - was the "squeaky toy" a metaphor, or an actual squeaky toy?)

***

Limpy - No. HELL no. I wanted this story to be more "Twilight Zone" than "Tales from the Crypt". So it had to be Madonna-free.

Besides, the only reason for my "initial" interest in Kabbalah is that I thought it was the religion from The Flintstones.

***

Pink - I also paint and sculpt. I don't like to admit to everything I do, because it only encourages stalkers.

Little Lamb said...

Ok, you sure would make a cute tiger.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - That's what they told me leading up to last Halloween. But then everyone at the bar kept teasing me, calling me "Bob Cat", and worse. So I "sprayed" their barstools.

Little Lamb said...

How about I promise not to call you BobCat? How about Pug Cat instead?

JMEPED said...

It was an actual toy. If it were a metaphor I don't like "chewing"

Serena Joy said...

Well, okay then. I guess. Geez, the sacrifices I make for you.:)

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - No can do, little lamby. That would damage my "street cred". Let's call ourselves The Love Cats. Then we'll take "The Love Cats" by The Cure (a band I'm sure we are both familiar with) and inflict it on - oops - I mean, play it for others constantly.

***

Jmeped - Congratulations. You passed the "test". I'm not into that either, so whew(!), THAT'S a relief.

***

Serena - Love shouldn't be about sacrifices. At least, not at first. That comes later. I think I read that somewhere (it could have been in a "Cathy" comic strip ... but it could also have been from "Love Is ...").

Serena Joy said...

Puggy, have you been sneaking out to the Oprah Book of the Month Club again?:)

Sassy Blondie said...

Pugsley, I think I would call such a man an ass. I don't know, it's just all so cliche'....although I was with a man 20 yrs older than I for quite a few years. Hmm...maybe I want to be a cougar after all...

A thinking man's post, eh?

cathy said...

You probably need to see a doctor about those red circles, you can pock up some nasty germs using your parts incorrectly!

look what I found...

http://www.hasbro.com/littlestpetshop/default.cfm?page=Products/Detail&product_id=22097

A little pug with it's own toy poo!

Little Lamb said...

Oh all right.

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - No. I refuse to have anything to do with Oprah, since she won't return my calls. Plus, reading is way too much of a commitment for this ADD-challenged "go on the go" Pug.

So I get my advice from Ann Landers (who still speaks to me from The Great Beyond), and comic strips that poke fun at relationships.

***

Sassy - Lady, that's just what I wanted to hear. I'm ready to trade in my skateboard for the experienced love of an older woman. Hopefully this will mean less injuries, but I'll keep my helmet and pads on, just to be safe.

***

Cathy - Don't I know it. I've already had Lady Bird Flu and the Hunt-a virus, and that was just from ONE of my female readers. Blogging ought to come with a health warning.

Oh, and that's a fine-looking poo. It serves as a reminder that we should all maintain enough fiber in our diets, no matter how decadent our lifestyles.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - And we have to dress in matching black jeans, turtle necks, and berets.

Little Lamb said...

We'll look tough. They'll have to watch out for us.

or we could be the laughing stock of everything. Lambs and pugs are cuddly. Or at least they look cuddly.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Pug, I am surprised at you. First, you write about this cougar business. Then you lambast /t. and me because he makes me LOL. THEN you write: Get a room. A room!? Excuse me, but if you admire Katherine the Greak and monkey business with Nicole. Don't animals do it out in the open field, jungle and all that? Are you putting human limitations on us? You really are an inhibited part of American culture--you think about the animals but it is male/female missionary behind locked doors. Hey, I'm just pointing this out for your own good. Find the inner beast within.
Come to the Dark Side--we have cookies.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - I'm not out to make an impression on anybody. I want us to just "be".

***

Enemy - Hey! First of all, I'd go ANYWHERE with you! I'm crazy about the Virgin of Cruelty.

Okay, since you called me out for my inconsistencies, please let me explain ...

I am jealous of your admiration for /t. Let face it: the man could write a comment about running repeatedly over Muffin, and you would LOL.

And the reason I wrote "get a room" is because it would break my heart to see you both out in the open, and it would offend my (and many others', I'm sure) sensibilities for /t. in particular to be seen out in the open (Great. Now /t. is going to be gunning for me, after writing that confession).

I know that I am unworthy of your love and /t.'s admiration, until I can work past this. But there is hope. I watch Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS whenever possible (as I am too cheap to actually purchase his materials), so perhaps I shall turn that corner soon into the corridor of universal acceptance.

dianne said...

Puggles dearest, you will always be worthy of my love. <3
How are your wounds, I hope they are healing; have you had your 'shots'?
Wouldn't want you to contract feline enteritis from that beastly pussy! :)

Enemy of the Republic said...

Okay, Pug. That is better. I understand.

However, I would not LOL at /t. if he ran over Muffin or my new kitty, Artemis. There are limits.

puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - Well you have already made my morning!! <3 back! This is way better than the conditional love that I've been offered in the past. I just don't understand why romance should ever be incentive based.

Thank you. I am healing nicely, with only occasional swelling in the usual location. Fortunately I did recently have my 3-year rabies and 2-year distemper parvo shots recently, so I am good to go.

The only concern is I was also micro-chipped during that visit, so no matter where I go, there seems to be an unmarked, black U.N. helicopter following me. There might be a cougar in it ... there's just no telling for sure.

I'd prefer to stay and chit-chat further, but I'm off to look up "enteritis" in the dictionary, to see if penicillin also works on that.

puerileuwaite said...

Enemy - Oh, that's right. You had mentioned a new kitty. Was he named after Artemis Gordon, who was Jim West's sidekick in "Wild, Wild West"? Because that would be cool!

Maybe you should pretend that /t. is writing about running over Muffin or Artemis every time he leaves a comment. That way you can maintain perspective.

dianne said...

Pugsley darling, I would never impose conditions on you my love, you are my free spirit. <3
I'm so pleased to hear that you are healing, I do hope that occasional swelling isn't causing you too much distress? :) xoxox
Why would a UN helicopter be chasing you my dear, do you think that microchip may be some kind of tracking device, this might be a hallucination from something that cougar slipped into your martini or maybe your having flashbacks to your previous post...
If the UN is chasing after anyone it should be Bjorn from ABBA for wearing that ridiculous outfit!!

Corn Dog said...

Hey. You are a Pug! Quit fooling around with these cougars or you are gonna pay the price. An out of date car!

puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - I like the way you think, lady! This budding relationship of ours just may be crazy enough to work. Not that I consider it work at all, mind you ... perhaps that part comes later.

And no worries on the swelling. If I lay down long enough, it practically goes away on its own!

Concerning the helicopter, my insider knowledge of UFOs makes me a target, I'm afraid. But now that you mention it, I do suspect a cougar of slipping something in my martini. This could explain why I was so willing to take her back to my place (and also why I kept having alternating flashbacks of a women's garden party and a Communist Chinese mind programming demonstration).

So you DON'T like Bjorn's outfit? Crap. Looks like this Pug needs to do some shopping then.

***

Corn Dog - Don't I know it. I had a friend who tangled with BOTH types of cougars over the course of a summer. Both times he ended up with scratch marks, AND wound up leaving a bicycle behind!

boneman said...

yeah....there was a lack of blood, alright.
After.
So, young Pug hits some golden!
Dang!
First couple of times I read this, I thought you were talking up that Cougar you bought.
Now I realize that, a few wines later, the woman had her way with you.
I can almost see you, snortin' and busy tail a waggin"....
That noise pugs make, that hgck hgck hgck hgck .
Probably drooling over her before she woke up, too, weren'tcha?
hgck hgck hgck hgck hgck....

Pug, I just now realize I've been remiss in what should be done.
Plus, Gni Gni was giving me 89 chee double hockey sticks for not getting you a button so....
I'm putting one there.
I'll put a dogbone down there, too.

dianne said...

Pugsley my dearest, this budding relationship of ours just might work and believe me there would be no work involved. ;)
I think Ms Cougar must have drugged you my sweet, that would explain those flashbacks you are having.
No I really dont like Bjorn's outfit and being the gentlepug,debonair dog about town that you are, I have always imagined you in a tuxedo whilst out schmoozing with the social set, silk pajamas in your leisure time and something smart & casual whilst relaxing by the pool! xoxox :)

Little Lamb said...

You even have Dianne in your grip now. You are one special pug to us all.

dianne said...

Lil Lamb you dont mind Puggles giving me a little of his affection do you? I know you two are an item but I'm not claiming him exclusively for myself,I just want a little bit of him ;he has many women in his life & I'm sure he has enough love for us all. I find him adorable and those big brown eyes are irresistible! :)

Little Lamb said...

Dianne, No. Pug belongs to none of us, he belongs to all of us.

boneman said...

not me....

I don't even own the dogs I have at home.
Pug!
At the art blog, there's a guy called walking man?
You'll like what he wrote.
No, I didn't post it. His name's on the sidebar, walking man
and, like i said....there's a bone there by your name, too.

puerileuwaite said...

Boneman - Women ALWAYS seem to have their way with me. Must be my good-hearted nature and puppyish good looks. They don't even appear to mind the noise and tail-wagging that you speak of. Thanks for the link, buddy.

***

Dianne- Enough! You had me at "no work involved"! And wow, do you have my number! That's me: silk pajamas, smart and casual pool wear* (* from the Captain Nemo Collection!), and the occasional tux.

I'm just a wee bit more careful these days when it comes to tuxedos. For instance, no longer do I rent them from shops next to funeral homes. You'd be shocked at the actual clientele for those unscrupulous merchants.

***

Lamby - It must be my "Kung Fu Grip". I've been perfecting it. Or is it me that is being gripped? Some days, I just don't know.

***

Dianne - I try to spread affection in every direction. But I'm careful about avoiding infection. Or insurrection, for that matter. I'm like a dandelion, that way.

I am very fond of Lamby, but I'm not sure we're an "item", per se. Sure, we did go on that Disney cruise during hurricane season. And there was the Fleishman bat mitzvah, gambling jaunt to Vegas, and the UFO Festival in Roswell. But she is naturally absorbant, and soaked me right into taking her on those soirees.

A concern I have is that I was listening to Air Supply the other day (no, that's not THE concern ... although it is A concern), and I'm worrying that I may be all out of love. So maybe I do need to start rationing it out via some sort of timeshare approach. That way, everyone pitches in for the upkeep.

***

Lamby - Now I'm getting scared, because you reminded me that Secretary of War Edwin Stanton said something similar about Lincoln, AFTER he was shot.

On a less scary but equally worrisome note, you also reminded me of a time in my reckless puppy days, where two females were interested in me (they were drinking, so yes, it did happen). I didn't wind up with either of them. What a gyp! I just don't want that to happen here.

***

Boneman - Whew. That's a relief! It's a full-time job just trying to keep track of female blogger claims, and which ones may own guns.

Sassy Blondie said...

Pugsley- I'm the gun owner, precious. Remember that.

puerileuwaite said...

Sassy - That's good news. Finally, a woman who carries protection. You can use it to protect me from all of the (other) nuts out there. I knew there was at least one reason - perhaps more than one - why I feel safe with you.

dianne said...

Yes Pugsley my dearest stay away from those rented tuxedo's,you just dont know who has been wearing them. I dont think I've ever seen 'The Captain Nemo' collection maybe on StarTrek, though I dont think Leonard Nimoy would be a good endorsement for any aspiring designers clothing.He might be a good advertisement for the suits you were referring to before, a suit to see your loved one on the way to the after life, Spock's complexion or lack of would be a good ad for that too.
I was thinking more Ralph Lauren or Calvin Klein,for you my sweet.
So you're all out of love, but I'm no good without you, so save a little time for me, OK dearest? :)xx

dianne said...

Oops! Maybe someone has drugged me or I'm all overcome by your many charms my sweet...you were referring to the Captain Nemo collection as in Jules Verne's 'Twenty thousand Leagues'. Maybe I'm suffering from 'Manchurian Syndrome' as well, that would explain why I keep walking into large bodies of water. I think I'll have to go and lay down for a while my love until I recover. :) xoxoxo

GirlGoyle said...

It's not about the curves and the slinky dress. Cougars are attractive for their confidence and maturity. It's a meeting of the minds....right??

NYD said...

Hey, Mr. Pug. the last couple of times I have visited this place The first thing I am presented with is a picture of a large hairy pussy.

Now, while the pussy is quite beautiful and I have wondered what it would be like to stroke it. I feel that Enough is enough. It is time to delight us with some other tale that titilates vicariously.

Truly yours,
NYD

cyberhostage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - I wouldn't be caught dead in a rented tux. At least, not voluntarily. Oh, and good news: turns out I was simply "lost in love", after zigging when I should have been zagging. So it appears I have plenty of "love in store", after all.

And just remember: only the first scenario is prosecutable. If you were taken in by my charms, then it falls under "caveat emptor". The Pug knows his law.

Laying down is a good idea. It's how I like to recharge the stack of AAA's, so to speak. Hey, I have a thought: that's an activity we can do together! I just need 14-hours, change flights twice, and a rental tux, er, car, to get at, - oops - I mean to you.

***

NYD - You're right. Not only is it tough for me to admit you're right; it's even tougher for me to admit YOU'RE right.

And so - sometime in the next 2-days - there "should" be another post humbly submitted for your approval.

Crap. Now I have to figure out what it should be. This pace is killing me.

dianne said...

'Lost in love',Pugsley my sweet that sounds like a nice state to be in, happy to hear that you still have lots of love to give. <3

AAA's!You did mean re- charging your batteries didn't you my love,great idea, yes we could do that together, but please tell me you aren't battery operated?!?

Yes I was overcome by your charms but what mere female could resist them, as for "caveat emptor" (buyer beware) I dont have to pay for your love do I?I was hoping you would give it freely my sweet. :)

Good luck with your new post precious...seems like some of your fans are ready to move on to a new subject...well you take your time,no pressure, dont they realise that the creative process & genius has to flow? <3 :)

NYD said...

On second thought, I don't really want to just get rid of a purrrfectly pleasent pussy.

Let's just keep things as they are and fool around behind the scenes.

dianne said...

NYD, were you talking to me, the cougar or Puggles? :)

/t. said...

dianne,

with nyd
we believe that
it may be all of the above

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

dianne said...

Thanks for that /t. Lol...now that could be referred to as a 'foursome', think I'll pass on that one, yes definitely! :)

¤ ¤ ¤

puerileuwaite said...

NYD - Funny you should mention it, because I may need a one-to-several day "stay of execution" in getting that exciting new post out.

***

Dianne - Let us pray: "Lord, please let it NOT be me."

***

/t. - THAT is what I was afraid of.

***

Dianne - The ONLY way I want it to be a foursome is if you're a Gemini too.

Wait. I recall from your profile that you're a Scorpio. Okay, in that case, I will allow you to invite one cute girlfriend.

dianne said...

No Puggles my sweet you weren't being excluded but I'm not going to share you with any of my friends either...you and I is just fine...any more is a crowd! <3 xoxox

NYD said...

I was actually talking about the feline, but now I'm thinking that we could turn this into an Blorgy.

JMEPED said...

By now this cougar has already pooped you out and has moved on to the neighbors pug...

puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - I'm sure you may be more for me to handle anyway. Perhaps it's for the best.

***

NYD - You just may be my long-lost brother, Racer-X.

***

Jmeped - You have a way with words. I didn't realize just how much I've missed you and your "Cut the Crap" attitude.

The Cougar said...

YUMMY! Thanks for the post.

The Cougar
http://www.thecougarisin.com

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