Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Comeback Tour


Hey everybody!

What can I say? It's been one heck of a summer. Whew! Will you EVER find it in your hearts to forgive me? Will you ever find your hearts?

So many questions, I'm sure, abound from both sides of the table. Perhaps from underneath as well.

Let's start with one of mine: WHY the hell haven't some of you been posting? And don't tell me you didn't "have the time". Geez, people! You have to MAKE the time!

Okay, let me take a few of your questions.

Q: "Why haven't you posted all summer?"

A: That is not an easy question to answer, I'm afraid. For you see, it wasn't just ONE thing. There were many factors, such as ...



- Being distraught over Michael Jackson's death. As one of the "One Percenters", who openly supported "The Gloved One" BEFORE his demise, his passing hit me particularly hard. And the manner in which the details were quietly swept under the rug and completely ignored by the media (not so fast, CNN, I'm looking at you) was disgusting. After fullfilling my pledge to be one of his pallbearers (each of us wearing one glove each of course, with the other in reserve for O.J.'s funeral) and extricating myself from Janet's tight and pudgy grip, I went into seclusion.



- Finally "jostled awake" by post-election opinion backlash; forced to accept that it IS Obama - and not "W" - who is most responsible for the current economic situation, severe unemployment and the wars in the Middle East. And now he's going after our beloved health care system that some Americans, most Mexicans and all pharmaceutical companies rely upon almost exclusively for their well-being. Now I know how Charleton Heston felt when he discovered The Statue of Liberty was holding a torch instead of a rifle. It's just a matter of time until he finishes slicing through democracy and we are all reduced to lobotomized tan khaki jackbooted tree huggers. Or worse (Canadians). 8-years of getting it right, and NOW this? So then I descended into further seclusion.



- The shock of Sarah Palin's resignation as Governor of Alaska. This left a void in me, greater than any "Drill, baby, drill!" policy ever could (feel free to make all the insulting, dirty jokes at my - and Sarah's - expense that you want. We will simply have the last laugh by submitting those expenses for reimbursement out of the general budget). I could not, and cannot, bear the thought of my fantasy girl's departure from the public stage for what appears to be the very last time. So then I descended into even further seclusion.



- The cloud of suspicion I suddenly came under, in my ill-timed attempt to purchase tents and camping gear for "Puglypaloosa" just as the Antioch, California "11-year kidnapping" story was unfolding. Suddenly I couldn't visit the Berkely campus, R.E.I. store, bondage emporium or Jonas Brothers concert without my probation officer in tow. So as a result - you guessed it - I descended into yet even further seclusion.


( more to come ... please stay tuned! )


.

50 comments:

/t. said...

wait
a second...

what blog am i on?!?

Shweta Tiwari said...

it seems u r still in seclusion.
but m sorry for 'W' and Sarah..and sorry for u also.
hope u come out of this soon.
May god Bless you

Little Lamb said...

Hmmm, what do we have here?

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - When you find out, could you please tell me.

***

Shweta - Well the good news is they have me undergoing shock treatment along with steady doses of Drs. Laura and Phil. So hopefully I could emerge from my shell after any one of their commercial breaks.

***

Lamby - I dunno. I seem to recall someone in the distant past refer to it as "blogging", whatever the heck THAT means.

/t. said...

pug,

ok then
(sorry, buddy)
i went looking for blogger security
as it looked at first like someone who was actually alive had taken over your blog and posted something new -- i guess i kind of went into shock at the sight

but i understand now -- great piece, pug, and am looking forward to the next thrilling episode of your long-awaited comeback

happy trails, bud

/t.

foam said...

GASP! a pug post ...
plus a photo of the actual pug in his elvis outfit ..
foam faints away .....
(stay tuned or not ... )

foam said...

well, that was a quick recovery on my part ..
anyway ..
you look just as i had imagined ..

foam said...

all elvisey like ..

/t. said...

yep,
you look great
now that you've completed
your marie osmond-nutrisystem diet

/t.

K9 said...

lucky for you the heart is ABOVE your stomach so you may actually find it.

what? was there a planetary alignment? a preview of the 2012 societal evolution? the unified field of self-actualization? some chick dumped your ass? oh. its cause youre on obamas unemployment line. well good! you have time to blog.

i am thrilled, thrilled i tell you, to see this blog active again, but im worried that sarah palin is going to stretch your skirt out.

Little Lamb said...

You mean you actually have a blog?

dianne said...

What has happened to you Puggles my sweet?
Since when were you a fan of 'W' and Sarah Palin?
I know that you were disappointed when you weren't elected to the Presidency, at that time you were looking forward to having the beautiful K9 and Lamby as your ladies...what happended there?
Then you were hoping that President Obama would choose you as the Whithouse dog but that didnt happen, but hey don't give up on life...we all have disappointments honey but we just have to go on.
And gosh if thats the latest photo of you in your Elvis outfit there is no way you will be able to come and see me...I don't think they have safari suits at Banana Republic in that large size and besides you would be a health risk on the long flight here.
Damn it, pull yourself together and get out of that seclusion, I want my old Pug back. xo ♡

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Thanks. Though I sure hope Blogger Security isn't run by the same folks as America's Homeland Security.

***

Foam - As you can tell by the picture, the Pug is well insulated from slings, arrows and barbs.

But my suspicious mind suspects this is your way of distancing yourself from your true feelings so you're not caught in a trap.

***

/t. - Um, this is supposed to be the obligatory "before" picture.

However, yes, I do have faith that Marie will lead me to the promised land on at least 3-levels (religious, weight-wise and sexually* [* assuming the 1st 2-levels are previously attained]). Even though she's a little bit country, while I'm a little bit rock-n-roll.

I hopw this time is the real deal. Especially after my Anna Nicole Smith / Trimspa fiasco.

***

K9 - Also, lucky that yours truly is also above any stomach related insults.

And actually, Mars IS larger in the sky than usual, so I can resume posting while secure in the site of base camp.

Wait. Did you say "Unemployment Line"?! I thought this was the WELFARE line! Oh well. I plan on hitting both places anyhoo, before I mosey over to the E.R. to have this hangnail checked out.

Thanks! It's good to finally be back. But don't worry about Sarah. She promised to be a good "Tonsil Hockey Mom", and only drill below the crust in protected areas.

***

Lamby - Apparently I do. I wasn't sure what I would discover hiding underneath the tarps, but here it is; along with a few rat droppings, spider webs and termite colonies.

***

Dianne - Actually I wasn't a fan of either W or Palin. But I've learned that if you're surrounded by Zombies and Pod* People (note the "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" reference), it's safer to play along.

And no worries in the weight loss department, as I fully intend to turn in my watermelon and reclaim my banana* (* which is THE more useful fruit in the land down under).

K9 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Little Lamb said...

Maybe you and I should go out and have some ice cream and discuss this blog idea of yours.

boneman said...

HA!
He's BACK!
Dang! Forgot the dogbones!
I'll be back!

Helene said...

ah so you were in therapy then lol

well, I'm glad youre back... I think! hehehe No I am.. Yea, yea, I am!

PS I really cant decide which of the photos is the worse!!!!!

leelee said...

Every night before I fell asleep I sang "baby come back" and you did...finally! Now how to 'splain all that croonin' to Ricky! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


HUGS!

/t. said...

hey pug,
how goes it
with
the cornbread tower?

/t.

dianne said...

Thanks for coming over to see me my sweet, I have left a reply to your comment...I know you have a life to live but please don't stay away so long...it's nice to have you around. ♡

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Ice Cream? Well it certainly seems innocent enough. And yet ... I've heard the stories of other naive young pugs being taken in by this ruse, and then finding the inevitable compromising pictures all over the Internet. So I dunno. Could I get sprinkles?

puerileuwaite said...

Boneman - NO dogbones? WTF? Why I even bother infrequently, is beyond me. I need to go walkies to burn off some disappointment.

puerileuwaite said...

Helene - C'mon, like the therapy revelation was really a big shock. And speaking of big shocks, please ask no further about the therapy.

And just for your information, lady, it's a proven fact that the camera adds 50-lbs of bulk and 2-megapixels of pity to your typical celebrity pug.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Oops, that was SINGING? I thought you had a alarm installed to keep me away. This is too much like a bad sitcom episode. So much for really giving you some things to 'splain to Ricky :-(

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - A few pesky hobbits are doing their best to destroy the tower by dipping it in gravy. That'll teach me to forgo political correctness when it comes to the "little people".

puerileuwaite said...

Diane - Whew! You're telling me! The execs should consider basing a soap opera on my life. Each installment would have a new scandal along with the usual intrigue.

They could call it "One Life to Live, and One More to Repent". We could even work in a "Who shot the Pug?" plotline. Wait, on second thought it's a wee bit formulaic. Plus it gives people ideas.

Serena said...

Yeah, okay, I guess I can understand your state of mind with all that going on. Well, with the exception of W. And MJ. And Sarah. And OJ. And Obama. And the Bondage Emporium boondoggle. Sort of. The question now is, are you going back undercover and incognito until you finally get supplied for Puglypaloosa? Which will be when, exactly?:-)

K9 said...

megapixels of pity!?! cool turn of phrase there, puerile

i think we have a band name! im the drummer. what are you?

foam said...

who shot the pug? where can i sign up!
my paintball gun is ready ..

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Even I never can tell when I have to go back into hiding. I suppose it largely depends on whether Lamby has any vacation days left.

Concerning Puglypaloosa, it may have to wait until next summer. That should be sufficient time for backyard tent farms to regain public acceptance.

But there is NO reason why we can't have a mini "Winterfest" version. The Pug enjoys frothy brews and sweater meat. So maybe we'll do that.

***

K9 - I'll be the one who never shows up for practice, yet never drunkenly misses a gig. I haven't picked out an instrument yet, but I do have a few leads on female Japanese performance artists.

***

Foam - Uh oh. I wonder if they rent out the Popemobile. Would you at least TRY to aim above the equator, Lee Harvey?

chickory said...

in that case....

i think im turning japanese i think im turning japanese i really think so.....

i think im turning japanese i think im turning japanese i really think so.....

boneman said...

well then, first things first...
Here's a bone to gnaw on
(looks smaller than it really is, but just hold the binoculars backwards...)
then, there's a group who are trying to help with the health care stuff.
Concerned citizens who really want to help.

http://folksopinions.blogspot.com/

(it's the second post down.
Nevermind the cartoon page at the top of the posts...it's just there for the kiddies)

Woof woof woof woof woof. Bark bark

and catch y'later, big guy!

boneman said...

what d'ya mean, "what binoculars"?
HA!

d=))

Little Lamb said...

Yes, you can have sprinkles, as long as I can have chocolate.

puerileuwaite said...

Chickory - Your decision has made me one happy pug. Imagine the beautiful music we'll make together. So what if it alienates the other lads?

***

puerileuwaite said...

Boneman - I checked it out. My kinda blog, buddy! However, one of my readers apparently pulled the "black ring gag" on my binoculars. I spent the rest of the day performing errands, unaware I looked like Petey from The Little Rascals. The Pug is not amused, people.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - No problemo! I have plenty of rib-ticklin', slam-dunkin' vanilla and chocolate funk!

Little Lamb said...

Chocolate topping and sprinkles on our ice cream!

/t. said...

while
you wait,
o pure one,
but what, what,
what does it all mean?

- seeker

dianne said...

How are you Puggles my sweet, well I hope you are still my sweet, I hope you haven't given me 'the flick' as well...it's just that I haven't seen you in a while? ♡

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Sorry, but I recently lost my Euphemism Dictionary. So temporarily I have to assume you really mean "chocolate topping and sprinkles". I suppose I'm setting myself up for embarassment if it's something radically different. Which it probably is.

***

/t. - I based it on the concept of the "Photomat", where you could have your pictures developed while you wait. And since they have been out of business for decades, there has been quite a wait for many.

puerileuwaite said...

Diane - Yes, of course I still am! Pugs are very loyal that way. So for better or worse you are stuck with me. However, reality does tend to tug me away from blogland quite incessantly these days, hence the reason for my extended absences. But just like the flu, you can't keep me away forever.

K9 said...

still bloated, huh? have you tried tums?

puerileuwaite said...

Tums, you say? Well we all just may need some in order to stomach my next post ...

foam said...

next post? i'll check back around xmas .. :)

/t. said...

HAHA
AHA HA HA
HA HAH AHA HAHA
HAHA AHA HA HA AHA HAH
HA HAH AHA HA HA AHA HAHA AH HA AHA HAHA AHA HA HA AHA HA HA AH AHA HAH AHA HAHA AHA HA AH AHA HA HAH HAHA HA HA HAH AHA AHAH HA HAHA AHA HA HA AHA HAH AHA HA AHA HAH HA AHA AHAH AHA HA HA HA AHA HA HAHA AHAH HA HA

<3 2 foam

/t.

dianne said...

Pleased to hear that you are still 'my sweet' Pugsley, what would I do without you...
Sorry that reality and your life of intrigue keeps you away from blogging so much but still it's good to have a 'real' life.
Sometimes I feel like running away and never coming back...but then I would never hear from you. ♡

Helene said...

you are such a sensitive pooch... enjoy Larry King =p

xo

puerileuwaite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
puerileuwaite said...

Damn these typos! I REALLY need a competent proofreader. Here goes, AGAIN:

Foam - I don't recall asking Santa for "sarcasm". But maybe that's his way of giving me the shaft a la "Smilin' Bob sitting there dressed as Santa for his slutty female coworkers" in those Enzyte commercials.

It's a good thing I'm crazy about Germans. Especially the ladies.

Anyhoo, just to prove you wrong and just in time for Thanksgiving, I humbly submit my next post (check back later TODAY)!
Enjoy!

***

/t. - Too late. Foam has already professed her love for me on too many previous occasions to count on one paw.

***

Dianne - Aw shucks. It was nothing. Besides "flourish and prosper", I can only speculate on the other things you could do without me.

Never run away. You and your wonderful blog bring an element of class to this joint. Speaking only for myself, it makes me strive to always contemplate higher ideals. Without you and your blog, we would soon be reduced to eating Sterno right out of the can and viewing porn only on library computers.

So yes, you shall indeed continue to hear from me, unlike most of our fellow bloggers, who usually only hear from my attorney.

***

Helene - I knew I could count on you to see the diamond in the buff, er, rough. I try to hide my sensitivity because this crowd seems perpetually poised to exploit it. However I do find myself wondering if it may be time to remove a few conditions on my love, in order to see if some of our fellow bloggers are responsive to it in the right way for once.

***

Anyhoo, please look for a new post sometime today!