Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Musical WTF?!

Hello fellow "Musicphiles",

(Hopefully this is the only noun ending in "phile" that geniunely applies when describing your interests. Because I have no tolerance for stamp collectors.)

Anyhoo, the time has come for yet another tedious and juvenile installment of "Musical What The F*ck?!"


WTF?! 001 > "Badge" by Cream

Thinkin' bout the times you drove in my car
(Well, RODE, technically)

Thinkin' that I might have drove you too far
(Guilt? Obviously he is NOT a playa)

And I'm thinkin' bout the love that you laid on my table
(So far, so good. It has a pleasant, laid back tempo, and it alludes to car sex and possibly on a table as well, which hopefully means the kinky fun kind and not getting screwed in a Poker game. On the other hand, what if this happened at Thanksgiving, where the bimbo was from the local strip joint, and there she was, drunkenly spread-eagled naked on the table amidst the turkey [insert stuffing joke here] and "fixins'" just as the family converged on the dining room? Oops. That was MY Thanksgiving. Nevermind. Moving on ...)

I told you not to wander round in the dark
(She has to be TOLD this little nugget of wisDUMB? Wait. Un momento por favor! Perhaps this makes her the IDEAL one-nighter)

I told you bout the swans, that they live in the park
(No shit, Sherlock. Where the hell did you think they lived? In that goofy* (* no pun intended) "Swan Hotel" at Walt Disney World? Why the hell do you think they call that tune "Swan Lake"? Because the swans just happened to go on a picnic that day? Dumbass)

Then I told you 'bout our kid, now he's married to Mabel.
(Mabel?! C'mon everybody, join in with me and shout at the top of your lungs: WHAT THE F*CK?! How did he ever tear "Mabel" away from her job at the Hooterville Telephone Company switchboard? And what's with this "now" crap? How many times has he been married, and why does his mother* (*presumably) have to be "brought up to speed"? Damn, and I thought my family was disfunctional ...)

Okay, there ARE more lyrics to this song, but quite frankly, after that stupid-ass "Mabel" line, I generally lose interest. Sorry.



WTF?! 002 > "Don't Sleep in the Subway" by Petula Clark

Actually this observation isn't mine. It belongs to a very funny female comic (whose name unfortunately escapes me) from a few years ago, who came up with it. Her perfectly timed remark was: "What kind of guy is this woman going out with?

You wander around on your own little cloud
(Sounds like an addict. If not, he doesn't sound like the aggressive provider that women seek to ensnare and emasculate)

When you don't see the why or the wherefore
You walk out on me when we both disagree
(Okay, so maybe he is an okay dude ...)

'Cause to reason is not what you care for
(So far, so good ...)

I've heard it all a million times before
Take off your coat, my love, and close the door
(Can I close the door and THEN take off my coat? The other way just seems so awkward. After all, here I am at the damned door, so WHY THE F*CK do I have to do all of that other shit first? [We guys think like that when all we really want is to have a quick drink, bite to eat, get laid, and rest up for tomorrow's "hunting and gathering"])

Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'
Don't stand in the pouring rain
Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'

Once again everyone, join in with me and shout at the top of your lungs: WHAT THE F*CK?! Don't sleep in the friggin' subway?! Don't stand in the pouring rain? WTF? Is this guy Canadian for Chrissakes? Dayum!)

The night is long
Forget your foolish pride
Nothing's wrong
Now you're beside me again
(Ho hum. This section could be from any Toni Braxton or Sade song, in which case, if you're actually listening to the lyrics instead of copulating, then you DESERVE to sleep all wet in the subway. Dumbass)

You try to be smart, then you take it to heart
'Cause it hurts when your ego is deflated
You don't realize that it's all compromise
And the problems are so overrated
(Sounds here like the "lucky gal" is attempting to cheer the loser up for "underperformance" issues, when instead she should be immersed in a world that rocks. But on the other hand we must remember that this "tune" was written in the days before Viagra or attractive women)



WTF?! 003 > "Lovely Rita" by The Beatles

Screw the lyrics. When have you ever seen an attractive Meter Maid? 'Nuff said.

.

92 comments:

puerileuwaite said...

Thank you (so much) everybody for your patience. Sorry to be MIA lately. I will try to get back up to twice a week, with both my sexual encounters and my posting.

Mayden's Voyage said...

Pug-
You make me smile :)
Thanks :)

/t. said...

tedious
and juvenile...

finally!

but i didn't get the point about not standing in the pouring rain?!? WTF?!?

/t.

Little Lamb said...

A new post. Finally. Pug I can be just as bad. I'm falling back into that pattern.

puerileuwaite said...

FM - Why, that's precisely the reaction I was looking for! (Seriously)

***

/t. - I pick on Canadians so much because you're good people. I need to find other scapegoats, I suppose, just to mix it up a tad.

***

Lamby - Well at least you can't blame some of it on a brutal winter, like I can. But this time of year DOES have an effect. Maybe I can be a little more consistent, though, by wrtiting at least a little bit each day.

leelee said...

Oh NO!...now I have that Petula Clark song running through my head...I even found myself whistling it already...OH NO!! EAR WORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K9 said...

/bark

grrrherherha

what? you no likey she look a lil bit lika milatree mon?

no silly. rain DROWNS out the petulant petulas prissy prose. thats why im standin in it.

/gr

leelee said...

I suppose we could give out a WTF for some of the old tunes too...

Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you?

gautami tripathy said...

Great pugmarks there

:D.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - I've heard that if you actually sleep in the subway, the ambient sounds (and smells) will drown it out.

Oh, and don't get me started on Mairzy Oats, which of course IS THE "Muzak" in hell.

***

k9 - There in lies the problem: I prefer that women NOT look (or act) like "military men". On successful dates, YOURS TRULY should get to play "Drill Sargeant", if you catch my drift.

***

Gautami - Thank you. I write from the heart, whenever I can gain access to one. ;-)

RevRee said...

When I first started reading I was afraid you might mention Tom Jones! But he's genius, so of course you're not going to mention him! Thank you!!!

tfg said...

I'd been wondering about Mabel for years. I think we can chalk those lyrics up to potent narcotic influences.

puerileuwaite said...

Rev - "It's not unusual to "have" Pugs with anyone". That was the original lyric to Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual". A lot of folks don't know that. The record company made him change it because 3-ways involving bestiality were not as common and publicly accepted as thay are today.

- Allegro Pug
Professor Cum Lordy
The College of Rock 'n' Roll Knowledge

***

TFG - Good point. It was likely heroin influenced and/or lyric was "phoned in". This, by the way, is why yours truly gave up the "hard stuff" (Visions of Mabel were a "buzz kill". At least Bob Dylan had "Visions 0f Johanna").

Or else they* (* Eric Clapton and George Harrison are both credited) really wanted to use "Birdie" or "Gladys", but found those names even more vexing to rhyme with.

How would I have written it? (Thanks for asking)

"And I'm thinkin' bout the love that you laid on my table

I told you not to wander round in the dark
I told you bout the swans, that they live in the park

I'd stay if you were smarter and perhaps a wee bit mentally stable"

Bella Page said...

Puggles!
I would let you muse your tunes in my ear anytime! Brought a smile to my chops this morning, just what I needed today. Then you always know what I need ...

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

what about anglophile?

when you coming to see abbey road, pw? ;)

puerileuwaite said...

Bella - I got a million of them. Ha cha cha cha! Who's there for you, babe?

***

Reverend - Based on what I've read so far on your blog (which I am enjoying, BTW), I'm not entirely sure that I WANT to be an Anglophile. There's seems to be a few too many "wankers" in the herd across the pond. Plus I would have to let my dental hygiene suffer in order to fit in and study them at (egad) close range.

But I would walk down Abbey Road with you anytime. I'll be the barefooted Paul McCartney.

puerileuwaite said...

(Even though I'm more of a John Lennon pug)

miss_lissa said...

You should do a Canadian Version...
Celine Dion Lyrics alone should provide enough mild amusement.
That "I drove all night" song? mkaay, stalker much?

seriously, it creeps me out.

Ooo Oooo our you can do a "Did they know it then?" Gay men ballad edition featuring Lance Bass and Elton John et al... you know "Don't go Breakin' my heart" otherwise known as "Girlfriend, I don't want to be touchin your heart or your girlboobs" you know?? Isn't one of the backstreet boys gay too?
So many stupid songs, so little time.

hehe

puerileuwaite said...

Well Miss_Lissa, I beg to differ. I love "I Drove All Night". Especially Cyndi Lauper's version (I had a thing for her when she was younger ... but she never stopped by to pick it up. Oh, I slay me). Even Roy Orbison had a version. But (rather fortunately) I haven't heard Vaseline Dijon's take on it yet.

I do know that I WOULD have drove (oops, I mean "driven") all night to get to you, but seeing how your parents wouldn't let me STAY all night once I got there, what's the point?

(Regarding Elton, maybe THAT is why Kiki Dee sang, "I couldn't if I tried")

kate said...

glad you will be having at it twice a week... for you and for us! hehehe No I have never seen a meter maid who was the least bit attractive! hummmm

puerileuwaite said...

Kate -

Cruelly, both activities require the cooperation of rebellious and undersized organs. But fortunately only one (I'll leave it a mystery as to which one) activity requires a willing "3rd party" participant. Nonetheless, I remain hopeful that - independent of satisfaction - frequency will increase.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Last semester, my "Roots of Rock & Roll" prof -- who is a total musicphile -- told us that they used to make record players for cars. We were all like, "Huh?" Apparently, however, true!

puerileuwaite said...

MSnay - I believe your Prof is correct. I could picture one in a Jaguar, since it would be just one more unreliable thing for the mechanic to look at every 2-weeks or so (Jaguars are notoriously unreliable).

Mel said...

haha- please tell me you didn't have to google that song to find out who sang it originally.

I was trying to think of a stupid song Celine had sang (you'd think I had a bumper crop to choose from I could have come up with something more "original" of hers) but that was what popped in my head.

& Puggy, if you drove all night- I'd sneak ya in ;)

limpy99 said...

We had a high school biology teacher named Rita.

She wasn't hot either.

puerileuwaite said...

Mel - As a Musicphile, this Pug is into tunes from all erasand genres. Dorky stuff included. So I was already familar with Petula Clark's version.

Concerning your "sneaking me in" offer, that takes me back! You're not one of them "noisy" gals, are you? Regardless, count me in. Danger is my middle name.

***

Limpy - What a shame. Having a hot Biology teacher for the purpose of imagined procreation, would be fittingly appropriate, and make the "labs" much more interesting.

DykesDog said...

Am I a black sheep because of my race or my dark nature?!

Love ya Puggy!

/t. said...

and
still
we wait
to hear from
Mabel...

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

Dykesdog - The Black Sheep are "bad to the bone" types. And I wouldn't have you any other way (actually there's lots of ways I'd have you ...).

***

/t. - Speak of the devil, Mabel released a rebuttal to my post, as follows:

"Hello, everyone, and thanks for coming. Even though I disagree with his mean-spirited portrayal of myself, I want to thank the Pug (handsome bugger that he is) for allowing me to be heard.

It was I who inspired Mr. Clapton to use "Mabel" in his song, and the myth that he was lazily looking for a quick proper noun to rhyme with "table", could not be further from the truth.

I have found the disparaging remarks over the years regarding this particular passage to be a source of great pain and embarrassment. If I didn't have my good friends Gertrude, Eunice and Harriet to console and support me, I don't know if I could have made it through.

So the next time that you encounter a "Mabel" in either verse or at a Bingo Night, please show a little compassion and maturity.

Thank you,

Mabel Pepper"

gautami tripathy said...

My name is G-A-U-T-A-M-I.

Mel said...

Beware!
I've got a serious heavy vibe.
It gets bigger all the time.
It emits a strange light
And it shines all night.

I I I I I ...
It gets bigger all the time

I love music, as you may or may not know...
odd lyrics, broadway show tunes, random dancing during the day.. I live for it, I neeeeeed it.
hehe I could have fun with this now that I know I have a fellow musicphile in you (you need to meet Lily)

and am I noisy?
well uhm, I'm not a screamer all the time but I'm not going to be quiet if I'm enjoying myself either. No complaints yet...
How's that?

Enemy of the Republic said...

Pug, I just love your posts. I await them eagerly. Honest. And I like Petula Clark.

kate said...

more isnt always better dear dog... but it does give you better odds at satisfaction (here and in your other encounters)! Wait why am I stooping down to your level here and responding AGAIN???lol Perhaps its like /t. said...
tedious
and juvenile... I like that in a dog! lol

puerileuwaite said...

Gautami - Oops. So sorry m'lady. I've corrected my spelling.

***

Mel - Well then perhaps I can be the first (to complain). I'm kidding of course. Oh, and I already have "Pictures of Lily" courtesy of The Who. So I would look forward to meeting her. Maybe we can form an incestuous music group and call ourselves "The Disrobee Trio".

***

Enemy - Well in THAT case ...

I know a place where we can go
I know a place where the lights are low

I know a place called the Pug's blog
I know a place where ... we can dissect her lyrics
like a frog


(Thanks for the kind words. I like having you here.)

puerileuwaite said...

Kate - Why, I NEVER! Why must you be SO hurtful, when all I want is to be loved and taken seriously (preferably in THAT order)?

I'm going to assume it was the "meds" talking, after being egged on by the Margaritas.

I must be that "plush toy" that is so easy to kick.

I don't know if I can go on blogging and living (and yes, Smartie, in THAT order as well).

I'm kidding of course. You gave me a good chuckle, and I am delighted by your return to these comments. That's what makes it a party.

Volume in both endeavours* (* Canadian spelling) may prove to be the key: I'll just let it fly and see what "sticks" to the wall.

crashtestcomic said...

A new post from Pug, eh?

BTW FYI, Lovely Rita wasn't about a meter maid (as some may think--) but rather tis a song about Brian Epstein's undying love for boy-schlongo...

& the Walrus was Paul.

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Peurile-- Ok you be Paul McCartney...does that mean I have to be a bearded George? I'll have to work on that.

Your letter, btw is 'L'

You can have my juicer - you'll have to come get it...and then I'd like to see your modifications, you ol' lesbian, you ;)

puerileuwaite said...

Crash - (In my best Johnny Carson voice) I did not know that. I always thought "Yellow Submarine" was about that particular topic.

***

Reverend - Seeing how you're a female, and I have a "soft spot" for women (wait, that didn't sound right ...), I'll relax our "Abbey Road" game rules a bit.

The "beard" can be anywhere.



And now ... to get busy on my "L" post ...

gautami tripathy said...

The Chalk verse you wrote as a commenton my blog is VERY good.

puerileuwaite said...

Gautami - Thank you for your kind words. It was fun, and I am finding your blog to be a source of inspiration from both a creative and spiritual perspective.

Pud said...

LOL! I miss you Pug!!

puerileuwaite said...

Pud - I miss you too, and continue to worry about your safety over there. Stay safe, gorgeous!

Little Lamb said...

We all should admire pudwhipped. She's fighting for our country. I admire that in a person. That war isn't very popular, but she has the guts to fight for us, anyway.

puerileuwaite said...

My friend's uncle was like that. He was tough as nails. A fierce warrior. And he fought like crazy, but the in the end, the enemy won and he was drafted anyway.

Little Lamb said...

Pud is a very brave woman. She's in Iraq. She could get killed. Our soldiers are getting killed every day. I think we should encourage Pud while she's away and pray she returns the way she went over there. She is fighting for this country.

puerileuwaite said...

That's why I plan on popping naked out of a giant "Welcome Home" cake when she returns.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, if you really do that she'll be SO happy! And EXCITED!!!! She just might make mad passionate love to you.

puerileuwaite said...

Oh, I'm not in it for the love. Just to see her happy expression as she blows out the candles just may be enough gratification for me.

Little Lamb said...

You not in it for the love? I find that hard to believe. You can be one horny pug.

puerileuwaite said...

That's just one side of me. The "bumpy" side, if you will.

Little Lamb said...

maybe we can get to know each other better.

puerileuwaite said...

Isn't that what we've been doing?

puerileuwaite said...

Okay, I was teasing. Here, I'll start ...

I enjoy candle lit walks in the rain.

(Though these walks don't tend to last very long, because rain seems to be a natural enemy of candles)

puerileuwaite said...

So what are you into?

Little Lamb said...

what am I into? I guess you could say I'm into computers. When I'm home I'm always, well most of the time, online. How about you?

Little Lamb said...

I didn't know you responded more than once. Sorry. Candle light seems romantic

puerileuwaite said...

Don't scare me like that. I thought I drove you away with my honesty.

Little Lamb said...

Sorry. I took a shower. The reason I didn't tell you is because I didn't want you to go away. I'd like to chat.

puerileuwaite said...

Did you shower naked? Because that could be a turn on for some people ...

puerileuwaite said...

And never be sorry for bathing. It's not something to be ashamed of.

Little Lamb said...

Yes, pug,I'm afraid I did shower naked. I had absolutely nothing on. I was in the buff, nude, no clothes or anything. Totally naked. And wet.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, I do bathe. I think that's a good thing.

puerileuwaite said...

I KNEW it! Did you use a loofah? Loofahs are hot. I bet that YOU'RE hot, Lamby.


(BTW, I'll also need to step away for awhile, but I'll be checking in every once in awhile until bedtime ...)

Little Lamb said...

No. I didn't. I use those things made out of mesh. I don't know what they're called.

I'll be going to bed in a bit. I'll say goodnight when I do.

puerileuwaite said...

I use the same thing! With this knowledge, we can think of each other as use our mesh loofahs. And in a sense, we will be meshing as well. Come back later to tuck me in.

Little Lamb said...

So we bond online.

Little Lamb said...

I'm tucking you in pug, now it's your turn to tuck me in. I'm going to bed.

Good night, my sweet pug.

Dan said...

I have never seen an attractive meter maid. The one in our town is a butch woman who looks like she can kick my ass with one hand tied behind her back ... maybe even both hands.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Oops. I missed the tuck in, Hope the bed bugs didn't bite.

puerileuwaite said...

Dan - My point exactly. Now imagine if she WERE attractive, and what a revenue producer THAT would be, The possibility of getting somewhere with her would diistract you from feeding the meter.

Then as soon as it said "TIme Expired" she would nail you. And not in the good way either.

But even at that point you couldn't show outrage in front of her, for fear that it would blow any miniscule chance that you may have of parking in a "more exclusive" location (albeit with a more expensive meter).

Same business model that strippers use, so I've been told.

GirlGoyle said...

Yet another lonely saturday night with nothing but your...vynil??

puerileuwaite said...

Girlgoyle - Sure, my vinyl RECORDS. I don't know what vinyl products you were thinking of ...






(Oh, and my vinyl girlfriend too. We like to sit together and listen to "Go All The Way" by The Raspberries. It gets at least one of us in the mood.)

leelee said...

I don't know about your metermaid theory Pugsly....you might want to check this out:

http://www.metermaids.com/

Little Lamb said...

Pug, oh Pug, what am I to do with you? You didn't tuck me in last night. Oh well, you must have been busy.

Anonymous said...

for someone with so much to say these posts are few and far between! hehehe

id feel like signing in... but this is Kate

/t. said...

work pics
from leelee...

great!

/t.

leelee said...

~blush~

my little secret is out

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - While indeed they are enjoyable to look at, and I would love to play their slots, it's obvious they are imposters.

After all, when have any of us ever gazed upon a physically attractive and SMILING urban* government worker (* rural examples excluded, since - due to economic necessity - the occasional hot farmer's daughter type can be found in a dead-end G-job)?

***

Lamby - You slipped under the sheets before I could get back to check on you. Geez, if you're THAT fast into the sack, we must meet on my next Florida "fornication".

***

Kate - Alas, it's true. My job and this crappy winter have been kicking my ass, and have turned me into a reluctant and infrequent poster child. But in all fairness I do put a LOT of time into my commenting, both here and abroad. In fact, I enjoy my comment sections immensely, and get off on the wacky tangents that transpire here. I probably spend too much tme commenting instead of posting. I continue to hope that I can step up the posting pace to twice every 7-days or so (except when we're off on our Tahiti trip).

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - She works hard for the money, so we better treat her right. Besides, you don't want to get me started on my "Leelee in Uniform" fantasies.

***

Leelee - I would like to dedicate the Gin Blossoms' "Found Out About You" to your little secret.

leelee said...

~wink~ to think it all started with a dirndl.

puerileuwaite said...

Doesn't it ALWAYS start with a dirndl?

Malnurtured Snay said...

Write.
Something.
New.

Little Lamb said...

Oh Pug, let me handle this comment from Malnurtured Snay, I'm in a silly mood. He said: Write.
Something.
New.

Something.
New.

:)

puerileuwaite said...

Holy crap! Even MSnay is getting surly! Thanks for trying to deflect, Lamby, but MSnay is justified in his terse criticism.

New post TONIGHT. Even if it kills me. And if it does, then my next timely-written post will be about that event.

/t. said...

little lamb,

timestamp: 4:23 AM

pug,

timestamp: 5:37 AM

you people are animals!

/t.

Little Lamb said...

pug cares very much for me /t.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - We love the night life. We love to boogie.

***

Lamby - How many kids should we have?

Little Lamb said...

I would like to have 2 kids. A boy and a girl.

Scary Monster said...

Lyrics, Hmmmm Me gonna hafta start listening a little closer. Then again maybe not. Them words be written by musicians..Mess me up more'n me already is

puerileuwaite said...

Okay Lamby, I'll start working on it right away.

***

Scary Monster - You make an excellent addition to my blog cast of characters. And I hope you become a regular, Your icon is way cool. But the "scary" adjective strikes me as borderline redundant. You are wise to not pay too much attention to lyrics. That is how Charlie Manson (another scary monster) got started.

andy said...

Okay, dude, you NEED to check out Tyrese's new song. Luckily for you, the lyrics are but a click a way on my latest post. What a great day for you!

puerileuwaite said...

Andy - Welcome dude. Count me in. I'll be stopping by.