Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Russian Mail Order Brides

Something that I've noticed about myself since starting this godforsaken blog, is the peculiar (to me, at least) way that I get my ideas.

I can't just pick a topic from current events or from other bloggers and run with it. It has to suddenly *pop* into my head from out of nowhere and lodge in firmly. Then I know it is time to post.

Another thing that I noticed immediately is that there are existing, time-tested blog posting formulas (no shit, Sherlock!) a plenty. Posting patterns and the usual subjects. Recurring themes. Which, to be honest, I do enjoy reading. This is "comfy old shoe" (see my Dreadful Bowling Analogy for further details on this fetish) territory that is kept perpetually fresh via the unique perspectives of each poster.

However, one thing that you should (as if you life depended on it, because if my doomsday machine is EVER functional - it shall) know about me, is that I am anti-fads (that's FADS, so please, get an eye exam and stop already with the angry emails and Diesel shoe coupons!). I try to avoid trendiness (tardiness too, but I was late on that deal), ensuring that my mojo reaches an audience with a maximum capacity of one. Ultimate exclusivity, I repeat softly to myself as I struggle to find temporary peace and nod off to sleep.

So, I do my best to march to a different beat. Beating to a different march, you say? Well no, I hadn't considered that. Is it trendy?

Anyhoo, by now you may be anxiously wondering when - for Rasputin's sake! - I'm going to get on the promised topic of Russian Mail Order Brides.

Is now a good time?

Okay, well the reason that I went off on the earlier "I'm a rebel because I avoid trends" tangent is to grease you all up for my inevitable SELL OUT. For you see, I'm about to use spam as my basis for today's topic, something that may have been done once or twice before.

So here goes.

But wait, you need a bit of background information first, in order to fully appreciate (who am I kidding, you cretins never appreciate anything that I do for you, why I even bother is beyond me) the magical effect that this has had upon me.

My mom was born in Russia (did I just hear a "well, THAT explains a lot"?), so I sort of have a fondness and interest in the old patch of ice (Russia, not mom). Dad was from Texas, BTW, so feel free to dispense with the Lee Harvey Oswald jokes.

Okay, okay, I sense a mutiny brewin', so here is the latest email (spaced for clarity) that I've received from these wonderful, international pimps:

Subject: ***Possible Spam*** you have new mail from Ksenia, 25 y.o., Russia, dating [Oooh, dating means ON THE PROWL. Yes!]

From: "Marina N." [from Germany, how cool is that? And from "Marina", no less, which of course instantly evokes images of exotic ports of call and Mrs. Oswald as well. Enough! You had me at "From:"!]

Date: Sat, June 24, 2006 3:49 am [someone ELSE was up that late agonizing over MY love life?! Usually this is a solo activity.]

To: [this, BTW, is no where even CLOSE to my actual email address. In fact, I get EVERY email where the "to" field starts with a "t". Thank you very much, Starband, for your competence with handling email, rocket scientists that you are.]

Priority: Normal [I would think, no, hope, that MY chances at a monotonous relationship would justify a "High" setting. But nooooo.]

Now here is where you are REALLY going to hate me. I have to go to dinner. My eldest sister once gave me these sage words of advice: "leave 'em wantin' more". Only now, later in life, did I realize that there are multiple ways to interpret this adage. And some are not flattering.

So there has to be a "Part II" to this story, unfortunately.

This is how I must leave you for now. Wanting more.


leelee said...

I wait with bated breath...

GirlGoyle said...

Geez! You jump ship way before the port. Just ain't right!! :)

puerileuwaite said...

I am sorry, ladies, and can only hope for redemption in meeting your low expectations for Part II.

Party Girl said...

...I'm turning blue.

SPAM is a most curious creature. In my gmail account I get at least 30 a day asking me if I want better sex and how to enlarge my penis in natural ways.

...I wonder if they know something I don't..

Paula said...

Boy, you're all about the Part 1 thing aren't you?

And didn't anyone ever teach you not to open spam?


puerileuwaite said...

Party Girl - I was certain that I was the only one getting those. What a relief! It made me very insecure, to say the least, and had me wondering just HOW they knew that I needed their products.

PJ - Here is my response (Part I). Just kidding! Well, I like to do a lot of things on the installment plan. Just one, self-contained post seems so FINAL. And BTW, spammers work very hard to offer the products and services that we need. The considerate thing to do is to carefully review each and every offer. All they want is for me to make a purchase, then they promise to go away.

leelee said...

This is spam right???:

books now
stainless steel probe MEAT Simply button
Biggie anything Elizabeth Im
looking chatting DanyelSW
Left partisans blue
jammed synth grooves Afrika Bambaataa
Stop Child jigsaw
dozen friends past months.
Office: dinners
Barry White Guy Mariah Osorio: Trap
overview Comparing Related
Privacy Statement Become
Campaign launched supported activists Bob
whether not.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee, I sure hope so. Either that, or you have one beatnik friend too many.

leelee said...

snap snap

Mayden's Voyage said...

Russian chicks...Russian chicks...
Where are the mail-order Dudes?

There's a market just waiting to be exploited- I mean, explored!

Ahhh- a dude to tell me I'm sweet, and wash my car, and mow the yard, and paint the house, and tell me I'm cute, and empty the trash, and kiss my ear-lobes every now and again...WAIT- I am married!

Hey- I still think I need a mail-order dude! I don't need a husband- I just need a DUDE! :) LOL! But I don't think I want a Russian-
A Texan? Yes...
A Yankee? NO!
A Canadian? No
A Chef? YES

Nevermind- I can't have a dude. It would never work- I'd end up feeling sorry for him- being exploited by me, and then I'd start taking out the trash- and mowing the lawn- and washing the car...just like I do now.

Hubby was a dude once...and look what happened! LOL :)

Oberon said... wife says.....if i'm a good boy....she will let me have some.

puerileuwaite said...

Oberon, Don't ask / don't tell. That's what the basement (or garage) is for. Thanks for your comment.

leelee said...

Good Job with your photo additions...I like it.


puerileuwaite said...

Thanks Leelee. The evolution continues. It helps to have dSL on the weekends.

Party Girl said...

Um, hello?!??!?!

Where's part deux?

puerileuwaite said...

PG, I just wanted to see if somebody (other than my other loyal but horribly misguided visitors) cared. Part II is now ready for everyone's disapproval.

Party Girl said...

For the record, your sarcasm cracks my ass up.

Honestly. I have the crack to prove it!

Oh, I kill me!

puerileuwaite said...

PG, now I'm losing track ... was THAT sarcasm?

I can dish it out, but my own feelings can be very fragile ...

Party Girl said...

no, I love sarcastic wit. I, myself, am extremely sarcastic. Sometimes it's hard to convey sarcasm through print, but I think you do a great job.

puerileuwaite said...

Thanks, PG. I'm going to go with my "hunch" here, and assume that your last comment was sincere.

Usually when someone tells me I've done a "good job", I know better. It all started with mom and dad, oh, and my sister, Sybil (she wasn't much to look at, but she had great personalities) ...

leelee said...


puerileuwaite said...

Thanks leelee. BTW, when oh when is the next Kitchen Concert? Don't get me wrong ... I like the Beach Boys, but I'm starting to get seasick ...

Wouldn't It Be Nice ... to see another album ...

leelee said...

funny you should ask, why just last night....