Thursday, January 22, 2009

Special Announcement!

Hi everybody,

Wow! I forgot how easy it is to create a NEW post! You simply TYPE as you transcribe at least ONE of the voices in your head! It's THAT easy!

Okay. I've calmed down a bit. I thought I'd interrupt my "regular" schedule of "Resolutions for Others" to make a SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

I'm all riled up again! Sorry! Please forgive me, assuming you can search somewhere in those cold black hearts of yours to locate that gesture! Sorry again! That was totally uncalled for in the majority of cases!

Okay. Without further ado, I would like to announce ...

THE FIRST ANNUAL PUGLYPALOOSA!!!

That's right! My VERY OWN festival!

Let's take some of the inevitable questions in advance:

"Will human sacrifice be involved? Because I have a list handy." - GirlGoyle a.k.a. Ed

"Won't this just be a cheesy recreation of 'Lambypaloosa'? Been there, done that. No pullin' the wool over these eyes a second time. BTW, I need my skirt back." - Jin

"Can I go topless in the crowd? Otherwise I may have other obligations." - Serena

"I see you have finally sold out. I KNEW this would happen with liberals now in charge." - Sparring K9

"The current Canadian-to-U.S. dollar exchange rate is 1.2578 : 1. If you're going to do this please hurry so I can attend." - /t.

"This may just be the ticket to me visiting your stupid blog again. Will it be good for once? Will there be booze? Please answer the 2nd question first." - Party Girl

"Not if there's nudity." - Pud

"Will it be tasteful and embrace everyone in the spirit of friendship and tolerance? Also, will there be a Nachos Tent?" - Dianne

"Is there any possibility that it will consist of huge crowds with people packed like sardines; sandals and mopeds serving as the only sources of transportation? Plus will it smell of squid? I like to feel at home. Plus, any chance of fisticuffs? It's been a while ..." - NYD

"Your festival sucks. I will NOT be attending. Oh wait. This is supposed to be a question. Unlike some of the other dumbasses, I shall comply. Okay here goes: will anyone at the festival NOT be gay?" - Mighty Dyckerson

"As I write this, I am unsure of what /t.'s question will be. But I am certain it will have me LOL at /t." - Enemy

"ANYTHING to escape this LIVING ABSOLUTE HELLHOLE of a small town I am trapped in. Even it's your LIVING ABSOLUTE HELLHOLE of a festival. As long as it's not taking place here in the same LIVING ABSOLUTE HELLHOLE of a small town I am trapped in. It IS, isn't it? I KNEW it. F*ck." - Sassy

"I've never been to one of these things. There is a prayer service and a collection for the homeless, right?" - Lamby

"If it's a cross between "Burning Man" and "The Lottery", count me in." - Boneman

"Will I have unrestricted access as "Official Photographer"? I don't want to lead you on, but there is always the chance I could become the Linda Eastman to your Paul McCartney." - Foam

"I have extra curtain fabric from my kids' "basement oasis" project. I can provide the curtains to hide the shame of the rampant fornication that's sure to take place from the opening act onwards." - Helene a.k.a. Kate

"Sex AND drugs AND Rock'n'Roll? I am SO there!" - Leelee

"Don't have public showers where men can bathe together. Trust me on this." - Cathy

"Sex at your event is one thing I haven't crossed off of my list! See you there!" - RevRee

"I've heard that your event will make the film "Midnight Express" seem like the Disney version of a Turkish prison, only with poorer quality hashish." - Bespelled

"Your blog may have "jumped the shark" with this promotion. Unless you actually have a "Pug Jumps the Shark" event. Then it would be SO cool!" - Anonymous from California


I will field more of your questions in the comments section (pics to be added BTW). I hope to see all of you real soon at THE FIRST ANNUAL PUGLYPALOOSA!!!

.

69 comments:

/t. said...

ha hah
aha ha haha
hah ah ha aha ha ha
haha aha ha haha ah hah haha
ha hah aha hah ah ha ha haha ha haha

good one, pug -- you have so nailed your blog readers (except me) -- what a bunch of losers (except enemy)

hah aha haha ha ah hah ha ha haha ha ha ha hah aha ha haha hah ah ha aha ha ha haha aha ha haha ah hah haha ha hah aha hah ah ha ha haha ha haha ha ha ha!

/t.

foam said...

okay ..

hehehe ..
...
need to finish chuckling before i can comment further ..
hehehe..

you are a witty dawg ..

foam said...

oh wait ..
i've come back ..
/t. needs to consider himself knocked upside the head with my stick that reaches far and wide ..
never figured i'd point it his way ..
lol ..
:)

Little Lamb said...

What oh what will happen?

When oh when will it be?

Can I have the money we collect for the homeless? I could use it more than them.

Serena said...

Nudity, human sacrifice, sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll, you say? I wouldn't miss it for the world, dawg!

K9 said...

heres hoping the sell out has a sellout.

NYD said...

OK, You win. I like squid, but for the record I don't ever travel by moped. If you want me at the party there has to be pizza, onion rings and cheap American beer. I'm sick of sushi!

Bespelled said...

let's make it perfect! (i.e. let me take care of the hashish)

Enemy of the Republic said...

Of course I will LOL at whatever it says--it's my moral duty, plus he's funny. Why can't I give credit where it is due? Face it, Pug, you are jealous.

Why oh why must it be this way?

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Actually I sincerely LIKE my blog readers and continue to be grateful for their patronage and friendship.

I just thought it would be fun to attempt to look back at myself through their peepers (via "beer goggles", I'm sure, in some cases).

***

Foam - Thanks! In /t.'s case you may want to consider a hockey stick, being that he IS from The Land of Gretzky".

***

Lamby - For shame! I never figured you for diverting funds from the needy without yours truly talking you into it first. Looks like I need to add an exorcism to "Puglypaloosa".

***

Serena - Good thing I purposely neglected to mention the "Arts and Crafts Tent" then. That could have been the deal breaker.

***

K9 - Thanks! And if your band is ready for your first gig by then, I'd like to have you open for Zamfir on the Main Stage.

***

NYD - Done. Pizza will be provided by Little Ceasar's, as it is the closest brand matching my own likeness and personality.

Ditto for the onion rings, as I plan to use some with my groupies in an interesting twist on the "bobbing for apples" game.

Finally, there will be plenty of Papst Yellow Ribbon* beer on hand (Yellow Ribbon is the stuff their line inspectors reject due to health / quality concerns).

***

Bespelled - Looks like we have our "Grand Marshall". Congratulations! But now you have me wondering if we shouldn't make this a MONTHLY event.

***

Enemy - Consider me busted. Curse his wicked sense of humor and classic Canadian good looks!

K9 said...

grrherhahahaha no i want to open for boxcar willie

/t. said...

oh dear...

i see my typo now --
"losers", NO -- i meant "hosers"

a canadian term of endearment...

also, thank goodness for low standards...

<3s to enemy ;)

and finally, it's a VERY funny post, pug -- one of your best -- really

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

K9 - Sorry. Due to the limited supply of hashish that will be available, I could not include Boxcar Willie (or any other Blues [and especially not Jazz] artists) this time around.

***

/t. - It's an honest mistake. I'm sure it happens all the time with this crowd. Thanks for the correction and the praise.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, I never said I was perfect. Even lambs get tempted. Why don't we take the money and run?

dianne said...

Its and great idea Puggles my sweet,you are the dawg, the whole gang will be there. ♥

Dont know if I will be tolerant as I'm going to give /t. a good whack on the head when I see him. :-)

Nachos? With guacamole dip? Wouldn't you prefer something a little more exotic?

Doesn't quite go with the topless theme and the sex, drugs and rock and roll. ♥

K9 said...

hash gives me a headache. how about some red hots? starburst? lemonheads!

dianne said...

Puggles my sweet, your little grasshopper has been sent here by the 'wise one' /t.
I am seeking illumination and would like to ask you what is the connection between you,/t.'s blog, your transporter? and Geena Davis?
This is something which I have been pondering and am seeking an answer from you, the source. ♥

GirlGoyle said...

For a second I thought you were gonna announce you had finally found a cute Miss Pug. And then I read the rest and...though funny I'm beginning to wonder if you perceive me as a bitter goyle. Though...I am now interested in knowing....can I bring my list to the party?? Can I???

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Perfect? You may be closer than you think! You continue to tempt and surprise. And now you appeal to my fondness for Steve Miller tunes (as well).

***

Dianne - Maybe it is simply /t. surrendering to the mob mentality. We must remember that Canada affords much needed space, while Puglypaloosa does not. So let's go easy on him and make sure he stays hydrated.

Me? My preference is a Gyros stand or perhaps some exotic skewered items. Unless we're talking about females. In that case they can be domestic or exotic, as long as I can talk them into exotic activities.

***

K9 - To be honest, this clean-livin' Pug is SO out of the loop with the new drugs these days, that I don't know what they're called. So bring whatever you're into.

***

Dianne - The "transporter" and Geena Davis were fixtures in the 1986 horror film "The Fly" (which was a remake of an earlier black and white classic).

The premise is that a common housefly gets into the transporter* (* which, as the name implies, transports matter from one place to another) with the inventor; and their DNA becomes hopelessly mixed.

In MY version, it's /t.'s blog that sneaks into the transporter with me as I get distracted by 1986 vintage Geena Davis; hopelessly scrambling OUR DNA. Oh, the humanity!

***

Girlgoyle - Who knows? Maybe "THAT" is one of goals of Puglypaloosa. So as long as you bring YOUR cute tushie to the party, your list is certainly welcome as well.

K9 said...

lemme tellya jeff goldblum is already sketchy boyfriend material - but once he sported that one big stiff fly hair on his back id be like,,,,,, cee ya!! later, bug. that was one gross movie.

dianne said...

Puggles my sweet, I have never seen the movie but I can understand any healthy young Pug wanting to get his DNA hopelessly mixed with that of the beautiful Geena Davis.
She is my heroine, she kicked arse in 'The Long Kiss Goodnight" and also 'Cutthroat Island'. ♥

K9 said...

yeah, the long kiss good night is a great movie. loved it.

leelee said...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHEN?

WHERE?

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRTYYYYYYYYY

TOGA!TOGA!TOGA!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hugs!

Sassy Blondie said...

Ok, ok...I hear what you are saying! I'm complaining too much about Mayberry...that ABSOLUTE HELLHOLE of a small town where I am imprisoned.

But if there's beer and Pugs, count me in! XOXO

puerileuwaite said...

K9 - Raise your paw if you were rootin' for him to get eaten in Jurassic Park.

***

Dianne - Hopelessly? No. Temporarily (with 1980's vintage Geena Davis)? Arggghhh! [that means yes in MY version of Piratespeak] ).

***

K9 - Based on yours and Dianne's recommendations, I shall put in on my list to watch again (don't remember it).

***

Leelee - As soon as I land the necessary "undisclosed location". This Pug is NOT into permits and dealing with "The Man".

***

Sassy - No, actually in YOUR case, it's funny material! This is why it's SO important that I never interfere. Your art would suffer if I did. So keep on keepin' on with the yokels. Just keep your clothes on and maintain the 3-foot rule.

Except of course when around beer and pugs.

foam said...

is it time to party now?
i could stand a party ..

/t. said...

foam
is looking
mighty tall & cool today

foamy, too

/t.

/t. said...

foam
is looking
mighty tall & cool today

foamy, too

/t.

leelee said...

hold up.../t did you call me a loser?????

HRMPHF!

/t. said...

a typo

i meant "hoser"

a canadian term of endearment,
dear leelee

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

foam said...

excuuuuuuse me /t.
if anybody's the hoser around here, it's YOU .. :P

dianne said...

Where are you Puggles my sweet?
I hope no-one has abducted you and I hope you haven't been playing in that 'transporter' again, you never know whose DNA yours will get mixed up with. Oh horror Jeff Goldblum might still be hanging about. ♥

Don't forget to watch 'The Long Kiss Goodnight', its a great action movie and they're the kind of kisses I like best. ♥♥

gautami tripathy said...

Are we still friends?!

*grin*

boneman said...

well, I still ain't won the lottery, and I'm way too nice to burn folks, but, heck yeah! Where the party is I will wish I was, too!

puerileuwaite said...

Foamy - It IS getting close to party time! Thanks for asking.

***

/t. - Foam always had a nice head on her shoulders.

***

Leelee - Canadians are way too polite for that. And I'm going to assume /t. is from there, and NOT an Artful Draft Dodger.

***

/t. - Well that is totally different then.

***

Foam - Maybe we're ALL hosers (including /t.), and perhaps that is the point he was attempting to make.

***

Dianne - I've been working like a dog. Somebody should write a tune about it. I haven't even had the time to intermingle my DNA.

Rest assured that movie is still on this canine's "must see" list, although it's been some time since I've been able to watch anything for more than 15-minutes.

***

Gautami - Of course! And I am glad for your visit, and will reciprocate when I can. I've simply had to scale back my blogging quite a bit. And of course my regular buds get preferential treatment.

***

Boneman - Glad to have you aboard. We'll forgo the Burning Man activities then. Ditto for stoning anyone in order to ensure a bountiful harvest. This should allow me to budget for less medical staff (none).

Helene (the Artist Formerly Known as Kate) said...

lol
do I need to rsvp?

Wait.. was I even invited?

cathy said...

Where's the beer tent... wait better check out the bathroom facilities before we start swilling.Sorry I'm late.

puerileuwaite said...

Helene - Of COURSE you are invited. I need SOMEONE to serve as Corporate Relations Director. And trust me: there's a LOT of CEOs we plan on bending over and having relations with.

***

Cathy - Sorry. Due to the current economic crisis, it was EITHER bathroom facilities OR a beer tent. Not both. Tough times call for being able to "hold our own".

K9 said...

what the hell? did you go to the real burning man? expatriated yourself to a less socialist country? pugs gone wild in panama city beach? whar o whar are yew tonight; whay did yew leave me heeere all aloneeeeeee?

puerileuwaite said...

K9 - You are not alone. I will stay with you*. (* However, NOT in the "creepy" manner that Michael Jackson did with Lisa Marie Presley in that decrepit "sham relationship exploitation" video from the early 90's. Unless of course, you happen to be into that.)

dianne said...

Happy Valentines Day Puggles my sweet. <3 ♥

ANNA-LYS said...

(¯`v´¯)
`•.¸.•´
¸.•´
( ¸¸.* Anna-Lys

Helene (the Artist Formerly Known as Kate) said...

Happy VD my Pugalicious friend! Hope you are having a good weekend!

boneman said...

and so...you're going to make a post annually?

boneman said...

....by the way, where is the party?

I don't think the invitations have come in the mail with the directions, yet....

foam said...

...ho well .. no partay ... ?

foam shuffles off muttering ...

...why oh why must it be this way...?

Little Lamb said...

Have I missed THE FIRST ANNUAL PUGLYPALOOSA!!!?

I'd like to attend to see what its all about.

puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - Same to you, sweetheart! XO

However, as the seemingly immortal Sir Paul McCartney once sang, it's just "Another Day"* (* not necessarily true, but that tune IS lodged in my iPod so I had to acknowledge its presence).

Truth be told, I'm such a romantic anarchist, EVERY day is Valentine's Day for this Pug (so where's my candy, people?!).

***

Anna-Lys - Hello! I think of you every time I listen to ABBA and/
or Ace of Base. Which - perhaps NOT surprisingly - is way more often than one would suspect!
<3

***

Helene - Actually the weekend was just like my typical driving experience:
one big blur. But it IS all good.

***

Boneman - It sure seems that way, unfortunately. Not on purpose though. If anything, I'd been hoping to post MORE frequently this year. I have ideas stacking up that I just haven't been able to get to. Stay tuned ...

The party will be here. I've just had the entire blog de-fumigated! (Maybe I shouldn't have set out the appetizers first ... oh well, maybe no one will notice.

***

Foam - The parTAY is STILL ON! It's just over due and over budget. So I've been working like a ... well, you know ... to pay for it (Rohypnol is NOT cheap!).

***

Lamby - Years from now, if you are able to tell people that you actually remember "The First Annual Puglypaloosa", it means you weren't there. So you are on the right track!

***

NEW POST: THIS WEEK (maybe)! Thanks for your patience!

limpy99 said...

Will there be Vaseline?

What? I'm asking for a friend.

dianne said...

Puggles my sweet, thank you for your wise words today I did appreciate them.
I wont post anything like that again, it was far too personal but I was really hurting last night.
And I wouldn't do what I said, I would never go with anyone unless I knew them and had an emotional connection.
My life is complicated enough without adding any more problems.
Thanks again. ♥

foam said...

tomorrows ash wednesday ..
but what the heck ..
i've attended some of the best parties during the lenten season ..

puerileuwaite said...

Limpy - No. Due to the type of crowd I am hoping to attract, I've chosen to sign an exclusive promotional deal with the "Trampoline" people as "The Official Lubricant of Puglypaloosa".

***

Dianne - You are very welcome. Glad you are in better spirits.

And speaking of better spirits, be sure to try the punch at Puglypaloosa. I'm trying out a new mix that doesn't cause blindness!

***

Foamy - Not to worry. There will be plenty of ash at Puglypaloosa, since I plan to burn incriminating evidence as we move along.

Helene (the Artist Formerly Known as Kate) said...

Its that time pug...
New post necessary!
I am going through withdrawal!

dianne said...

Hello my sweet, I just popped over to say Hi! ♡

boneman said...

moo

boneman said...

Thanks, Pug.

You know, I'm sure, that sometimes it seems the whole world suddenly finds folks' shoulders.
Well, it found me.
And I was feeling kind'a blue.
But then that silly-assed remark about wanting a hand-out....
geez, I'm still laughing!

If I ever catch up with you, a steak! A BIG FAT JUICY ol' STEAK!
All yours.
Not just the fat or the trimmings.

The Whole Danged Steak!

boneman said...

Strawberry flavored steak, if I can get that cow to stand still long enough!

Enemy of the Republic said...

Well, I see that you've been blogging as much as I have. In fact, I've done more and I had food poisoning AND pneumonia. What's your excuse?

/t. said...

LOL @ enemy!

/t.

limpy99 said...

This is the worst festival ever. I've been waiting for six weeks and they still won't open the gates.

I really have to pee.

K9 said...

thank you my fine friend. your appearance always cheers me up. i know you know how terrible it is. im going to the woods tomorrow where i can be quiet and just be.

Serena said...

Come on, Pugsley. Look at the date on this post. Are you gonna make us beg for the next one? What if I offered the nice puppy a whole bag of Pup-Peronis?

/t. said...

pug,

this post
is older than
woodstock... let's go

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

SPECIAL UPDATE: Everyone: thanks for all of your poking, prodding and encouragement (not so much the poking and prodding though). Barring any more delays, we shall be kicking off this festival of debauchery within the NEXT two days. Thanks again for your patience and loyalty.

Little Lamb said...

Promises, promises. We shall what happens. I was afraid I missed it.

boneman said...

Well, I'm patient, but, I'm old, so, sometimes y'gotta go when y'gotta go.

Mid all this mystery, you could always poke a picture on...
leaving fertilizer on the ground,
pissing on a tree,
just any ol' thing would be great.

Heck.
We're easy to entertain....

d=))

NYD said...

Are we to believe that you have actually decided to stop milking this post and will grace us with something fresh and steamy straight from the Pug???

foam said...

oh .. goody ..
i'm early for the late debauchery then ..
let's see ..
what to wear ..
what to wear ..
nah .. i'll just come as foamy ..

puerileuwaite said...

EXTRA SPECIAL UPDATE: I hope you are all SITTING DOWN. Why? Because a NEW post is just MOMENTS away!