Saturday, August 16, 2008

Nugget from Craig' s List

Woo hoo! I'm off to pick up discount cinder blocks!

Hi everybody,

First off, I hope I caught most of you sitting down, just in case anyone has a stroke from seeing a new post within 8-days of the last one. And get this, I'm planning on trying to squeeze out a new offering EVERY week or so from here on out.

It certainly helps when I can steal the occasional bit of content from someone else. In fact, I just received the following actual Craig's List ad in an email from a good friend, and instantly it reminded me of a certain Cantankerous Confederate Clown who happens to reside in the same city as the poster. Coincidence? Or is it the same Bozo? You be the judge.

From richmond craigslist > materials

8x8x16 Cement Block - $1

I have approximately 275 to 300 cinder blocks for sale. They are standard 8"x8"x16". They cost about $1.75 plus delivery fees if you buy them somewhere else. I'm asking $1.00 per block.

You pick them up and move them yourself.

Please don't waste my f*cking time with endless emails. These are plain old cinderblocks. for f*ck sake. You don't need to do an engineering study on the feasibility of using these f*cking things as building material. That's what they're for, you f*cking idiots.

Now listen, we're all busy people here. You want the blocks? Come get the f*cking blocks and give me one dollar for every block you take. How f*cking hard is that? You don't have to tell me what you're building. I don't give a f*ck. I'm not interested in helping you build it either. Why? Because I don't give a f*ck. I just want to get these f*cking things off my property.

So if you want them, get the f*ck over here with some money and take them.

The next f*cking moron that emails me with "I'm building a blah blah blah, and was wondering if ..." The answer is NO. Come get the f*cking blocks and build it yourself. If I knew how to do masonry, don't you think I'd be using the blocks myself instead of selling them to you for half f*cking price? What the f*ck is wrong with you people?

The next one of you f*cking jackasses that emails me with some sob-story bullshit is getting his email address added to the North American Man/Boy Love Association mailing list.

You want the blocks? Come get the blocks, and don't f*ck with me!


(For those of you with excellent eyesight, this is the original ad.)

I could have a blog with an endless supply of material just from Craig's List. Bless you, Craig's List. Keep on keepin' on, despite the morons.


/t. said...

eight days

you're a dynamo!

btw, the clown happens to reside in the same city as the headquarters of the North American Man/Boy Love Association. another coincidence? not likely


Little Lamb said...

Wow! I know of at least 2 bloggers who live in Richmond.

That pug sure does look cute and adorable. Can I have him?

leelee said...

OMG...that is hysterical...don't we love it when folks just get right to the point..for f*cks sake?

So the question is...did you buy the f*ckin' blocks, or what?

that pug looks adorable!


Serena Joy said...

Well, f***, a new post within 8 days of the previous post. I didn't stroke out, though. I'm tougher than I look. Cinderblocks, huh? That ad should appeal to those who seek to buy these things in bulk -- like the Mafia. But ... never mind the blocks; let's hear it for that adorable little Pug.:)

Corn Dog said...

I really thought you were channeling Dyck. What a hoot. I love craigslist. I stay up late at night reading it.

JMEPED said...

I blove it! I think he might be my new best friend!
What are you going to build with the blocks?

dianne said...

A new post my love, you're a legend. Now who the f*ck is this Craig and what is the list of his all about?
I wonder what he would say if you offered him 50 cents a block? No guessing there.
What are you going to build my sweet?

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - I know! I feel like James Brown: all used up and needing to leave, yet there's always someone ready to talk me out of it and put the cape back on my back. Or something like that.

Well then, it's YOUR turn to report him to the authorities. They're tired of hearing from me on that matter.


Lamby - Only two? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all, blogging (for most of us, anyway) requires basic reading/writing skills and knowing what a computer is.

And sure, I rent myself out by the hour, but you also have to pay for the room as well.


Leelee - That we do. I find it refreshing in fact. I wish more women were like that, instead of always beating around the bush.

I'm still on the fence about the blocks. Actually I'm on the fence, behind a tree, waiting for the guy to leave so I don't have to haggle him down to $0 per block.


Serena - Good point on the mafia angle. You now have me dreaming of a scenario where a couple goodfellas show up. They pick out 4-blocks and tie one to each of the guy's limbs. Then they place 4-dollars in his pocket and deposit him in the gulf stream.


Corn Dog - No. That would be TOO creative. So I just lifted this ad instead. I too am a Craig's List junkie, but alas, I only have time for the personals (as those are the only ads where I have the time for responding to each one).


Jmeped - Okay, since you asked ...

I plan on building an elaborate dungeon apartment under my abode. Then I plan on tricking you into coming down there with me to check out my telescope. We shall produce a litter over a couple of decades, with you and the kids staying down there at all times despite your objections to the contrary. Other than that, I haven't given much thought about what I plan to do with the blocks.


Dianne - Craig's List is this Internet-based, free advertising phenomenon that's been sweeping through the U.S. for the past several years. You can sell anything from a lawnmower to a kidney* (* that is, until they stopped allowing THAT practice), to yourself (via personal "dating" ads).

Here is one from The Great Southwest:
Paste THAT into your browser! Post an ad, and "maybe" I'll respond!

Anyhoo, I plan on showing up at the dude's door with a troop of Cub Scouts to "help" with the blocks. I'll have the kids repeatedly ask to use his bathroom and generally make a nuisance of themselves even more than Yours Truly would. THEN I'll hit him with the 50-cent offer, just to get rid of us.

Since you have likely read above that I plan to build a sex dungeon: for you I'll purchase extra blocks for better ventilation in the form of a more adequate fresh-air shaft. Just don't tell Jmeped (I am easily horrified by petty rivalries).

NYD said...

If the Mighy one didn't write that comment then he has an illegitimate twin running around. That wouldn't surprise me much with grandpa Dyckerson's pig fucking proclivities.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, I'm going to kidnap that pug and make him be all mine. I hope to train him to do tricks.

JMEPED said...

Only if you give us mountain dew and pizza, I already knew you were building me a love den I was just checking.

limpy99 said...

Oh, if only that were the ONLY reason my name was on the NAMBLA mailing list.

Wait, what?

dianne said...

Oh Puggles why do you have to build a sex dungeon, dont you have your own smartly decorated apartment for that kind of thing? I dont like dark dingy places made of cement blocks and I dont like being tied up. Comfort my love and pampering is the way to a womans heart. :) xoxox

puerileuwaite said...

NYD - I for one am hoping the Clown DID write the ad. I cringe at the thought that he was a twin.


Lamby - Trust me: he knows more than a few things already. But if you can teach him a few things too, then he's ready for an erotic excursion to Electric Lambyland.


(more responses later ... )

GirlGoyle said...

Dear and pink are your colors! Don't let anyone tell you different. Ummmbah!

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped - Mountain Dew and Pizza?! Do I LOOK like I'm made of money?!

I need some time to think about "us".

Jennifer Lopez has already been around, dropping hints that her love doesn't cost a thing.


Limpy - If it's any consolation my friend, you are not alone. Plenty of priests, scoutmasters, and high school guidance counselors find themselves on that same lonely backroad of regret.

And if I'm to believe my own worn, prerecorded cassette tape, even Bob Seger claims to be a "NAMBLA-in' gamblin' man". So you are in good company.


Dianne - It's a double-edged sword, I'm afraid. You see, I'm such a physically fit, smart decorator ... that females don't even try. They quickly assume I'm gay. Maybe I need to carefully select manly objects 'd art to dispel that cruel impression; such as paintings and sculptures of Greco-Roman Wrestling.


Girlgoyle - I wanted colors that weren't already taken by other gangs, which as it turns out was easier said than done. But allow me to remind you that the true purpose of a slicker is to prevent weather-induced illness. You can't be tough and inspire fear if you aren't feeling your best.

Serena Joy said...

You dream of goodfellas, Pugs? I worry about you.:)

puerileuwaite said...

Hey Serena, that makes TWO of us!

Enemy of the Republic said...

One could sell dirty underwear on Craig's list.

boneman said...

I actually came over to agree with Dianne.
You do write good and should do it more.

But , the blocks?
I got, I dunno,, a hundred or so out back where the pig barn used to be.
You want them?
Come and get'm!

No, actually, I'm gonna make a dog house out of them
Got three dogs, though...
lessee, a hundred blocks,
three dogs,
that's about 33 blocks per dog,
that'll be enough to fall on all three and then I'll be digging three holes in the ground.

Y'want some more blocks?

No, seriously, though.
If I tried to put any of these monsters in a 'classy' outfit like you got on there? They'de be diggin' a hole for me, instead.

Either that or building a masoleum with about a hundred cement blocks.

boneman said...

do you know infinitesmal?

foam said...

nice rain slicker, pug..

/t. said...

LOL @ enemy

sorry... couldn't resist

carry on


dianne said...

Yes enemy, you sure are one funny gal! :)

dianne said...

Speaking of the extra blocks you will require for the ventilation shaft I hope this place isn't going to be too cramped Puggles my dear. Remember that I am 5feet 8inches tall, but I dont expect I will be spending much time vertical if its up to you. :)

puerileuwaite said...

Enemy - If that's true, then I'm sittin' on a goldmine!


Boneman - Thanks for the kind words, buddy. This gives me a free place to practice, without the threat of having my stuff painted over (or getting arrested - again - for vandalism).

And normally I wouldn't think of cinderblocks as one of the more "elegant" building materials. But you have now shown them in a different light. Plus I read somewhere they are very popular in Europe (and we all know how much more sophisticated they are over there). So consider me sold on the virtues of cinderblocks.

I have seen Infinitesmal's comments of several blogs, and once visited her blog and commented. Why do you ask?


Foam - Thank you. I wasn't sure if I could "pull it off", both aesthetically and physically; but I think the at least former was accomplished. Expect to start seeing more pugs paying top dollar to achieve the same look. I'm trendy that way.


/t. - Actually I agree with you this time. Plus, she mentioned underwear, which got me excited.


Dianne - That she is. Being dark and intellectual as well, she is our own version of Lenny Bruce.

5 foot 8? YES! Finally I am able to snare a taller woman. One who isn't afraid to be seen with a Pug measuring 1 foot 2. So what if people refer to us as Sonny and Cher. Bring it on.

And you've got that right: it's much easier to read you like a book (braille edition, of course) in the horizontal position.

Enemy of the Republic said...

You know, if we put Billy Mays on Craig's List, how much do you think we'd get for him?

Enemy of the Republic said...

I just read the comments. Thank you /t. and Dianne; I am honored. Pug, what's exciting about dirty underwear? Isn't that what Freud calls...a ...FETISh? And isn't a fetish a failure to transcend the erogoneous psychosexual zone of childhood--oral, anal, latent, etc. I wonder if you had trouble with the Oedipal complex--perhaps that explains the underwear. Well, I am milking the poor cow 'till she moos for mercy.

Did you know that Craig's List won't allow you to advertise pets? You can sell handcuffs, whips and whipped cream but you can't advertise for a little kitten. Sounds rigged!

cyberhostage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
puerileuwaite said...

Enemy - Based on my (purely stealth, honest) research, we'd get at least 10-divorcees, 50 -tattoos, 32-"body" rings, 2-cases of HSV-II, and 5-pyschos to be convicted later. Trust me, we're better off keeping our pitchman.

On the topic of dirty underwear, rest assured I have no interest in this area, other than generating and selling (more of) my own if there is a market for them. It's pure economics, pandering to the demands of an impure world.

Maybe - as you indicated - this can be traced back under extensive subconscious analysis to my inability to transcend the erogoneous psychosexual zone of latex fantasy. To this day, I enter a Hitchcockian Vertigo-like trance whenever I see a woman in an apron using latex gloves and dish soap. Especially if she's doing some form of housework. It may have started with a naughty aunt who reminded me of "Madge" from those erotic Palmolive commercials ("You're soaking in it." "Dishwashing liquid?!" "Relax, it's Palmolive. Now take your clothes off").

dianne said...

I have just been reading through the comments again, what fun it is,there are a few comments that stand out and make me Lol, but I especially like Lil Lambs comment about kidnapping that little pug and making him all hers & teaching him tricks. Well good luck with that Lil Lamb, but I think you might find that its our own 'Pug' dressed in 'drag'. Is that you Puggles? xoxoxox

puerileuwaite said...

Dianne - Thanks. I get that a lot. Wait. You DID mean MY comments, right?

It IS me! You're onto me. I am pinned under your feminine veil of suspiciousness, and loving it.


UPDATE: A NEW post is IN THE WORKS. I just need to finish it. Could be any day now!*

(* just like at Roscoe's Oriental Rug Emporium!)

boneman said... in flowers.

I figure any young pup that gets had by a 'cougar' sure can't be gay.
What say?

But, if the flower's too generic, I could just take a picture of my bone and drag it around.....

boneman said...

Now, this is as good a reason as any to keep the name 'boneman' I would think, eh?

boneman said...

(ps, while this may thrill you, somehow I'm thinking Lil Lamb won't understand it at all.

Some of the girls, however, may think it to be an impolite 'suggestion' shall we say)

boneman said...

so...what about those bricks, anyway. Can I build a....wait a minute.
Am I still wearing that stupid bone?

And, it's all your fault, to!

forgwet that, Down dog!
Bad PUG!
Stop flashing those teeth!
(footsteps running very quickly away)

Little Lamb said...

That pug in the picture is waiting to come home with me. He's even ready for our rainy weather.

Corn Dog said...

Is there a Pug around here? It's been a week.

Pud said...

Check out Craiglist and what it says for massage therapists....

boneman said...

Well, by now you realize I borrowed your gator.
Cute lil feller.
Hasn't bit one foot since I put him on that leash. Gets a lil snarly around hands, though.

Sure I over reacted.

I ain't the first, nor will I be the last.

Kind'a an interesting way to calm down, though. Just off the blogs after all that work.
What the heck am I laughing at?

Well, I have another painting done from this morning. I feel way relaxed.

(gator snortin')
Yeah? OK, Larry says he has to make, so, I better take him outside.
Oh yeah, did I tell you I named him Larry?
Larry the big Lizard.

puerileuwaite said...

Oops! I'm behind on my replies! Be back in the AM!

puerileuwaite said...

Boneman - Thanks buddy. It just so happens that I may be going to San Francisco, and wanted to be sure to put one in my hair.

And so what if Lamby and the rest of the girls don't understand. It's a dude thing, and you and I should be comfortable with and embrace our masculinity; though probably not in the same manner as - say - the Village People.


Lamby - But wouldn't the rainy weather force us indoors, to find other ways to occupy our time?


Corn Dog - Yo! Present and accounted for!


Pud - Normally I try to stick to only the "wholesome" areas of Craig's List, but I shall follow your suggestion (or was it an order?). Not only that, I plan on repeatedly contacting each one until it rubs them the wrong way, at least until I find you (or I wind up in an MSNBC Documentary).


Boneman - You had to do what you had to do, although I miss your blog already. Wait, that sounded gay. Well anyway, at least you didn't go all Vincent Van Gogh on us and cut off anything ... right? Right?!

Little Lamb said...

Yes, it would. We could go online and start blogging.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Could I at least sit on your lap while we do it?

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