Monday, February 04, 2008

Where Have I Been? Off Feeling Super!


Hi everybody,

It's been awhile, hasn't it? Jeez, where HAS the time gone? I suspect some of you have even given me up for dead, or perhaps it was just wishful thinking. Tell you what. Rather than try to come up with some lame-ass excuse for why my posting has decreased to a painful, diseased trickle, why not instead come up with an equally lame-ass post to make up for it?

I suppose I owe you an explanation for where I've been all this time since my last post. Okay, here goes: I caught Super Bowl Fever! And the only cure? (Besides MORE cowbell?) A trip to THE Super Bowl!


{{{{{{Pug Flashback}}}}}} It all started immediately after my last post. I started feeling melancholy, with a sense of loss that this most excellent of posts was no longer just in my head. It was now separate from me. Call it "Post-Part 'Em Depression" if you will. It's the same feeling I get after a date with (let's see ... who's turn is it for me to pick on ... ?) RevRee.


Anyhoo, I sensed that a change of scenery would be welcome, and though I hear London is both vibrant and tropical during this time of year, I was worried that the current exchange rate for this colonial roll of dimes in my front pocket might not adequately convert into royal "wanderlust". And so rebelliously, I decided to "live free" to pursue other "liberties".

I contemplated a trip to sunny Florida, where perhaps I could while away the hours on an adventurous picnic past the point of no return with my dear Lamby.


However, I realized that Lamby is slightly too chaste and wholesome for the likes of this Pug. And who am I to suffocate in all of that fluffy woolen virtue? No, perhaps it was time to embrace the animal within, and pay a visit to the local "cathouse".


Was I even half-way there, roll of impetuous dimes given way to nickels of passion, when I realized that this was a futile scramble from leash of reality? After all, had I not been banned from that place less than 6-months prior, for behavior so disgusting that decorum prevents me from disclosing it here?

Maybe, just maybe the answer - not unlike in a Menage a Trois - was somewhere in the middle. Perhaps exposure to professionals of a similar yet different pastime were what was called for. The Super Bowl was beckoning.


I don't know how old I was when I first developed a passion for the game. Ten? Eleven? I can't remember exactly, except that it was a lonely time, when all I had for companionship in that desolate attic were the countless stacks of National Geographics along with the occasional "Land O' Lakes" butter carton.

One crisp fall day, that Spartan existence changed. It was my very first football game. I didn't have a ticket, so I had to sneak in and find a vantage point under the bleachers from where I could voyeuristically participate in the action. It was magical. Tight end passes, getting the pigskin to receivers on a fly pattern, the occasional end-around play: it had it all! The proverbial icing on the cake was that the Cheerleaders' Section was directly above, which did anything but make yours truly want to split.


Needless to say, from that point on I was hooked on football. And hookers. Okay, just kidding about the hookers.

And so I was off. To Arizona. Never actually made it though, since as it turns out, at night it is "Bat Country".


In the end, I ended up watching the Giants upset the Patriots at home, in the sans-clothing comfort of my den. And now football season is over, and again I am feeling a sense of loss. Maybe I should get into volleyball.



.

30 comments:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Nice pom poms!

Serena Joy said...

He lives! Now I can breathe more easily and concentrate on my own melancholy.:)

Pink said...

Country Music? Oh Pugs, how could you?

I too am glad to see there is life in pugville. Of a sorts.

I was a cheerleader you know.

xx
pinks

Little Lamb said...

I'm not into sports.

puerileuwaite said...

Mighty D - Especially when they're natural. That really gives me something to cheer about.

***

Serena - Wait. Finding out I'm alive DIDN'T take care of the melancholy? Well in that case, the "Melon Doctor" needs to make a house call.

***

Pinks - I will need to see you in the outfit as proof. It's okay if the undergarments no longer fit.

***

Lamby - It's simple if you remember that every decent sport is about scoring, The trickiest part is the 2-point conversion, so I'll be over to demonstrate how that works.

Little Lamb said...

Are you sure I'm not to "chaste" for you to demonstrate how it works?

limpy99 said...

I'll bet that's not the first time that vooleyball player has had a "balls to the nose" experience!

Thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the liver and fava beans.

Serena Joy said...

Well, it "helped" with the melancholia. I believe I'm still in dire need of a house call, however. Doctor.:)

Pink said...

Bad Dog!!!

Bring Baileys ;)

I have the camera :-o

xx
pinks

The Phosgene Kid said...

Whatever happened to the Swedish Bikini team anyway??

leelee said...

Welcome Back Pugsly!!

:-)

/t. said...

so
bigfoot
is a chick

the things you learn blogging!

/t.

she said...

that chick in the cat house has the worlds tiniest dick. poor thing.

GirlGoyle said...

Volleyball is now over rated too tho I think they did make it a rule that women wear hot pants while playing. I guess that could be pretty entertaining. Glad to have you back.

she said...

roller derby? how about curling? grrrerhahahaha

Sassy Blondie said...

Really, Pugsley: hookers, cheerleaders, and barely a passing reference to football? What's become of you??

puerileuwaite said...

Jeez, have I been THAT negligent in getting to my comments section too? Okay, I'll have to step up my game ...

***

Lamby -My mistake, oh wooly one. I'll be over to make sure you're "chased" instead (how is THAT for crisp word play?). A key to making the 2-point play successful is to fake the pass, and then run.

***

Limpy - Funny you should mention that, since that - along with a couple of "bumps" - is what happened after I "spiked" her drink.

***

Serena - Okay, but give me some time. I need to make arrangements for special transport of the examining table.

***

Pinks - Okay, but just remember that - while Yours Truly CAN be compromised - the art of photography CANNOT.

***

Phosgene - Normally that subject is off-limits as it is way too tragic. Shockingly, they were not very bright, and took off for the Bikini Atoll in order to claim sovereignty. No one could warn them in time that nuclear testing had resumed. All that was left were radioactive shards of silicone and scraps of g-string (which I now have in my collection).

***

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Like Elvis recently said to me, "It's good to be here. It's good to be anywhere."

***

/t. - I know! Makes me wonder why people would spend their time anywhere else.

***

She - Still, it doesn't prevent me from holding it against her.

***

Girlgoyle - I'm working on an Advertising campaign right now for the sport, where Yours Truly plays a hapless orphan type. In the proposed commercial, I am standing by the locker room door as they walk past. I compliment the girls by humbly saying "nice game", then hand one of them my bottle of Coke. As I turn to walk away, they call me back, and then toss me their hot pants. Then we shower together.

***

She - Curling? Ewwww! That's for Canadians!

***

Sassy - What? I stand by my priorities, which are contact sports, sporting the MOST contact.

***

barb michelen said...

you could make [buckets of money] selling [airports] from home. will call you when i get to [your town]!

-bm

cathy said...

If oral sex was talking about it there'd be an orgy going on in your comment box

Pink said...

Orgy at pugs place!!! Woo Hoo!

Gosh its been awhile since I've been to an orgy :)
xx
pinks

Pink said...

Uh Oh. There's that bitch barb again. She wants to come to every orgy in town.

Dammit. Just when I squeezed into my little crotchless rubber number.

Forget it!
xx
pinks

puerileuwaite said...

Barb - I can't even begin to tell you how many wacky "work from home" offers I have received over the years. But this is the first one that didn't seem half-assed. Selling airports from home just may be the ticket, as per my rough estimates, I may only need to sell one every 20-years or so.

So yes, please do call me when you get to town. I would be so grateful, that I would provide you with [buckets of Pug Juice].

-pp

***

Cathy - Orgies? No thanks. If there's an activity that I don't need at this point, it's yet another one that requires starting over at the bottom and waiting for the rewards to trickle down.

***

Pinks - Of course not. With your refined background, there's many too many Thank You notes to write!

;-)

***

Pinks - You have one of those? Well in that case, screw you, Barb (or actually, now that I recall the context: we won't screw you, Barb)! Looks like - per Shania - this is a Party for Two.

NYD said...

Bat country is exactly where I need to go.

Anonymous said...

"Post-Part 'Em Depression... lmao

oh and how funny that that chicks photo op was interrupted but a kitty! hehehe probably made it more intersting anyway...

I got to watch the game in a hotel in NJ... In truth I didnt see much of it but I read that it was a good game! =]cheers k8

leelee said...

pug.. Lou Reed is playing..I love this song. It's the ring Back on my cellphone....in otherwords, it's my "hold" music.

I said Hey Pug....take a walk on the wild side..

puerileuwaite said...

NYD - In my (even more) reckless youth, I had a buddy who referred to a certain type of "cigarette" as a "bat". I never viewed baseball the same after that. Maybe Bat Country is right next to "Flavor Country".

***

Kate - Wish I was there. Oh no, NOT at the game! Rather, in that NJ hotel room with you, hogging the sheets.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Okay. I formally accept your proposal! We'll make our OWN art, if you catch my drift (and I think you do).

leelee said...

;-)

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