Thursday, November 16, 2006

Perspectives: Pop Culture

How do!

I chose "Perspectives" for the title of this installment for several reasons:

1) I'm already running out of post titles quicker than Planet Earth is running out of souls (okay, I exaggerated a tad ... how about, "it SEEMS like I am running out of post titles quicker than Planet Earth is running out of souls" ... better?);

2) I'm visualizing my post as being akin to one of those dreadful early Sunday morning talk shows about "community affairs";

3) I'm too lazy to think up a witty play on words.

But mostly, I suppose that I chose "Perspectives" because it probably does fit. At least as well as an off-the-rack suit from Target would. So here goes, with Perspectives on "Pop Culture".

***

The first "perspective" (see how I nicely tied into my post title by "reinforcing" the "perspective" concept?) I have to share, was triggered by a visit to Dykesdog's blog after a couple of beers. Her latest post triggered an exorcism* comment (* as most of her submissions do) from yours truly. As I basked in the afterglow of my comment and went to grab a beer, I had a thought (when I DO have a thought, it's important that I let people know).

WHAT IF: they remade the original "The Exorcist" with - get this - Courtney Love as the mother? Picture the scene where the priests first visit the little girl, and then consult with "mom".

Priest to mom: "Lady, that's simple genetics. Don't waste our time!".




***

The next perspective is of the Alanis Morissette "Ironic" video. During yet another moment of quiet and blissful introspection, a bizarre idea popped into my consciousness: what if annoying beotches COULD clone themselves for long car trips? How would this impact society? Sure, they'd have total supremacy over carpool/HOV lanes. And they'd no longer require any of US to accompany them. And of course, I suppose one COULD even stage orgies without the stigma or the implication of cheating. But is it worth the Quadraphonic PMS or having an entire set of women that one is eventually unable to understand or please? It's like the rain (of urine) on your wedding day.




***

My final perspective is on the topic of pets; dogs and cats, specifically. Why is it that people are way ruder and more inconsiderate in conversations about pets, than they are about their own damned children (Disclaimer: by "damned children", I don't mean "possessed". Even though they well could be. "Damned" was only used for dramatic effect.)? When most folks are done droning on about their spawn, the vast majority of them will naturally inquire if you have any kids. If you are a woman, you may want to consider responding with a wink and "None that I know of". This tends to reduce the tedium to some extent.

But God have mercy in the event that you foolishly ask if they have any pets. By the time you're finally able to get them to shut the hell up, you shall know more about their lame-ass animal than you know about yourself. Using long-range binoculars you'll be able to efficiently identify one of their pet's stool samples from the same field that thousands of other animals have defacated upon. But will they ask if YOU have any pets? Hell no. Pricks. Screw them.



.

49 comments:

/t. said...

pug,

there's
a really nasty
post about you over at courtney's blog -- she says that you've been defecating in her field...

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Chalk it up to her unpredictable personality. Usually she loves that shit.

GirlGoyle said...

Annoying beoches do have the ability to clone themselves for more than just car rides. The irony is that men seem to be attracted to those more than they are to the simpleton and occasionally introvert kind. Go figure!

Little Lamb said...

Pug, do you have any pets?

puerileuwaite said...

Girlgoyle - Men will do anything to get "some". It doesn't mean that they prefer those types. Certainly I don't.

***

Little Lamb - Yes, I do. But I really don't like to talk about them. Thanks for asking, though!

Oh ... yeah ... I almost forgot ...

... Um ... do you have any (besides Seymour, Dolly, and the rest of the flock) ... pets?

/t. said...

pug,

i have
pets in pits
&
pets in pots

basic pet i/o

lambs, mostly

/t.

Little Lamb said...

I did, but not anymore.

flic said...

Hey pug (if I may call you that), Do you have any kids?

And I asked you without first going on and on about my own!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Christ. I will NEVER read ANYTHING with the word "perspectives" in the title. Sounds too fucking intellectual, and I hate that shit.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Lambs are most definitely the way to go. You don't have to yell at them to "put the lotion on". They come with it!

***

Lamby - What happened?

***

Flic - None that I know of.

*wink*

***

Mighty D - Just the response I was looking for. You see, I hate that word, and wanted to see if I could either enrage or (at least) mildly irritate someone with it. No worries. It's not a part of my usual nomenclature.

Little Lamb said...

It's very hard on me when they die or you have to put them to sleep.

And the way my life is now, busy, I don't have the time for a pet.

DykesDog said...

Awwwwwwwww, Puggy, you are such a sweetie. You mentioned my blog, Holy Beer and exorcism in the same paragraph. I can chalk this up to one of the many reasons I love you!

Bella Page said...

Hey There Puggy,

I wanted to stop in and say, I would ride in a car with your cloned Puggy self anytime. When people asked about you I would go on and on about what a good Puggy you are. But I would never, ever, ever, ever let them have so much information about you that they would know what your stools look like. I mean, they may come and try to steal you from me. Then I would never know where my litters come from! *wink*

flic said...

I also liked what Marcello Mastroianni said in Fellini's "8 1/2" when the bishop asked him if he had any kids. He said, "Yes, I mean, no."

puerileuwaite said...

Little Lamb - How about pugs? To borrow from "Jane's Addiction" ...

Pugs make great pets.

We make great pets.

We'll make greeeeaaat pets!

***

Dykesdog - Just mentioning the basic staples, babe. MANY reasons? I want to hear them all. I think I can carve out some time out of my busy schedule for this.

***

Bella - Your comment reminds me of a blues song that admonishes, "Don't Advertise Your Man, er, Pug".

Just a warning about riding in a car with me: I am OBSESSED with "Fun, er, AIr Bag" Safety.

***

Flic - I've always admired the elegant simplicity of Fellini's dialogue. La Dolce Vita is a favorite.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

puerileuwaite said...

Mighty D - No worries. It's not a part of my usual nomenclature.


Well played.

Relentless said...

A fine hound there. I will give a better comment after my nap. Always love to read what you say.

Little Lamb said...

What about pugs?

leelee said...

I have a pet...a dog..he is old..and when he goes I will not replace him.

I have a child...a daughter...she is 18..and has moved out..and I will not replace her.

leelee kinda likes the "empty nest" ;-)

Pug said...

Mighty D - Thank you, O Evil One. Now if only I could work "salsa" seamlessly into a comment.

***

Relentless - Thank you for the kind words. I always enjoy picking up a new commenter, and look forward to hearing from you again.

***

Little Lamb - They make great pets. But I don't like to talk about my pets.

***

Leelee - You reminded me of a "classic" joke:

Man: "Lady, I'm sorry I ran over your cat. Can I replace him?"

Lady: "That all depends. Can you catch mice?".

leelee said...

:-)

Little Lamb said...

Shall I email you and we can talk about your pets?

Bella Page said...

BTW, I would shake your bed without the use of quarters baby!

You would float so HIGH, you would see the moon and the stars!

Little Lamb said...

You are one popular pug. So how about that email addy?

Pug said...

Lamby - Let's just stick to our comment sections.

***

Bella - Yet another reason why I like you. Leaving my quarters free for washing my car is a real turn on!

***

Karla said...

Is there anything cuter in the whole wide world than a picture of a weinie dog?

Hey, on a separate note, I have to know: What the hell is puerileuwaite? What does that mean? It's killing me not knowing.

Pug said...

Karla - You are way too kind. Your first question was THE perfect setup. Which I suspect may have been your intention ... if only on a subconscious and masochistic level. But since (alas) I am not Mighty D, I'll leave the response that immediately came to mind, to your own imagination. Being Sunday and all.

Puerileuwaite was my lame, dumbass attempt at a "clever" blogger name. To borrow from Michael Keaton in "Nightshift", it helps if you break down a word. So let's:

Puerile = foolish or childish + u = you + wait + "e" (for additional panache ... which my European readers seem to appreciate).

I figured that if I preemptively disparaged my own material as foolish or childish, no one else would. And thankfully, no one has. Everyone seems to treasure everything I've generated, and hanging on my every word is fairly common.

But enough about me.

/t. said...

oh,

btw, pug...

did you post anything yet?

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - It's all "pug" can do to comment. Every time I try to leave one (a comment, not a turd ... but perhaps they're one and the same), I have problems logging in. Damn you, Beta!

/t. said...

uhh,
right

was just
practising
hanging on your every word there

i'd call you by your chosen 'name', and not by your species, but have never learned how to pronounce it, let alone spell it

so "pug" it is

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - "Pug" works for me.

Mel said...

did /t. did just call you chosen??

that word perspectives is one of those dork words...
.. almost as bad as perogative.

Which you know, I used to like that word until Brittany redid that song.

I wish I could do the whole "none that I know of" kid thing but see, I've got 3 of the cutest darn lil ones and if you just wait a moment I just so happen to have an entire photo album of their last week of activities...

*hey where'd everyone go??*
guys??
hey, uhm, helloooooooo?!?



oh & btw lambykins, if you click on my name here you go to my new blog.
Not that you shouldn't be visiting DD because quite frankly she rocks!! but you know, it's one less step. :)

Pud said...

I hate when people show you pictures of their kids and you are forced to say their kid looks cute. Truth be known, not all of them do! I'm half tempted the next time someone shows me pictures of their kids, responding: "So, you gonna keep them locked up?"

Bella Page said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bella Page said...

When Mondays come around, I see you chained to the chain gang again ... I get all sad inside.

Or, wait, maybe I get all excited ...

Pug said...

Mel - So far I've refused to listen to Britney's version. The original is good.

Faithfully yours,
The "Chosen" Pug

***

Pud - My brother once told an obnoxious woman that her baby looked like a monkey (not a racist remark, BTW, because the woman was white). Good stuff.

***

Bella - Please DO something! Can't you win PowerBall and take me away from this madness? I'd rather be donning YOUR chains, babe.

limpy99 said...

Courtney Love is the Mom in "Exorcist" made my day. Lindsay Lohan could play the kid and the priest could walk in, look around, sigh "fuck this" and leave.

And now, a few thousand words about my dog....

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

are you kidding me? courtney love is my yardstick.
"if courtney wakes up, survives, lives through this.... so too shall i" grrherhaha no seriously is it any wonder kurt turned to the shotgun?

/t: courtney dosent have a field. she does have a shooting gallery though.

re: the pet inquiry. sorta like the blog. have you seen the t-shirt?

"i dont care about your blog!"

i had a proff who had this great painting that said "dont tell me about your dreams" and its companion piece "dont tell me about your pain"

/grrr

puerileuwaite said...

Limpy - I like your version even better. Well done.

***

k9 - Did Kurt kill himself, or did Courtney have it done? I love a good conspiracy theory (although this isn't one of them).

As far as blogs go, I have an outlook that this similar to these adages:

1) "If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it."

2) "If you have to tell people you're powerful (or important), you're not."

So my blog adage is:

If you have to shill for your blog, it probably sucks."

Finally, do you have pictures of those paintings? If so, you should post them.

***

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

PW: say what??? that was back in the precambrian era. i didnt have the foresight.

(guess i'll take down all those "go to sparringk9 posters" i papered the city with. i dont want to look like a wiener dog)

/grrrr

Mayden's Voyage said...

I'm just awaiting the day when some kid in Lourdes' class shows her- her mothers "Sex" book...
Madonna and Vanilla Ice should be quite a Pop Culture experience for any kid~
I personally have yet to see it :)

But Vanilla Ice and I go wayyyy back- NOT! :)

Pug said...

k9 - On the other hand, some "good" blogs do need a little help. Godspeed with your poster efforts.

***

FM - It never works to project our own* (* see how, by association in the same sentence, I'm attempting to claim that we are ethically similar? {don't worry, you'll rise up to MY level some day ...}) values onto celebrities. Lourdes, having Madonna for her mother, will likely push even futher past the boundaries of good taste. And if not, the opinions of the "hoi polloi" will still have no impact. They live in a different and well-insulated world. Lucky b*stards.

Mel said...

The funniest thing I've ever said about another persons baby was...


"she sure has a lot of personality hey?.. and hair. lots of hair."

My friend Nicole, who I was with, choked on her drink and then started laughing so hard she had to walk away.

As for songs, 9 times out of 10 the original is always the better version unless redone by the Dixie Chicks or Johnny Cash. ;)

//scratches puggy behind the ears//
later hot stuff.

Mel said...

omg hahaha love the link you gave me. Prince is one of my fav. artists... so it's really appreciated!

I have to channel my least favorite celebutant (Paris Hilton) and say:

"that's hot"

puerileuwaite said...

Mel - If you have to imitate Paris, I have a video camera at my disposal. Just sayin'.

Mel said...

I'd do that again.

... just sayin.

Bird said...

just doing a quick fly-by- wanted so see the ruin /t and little lamb were discussing.

hasn't the exorcist been remade already? everything's been remade.
or maybe it was just an illusion. or it could have been at some other blog...

mighty nice blog here. i'll have to check back and get in on the ruining at an earlier stage.

flap/flap/swoosh

GirlGoyle said...

Puuuuuuuuuuuuugs rule!

Just throwing that in there.

puerileuwaite said...

Mel - I may have accidently rented it. That ... was ... you?

***

Bird - Why thank you. If my own posts can't ruin it, my blog is likely to be indestructible.

***

Girlgoyle - Well, it's about time you noticed!