Thursday, December 07, 2006

Six Weird Things About Me

Okay, first off, let's get the rules straight. I only have to mention six things. And they don't even have to be the six weirdest ones. For instance, I don't have to mention the necrophilia or even the quadrophenia.

Just six weird things where you may come to the realization that - in the cold, frigid hands of the "right woman" - I am salvageable for parts.

That's right. Perhaps the sum IS lesser than the raw components. Maybe you need my rectum because it still plays your Black Sabbath and Blood*, Sweat & Tears 8-tracks (* the blood is authethic). And - icing on the proverbial urinal cake - it doesn't require you jamming a matchbook up there, because the matchbook is already in place. Come on baby, light my fire.

So let's break me down, and distill my essence* (* My apologies to my Afro-American friends, since - due to my inability to dance - the fact that I'm totally Caucasian and therefore unqualified to use this word is readily apparent) into a tantalizing first installment (and hopefully, the last installment) of six weird things.

1) I love to Karaoke!

That's right. I'm that creepy f*cker in the corner booth, carefully weighing his auditory battleplan over a bottle of Heineken. More interested in my next assault on public (and ... if I play my cards right ... PUBIC!) sensibilities, than in the people socially interacting around me. Dare I opt for Billy Idol? Or has "White Wedding" already been sufficiently butchered? Oh, the possibilities are endless. Except for the inevitable end, with my fate being my own hand around a "microphone" of a pathetically different sort.

2) I am disappointed when I comment on other people's(?) blogs, and they don't acknowledge my comment.

That's right. I require closure. Was my comment pretty and witty? Or just gay? I need to know. Hey, I acknowledge YOU when you squirt a trail on MY blog. Is it too much to expect the same? What, is your life too chock full of important "to-do's" where I pale in comparison? Is some weenie-assed advisor whispering in your ear, "This time North Korea is dead serious. They claim that they just visited LensCrafters for better optics. They may now actually be able to hit land with their WMDs! You need to get on the Red Phone and take action. Forgive me, but SCREW responding to the Pug!"?

3) I am HIGHLY attracted to women.

That's right. I've been known to follow curvy gal through an entire Walmart. Mr. Happy is my GPS: "Turn left into lingerie. Parallel park into attractive mannequin. ". To hell with dropping prices, when there's trou to drop! At least it's winter now. I'm a basket* case (* more nimble than carts) in summer, when the clothes get skimpier. So some of you neophytes are likely wondering, "What's weird about that?". Longtime sufferers of my blog know the answer to that question: "We didn't know he had a sexual attraction to humans. The constant surprises keep us coming back for more.".

***

Okay, I'm a lying sack of shit. As a "teaser", I'm withholding the last three until 2 or 3 days from now, depending upon how aggressively and creatively you comment. I'm now in your hands. Make a diamond!

.

126 comments:

leelee said...

I'd love to witness the karaoke...(shouldn't that be spelled kar-i-oke? I never understood the a in there...)

and by the way being highly attracted to women doesn't make you weird..now if you were highly attracted to say..amphibians...then we'd have some weirdness going on..

Thanks for playing P...

Bella Page said...

Puggy,
I can't believe you are a Karaoke addict. Like a Virgin, I sing my heart out about once a month here in Kansas City!

My, my, we have so much in common. Wal Mart, however, has always been such a disappointment for me. I have found that there are better stores for those types of adventures!

Now, I know, at least, I am trusting that your next post will only include one of the many other things that you and I have in common.

Why, oh, why ... is there that one, ahem, big thing always getting in our way?!

Little Lamb said...

pug, we have something in common. I don't like when I post on people's blog and don't get acknowledged either. But yet they still come to my blog and comment. Maybe I should say something like that on their blog. Maybe I should make a post about, but then they may think I'm one crabby lamb and need to loose all this extra weight. I'm not fat in real life.

limpy99 said...

I can't amke a diamond out of this material, but if you gave me some horseshit I might be able to create a reasonable likeness of Lou Diamond Phillips.

/t. said...

you're
Caucasian?!?

OMG! GET BACK!

DON'T EVEN RESPOND TO THIS COMMENT! JUST STAY AWAY!

how effin weird is that?!?

/t.

/t. said...

F R E A K !

/t.

One Girl In A Big World said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
K9 said...

/bark bark bark

just another fur bearin' weirdo. is scammin on the ladies weird? throw walmart in the blender and it rapidly approaches a few exits past weird. quadropehnia! at least uncle ernies not in that one to fiddle about. nows thats weirder than ann margaret and a can of baked beans.

/grrr

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Trust me. You'd be much better off being a Jehovah's Witness. Or being the Amish kid in the movie "Witness". But if you insist, you'll want to imbibe in some cheap Tequila first (it dulls the pain). I'll do the same if it's a body shot.

And don't get me started on my aquatic fetishes. There's a reason why I'm banned from the great Okefenokee, and it ain't because of my Karaoke!

***

Bella - Someday I'll have to venture to KC to experience the miracle that is Virgin Karaoke. I'll be your groupie, and the founder of your fan club (and treasurer). But unlike what happened to Selena, I'll do my best to NOT embezzle funds, or shoot you. I'll TRY, at least. But proximity to celebrity does tend to induce madness.

And just for the record, I am not a big fan of Walmart. I prefer supporting smaller shops with higher quality mechandise (and trim!), along with fairer labor practices (and sexual practices!).

We both prefer women. Can't we build on that foundation? Plus I can "tuck and tape", when necessary. A wang shouldn't be a curse. Why can't WE "wang chung" tonight?

***

Lamby - It's not worth it. Everyone lives in their own realities. I'm done trying to convince them that my version works best. Let's you and I take comfort in the knowledge that not only do we practice proper blog etiqutte, but also that our own realities are the most balanced and sane of the lot. Keep on, keepin' on, oh fluffy - and svelte - one. You're probably cuter than all get out.

***

Limpy - Regrettably I only have bullshit in stock. But I'll keep that in mind. If I can locate enough in quantity, will you throw in Gary Bussey?

***

/t. - Sorry for the Fruedian slip. I meant "Canadian". Damn you, spell checker!

***

One Girl - You seem vaguely familiar. You half-remind me of someone I once knew. She was as fair as the driven snow. And being from the South, let me assure this was no easy feat! Unfortunately I have no pictures of her, as she was very camera shy.

If you can't find me in lingerie (the department, not the garment itself ... although ... now that I think of it, why CAN'T I enjoy the sensation of silk snugging against my nether regions? Screw you, traditional public "morals"!), look for a motorcyle with a mannequin on the back driving by.

Can't wait to inflict Karaoke on the Asians with you, as payback for the countless crappy products (except for cars, motorcycles, and high-tech consumer gear) they send to the U.S.

***

k9 - Don't curse my weirdness. Rather, pluck (hope you read that carefully, I wrote "PLuck") a chicken and join me in my fight against common decency!

/t. said...

you're
Canadian?!?

OMG! GET BACK!

DON'T EVEN RESPOND TO THIS COMMENT! JUST STAY AWAY!

how effin weird is that?!?

/t.

/t. said...

F R E A K !

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - I can't believe that I made a 2nd mistake in a row. It was before I had my latte. Did I really write "Canadian"? Perish the tought. I MEANT to indicate that I'm a COMMUNIST. Which of course has nothing to do with being a Canadian. I think.

puerileuwaite said...

Tought? Typos 'R Us today.

Bella Page said...

Oh yes, yes, yes, I so needed your humor today Puggy!

The tuck and duck game would be fun!

puerileuwaite said...

Bella - Well in that case, we'll duck 'n cover under the covers, babe.

leelee said...

you are indeed the funniest pug I have ever known

puerileuwaite said...

Oh, I bet you say that to all the animals, Ms. Doolittle ...

;-)

leelee said...

lol...I don't have any other animal friends..

Little Lamb said...

pug, you think I'm cute. That's sweet.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

God help me, I loves the karaoke! I have one me of them portable machines, and I takes it where ever I goes! I've found that it livens up even the dullest events.

Like just the other day, I was at my aunt Bertha's funeral. It was really dragging, so I whipped out my trusty karaoke machine and serenaded Bertha's corpse with that "Just Breathe" song by Anna Nalick.

Unfortunately, she didn't.

Bella Page said...

Puggy,
It's so cold here in Missouri. BUt when I come here and read your comments it warms my heart. Have a good Sunday.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Let's keep it that way. I like being the only beast in your petting zoo.

***

Lamby - I'm *imagining* you're cute. The reality may be different, so I've chosen my own where you're concerned.

***

Mighty D - I'd go to more funerals if they cared enough to have that type of entertainment. Can we make requests? How about:

- Harden My Heart
- I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight
- Ode to Billy Joe
- Wanted Dead or Alive
- If I Had a Rocket Launcher
- The Night Chicago Died
- Complicated
- Since I Don't have You
- Already Gone
- Never Say Die
- Excitable Boy
- Toxic
- Cruel, Cruel Summer
- Tomorrow Never Knows
- We've Only Just Begun
- That Smell
- Mary Jane's Last Dance
- I Touch Myself
- Rag Doll
- Since You've Been Gone
- God Only Knows
- Bye, Bye Love
- Hell in a Bucket
- Alive Again
- It's My Life
- Dead Flowers
- Walk of Life
- Alive
- Livin' On A Prayer
- Do You Feel Like We Do
- Keep Pushin'
- Pour Some Sugar On Me
- Psycho Killer
- I Don't Need No Doctor
- 30-Days in the Hole
- I Don't Like Mondays
- Lovin' You
- Attitude
- Short People
- Bad Boys Get Spanked
- Summertime Blues
- I Want You to Want Me
- I Saw the Light
- Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
- Life Is Hard
- Tush
- My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama
- Angel of the Morning
- Life Is Shit
- I Can't Stand Losing You
- Up!
- Dream Police
- Gangsta's Paradise
- Devil Woman
- Life's Been Good
- Doctor, Doctor
- Don't Worry, Be Happy
- Suspicious Minds
- This Old Heart of Mine
- Alone Again (Naturally)
- The Devil Went Down to Georgia
- Walking on Sunshine
- Your Time Is Gonna Come
- How Do You Talk To An Angel
- Hey You
- Comfortably Numb
- At Last
- I Just Wanna Make Love to You
- Don't Stop (Thinkin' About Tomorrow)
- Free As A Bird
- (I Can't Live Without Your) Love And Affection
- Don't Speak
- Hells Bells

and of course,

- Stairway to Heaven

I hope I didn't miss any ...

***

Bella - Right back at ya, babe. I'd like to warm more than just that. Say, do YOU have any funeral song requests for Mighty D?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Wow, that's quite a list! Here are a few I usually work in for the encore:

Turn to Stone
Life in the Fast Lane
Everybody Hurts
Yesterday

leelee said...

P is this your IPOD list???

Little Lamb said...

Pug, why wouldn't I be cute?

puerileuwaite said...

Mighty D - Truly, you put the "fun" in funeral. And I have a feeling the list is not nearly complete.

So let's add:

My Way (preferably the Sex Pistols version)
96 Tears
S.O.S.
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Highway to Hell
Last Child
Ironic
Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
Welcome To My Nightmare
Don't Follow
Ramblin' Man
One Way Out
Don't Bring Me Down
Private Idaho
Deadbeat Club
Movin' On
Gone, Gone, Gone
Come And Get It
Without You
Hero Takes A Fall
Eternal Flame
Looks Like We Made It
I Can't Smile Without You
Shut Down
I Get Around
Fight For Your Right
A Hard Day's Night
When I Get Home
I'm Only Sleeping
Got To Get You Into My Life
You Won't See Me
Getting Better
I'm So Tired
Don't Pass Me By
It Won't Be Long
Don't Bother Me
They Can't Take That Away From Me
Just The Way You Are
Only The Good Die Young
When The Going Gets Tough
It's Oh So Quiet!
Ironman
Can't Find My Way Home
(Don't Fear) The Reaper
Burnin' For You
Soul Man
Subterreanean Homesick Blues
I Shot The Sheriff
Horizontal Bop
You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet
Never There
You Can't Hold On Too Long
Hello Again
Victim of Love
I'm In Touch With Your World
Death or Glory
Rock The Casbah
Should I Stay Or Should I Go
I'm So Glad
Not Fade Away
Why Can't I Be You?
What's Going On
Ashes to Ashes
Workin' In A Coal Mine
I Can't Stand Still
Touch Me
Break On Through
Is There Something I Should Know
A View To A Kill
Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart
Disco Strangler
The Greeks Don't Want No Freaks
Don't Bring Me Down

BTW, just in case you and your Karaoke machine can't make it, I want my own funeral rigged so that everytime someone kneels at the casket, another song is launched (complete with sychronized light effects).

***

Leelee - Surprisingly enough, some of these songs have been (or still are) in my iPod. And all are already in my Powerbook. So I guess this makes me Y2K+6 funeral compliant.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - The cutest ones are almost always insane. So in your case, reverse logic supports your assertion. Therefore, you must be cute.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Have I offended you? If so, I am sorry.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I did respond to your last comment, by the way, but it was down the line. I only ignore comments if they are super rude or I am really fucked up emotionally. So I hope you aren't mad at me about that. If so, I'm sorry again.

puerileuwaite said...

Enemy - No worries. I'm glad to have you back. You are ALWAYS welcome here! There isn't anyone who "isn't".

I thought I was the one who offended you.

But yes, I must be honest. For me, the most fun is bantering in blog comment sections, and seeing the wacky tangents that develop. When I get blown off a few times in a row, then I tend to withdraw (boy, was THAT sentence one big double-entendree!).

Sometimes (often, actually) I am mistaken. What can I say? I wear my heart on my sleeve. That way people have a challenge finding it to step on!

That "3rd weird thing" was a playful jab at a bunch of folks, not at any one person in particular.

The only time so far that I've been (not offended, but) disappointed, was when someone (that I had been fond of) became a little too personal in a criticism.

We all have our own reasons for blogging. One major reason that I do it is to escape the frequent shittiness of everyday life. Or at least attempt to minimize its significance by poking fun at it.

I tend to prefer blogs that are fun (and/or educational) to visit, and hopefully become a part of the regulars (I like when I'm "regular". Oops, I probably said too much.).

Just like in my own life, I am the antithesis of a stalker. If I sense that my bullshit is not resonating , I tend to quietly move on.

So it appears that I was mistaken. But no, I wasn't mad at you. How could I be?

I've made great friends already in the short time I've been blogging (SIX months now!). Ones that can sense when I'm going through a valley in my personal life (no matter how subtle the clues), and reach out to me. You seem like that sort of person. If there's anything I can do to cheer you up, or help, I would look forward to the opportunity!

Welcome back!

(BTW, blogging means never having to say you're sorry. At least, that's what Ali McGraw says on her blog.)

(BTW2, it was tough just to write a semi-serious comment. But you are worth the effort.)

puerileuwaite said...

Oh, one more thing. You reminded me of something that I've been wanting to say. And wow, I'm actually sober as I write this cornball shit!

I've noticed that some bloggers really get off on ratings, reviews and popularity.

That is not me. I measure the success of my crappy little blog by the number of people that visit and genuinely feel that they are a part of it. I am grateful (beyond the usual "self-gratification", but of course THAT topic is a series of posts unto itself) for every new regular and potential blog friend.

Growth here is measured in friendships, not readership.

And who knows? If all goes well, it is my dream that we'll eventually have annual get-togethers (clothing optional, of course) with an open bar and the immortal Mighty D with his Karaoke machine as entertainment.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Well, the whole reason I started visiting your blog was because I liked the comments you left on everyone elses. I guess everyone calls you Pug or Puggy--I try to write out your name in comments and I probably fuck it up. There were a few times I didn't answer any comments: I was sick and miserable. But I do try. And I know what you mean. I don't give a damn about ratings; I just like my blog friends. It's a virtual community. I like all blogs from funny to serious. Some blogs bore me and if they do, I just don't go back. For me, blogging is just a big old trip inside my head and outside to yours. Dante's journey through hell to paradise. Anyway, I'm glad we are okay. There are people that I have pissed off and I did it on purpose, but in your case never. I also have learned to just email the person directly instead of letting the Internet know. I got rid of one bad apple that way. But most folk are cool and having a little fun when they should be working. Everyone at work blogs.

jmeped said...

I love #1 too.
I always TRY to acknowledge your comments.
and Your in luck #3 is me!

GirlGoyle said...

Billy Idol's songs were made to be butchered. He is built so close to the ground he wouldn't even notice anyway. Tho i have to say that on Karaoke we differ. Not a big fan cuz with my tone deafness i could clear any locale of all it's patrons and I'm really not into embarassing myself to that extent.
I'm so totally with you on the blogs. It is sort of disappointing not to be aknowledged after all the thuoght you put into comments. and this leaves me with pondering what exactly posesses you to follow women around in WALMART?! I mean there are plenty of other classier stores...walmart? Is it the sweatpants and raggedy shirt that gets you going?? Tell the truth you are one of those who is just dying to find out what lies below that elastic waist band huh? I got you all figured out now!

Little Lamb said...

Pug,I'm adorable. No one has looked at me and run away.

puerileuwaite said...

Enemy - Feel free to call me whatever you prefer. Chances are, I've been called worse (and that's just counting this morning). I realize that my full blogger name is a pain to spell. Anything from P to PW to Pug to Puggy to variations of Puerileuwaite works just fine.

I hope you are feeling better, and that whatever crap you've had to deal with is behind you. Not to sound trite, because I certainly don't KNOW what you've had to contend with; but I do know that staying engaged with my blog buds has helped me through some recent rough patches. I like knowing that I have virtual friends that I can trust, yet still maintain that comfortable layer of anonymity.

Sorry that didn't use any exclamation marks in this reply, BTW, as I used up my quota last night.

***

Jmeped - Nice recovery. I noticed that you "just" left a "guilt reply" on your blog. But since we go so far back to those halcyon* (* not the drug, but if you DO have any extras, I'll take 'em) days before you left me for the flower shoppe, I accept your reply. Now can we PLEASE have some make-up** sex?

(** I don't mean sex with both of us in make-up, unless you're into that. But based on your sordid flower shoppe stories, that is a possibility. Heck, maybe we can even invite the Grinch for a Hoo-ville 3-some.)

puerileuwaite said...

Girlgoyle - Where that famous tenacity of yours? Don't let a little thing like tone-deafness stop you. Hell, if everybody who was tone-deaf stopped Karaoke-ing, why, there'd be no more Karaoke nights. And the world would be a much more somber place. The key is to pick an artist who is equally tone-deaf, such as Madonna, Britney, Avril Lavigne, or Courtney Love (my favorite).

And I'll have you know that Walmart is not my preference. But it's so hard to stalk in a Victoria's Secret. They spot you (and lock on) right as you enter the store; which is way too small to pretend that you're browsing. Plus, in my daily travels, Walmart is the only store that I have time for.

The sweatpants ladies scare me, so I avoid them (even THIS pug has his standards). Where elastic is present, my motto is: "stay north of the equator / better to be a masturbator / than a circum-navigator".

But occasionally a decent looking babe will accidently wander in. That is when I pounce. Welcome to the jungle. Rowwwwwr.

***

Lamby - Okay, I'll accept your sanity plea. Plus I'm sure that /t. will vouch you your character. Now in order to continue the application process, I'll need some tastefully done nude glamour shots and a signed (and notarized) release.

Little Lamb said...

if you get any pictures of me they will be fully clothed.

CruiserMel said...

Truth be told? I just wanted to see if you really do respond to comments. That's all.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Well in that case, I want to thank you for your interest. But I have decided to continue the process with other candidates whose skills and experience (some of them seem to be extremely experienced ... professional even) more closely match the positions that I have in mind. Good luck in your future endeavors.

(I'm such a tease)

puerileuwaite said...

Holy crap! You're "Cruser Mel" now? WTF?

Just be honest ... with THAT many aliases, you MUST be a scam artist? Am I right? And if I am ... I want 10% ...

Bella Page said...

Puggy,
I was at Wal Mart today, I tried and tried to see what you see there ... alas, alas, I think they all must live closer to you.

puerileuwaite said...

Bella - That's because I am a "Smart Value Shopper". I know which Walmarts are worthy of my lechery.

Mayden's Voyage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
puerileuwaite said...

FM - All I want for Christmas is ...

well ... after seeing THAT photo ...

I think you KNOW what I want for Christmas!

(see my reply on One Girl's blog for details)

CruiserMel said...

No, not an OFFICIAL scam artist. But I am flattered you answered back. I'll be back again.

puerileuwaite said...

Cruisermel - Pardon me! My mistake. I now realize that I confused you with ANOTHER blogger named Mel (who IS a scammer). Welcome! I can always use a Mel around here who actually is on the "up and up". I hope you do come back.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, so nothing has changed between us. Consistancy.

In order to post this I had to sign up for a google account.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - This is yet another reason why Blogger Beta disappoints me.

I want the process of attempting to leave a comment to be SO convoluted and unpredictable, that the participant inadvertantly joins the Columbia Music Club and/or the American Communist Party at the same time. Not just Google.

Sheesh, can't they get ANYTHING right?

Anonymous said...

why
oh why
must it be
this way, pug?

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - I just don't know. But I plan to get to the bottom of it.

I'll need some grant money to get started.

Bella Page said...

Puggy, Puggy, Puggy,

I went to Wal Mart today and it was just awful.

I tried, tried, tried to find me something interesting to lay my eyes on.

You would think that living this close to Bentonville, Arkansas would attract all the Blue Light Specials.

Maybe Target has the Red Light Specials.

Why, Why, Why must it be this way Puggy. WHY!

Anonymous said...

I'm trying to sign in here

Anonymous said...

I did it! I did it!

Now you pobabaly want to know who I ma right?

None other than Little Lamb

Blogger is a pain.

Pug, why oh why must it be that waty? Why can't it be this way?

Littl Lamb

puerileuwaite said...

Bella - Why, indeed. You may be shocked to learn this, but I have often wondered the same thing.

Just be careful at Target. Apparently they are French-owned! While I don't know all of the implications; I suspect that their lingerie should be superior to Walmart's, but that their bath product technology may be lagging behind.

***

Lamby - Assuming that you were scammed into "upgrading" to Blogger Beta, I have a tip. Try signing into your Google account from your blog, first (click on "Sign In", in top right corner). Once you're signed in, you should be able to comment on any blog (without having to sign in every time). That's how I do it. Good luck!

leelee said...

55 (now 56 comments) should warrant your listing your remaining 3 weird things....we're waiting Pugster.

:-)

Anonymous said...

Still can't post at every blog.

Little Lamb

Anonymous said...

Even after I sign in blogger. My google account doesn't work.

Anonymous said...

THAT WAS YOU FOLLOWING ME AT WAL-MART?????

We should have hooked up in the dressing room...

P.S. this is RevRee. for some stupid reason I can't make a comment using my acct. It's because I'm only half white, isn't it?...

Anonymous said...

bite me blooger

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Bummer. Blogger's been a bad boy today. And apparently last night nobody could comment on blogspot. Yet, strangely enough, I'm having clear sailing. Maybe they're just trying to weed out the undesireables.

***

Rev - Hey there, sexy! I want you here and now, despite your half-whiteness. I'LL make your mocha shake.

Anonymous said...

This is Little Lamb.

I can't post on all my friends blogs. Only some. They wil have to visit me. Or maybe I can email some of them. We shall what developes.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - It's become obvious that fate is scheming to keep you apart from the rest of us. Life can be so cruel that way (for some of us). I want you to know that I'll always remember the "Pre-Beta Lamby". I've learned from The Great Gatsby; that one cannot reach out for the past(ure), since it is already behind you.

I shall miss your cottony softness and the natural way that you lubricated the flow of my comment section. I shall remain fond of the way my heart would skip a beat with almost every skip of your rope.

Farewell, my dear Lamby. Unless of course, your Blog-on issue is resolved.

Anonymous said...

/bark bark bark

i was wondering when"lamb" and "lube" would be finally combined...and of course it was in a pug's yard.

/howl!

/t.beta said...

does
this look
infected to you?

/t.

Anonymous said...

Little Lamb here.

BAD DOG!

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Sorry I missed you earlier. The good news is that you're right. Everyone met their end of the bargain. The bad news is I'm so immersed in a project, that Part II may be delayed a bit. If I can pull off a miracle, maybe I can whip it out later on today.

***

k9 - Makes me wonder if sheep were indeed the precursor to T.P. ...

***

/t. - I'm not sure, so do what I do. Wait for the swelling to subside. So what if it squanders the occasional tryst opportunity, and makes one unpopular with the ladies. It's like a cooling off period, just like we have in the U.S. for gun purchases.

***

Lamby - Oh now you've done it. You scared me, and made me submissively pee. But unfortunately you didn't catch me sooner, so I'm unsure what I did wrong.

leelee said...

Well you justtake your time Pug...and whip it out when the right opportunity presents itself.

Anonymous said...

/bark bark bark

er sorry lamby. i was thinking about when i was a wee pup and i found a package on my daddy's bachelor pad dresser with a picture of a lamby on it. so i opened it up and inside was ..something. i took it out to the living room to ask....you never saw a room come alive like that! grrrerhaha

kinda like the time i found an empty tampon dispenser thing under a chair in a hotel and held it up to my eye. look mom! i found a telescope! another "beehive" room.


grherherha ... pug you peed but unfortunately you dont know what you did? hahaha i still have a puppy at home so im feelin that one

/grrr

Little Lamb said...

I think it was something you posted on my blog. That was this morning, a long time ago and I was 1/2 asleep.

Little Lamb said...

It worked! /t. is a genius!

Little Lamb said...

You no longer have to miss seeing all my wool, pug.

kate said...

gosh make you a diamond... you ask that and get 72 flippin comments... you, my friend, have made yourself a diamond! *wink

Loved the list (incomplete as it were...) looking forward to the rest. FYI...I do not require acknowledgement of my comments. I often dont come back to even check to see if I was noted... expecially if I have to scroll through 73+ comments... who has the time hehehe

Ok if I am being honest, I do assume that you will do the courtesy visit by the ole blog and tell me how much you enjoyed reading and will be back... but never come again... *sigh* God this is like back in the days of dating... giving out the damn phone number and waiting for the call... hehehhe THAT was 1 million years ago... )

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Your comment has haunted me (as most of them do ... especially the ones where you're blatently hitting on me) throughout the day. Exactly WHEN was the right time to whip it out?

- When those Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door?
- How about in front of those Girl Scouts?
- While reading your blogs?
- On the train platform?
- Outside the Ladies' restroom?
- At the movies?
- When in doubt (per Mr. Nugent)?
- None of the above, but rather a "new" location / circumstance that I haven't tried yet?

Oh wait. Nevermind. Like a sign from above, Whitney's "Saving All My Love For You" just came on. I now know the appropriate time, provided I can wait for it.

***

k9 - Loved your comment. Ah, the awkwardness of youth (for other people). That takes me back. Wait. Come to think of it, I never left. Remind me to tell you my tampon joke. If somebody asks, I'll tell it here. (Oh crap, I just dropped my dentures into the buffet again ... that'll teach me to blog while in line ...)

***

Lamby - /t. is a mad genius. There IS a difference, subtle as it make be. I wouldn't say I've been missing your wool being over my eyes (I hate that position, BTW), but it IS hot!

***

Kate - Well in that case, what are you doing this weekend? Oh crap. That's right. You said you were a million years old (when the better statement would be to say that I'M one in a million).

And what kind of Neanderthal would not call? I assure that wouldn't happen until AFTER our first date (when - if all goes according to plan - we'll "Jurassic" park in lovers' lane, where I'll fossil your artifacts until the next millenium.

Well, I accept the Veloceraptor Challenge.

I SHALL visit your blog until you weakly agree to swap links. Then we'll swap other things ... like recipes.

Naked, of course.

Just kidding about the nakedness. Unless that's WHY you want me to call.

leelee said...

I WAS talking about your next installment of weird things..

Have a BLATANTLY hit on you? MOI?

I HAVE been working on my double entendres...does this mean I may have mastered them?

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Sure. Okay. Once again, I'll have to give you the benefit of the doubt. As far as your double-entendrees go, I'd have to say they "got a rise" out of yours truly (I'm practicing too ... what, with the weekend upon us and all ...).

And who knows? Maybe I can actually crank out the 2nd installment this weekend as well.

kate said...

omg you are funny and funny enough I did come looking for confirmation... ONLY because I said I wouldnt! lol

oh and i dont do cooking in the nude... been burned before! *wink
Plus... at a million years old,its not pretty lol... I dont want to have people lose their appetite before dinner! lol Its 'counter' productive! wow I am cracking myself up here! lol

Little Lamb said...

Ok, pug, when do we get the rest of the list?

P said...

Yeah, I'll call that a tease.

Party Girl

Pug said...

Kate - What a pity that you don't cook in the nude. We could be scrambling some eggs right now. So much for practicing the fine art of being "counter-reproductive".

***

Lamby - Who needs a list? By now, you should know at least a dozen or more weird things about me.

***

Party Girl - I'm going to be a "Pollyanna" tonight, and assume that wasn't sarcasm. Good to hear from you. Hope things are well.

Little Lamb said...

I wish I did pug

Pug said...

Lamby - But what if - combined - all of the weird things make me come across as way too creepy?

Pud said...

You are HIGHLY attracted to women?!? I would have never of guessed by all your stalking.

puerileuwaite said...

Pud - Don't make me follow your cute little tushie all the way to Iraq. Because you know I would.

Little Lamb said...

Hmmm, dunno, pug. You just want to keep all of us in suspense.

Crashtest Comic said...

I need a beer, my friend!

Party Girl said...

I know, I've been MIA. Life has been busy, hectic, and my blogging inspiration hasn't been there as a result.

Thanks for your thoughts on my last post. I appreciate them.

Party Girl

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Good morning my little Q-Tip. I like that you're actually in a state of suspense over my weirdness, but I assure that the delay is purely unintentional. It was a looooooong week. The rest of December is looking that way, too. But hopefully I can complete Part 2 of 2 today.

***

Crash - Welcome back, my wayward friend! Holy crap, I gave you up for dead! Are you REALLY back? 'Cuz, if so, then I need to restore your link. Good to hear from you, buddy.

***

Party Girl - That's okay. Your second sentence could've been written by me. Blogging should never be a substitute for an actual life, anyway. This I realize, and you've been at it longer than yours truly. You were away being happy. Nothing wrong about being MIA for that reason. I sincerely hope that ultimately you get everything that you worked so hard for (and deserve), my friend.

Little Lamb said...

Good morning my furry little cute adorable pug. I acceot the reason you haven't finished this post. It is a busy time of year. And work does tend to get in the way our lives. And then we do have our lives which can get in the way of our online lives.

In other words, stuff happens.

Mayden's Voyage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Party Girl said...

You are so kind. Thank you.

PG

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - I started on Part II yesterday. Unfortunately it's not ready yet. As they say in the writing trade, "It needs some punching up". And I just didn't have the time to sit down and get in the proper frame of mind. Soon.

***

FM - No, actually I'm only 12-years old and it's my parents' yard. In the summer, I also take care of neighbors' lawns to earn extra money. But I like to think of myself as a "prodigy", and prefer to "hang" with adults. Whenever I can locate one.

That was going to be my 6th Weird Thing, but I'm sure I can come up with something else. Maybe I'll go with the fact that I'm still a virgin (unless priests and scoutmasters count). Or that on occasion, married women like to drink and hit on me!

***

Party Girl - I will admit that I really enjoy having you in my blog life, and it makes me smile when I read your posts, replies and (especially) your visits to my blog. I would miss that if you ever left.

jmeped said...

Ok pot this is kettle. Talk about me slacking! WTF indeed. I found a present for you. It was a jingle bell with a pug head on the top. But alas I could only stand and chuckle as the other shoppers thought it was time for my medication. Besides it is the thought, so I thought about you.

Little Lamb said...

One day, puggy, you will or may post again. I will wiat.

Pud said...

Where oh where is my puglet at?

Bella Page said...

Puggy,

I missed, missed, missed you my friend. I hope the holiday isn't being too ruff on you!

Hugs!

Mayden's Voyage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped - Let's get married and I'll take your name. That way we can be "Ma and Pa Kettle", after that old movie. I am touched that you took the time to think about me (maybe it was the "pot" that triggered that wacky tangent).

***

Lamby - Soon, my pet. Soon.

***

Pud - I've been workin' MY tushie off. Isn't there a stash of Saddam's loot that you can "misappropriate", so you can return and set me up as your kept "boy toy"? If so, please hurry.

***

Bella - The GREATEST Christmas gift of all this year is that it involves an actual EXTRA day off. It sucks to be too worn out for sex, either alone or with somebody.

***

FM - Thanks. I appreciate it.

/t. said...

99 comments
by scores of hot
women on 3 of 6 weird
things -- how on earth does
he do it?!?!

/t.

Party Girl said...

Pug, color me flattered! Thank you so much!


Ditto, by the way. Ditto.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Wanted to send you a card. Don't know the email. No reason I should know the email. Happy Holidays from your Cruel Virgin friend.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - It totally amazes me that women seem to really be attracted to weirdos. Oh course, I don't have to tell you that!

I'm kidding, of course.

***

Party Girl - No, Drop-Dead-Gorgeous, color ME flattered. I am loving all of the attention that you've been heaping on me. If you ever feel like lowering your standards ... (well, I'd better stop right here)

***

Enemy - My email address is (don't laugh): studpug@gmail.com. Just don't let Lamby know.

Lamby, I'm kidding, of course.

Isn't my email address part of my profile? I thought that anyone could find it and email me (not that I'll necessarily respond).

Anyway, now you have it. On one condition: that you attach some of your intellect to any email. Because THAT (and your legs!) is what I truly want for XMAS (But then, I never get what I really want for XMAS ...).

karla said...

I just want you to know that on those occasions when I don't acknowledge your comment to my site, it's because I am either:

a) Paralyzed with laughter at the wittiness of your comment, spending days or sometimes weeks laughing, unable to eat or sleep, or

b) Paralyzed with introspective wonder at the genius of your philosophical comment, spending days or sometimes weeks pondering the meaning of life and how you can possibly be so very, very wise.

Otherwise, I would totally take the time to acknowledge. But you can see how time consuming the abovementioned things can be.

Little Lamb said...

gee whiz pug. I ask you for your email and you didn't give it to me. What's up with that? I guess I'm not good for you. Well, there's other fish er pugs, in the sea, er, on lamd.

puerileuwaite said...

Karla - I want you to know that you made my day. Here I was sulking: picturing myself as a barely visible footnote to the lives of other bloggers. The "Willy Loman" of bloggers. Now I know different, thanks to you!

For perhaps the first time (but hopefully not the last) I realize that many (if not all) of the women whose lives (and body parts) I touched, both appropriately and inappropriately, perhaps didn't call for a second date for one of the two (possibly both!) reasons that you mentioned.

My eyes are now fully open (unlike in that dreadful "Eyes Wide Shut" movie, which I have yet to see). I AM "rohypnol"!

I was *this* close to turning my back on women, and leaving them be. But with your encouragement, I have the renewed confidence to "keep on keepin' on"; and Karla, I thank you for that gift. Merry Christmas!

***

Lamby - Oh course you are welcome. That's why I put that little dig in my comment to EOTR. But why would you want it? I'm even more boring in private.

Little Lamb said...

you've pushed me away enough. as you say, we can comment on each others blogs.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - I'd never push you away. But it is my civic duty to warn you!

Karla said...

If you get busted for rape or stalking, just don't mention my name.

puerileuwaite said...

Karla - You have my word. I'll continue to utter your name only during the act itself.

Karla said...

That's fine. Most sheep and goats don't understand much of the english language, anyway.

puerileuwaite said...

True. Plus with a sheep, a natural condom is both unnecessary and redundant. Don't knock the flock, Karla.

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