Thursday, February 01, 2007

More Random Musings

Hi everybody,

I'm still thinking about my "L" post for Reverend. And since my blog is similar to that "classic" Orson Welles wine commerical (tagline: "We shall serve no wine before its time"), I want to ensure that my posts are "twist-off cap worthy" before delivering them to the 7-11 of the publishing world.

So to temporarily satiate your whiney thirst for new crap, I thought I'd jot off a quick post to share several recent observations from my travels hither and yon.

***

1) Trailers

I was mired in stop and go traffic the other day (as is often the case anymore during my travels hither and yon), struggling to distract myself from the insanity of being mired in stop and go traffic. I happened to glance over to my right, and spotted a truck hauling one of those 2-wheel auto trailers. I started thinking, wouldn't it be a refreshing change of pace here in stop and go traffic if I were to drive up onto that trailer and free myself from the worry of having to keep pace with the other motorists? Why, I could work on a crossword puzzle or even on my next post. Plus, think of the gas I would save, in addition to reducing emissions from outside of my vehicle. And if I'm subtle enough, perhaps my "host" will not notice right away.

***

2) Elevators

In my endless pursuit of radical new ideas that could alter day-to-day society for the better* (* ideally), my focus recently honed in on elevators. And just what do I have in mind for improving elevator usage? One word: mirrors. Oh, and not just mirrored ceilings and floors, either. I'm talkin' mirrors on both the back elevator wall and the foyer wall that the elevator faces when the friggin' doors open. I don't know about you (and I'm not sure that I want to know, either), but I grow weary of constantly bumping into people* (* because let's face it: not everyone is attractive and equipped with large breasts) when trying to enter or exit an elevator. Have we not learned from "Dressed to Kill", people? Geez, it's been years (26, to be precise) since Angie Dickinson was slashed to death in an elevator. And since it was the only one in known existence with a mirror in it, Nancy Allen was able to spot both the body and the murderer (who was about to slash HER!) inside, and escape. And WHY? Mirrors.

***

3) Hotel Rooms

Do you know what they should have above the beds? Mirrors. 'Nuff said.

***

I can only hope that the decision-makers out there read this post, and embrace these ideas. The world will be a marginally better place for it.

.

64 comments:

leelee said...

I'm intrigued by your riding remora style on an unsuspecting trailer...just think of all you could accomplish on your way hither and yon...and wouldn't it be cool if there was a little ramp off the side so you could slide right off when you get to yur destination...kewl.

Now mirrors...I like the elevator idea...it can be a little creepy with a stranger right up against your back...so it'd be good I think to see what he/she is up to.

Mirrors on hotel room celinings? you mean they are not ALL like that already?? hmmmmmmm how strange.

/t. said...

pug,

your mind
is a scary place

but

you mirror my thoughts exactly

/t.

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Hmm...well, in both London and in New York, my elevators always had mirrors in them. Maybe I just live in crime ridden neighborhoods.

Come on. L is not that hard. I can't help it if thats the letter in the middle of your name that I first cast eyes upon, whilst thinking of your assignment!

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - The gas savings alone would counter-balance the safety issues. Not only that, no one could give me a hard time for the way that I drive. I would just point to the front vehicle and yell, "Talk to THAT guy. HE'S the assh*le who cut you off."

You never know ... that stranger could be ME! And in that case, you wouldn't want to turn around to see what I was up to.

In that case, I'll definitely leave the light on for you!

***

/t. - You could even say that my mind IS a house of mirrors in which I'm trapped inside.

***

Reverend - You may be right about New York, now that I recall (it's been 10-years or so since I've been there). But in London, one would think that the Brits WOULDN'T be fond of mirrors.

Maybe the lack of elevator mirrors is more of a "Great Southwest" phenomenon.

I want to completely blow you away with my "L" post, hence the delay.

Little Lamb said...

And not only could you do a crossword puzzle if you hooked onto a trailer, you could get some shut eye.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby, I actually do that now.

leelee said...

of course leave the light on P.

puerileuwaite said...

I'll also request the special room with ceiling mirror that has the etched-in reminder, "Certain objects are much larger than they appear".

Percival said...

"And the world will be a better place
For you... and me... just wait...
And seeeeee!"

- Ann Margaret, "Put a Little Love in the Mirror

- Sir Percy Bysshe Silly

Enemy of the Republic said...

I agree with 3 big time. 2 is also good, but I always take the stairs--hate elevators. Trailers--now that's my white roots. But it is a drag when people attach them to their cars and make us deal with them.

GirlGoyle said...

You could also consider living in a camper. This way every monday morning you could drive it in stop and go traffic to work. Park it there for the rest of the week and not have to worry about being late, stop and go traffic, gas. Then Friday, you'd get into your camper and back the house you'd travel or...if you were so inclined you could get on the highway and travel in any direction using up all the gas you saved that week. Or...whatever...i'm just talking.

limpy99 said...

You could just take the bus to work. You'd save fuel, better the environment, AND get to meet the sort of people who slash other people to death in elevators!

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

lollipops, lemons, licorice, lima beans, laciviousness, lennon & mccartney songs....

;)

puerileuwaite said...

Percival - I loved Ann Margaret in "Tommy". I'm starting to see that we could riff on mirrors alone for a week (hopefully we won't have to).

***

Enemy - I just KNEW that you had some wild vixen in you! I also agree that these bozos with trailers are an inconvenience. So the LEAST they could do is allow me to "skitch" on the empty ones.

***

Girlgoyle & Limpy - I thought about both of your suggestions, but I have an even more economical and environmentally-friendly idea:

Why not live AT the job? Heck, they have restrooms, break rooms, and some even have showers. And they won't even have to know, since most have suspended ceilings and all have Janitor's closets. Just think of the quality that could be added to one's life, not having to worry about providing those essentials for oneself.

On that note, maybe tomorrow I'll recount the story of "Bad Ronald".

***

Reverend - ... licking ... London ... ladies ...

;-)

gautami tripathy said...

All I ask is:

the world to be free of bigots!

puerileuwaite said...

Gautami - I agree wholeheartedly. Intolerance of others, and finding lame reasons to justify it (race, creed, religion, background, "not from here", etc.) is a major example of pompous human stupidity.

jmeped said...

Do you know that chinese believe that spirits don't like their reflection so they sew tiny mirrors on their clothing? Well they used to. Now I think they prefer levis and anything by Gwen Stephani. If hotels had mirrors on the ceiling maybe it would make the bad artwork and scratchy bed spread more bearable.

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped! I see that you JUST commented. It's as if we are here together staring at the same starry, starry night in the form of my blog!

I too used to have mirrors sewn into my clothing. But that was during my shameless disco revival days. And also, I had heard an Urban Legend that it makes one invisible to radar.

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Oh my!

I like your list better...

Scary Monster said...

Whatever happened to Orson Welles? He went from fascinating to flavorless, much like the wine. About mirrors, they scare the heck out of me. Me can't believe that what Me sees in them is real.
Kinda like listenin to your voice on tape it dont really sound quite right.
Me likes the way leelee likens riding on a trailer to riding beneath a shark. Makes me think that Me will be just a little more careful when me is driving near an 18 wheeler in the future.

Bella Page said...

Puggles,
We have finally decided on a vacation destination ... could we get mirrors above our heads in grass huts on the beach please?!

Think my friend of the wonderous sites!

I hope that you're keeping warm my fuzzy friend!

Crashtest Comic said...

Mirrors are hot!

Especially when there's someone other than me looking back.

leelee said...

I like Scary Monster..

puerileuwaite said...

Reverend - I aim to please, your holiness. I put a lot of effort into my job applications. Too much, I'm afraid; as I frequently have no energy left after I get the job. (Oops, I may have said too much!)

***

Scary Monster - It's shameful how Orson Welles let himself go, after spectacular early success (including "landing" Rita Heyworth). This is why I find it so necessary to pace myself.

And it's wise to not trust mirrors, since they are a reverse - or "mirror" - image, and not the one that other people see (and avoid).

Funny that you should reinforce Leelee's sea analogy. Why just the other day I was trapped on a "twisty-turny" between a semi-trailer truck and the guard rail at 65mph as "Don't Kill The Whale" by Yes was blasting from my speakers (true story). A bit of cruel irony as part of that day's commute.

***

Bella - Hey, I'll want pictures of your hot "Turkey in the Straw" action. That image alone will warm vital organs.

***

Crash - I've stayed in those kinds of places where - as it turns out - there WAS someone else there. Unfortunately, it was on the other side of the mirror with a video camera. What's worse than paying outrageous hotel porn prices? Paying outrageous hotel porn prices where the movie is of your last stay there.

***

Leelee - Sure, NOW you do, because of his blatant sucking up. Tell me if you feel the same later on tonight, when he's in your closet or under your bed.

leelee said...

I'm sure you have seen Scary's blog...I really like the way he uses his picture.
He's too cute to be scary

me thinks me should play more with photoshop

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Yes, Scary Monster is a welcome addition to the team.

(Now if only I could talk him into doing a free redesign of my blog template ...)

leelee said...

P....don't be scared of the new templates...it's very easy..

The one and only incredibly Scary Monster said...

Pug ~ me hopes that me isn't overstepping any boundries here by using such nonclementure. The parodies you commented about are all in me head. I do them while driving to work.

Me actually started blogging 'cause me was interested in html, now the new blogger has made it way to easy with the widgets. No more artfully messing around with templates.

leelee~ photoshop can be fun, but Me wishes me were a lot better at it. Me stuff is sloppy

Scary Monster said...

P.S.
Take a look at American Pie and tell me iffin there be one line in that song that makes sense to you.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Finding the time has been the biggest obstacle.

***

Scary - I'll have to check 'em out. Although my goal is to (re)learn html to the extent that I can highly customize my blog with exciting new Pug graphics,

I accept your "American Pie" challenge, and will check it out later on today (as I - hopefully - complete my next post).

leelee said...

I know P...kudos for keeping up with us here..

Serena Joy said...

I'd be happier about elevators if they all had mirrors in them. Maybe trailers, too.

Scary, I think there are a couple of decipherable lines in "American Pie.":)

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - To borrow from Bill Murray, I've even been reading books to keep up with you.

***

Serena - I hadn't thought about that. I suppose mirrors would be a welcome addition to trailers (not that I spend a lot of time in trailers or trailer parks ... I want to be clear on that point ... except of course for when I'm "on the set" (as we say in the "trade"), when I'm asked to star in the occasional Lifetime movie as the object of a misguided and unbalanced woman's affection).

But do you know what trailers REALLY could use? Early tornado detection systems with automatic avoidance (ETDSWAA for short). As soon as an approaching tornado is identified, the trailer lowers its wheels and scoots to the trailer park on the other side of town. There could also be an optional adjunct that detects other undesirable events (i.e. - visits from probation officers, ex-(and current) spouses, potential employers, family services, trailer park rent collector, et. al.).

BTW, I love American Pie, and want a closet full of cowboy shirts just like Don McLean wore in the video. Plus the following line is one of the coolest ever:

"And the three men I admire most
Father, Son and Holy Ghost
Caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died".

I also like Weird Al's parody.

Serena Joy said...

I think I know your misguided and unbalanced co-star. LOL.

I love 'American Pie,' too. It was one of a kind.

tfg said...

I've always ben a fan of shoe-mirrors. They make me enjoy mini-skirts that much more.

Scary Monster said...

"And the three men I admire most
Father, Son and Holy Ghost"
Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the big bopper. Yeah me loves the song too, but there are parts to it that make me head swim trying to decipher it.

LOL@ tfg. Mirrors on shoes....LOL

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Do you have her number? Just kidding. I vowed that 2007 would be different; that I would avoid dangerous women. So far so good (well, except for blogging). Now all I need to do is find the other kind ...

***

TFG - You just reminded me how much I am missing summer. I wish someone would write a song about a summer that doesn't end.

BTW, I'm one step ahead on the shoe mirror idea. I call it a "shoe cam". Now don't tell anybody, but I plan to amass a bunch of shoe cam videos (which my Attorney has confirmed is legal) that I plan to market on a new website (www.friendsinhighplaces.com) that people can pay to join.

Whenever I inadvertantly tape transsexuals, I'll market those bloopers as well; on my other "members only" website (www.barkingupthewrongtree.com).

***

Scary - I'll have to consider adding that tune to my next "Musical WTF?" post for further analysis.

Serena Joy said...

Oh, yeah, I've got her number. She knows it, too.:)

Hmmm -- dangerous women. It makes sense to avoid that which is dangerous but, at the same time, dangerous is much more compelling than the ordinary.

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Spoken like a true redhead. Which reminds me. I suppose a "full disclosure"* is in order (* No, don't turn away in disgust! I meant IN WRITING, not a creepy picture of me in my trenchcoat. That comes later).

Disclosure: Redheads are a weakness for me. A form of kryptonite, so to speak. There. Better to get that clumsy attempt at a pass out of the way early, than betray what little trust is accumulated at a later date.

Okay, to get back on track: yes, the ordinary is boring. In fact, based on my extensive* research (* As an aspiring "Junior Detective", I watch A LOT of A&E true crime shows; such as Forensic Files, American Justice, City Confidential, etc.), I have determined that the #1 reason why females kill their mates is ... (drum roll, please) ... BOREDOM.

That's right. Boredom. Not cruelty, drunkeness, neglect, infidelity, abandonment, failure to perform household chores in a timely manner, leaving the toilet seat up, or even unwillingness to ask for directions.

It's boredom.

Let that be a lesson to you men out there. You are more likely to be slain by your wife because you are dull and unentertaining, than for all of the other crap that I just mentioned. So plan your lifestyle accordingly.

/t. said...

people
whoc rap
in mirrored toilets
should not shits tones

/t.

Serena Joy said...

Turn away in disgust? Perish the thought. It's terrific that you harbor a fondness for redheads. A lot of people seem to think we came from Death Planets to do nothing but wreak havoc. Nothing could be further from the truth. We're just like everyone else ... until we get mad.

You know, I watch those same shows. I swear I'm not honing up on my homicidal skills. I just find them endlessly interesting -- so much more so than most of the pap on TV. Deadly dull, boring, and failure to entertain, however, are ample grounds in my book for ... whatever.:)

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Oh Dear Pug...how sad that would be...to get the interview...get the job...and then fail to be able to perform....

Somehow I think with a little on the job training and a bit of discipline, you would rise well to the challenge

:)

Enemy of the Republic said...

I have more than a bit of the wild vixen in me. It can be a problem.

RevRee said...

How about vibrating beds in hotel rooms? I've never tried them, but I've heard they're kinda fun...

puerileuwaite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Nicely played. A mirrored toilet both appeals and horrifies.

***

Serena - Terrorists. Redheads. I suppose that the crime of harboring applies equally to both groups.

And as conspiracy theories go, the Death Planets concept does seem to belong amongst the more credible ones.

Whew! Then am I thankful that redheads seldom, if ever, get mad.

I watch those shows in order to fight evil (and also so that I am well-prepared from a crime-avoidance perspective for any trips to Florida). I will assume that your reasons for viewing are honorable as well.

And finally, I can only speculate on your last sentence being a thinly-veiled warning that I need to keep my blog skills sharp if I want to stay alive.

***

Reverend - I think the key to success may be finding a position that I'm comfortable with, and then dealing with the peaks and the occasional valley as they come.

Another thing to consider is the business cycle, especially in terms of when to aggressively pursue goals, and when to lay low and avoid bloody confrontation.

Reward and punishment are part of the territory, and as long as I am able to keep from confusing the two on a frequent basis, working under you should prove to be of mutual benefit.

***

Enemy - It's good to have that spark. It keeps life interesting, and it keeps people on their toes. You have all of that energy, plus an amazing intellect. Your intensity and creativity are second to none, and you are a challenge to keep pace with, if that makes any sense.

***

Revree - I unintentionally tried one in Oakland a dozen years ago. It was like an earthquake. Oh wait. It WAS an earthquake.

Serena Joy said...

Nah, I don't get mad that often; definitely not enough to qualify as a terrorist. Though it HAS been debated, probably because of the bad rep that redheads' tempers get.

The shows. I watch because, I guess, it's good to stay one step ahead of the criminals, to know what they know. Plus, I love a good mystery and real-life mysteries are often stranger than fiction. I need the forensics lessons, too, for some of the stuff I write.

Au contraire to your last paragraph. I think your blogging skills are rapier sharp, and you're definitely holding my interest. Yep, I'm keeping you alive. Who can resist a Pug?:)

kate said...

ok my dog like friend... (does that make you loyal and smellY? hummm) I am waiting for another post! lol... doesnt have to be lengthy... just a tidbit or two of whats going on in that head of yours! (omg thats opening a pandoras box isnt it! *wink)

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Well that's all good, and a huge relief. Welcome aboard!

***

Kate - I know I've been slacking again. I was under the weather all weekend (a rare migrane ... which apparently is not condusive to post writing), and the first days of this work week have been brutal, Not only has it affected my posting, it's turning me into a lurker (I was by your blog last night). Hopefully today, if life permits.

(p.s. - Well, I WAS loyal, but then you made that "smelly" remark. ;-) As far as my head is concerned, I'm worried that only the really scary toys are left!)

Serena Joy said...

Lady Kryptonite aboard and reporting in.:) So sorry you've been down with a migraine. I get them occasionally (though not in a long while, knock on wood), so I know how miserable they are. Hope you're feeling much better now, good enough to don the trenchcoat, even.

And now I must trudge off through the snow to work. Have a great day!

puerileuwaite said...

Lady K - All better. No more migrane. Plus it was warm and beautiful today (the only sad note is that it was too warm for a trenchcoat ... but there will be other days and other opportunities to flash my brilliance). Sorry that you had to deal with the snow. Hope your day was great as well.

Serena Joy said...

That's great that the headache is gone. It's hard to even think when your head hurts. I'm envious of your sunshine and warmth, although the snow here was pretty much a piece of cake driving-wise. I wore MY trenchcoat. Okay, so it wasn't really a trenchcoat, mainly because I'd look pretty stupid in a trenchcoat.:)

Bella Page said...

Puggles,
I cried when I read what you commented over at my dogs place. I so consider you a good friend as well. Keep warm my friend.

Party Girl said...

I find elevators funny places to be with strangers. Conversations cease and politeness ensues. Odd, odd places they are.

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Pugsy - looks like we are too much in sync...you there...me here...both suffering migraines...hope yours has let up.

Mine has. life is good.
xx

Crashtest Comic said...

Personally, I don't believe Reveree never tried a vibrating bed in a hotel room.

Maybe she just didn't have a quarter on her.

Malnurtured Snay said...

There are lots of elevators with mirrors in it!

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - The warmth was a nice change of pace, as it's been a snowy and cold winter in these parts. Too bad it wasn't a geniune trenchcoat. I could wear mine too, and we could both go into "Junior Detective" mode and solve cases* together (* The first one would be that series of flashings in the park recently).

***

Bella - You too, sweetheart. Remembering the good times and good people in your life (while training yourself to quickly forget the bad ones) is definitely the way to live. Take it from me. But if you DO need me to "take action" just like I did months ago, just shine your "Pug" symbol into the night sky.

***

Party Girl - Actually I kinda like that people get quiet in elevators. Who wants to hear their annoying banter, when I have the own voices in my head to entertian me.

Although one time a friend broke the silence of a crowded elevator full of strangers by solemnly singing "Silent Night". And no, it WASN'T near Christmas.

***

Reverend - It was like we were one (pain ridden) person for that moment in time. Just like in "Ghost"!

***

Crash - You know, you're right. I wasn't buying it either. But (for an undisclosed reason) we're all supposed to go along with her current "PG-13" persona, so I caved and pretended that I was "drinkin' the Koolaid".

But if she starts claming that she's been going to church, I'm gonna lose it (unless she admits that it's so she can steal quarters from the collection plate for her vibrating bed habit).

Actually now that I think about it, Rev shouldn't NEED quarters. The "gentleman" should always buy (unless they were "going Dutch").

***

Snay - I found out through your comment and one or two others that mirrored elevators do exist, and appear to be a regional phenomenon. Out here in the "Great Southwest", they seem to be rare.

But I defy you to find one that has a mirrored floor and ceiling, which to me would be the "Holy Grail" of elevators (and the elusive object at the center of my new mystery novel, "The Otis Code").

Serena Joy said...

Um, I think the park flasher was looking for me. I slapped him last time I saw him for making fun of my girly coat. If you catch him first, just shoot him this time.

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - A flasher? So what's wrong with that? I hate it when people DON'T use their signals.

Serena Joy said...

There wouldn't have been anything wrong with it and I really wouldn't have minded if he hadn't looked so much like Barney Fife.:)

puerileuwaite said...

Well then, it couldn't have been me. I'm more like Ernest T. Bass.

It sounds like Barney was acting up, He's supposed to keep his bullet in his pocket.

Serena Joy said...

No, I knew it wasn't you. He looked more mutt than Pug. He fumbled a lot at the flashing, too; totally dropped the bullet.:)

puerileuwaite said...

His ineptness reminds me of the joke about the tourist who is lost in New York City.

***

Tourist: How do I get to Carnegie Hall?

Passerby: Practice!

***