Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Great Pugsly


Gone is the romance
That was so divine
'Tis broken
And cannot be mended
You must go your way
And I must go mine
But now that our love dreams
Have ended


What'll I do
When you are far away
And I am blue?
What'll I do?


What'll I do
When I am wond'ring who
Is kissing you?
What'll I do?


What'll I do
With just a photograph
To tell my troubles to?
When I'm alone
With only dreams of you
That won't come true


What'll I do?


In my younger and more precociously vulnerable years, a renowned code poet gave me some advice that I've been struggling to decipher and possibly then consider, ever since. "When you feel like criticizing anyone," he told me, "remember that all the people in this world haven't had your advantages. For while you are multidimensional, they are all ones and zeros. Zeros, mostly."

He then went on to cite my good looks, wickedly witty sense of humor, charm (especially with the ladies) and convincing humility as just a few of those advantages.
Around that time, his scripting caused my browser to freeze, so in consequence I reserved all my judgement until offshore tech support purged the offending code.

It was by poor choice that blog vote predetermined I spend the summer on a slender and withering appendage known as Shlong Island. As a struggling Ponzi schemer, I could only afford to squat on that less fashionable side of the Discourtesy Bay known as Bad Egg.

While the filthy rich, and also the occasional Canadian expatriot  and Australian celebrity thrived and inflicted themselves on the more fashionable arm referred to as Fabergé Egg, I made do in a cottage where the only amenities were a Meth Lab left in haste by a previous tenant, and Lambonline dial-up Internet.

Only my neighbor, Pugsly, would be exempt from both Ponzi scheme and generic distain for other lifeforms. Pugsly, who represented everything for which I have an unaffected scorn. For Pugsly turned out all right in the end. It was what preyed on him, what foul dust floated in the wake of his posts.

At least twice a year, teams of warehouse club sample servers, amateurish writers, unabashed plagiarists, copyright infringers and under-the-table Teamsters would descend upon Pugsly's place to construct Puglypaloosa.

Like moths to a zapper, errant bloggers would wander into Pugsly's fragrant and enchanted garden; perhaps wondering why he chose not to "defoliate" per commonly accepted hygenic practice.

There was music from Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers through those summer nights among the trolling and the word verification and the stars. They started their quest for bondage involving animal costumes, and yet somehow ended up at Pugsly's blog; a simplicity of mind serving as its own ticket of admission.

 
(end of Part-1)
 
.

55 comments:

dianne said...

Oh my sweet, I'm not a celebrity, whatever gave you that idea?

I did not know that you lived on Schlong Island in a cottage where the only amenities were a meth lab.
I thought you lived in Casa de Pug and last time we spoke you were speaking of your renovations,and the wall to wall shelving you were installing. What went wrong? You had everything going for you, good looks, charm, humility, what happened to make you fall from grace?
That is a sad and very beautiful poem, I hope whoever you are missing is missing you, what a waste that you should be so sad and only left with a photograph.
Take care my sweet.

xoxoxo ♡

puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - The ill-fated shelving project turned me into a "Melan-Collie".

;-)

Actually, this is my "treatment" of "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Loathed in high school and embraced later on, "TGG" is a favorite. I'd been intending to place it in my mental blender along with "Reader's Digest" and "Mad" magazine and post the results for quite some time.

The 1975 film adaptation (starring Robert Redford and Mia Farrow) has been on television a lot lately; so that was my omen to "get crackin'" on MY version.

The lyrics at the start of my post are from "What'll I Do" by Irving Berlin (a tune used quite effectively in the aforementioned movie) - another favorite. Click on any of the words to launch the song (from the start of "TGG" on YouTube.

xoxox,
Pugsly

foam said...

since i'm uncharacteristically charitably inclined at the moment, i do sincerely hope that all your dreams come true .... and perhaps new dreams will come true too.
anyway, now that all that sentimental icky schtuff is out of the way ...



pugsley!! pugsley addams? is it really you? admit it! it's you .. and i would have never guessed.
but mentioning bondage was a dead give away. fondly do i also remember the guillotine building days, the poisons, the cigars ..... ....
sigh .. what a heartthrob you were in the day.

puerileuwaite said...

Foam - You can't fool me ... somewhere under that tough German perimeter defense is a softie. It just requires deft bomber handling skills to make it past the flak to the target.

However ... Pugsly ... ADDAMS?!?!

That is IT, lady. I'm going on a crash diet so never again will I be mistaken for a chubby sitcom character.

Wait.

I just reread your comment, and realize you are into that, so I am off to Sears for Pugsly Addams wear. I sure hope they have horizontally-striped t-shirts and Toughskins shorts left.

boneman said...

it was, as well as friendshio and pure wonder,
...the car.
Ah, what a ride!
Red blur on the black asphalt, chrome shimmering in the sun! From a cliifside, the Sun reflecting powerfully...and then,

zooooom! gone on down the road.
It's amazing.
Even a drawing or a patch could create such mental vibrations...
which reminds me.

As soon as I get a cell phone, I shall always have it in my pocket...always on vibrator...
and will tell everyone to call, call often, and let it ring as long as they wish.
(talk about vibrations)

puerileuwaite said...

Boneman - Usually for me at least, the mental vibrations indicate that the wheels are due for balancing. Also, the cell phone trick reminded me of the time I added Call Waiting because I wanted to see other people.

K9 said...

who will be the schlong island lolita to your joey pugafutto? you had an ill-fated shaving problem? the ladies want the brazillian, doofus, not the mamillian. or the collie.

Little Lamb said...

I like how you put our blogs in your post.

puerileuwaite said...

K9 - I would be honored if YOU were my Schlong Island Lolita. However you are way too kind: I am not nearly classy enough to pretend I'm Joey Pugafutto material.

But alas, the Brazillian, Mamillian and Collie are also out of my league. Here is what my menu contains (6-month notice required):

The Cousin It

The Fester Addams

The Wednesday Addams* ($$$, as it requires a trip to Trinidad, Colorado for the surgery)

The Gomez Addams

The John Adams (includes an election)

The Don Adams (includes a Cone of Silence)

Anyhoo, I missed you, gorgeous. Welcome back.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Thank you, Lambycakes. I am glad you like it. You are special to me, so I try to always sneak in some extra teasing along with the blog plugs.

Serena said...

Oh, I see you found and helped yourself to my cottage. Just be mindful of your house training and careful of the floors, Pugsly-pie. And if a certain sleek and graceful whippet named Daisy comes calling, perk up your ears, guard the door, and mind the silver. Don't let her drive your car, either.:)

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Oops! I've already broken at least one of those rules. See if you can guess which, using only your sense of smell and/or touch.

;-)

Serena said...

Babe, I knew what you'd done the minute I opened the front door. I didn't dare walk barefooted to check the silver chest.;)

/t. said...

aha ha ha

that's great
the way you hit the nail
on the head with all of these bloggers
except me

thx, bud

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Perhaps that is finally where you and I differ: I would walk barefoot (which I do anyway, being a Pug and whatnot) even over hot coals to check out a nice chest.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Heck, I don't even know what the truth is, anymore. But any time I can work my friends and their blogs into a post, and - in my own demented canine way - make them accessories to the crime, I am delighted to do so. The good natured ribbing is a bonus.

And with top billing in my homage to a favorite novel, it was also an homage to a talented artist and compadre. An homage in a homage collage, if you will.

Serena said...

Oh, I appreciate a good chest, Pugs. Daniel Craig has a pretty good one, and that Rock guy. I'd walk hot coals, though, to make sure the silver wasn't purloined. I know how little pugs behave when a burglar with a pocket full of treats comes in.;)

K9 said...

im certain that Joey prefers the Unca Fester. grrrherhahahha


its nice to see your pen active again

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Sorry, but I believe you are entirely missing the point(s) when it comes to good chests. I prefer that they be smooth and capable of storing two over-inflated footballs (American or 3rd world; I'm easy) along with the occasional beverage. Metal loops for covenient transport are not necessary, but appreciated. A chest like that would be worthy of having my initials in a heart with an arrow crest emblazoned upon it, to signify proud ownership when placed on public display. For a chest like that, I would eagerly provide the pocket full of treats.

puerileuwaite said...

K9 - Thanks! It's good to FINALLY be back, and hopefully for a good stretch this time. This is one of my favorite things (and favorite crowds).

However I must confess that - between the two - I am more interested in what Amy Fisher prefers (For her, I have one that I call the "Pageboy". It displays a phone number in a rectangle, and vibrates in silent mode.)

Serena said...

Alas, I often miss the point -- which is how I wind up in so many jams. Personally, I think a chest like you're describing sounds scary. Still, there is that emblazoned heart and arrow thing... That could be interesting.:)

puerileuwaite said...

Serena wrote - "Still, there is that emblazoned heart and arrow thing... That could be interesting.:)"

***

Well, m'lady, this may be your lucky day (ok, night)! I just happen to currently be running a "2-for-1" special because I am new to tattooing, and need to enhance my client base with some key chestimonials. I can get started right after the liability waiver forms are signed and the authorities clear me of any negligence in an apparently unrelated Hepatitis C lawsuit.

foam said...

you are such a thorax (with mammalian glands, of course) kind of pug ..

Serena said...

I guess I could be persuaded -- after you get that Hep C waiver, of course.:)

puerileuwaite said...

Foam - A rose by any other name is probably a devious attempt by nerds to diminish and cheapen beauty through jealous techno-snobbery. Besides, I am also a leg and hiney pug.

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - You know the government. It could be a week, a month, or even another unfounded accusation. I suspect it's simply a ploy to delay my 2-for-1 special until they can pass a Value-Added Tax. The means that you, the innocent consumer, will pay separate, cumulative taxes on both handling fees and services rendered. At least one of us should not be branded as an easy mark.

foam said...

have a great christmas, puerileuwaite pug!!

/t. said...

hey pug,

merry merry, buddy

wishing you a great 2011

/t.

Serena said...

Merry Christmas, Pugsley!:)

puerileuwaite said...

Foam - Merry Christmas right back at you! Hope you and the Foam family have a safe and wonderful holiday!

***

/t. - Thanks! All the best to you and the /t. family this holiday season! Cheers to a great 2011!

***

Serena - And Merry Christmas to you too! I'm sure you were a good girl for the majority of this past year, so why the heck not?

dianne said...

Merry Christmas Pugsley my sweet, I hope you have a wonderful day and that the New Year brings you much happiness.

xoxoxo ♡

foam said...

hey you with the sleepy blog!
Happy New Year! May your New Year be filled with many exciting new trees and fire hydrants to mark.
And don't do this New Years what I'm planning on doing!

chickory said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO A GREAT PUG! and the king of clever commentary. WIshing you the best of everything in 2011

Serena said...

Wishing you a belated Happy New Year, Puggles. And, um, a new chapter sometime this quarter would be terrific.:)

puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - So far, so good. I got an iPug for Christmas. It has a GPS that points me to the choicest trees, and the soothing, jazzy sounds of musicians tinkling on the ivories. And 2011 might be the best year ending in 11 yet!

puerileuwaite said...

Foam - I thought I'd marked them all. You've given me hope that there is more to life.

I decided this year to not involve firearms or innocent bystanders in my celebration plans, so chances are that we differed in our approaches to welcoming 2011.

puerileuwaite said...

Chickory - Happy New Year to you too! Hope it is wonderful and prosperous. And thanks ... I shall not settle for second-best this time around. As Wilber from "Charlotte's Web" proved, only the First Place Ribbon guarantees a reprieve from being turned into bacon (or - in my case - Chinese cuisine).

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - I may have to downgrade projections for this quarter. I'll fill you in after I get off my conference call with the analysts. In order to avoid this becoming the Enron of blogs, I may have to disavow all knowledge of what was orchestrated. On an unrelated topic, how would you feel about quickly being appointed "CEO" of this blog?

Serena said...

I don't know, Pugs. Sounds like work to me. It would depend on the perks -- and how close the feds are to attaching same.:)

Anonymous said...

Bonjour,
je suis nouveau ici j'aime vous lire ;)
je voulais vous remercier pour votre super site internet !
Bonne continuation
----
Nicolaseo, Rien de mieux que le referencement naturel.

leelee said...

Happy New Year Puggles...I LOVE THAT TORCH SONG!! especially when Ms Linda Ronstadt sang it with the Nelson Riddle Orchestra..

Sorry I have been out of the blogging loops so long I can't think of one witty thing to say...

Happy to see the others haven't lost their mojo though. :-)

HUGS 4 PUGS!!

foam said...

ACK!! ACK!!
coughing up a hairball here ...

dianne said...

Just reading the exchange of hilarious comments here my sweet and checking to see if you are OK.
Making sure you have not ended up in a wok as stir fried Pug Chow Mien!

xoxoxo ♡

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Sexual harassment from yours truly is one of the perks. At least until the Feds reverse it with prison time. Then I may become the unwilling recipient. Which reminds me of a "pet peeve": WHY OH WHY do most employers provide mandatory sexual harassment training, however prisons apparently do not? Seems to me that prisons would be more pleasant if a prisoner's space was respected.

puerileuwaite said...

Cher Anonymous,

Merci de votre visite. On m'a inquiété qui je ne serais pas populaire en France. Bien que je n'aie pas à l'origine eu l'intention d'avoir un site Internet superbe, je suis tout à fait heureux d'avoir créé le site Internet superbe. Visitez svp encore.

Votre ami,
Pugsley

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee -

I too love torch songs! Especially those that do not involve actual torches and an angry mob at my front door.

Thanks for the mojo comment. I like to think that I never lose it; I just misplace it for months at a time.

puerileuwaite said...

Foam - What happened to your foot avatar?

:-(

That was a favorite. Plus I get enough "look at what the cat dragged in" comments as it is.

puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - Glad to say that I am still in my original uncooked state as a "free-range" Pug. My days of taking woks on the wild side are thankfully behind me.

dianne said...

Happy belated wishes for Valentine's Day my sweet.
I guess you are far too busy reading the lovely cards you received from your female admirers to come and visit us; I hope you are OK?

xoxoxo ♡

foam said...

i've had different feet avatars at times. oh, the one around new years?
those are shoes for special occasions.
who wants to wear those all the time.
anyway. this is your bi monthly to once a month 'let's go check in on the pug visit' ...
i'll try to keep the cat in check from now on. although i do have one that keeps upchucking and then the dog eats it. ick ....

GirlGoyle said...

I'd almost forgotten how entertaining your posts are.

/t. said...

hey,
great one

how a bout a post

/t.

foam said...

ditto what /t. said.

and to make it easy, i'll start for you.

Beginning of Part II:

_________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
_________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
see? all you have to do is fill in the blank.

dianne said...

Happy Easter dear Pugsly, I hope that you are well? We miss you!

xoxoxo ♡

puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - Thank you for both the Valentines AND Easter wishes. My, how time flies. Hopefully it will now slow down a bit and allow me to blog more frequently.

XOXOXO

***

Foamy - Thanks for checking in on me.It allows me to inspect your latest footwear.

***

Girlgoyle - I tend to forget as well. So I try to read a few, and then steal my own material.

***

/t. - You've got it, buddy. One new post, delivered.

***

Foamy - Filling in blanks is what I do best (if only I had a dime for every time I've used that line).

***

Dianne - It would have been a happier Easter if a neighbor didn't call the police as I was hiding eggs.