Sunday, December 31, 2006

The Sixth Element

Moses proclaims that the Sixth Weird Thing shall also be the 11th Commandment. So sayeth the Pug.

Hello everybody,

I realize how excruciating it's been to not only deal with my weirdness on a per post and comment basis, but also to endure THREE friggin' installments of the six weird things that I'm willing to publicly admit.

I don't think it took Moses this damned long to haul the Ten Commandments down from the UFO (Personally I have yet to encounter a burning bush. Although in my more promiscuous days I may have caused a few. But perhaps I will tonight at the New Year's Eve party. A burning bush sounds intriguing. It could negate the need for Warming K-Y Lotion. But I'd better bring condoms just in case it's the contagious kind.).

The burning bush. Once revered as the "Angel's Intercom", it is now banned in most municipalities.

I wonder if Nostradamus had to deal with pressure to churn out more of his quatrains (predictions). Come to think of it, he probably had it much easier than yours truly. He could make up all sorts of vague and crazy nonsense, and be cold in the ground before anybody accused him of being a bullshitter, or of phoning it in.

Nostradamus posing for a rare portrait, for which he accurately predicted he would receive a 25% off coupon. Though closely resembling Henry VIII, he only had ONE wife, by virtue of his ability to "see" arguments in advance and avoid them.

I don't have that luxury. My only hope is redemption after my passing, in the form of apologies from those of you who helped to expedite it.

So without further ado, I now present for (dis)pleasure and (dis)approval, the sixth and final weird thing.


6) I have issues with food.

That's it. Oh, is this one too boring? What DID you want to see? Duct-taped hamster stuffing? Masturbating to "The View"? Trenchcoated debauchery in public? Well too f*cking bad. The deal was that I only had to provide six. Those would have been numbers 7, 8 and 9.

K9's admission of his fear of buffets (thank God it wasn't "emissions into buffets", BTW) reminded me that I also have irrational behaviors when it comes to food. As I've "matured" (no snickering ... oh, and like all of YOU are SO mature! ... yeah, right ... whatEV ...), I've mellowed out somewhat in this area. And after I've "had a few", I can even be relaxed enough to eat spilled crab dip off the floor of a taxi cab.

But in general I am very cautious about my food consumption. I prefer to eat food that's either been prepared and cooked by yours truly, or by someone that I trust (hygenically). I avoid restaurants unless they are high-quality, and only eat fast-food when I'm desperate. I have no stomach for buffets (including Jimmy and Warren), due to the swells of unwashed masses that tend to hover over them.

I worked with a guy who was even worse. If anyone even touched his plate, he wouldn't finish it. Of course, the second he stepped away for a moment, we would take advantage of a "loophole" and use his utensils to scratch ourselves inappropriately under our clothing. Yet, amazingly, the dude never got sick. I guess we collectively provided him with a wide range of immunities that made him immortal. This is why I encourage you all to do the same for your friends.

And don't even get me started on "potlucks". I find that I have to constantly pick my nose until it bleeds profusely around my coworkers just to ensure that they always plan one of these office afflictions for a day that I'm out of town. On those rare occasions where I am blindsided by a potluck, my worst fears are always confirmed. These Betty Crockheads whip up the most disgusting crap. Entrees that would make the Scots retch. A homemade pizza with SALAMI as a topping? WTF were you smoking, Chef Pierre? Banana and mayo sandwiches? Do I f*cking LOOK like Elvis?

Haggis: the Scottish version of the Chimichanga.

I know that you mean well by purchasing expensive and exotic cheeses and incorporating them into a homemade dip or appetizer. But you see, the problem is that I haven't slept with you yet, so the "familiarity threshold" has not been reached. I therefore can not blindly trust that you are seeking to fondly reward my sexual prowess with FRESH ingredients and CAREFUL preparation.

For all I know, the "exotic" cheese started its life as a slice of American that unfortunately slid and hid under the refridgerator for quite some time until its miraculous discovery on "Potluck Eve".

Is it any wonder why I commiserate with Howard Hughes? The man wasn't nuts. He just had one too many potlucks imposed on him. Employees were always trying to suck up with these blasted get-togethers, and unfortunately for Howard, he had no choice but to isolate himself from germs and society. It's sad, really.

Howard Hughes goes airborne in order to avoid potlucks. Tragically, one awaited him back at the airport.

Well, that does it for me on the weirdness front. I now feel like I have exorcised six demons from my soul. No longer am I a human pinata of anguish and torment. Thanks to all of you. Happy New Year, brothers and sisters!

*** Optional homework assignment: write a quatrain and either post it or place it in my comments. ***

.

92 comments:

/t. said...

no comments

that's weird...

/t. said...

DOH!

leelee said...

Happy New Year P...now that we FINALLY have your 6th..oddity..we can go boldly into the New Year..thank you my friend...

Little Lamb said...

You know, I don't to use the utensils at work. I prefer to bring my own fork, spoon, and or knife to work with me because I don't know how the person who used it washed it. I don't know what kind of germs my co-workers have and I don't want to find out. On occasion I've had to use a spoon, but I wasn't happy about it. Is that weird?

Mayden's Voyage said...

Canoodle Noodle and Bi-Polar Bear,
2 ideas that held me here-
Then Russian brides and Billboards we'd like to see-
and you eneded with a "6 weird things" Meme!

There's your quatrain! :)

Hope 2007 holds lots of good things for you and yours :)
Happy New Year! :)

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

much more excruiciating even than waiting
the lack of a fire crotch for you to be dating
no warming lotion KY, i burned on ben gay
when the view came on and i rubbed the wrong way

oh yeah i predict like the long bearded one
i say theres a bugger on the waitresses thumb
and the mucousy globs that star on tv
made howard hughesian dogs outta you and me

pot luck i agree is a terrifying custom
just pick up their dishes! throw em down! bust 'em!
im done here now nothin more to say
yo pugly and friends Happy New Years Day!

/grrrr

/t. said...

i would
have thot
it weird had
you said your
bush was on fire

/t.

RevRee said...

Happy New Year!

kate said...

holy cow that was a long post... I have had way too much to drink to really have a read... so I will leave you with a hello and a wish for a great new year... lol and I'll let ya know about May! hehehehe jk... It would be a tough sell to my husband for sure! hehehe

cheers big guy!

Enemy of the Republic said...

I'm going to come back and write an intelligent comment later, but I am feeling the effects of alcohol. I'm a lightweight and a cheap date. happy new year!

Lexcen said...

There is nothing weird about being fussy about food. Everybody has their particular likes and dislikes. Some people are paranoid about hygiene other aren't so particular. I will eat anything as long as it's well cooked...except for snails (escargot)or eel, that goes for anything else that's slippery and slimy. Of course, pussy being an exception but not in matters of hygiene.

puerileuwaite said...

Happy New Year, everybody! Oops ... excuse me. (I should've realized that some of us probably have hangovers.) Shhhhhh ...

I also want to thank everyone who is taking the time to include a quatrain in their comments. I now sheepishly* (* no offense, Lamby) admit that I need to learn how to write one, so that no one can accuse me of being a Nostradumbass.

As such, I *hope* to be able to reply to each of you in the art form of the quatrain. So stay tuned for that exciting development!

Bella Page said...

Puggy,
I was laughing so hard at your burning bush. Back in Oct, of last year, there were some construction men working on an apartment building next to my office. I went for my afternoon walk and lo and behold, there was a bush outside of the apartment building that was on fire! I yelled at one of the men inside the building and they came and put the burning bush out. I told him that the one and only time God decides to come down and chat with me, that it was he that had to be the one to silence him. Damn men anyway!

Hope you had an excellent New Year my friend. I cooked you up some black eyed peas by the way. Are you on your way over?

puerileuwaite said...

/t. -

The moustached one shall comment irreverently.
The blogworld will be most grievously perplexed.
Visitors to mo'po will have greater struggle.
Striving to attain the wavelength of the surrealist from the Great White North.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee -

From the swampland of Jersey anew.
South to the swampland of Florida.
A blonde in a low-cut dirndl shall appear.
With an excitable Pug in her rear-view mirror.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby -

A solitary lamb lies down on Broadway.
Providing safe haven to invaders from the north.
Spun of gold, yet interested in material gain she is not. Pug in her crosshairs, for that is her plot.
The lamb plays innocent and naive. Though it is her that that does the roping in this Fellini-esque rodeo.

puerileuwaite said...

Fair Mayden -

The poet notoriously camera shy.
In cahoots with a large canine.
Yet a friend to one that is smaller and more handsome. She is both riddle and enigma.
All rolled into a delicious tobacco leaf.

puerileuwaite said...

k9 -

The large faithful dog from the east.
A brilliant and entertaining quatrainer.
Forces the Pug to sharpen his game.
But to both - fire hydrants are one and the same.
Shuns buffets yet will drink Mexican water.
Mothers - lock up your daughters.
Evokes fond memories of beatniks with his howling.
Wins legions of fans without even trying.

puerileuwaite said...

Revree -

The vixen has moved on.
Yet is fondly remembered.
New career and new life.
No time for the Pug.
One day she will return.
To find that the Pug has become rich and famous.
And has chosen a different and more faithful blogger.
For his harem.

puerileuwaite said...

Kate -

The blonde newcomer with segmented avatar.
IntoxiKating equal to her own intoxiKation.
Plans with the furry one to Tahiti are imminent.
The Pug is amused by her amusement.

puerileuwaite said...

Stay tuned for more quatrains in the AM ...

puerileuwaite said...

Enemy -

The masked one's most vexing blogger.
Promise both implied and unfullfilled.
Reality clashes with perception.
Gams topple a kingdom.
Slideshows that captivate and confuse.
The dark one never returns.

puerileuwaite said...

Lexcen -

The mysterious one from the land of counter-clockwise swirls. Quiet yet engaged.
No mention of Vegemite or Wombats.
Nor whether Mel Gibson can be traded.
For Yahoo Serious in return.

puerileuwaite said...

Bella Page -

Close allegience to the furry one.
Lends creedence to the prospect of future heirs.
Though the Queen of Hearts stands in direct opposition. There may be no full house or five card stud for the Joker.

leelee said...

WOW..you're banging out those quatrains like nobody's business.

Quite impressive

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee -

Quatrains on the brain.
Leave the small and cuddly one partially insane.
Yet mediocrity and suspicion abound.
For a poet or mystic he is neither.

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

yes all these quatrains are impressive............screeech! what's that you say? the smaller HANDSOME one? grrherherhaha

uh oh let's dont start no east coast west coast quatrainer rivalry we'll end up like biggie and pac grreherhaha

love mayden all rolled in a tobacco leaf. id smoke it! and enemy's gams - yea-yuh.

good work PW!

/grrrrrr

/t. said...

wow, pug,
look at you go!

see, all of this
weirdness bottled up
now pours forth in a great flood of creative 4x4s -- who knew the pug had so much weirdness on tap (ok, most of us suspected) -- impressive outpouring just the same

bodes well, i think, for 2007!

/t.

jmeped said...

I hate pot lucks. I also hate when people make stuff and bring it by. This holiday season I have a bevy of baked goods sitting on my credenza just waiting to mold so I can throw them out. Who puts raisins in fudge anyway! So I am out shopping when I spot another pug shirt with glitter and your cute face that reads my dog can beat up your dog. While I did not purchase this shirt It did make me miss you. Really how would I explain that one considering my dog is a yorkie? The smoking prego at work made a mayo/nanner/black pepper sandwich last week and made me taste it! Let us just say I have since lost 5 pounds. I would love to eat at a buffet as much as I would rather swim in a lake instead of a nice temperature controlled, chlorinated pool.

limpy99 said...

There once was a Pug from Nantucket


Oh, wait, that's not a quatrain. Never mind.

tfg said...

I've had to deal with a few burning bushes in my time, but I guess that comes with the territory when you date redheads.

Mayden's Voyage said...

I suppose that if I were rolled up in a tobacco leaf and smoked-
I'd have a burning- ummm- something-
LOL!
Oh- if you only knew the money I've spent on waxing! So little to burn now! :P
Pug- this was good- and much fun.

Happy 2nd day of the year! :)

P said...

having worked in the ood industry thinking about others preparation and hygeine is not something I will allow myself to think about, cause, yeah, trust me, you all just don't want to know...and I worked in both high class and low class joints...all the same.

I think I just added to your phobia.

PG

puerileuwaite said...

k9 - Word on dat, Holmes. B'side, I'd hate to have ta go all E-vil Nostradamus on yo ass an' bust a soul-qua-train in it.

***

/t. - Unfortunately I think I used up all of '07's reserves on this post and comment section. Look, I'm even out of quatrains. Sorry.

***

Jmeped - Amazing just how alike (and therefore compatible) we truly are. So to acknowledge this reality, I'm plan to listen to Jewel's "You Were Meant For Me" all damned day long. You should too. Hell, we all should. It'll be like one big family Jewel fest.

***

Limpy - Shame on you. How dare you use past tense? Oh, we can't HAVE nice quatrains ...

***

TFG - How did you know that redheads were one of my weaknesses? That, and women who feign passing, tepid, insincere interest in the Pug. Just remember that if the bush starts speaking to you, it's wise to flee the scene. It's bad enough that the round part on top already does that; so why put up with a second critical voice? (Unless it says positive affirmations, such as "you complete me ... almost")

***

FM - Curse the government! Has NOTHING been left in a denuded* (* I like that word, BTW) state?

There is unrest in the forest.
There is trouble in the crease.
For the Pug wants more grassland.
But the waxers ignore his pleas.

Pug's Lament: A Quatrain inspired by Rush's* "The Trees" (* another good thing - and if you count /t., that makes TWO so far - from Canada).

***

Party Girl - Actually I did know this. But I do my best to suspend reality if it's a nice place. I do this with females too.

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

"why put up with a second critical voice"
in addition to the round part on top?

grherherhahaha! howwwwwwwwwwwl!

more grassland? yeah im not into the mexican hairless a la spears if ya knows what ise sayin'.
noam sayin? wait....i never looked at that. i didnt.
i swear on a stack of Korans!

/grrrr

Bella Page said...

Puggy,
I am impressed my friend. Very impressed. You may just make me regain my respect for men ...

puerileuwaite said...

k9 - C'mon Rottie, it made you want to "spear" Britney even more, didn't it? Fess up, pooch!

***

Bella - Sure. But you wrote that last night, and here we are in the morning. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, tell me what it means for me.

Pud said...

Howard Hughes was allowed to be a weirdo because he was a millionaire. That's the rule...he/she with the most money is allowed to be weird.

puerileuwaite said...

Pud - So all I need now is the money. My plan is going according to ... plan. THEN will you go out with me?

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

no ive seen all kind of broke ass weird. including in my pen.

/grrrr

puerileuwaite said...

k9 - Amen, brother. That's one reason why I like to tip back a few on occasion.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Happy New Year, Peurilwaite! Hope you're well.

kate said...

you are so warped... yet so funny! thanks for the pm giggle!

Crashtest Comic said...

You shpank it to The View too???

It was alot easy when Merideth was there.

puerileuwaite said...

MSnay - You too, friend. All the best in 2007.

***

Kate - Wow. You praised me twice in the same comment. How kewl is THAT? Has your husband okayed our Tahiti trip yet? Or do we have to have him bumped off (I watch A LOT of Forensic Files and American Justice)?

***

Crash - Meredith had some good lookin' legs. On the other hand (get it?), Rosie makes me shrivel (I'm melting! I'm melting!).

jmeped said...

Oh, come on puggy you know you would love a rosie, bawbwa sandwich! I do think I would rather eat at a golden coral, and lick the sneeze guard while I'm at it.

/t. said...

probably
a good thing
that weird things
meme didn't require
posting 7 weird things

just pulling your tail, er, leg, pug -- i can sympathize with you fully -- it's hard to find six weird things when you're like the pillar of normal -- i wracked my brains for several long seconds and couldn't think of a single weird thing, so i just made up six (actually got the ideas for these from this blog -- thanks!) -- nobody was the wiser

amyway, just wanted to drop by and burn some bandwidth on this friday night -- have a great one!

/t.

Mel said...

I've got some serious writers blog goin on here... that new years post I did? bout the best thing I've got. Shitty hey? I can't even come up with a decent Rhyme for here so just bare with me k??

Now Puggy, it's been too long
since I dropped a smile your way
2 fucking jobs is just plain wrong
but I'm here, did I make your day?

okay that was kind of dumb
but hey, did you check out my bum?
yay an asspug with food drama
who'se hot for ya? this momma.

And no burning bush round here
though that really made me laugh
& Food parties with all of your staff?
*shudder* thats really uhhh.. queer.


okay. I know, they sucked. shush!
I tried though....

later sweetpuggy!

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped - Sorry babe. But the only Rosie I'll even consider is the one who can't seem to keep her hand offa me. On the other hand (I know, I used that line already ... so sue me), Bawbwa is doable, because it she fits nicely into my "Elmer Fudd gets laid" fantasy (Shhhh ... be vewy, vewy quiet ... I'm huntin' beavew ...).

BTW, I'd like to lick YOUR sneeze guard.

***

/t. - You've sucked me in before. Do you ACTUALLY have 6-weird things that I can view without having to wear 3-D glasses and/or borrow a U.S. Government WW-II vintage Enigma decoding machine in order to interpret them in plain English? Oh. hell. I'll go over and have a look-see for myself.

***

Mel - I liked your poems. They made me both horny AND romantic, This is a strange sensation that I haven't felt since ... well, since ... ever. I plan on checking out your ass today. May I have your permission to use it on a bumper sticker? It would read "I'm (picture of a Canadian 'loonie'} for Mel's (picture of Mel's ass)". Rock on, my sweet little Canadian worker bee.

/t. said...

pug,

i have
posted
more than 250 truly weird things at my blogs during the past year, and almost 100 more weird things at my web site -- do you really think i'm going to get all serious and post 6 weird things just because that's what is expected?!? really, pug, that would be just too weird!

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Alrighty then. Apology accepted. I'm ready to move on from the weirdness theme anyway.

/t. said...

thanks

i guess

/t.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Pug, do you really think I'm not funny? You need to hang out with me--let's go to a White Sox game. I am a riot. But I don't know how to make my blogs funny unless I'm really rude and I have to get pissed off for that.

Just saw the comment on Crash's. Hope you're well.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Seriously, I would enjoy look forward to gaining a little insight into what makes you tick. You put a lot of energy into your blog, and I am fascinated by artistic types. But it's not really my style to badger people into revealing more than they're comfortable with, since I require the same courtesy.

***

Enemy - I'm sure you are. I also realize that you're nothing like anyone I've met so far in my "adventures in blogging". I'm still in the process of trying to figure you out. I like having you comment on my blog, and I hope to see you here more often, "hot legs".

puerileuwaite said...

"Enjoy look forward"? WTF? When did I become Oriental?

/t. said...

pug,

i have no
interest at all
in what makes you tick

you're a capable writer and an entertaining fellow -- i want only for you to make up something fantastic to feed my endless craving for mindless amusement

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Well that is good news. Because THAT would be gay. My suspicions about you have been put to rest. For now.

Little Lamb said...

puggy poo? I have a question. I don't want you to get mad at me. Well if you do we'll just have to make up. So here goes. When are you going to post again?

I think you have a life. I should get one too one day. We shall what developes.

Now if you're mad at me for asking, we'll just have to make up. Making up is the best part of fighting, if you know what I mean. So they say. Whoever "they" are.

GirlGoyle said...

Humm....some how I had never made you out for such a squeemish dog. I guess I can see your point in pot luck's. Sometimes pot luck's are better when you are not too acquainted with the "cook". Knowing people too well means you relate their life styles with their cooking habits and ingredient choice. For example, I've got a friend who adores to cook and can make elaborate dishes. It's just too damn bad she lives in a little house she shares with a huge hairy dog. Needless to say that when she brings something to a party I don't even go near it for fear of spending the rest of the evening coughing up hairballs. Yuck!

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - I started to work on a new one yesterday. I don't know if I'll be able to finish and post it today or not. My schedule is getting brutal again, so even when I do get a moment here and a moment there, I usually have just enough energy to leave comments. But if I ever do decide to "drop out" entirely, I may want to head your way, and become your "Cabana Pug".

***

Girlgoyle - I've become more laid back over the years. For instance, if it's homemade cupcakes, cake, or cookies - and if they're a "normal" flavor and look presentable - then I'm okay with trying them. And if I've met the dog, petted it (the dog, that is), and know that their (both owner and dog) level of hygiene is adequate, then that might be okay too. If we've all shared the same bed (me, owner and dog), then my standards get relaxed even further.

Crashtest Comic said...

That's right, baby!

puerileuwaite said...

He's ALIVE!

Little Lamb said...

And I'm glad Crash is still with us.

Puggy poo? I'd be more than happy if you moved out this way. You can be my Cabana Pug anytime. ;)

karla said...

No fast food? That's it: I think we need to see other people.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - But would I have to wear the "outfit"? Also, do you even HAVE a cabana? Because I think it would be cruelly trite if this "arrangement" were similar to The Beatles' "Drive My Car", where the protaganist wanted to hire a driver, but didn't even own a damned car. I might eventually feel "used", were that the case.

***

Karla - I never said anything about having an aversion to fast women, so congratulations: you're still in.

Little Lamb said...

Outfit? What outfit? To my knowledge I have no cabana. Will that be a problem?

puerileuwaite said...

Well Lamby, since you're being upfront about not having a cabana, I'm willing to admit that I have no outfit, and will have to go "au natural".

Little Lamb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Little Lamb said...

That was me who deleted the former post. I made a boo boo and corrected it. (In case your wondering. Puggy poo, I know how you wonder about these things.)

Then you will be ready for action when I'm in the mood. That's a good thing.

GirlGoyle said...

well i suppose that if you don't mind caughing up hairballs in bed, you won't mind them in your "muffin" either.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - That's one thing (there's probably more, though) that I like about you.

You always find a way to look at the positives.

***

Girlgoyle - Hair is okay when eating one form of seafood, yet totally disgusting when eating another. So what if this makes me a "Chicken of the Sea".

jmeped said...

What is wrong with you! I prefer to call it "a catch all" if you will. You need a new post...

Anonymous said...

/baa baa baa

the boo boo was corrected
but the thread got disconnected
puggy puggy poo poo? will you do a dog do?
a posting in this place before the week is through?

/sheds wool

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped - I always know when I can no longer put off doing a new post. It usually around the time you return from the Bermuda Triangle to remind me that I need to do a new post.

***

Anonymous - I was wondering if you are an alcoholic. Because - in light of your name - that would be a humorous coincidence. Is this YOU Lamby? Is this one of them dealybobs like in "Eyes Wide Shut" where I end up getting kinky with an alleged "anonymous" stranger, only to find out that she's related?

***

Sorry, but I realized that I can only post to my blog in even numbered years. See you in 2008!

Okay, just kidding. The truth is that I've been busy working on my New Year's Resolutions. And unique to the blog world, I'm thinking about doing a post about them ...

Little Lamb said...

puggy poo, Anonymous is not me. It might be Carmen who posts over at my space and at /t.'s space.

Carmen is a friend of ours.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Well if it was Carmen, then I'm glad to have her aboard (which is what I say to all the women ... especially ... (should I even admit this here?) ... in the sack ... because it ties in nicely with the nautical theme of my love chamber ... oh crap, I SHOULDN'T have mentioned this)!

She's not wearing THE "hat", though, is she? Because that would attract fruit flies to my blog.

Pud said...

In the third month of the year 2008, a young pug with make a chance encounter with a hot blonde.

puerileuwaite said...

Pud -

The Pug appears pensive and forlorn.
Why oh why must he wait so long?
Why oh why must it be this way?
For by then he may no longer be so young.
And out of growing desperation.
May have turned gay.

The Pug curses this war that tears them apart.
And wonders if great works of fiction have ever been written about this heart-wrenching and cruel twist of fate.
What choice has he then?
But to visit his beloved Pud's blog.
And masturbate.

Mel said...

So, yeah.. there's only so much Haggis a girl can endure puggy.
I'm joining the whiney masses (I think it makes 3 of us now) and saying...
new post time.
*ahem*

Anonymous said...

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa D

how very very un PC of you
pugly wugly doggie do
an "oriental" of the pug persuasion?
dont you know that now it's "asian"?

baaaaaaa baaaaaaaa bad!

i am clone and ive gone baaaaaaaaaaaaad!
the scratchiest wool youve ever had
and dont even think about grillin my chop
cuz it's a manufactured fake meat crop

choose beef or chicken or calamari
if you eat me ewe'll be sorry
im dolly 7 and ive escaped my pen
i'll be back to pester you again

yeah. put me in the BLACK sheep column.

or

ewe'll be sorry
EWE'LL ALL BE SORRY

baaaaaaaaaa!

Little Lamb said...

Maybe Carmen is Dolly9. Who knows?

Puggy, you've got to show me this love chamber you speak of. It sounds very nice and cozy.

GirlGoyle said...

hahahaha...went back in time in my blog because I couldn't believe I've been doing this blogging thing for almost 2 years. And come to find...there you were with a comment from day one. You keeeeeeel me! :)

puerileuwaite said...

Mel - PLEASE tell me that you've NEVER actually eaten a haggis. Because lips that have touched one of those can never touch any part of my body.

(Okay, maybe just ONE part ...)

***

Anonymous - Wow. A return visit. Yea. Hurray for me.

***

Lamby - Okay, but you have to be in a steamy "Blue Lagoon" state of sexual awakening in order to properly enjoy it. Plus you have to know all of the songs from Disney's "The Little Mermaid".

Under the sea.
It's always better down where it's wetter.
Under the sea.

***

Girlgoyle - See? Who was there for you, babe? Did you ever think that maybe, just perhaps, YOU are MY DQ? And yet you treat me like dirt (and not even like the good kind of dirt, with nutrients and what-not).

Little Lamb said...

I will have to watch Little Mermaid until I can know all the songs.

kate said...

wait.. do I have to look through 84 freakin comments to see if you are comming back?!?!?!?? lol Post would you damn it! lol

Have a great weekend... I will look forward to reading an interesting post soonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!

cheers K

Malnurtured Snay said...

A week and a half without a blog post ... ?

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Just don't pay any attention to the box artwork. Allegedly a Disney artist snuck a few phalluses in amongst the rock-like formations.

***

Kate - To borrow from the "Grampa Joe" character from Greedy (played by Kirk Douglas ... Greedy is one of my favorite comedies BTW)):

"Hey, I wanted to see WHO really loved me!".

Okay, so "technically" it's not "love". But at least it tells me that a few misguided souls are actually reading the posts.

Fine. I'll finish (and POST) the next one this morning. So, are we STILL on for Tahiti?

***

Malnurtured Snay - You, my friend, know the real reason for that. I've been spending almost all of my limited blogging time on YOUR blog. As a result, I've had none of my "wittiness" (if I can get away with using that term) left for my own posts.

Little Lamb said...

Excuses, excuses.

Crashtest Comic said...

Sometimes, when I masturbate, it makes me cry.

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

now im gonna cry after that mental picture crash.

/grrr

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Our relationship is progressing nicely. I see that you're already in the "on to my lies" stage. Well done, my little Q-Tip.

***

Crash - Sometimes when you touch, the honesty's too much.

***

k9 - Speaking of crying, say it ain't so. We need you, Rottie.

Anonymous said...

Hi!
I like your story.
But you'd better take a look here to find a really DIFFERENT dating site.
Looks amazing, agree? :-)
You can also find my pics and more about me on my page www.livedatesearch.com/jessica
Read more about me or drop me a message from there.
Chao!
Jessica