FINALLY. A rare opportunity to sling a new post at you from behind the bars here at the zoo. At least I've been collecting random droppings hither and yon* (* I like that phrase so much, I had to use it for the second post in a row), for incorporation into this humble offering.
So without further ado, submitted for your mild entertainment are more "Random Musings".
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Observation #1: What is up with those friggin' "(YOUR STATE) NATIVE" bumper stickers? Were they all out of "FROM THE LOCAL STAGNANT GENE POOL" ones? Listen up, morons: if you cannot conclusively PROVE that your ancestors meandered their way across the Bering Strait Land Bridge, then you can take that sticker off of your damned bumper, and shove it up your ass. Perhaps I should send that weepy roadside Indian dude from the classic "Don't Litter" commercial over to do it for you. Then I'll shove some "native" Trilobite fossils with "SWAMP LOCAL" etched on them up there to keep you company, as you (and the other fossils) drunkenly reminisce about the good old days before unappreciative nomadic assholes like yours truly came to town to shit things up even further.
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Observation #2: I don't know about your neck(s) of the woods, but here in the "Great Southwest" we had new voting machines to contend with on Tuesday. It took me 2+ hours of waiting in line to cast my vote. Surprisingly I didn't mind, though. For reasons I won't go into (any further than I've done in various comments), it felt great to see so many people as determined and passionate as I was. Plus I was able to check out my neighbors in close proximity without actually having to talk to (most of) them. I could see which ladies were potentially "doable", and which guys were assholish enough for me to walk my dogs on their lawns. Anyway, the new machines were electronic (imagine that! hoooo doggies!) and way cool. They could've only impressed me more if Pac Man characters came onscreen (complete with sound effects) to "eat" any votes for Republican candidates. I was pleasantly surprised that far fewer of my neighbors behaved like "Natives"* (* see previous paragraph) than I expected.
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Observation #3: My voting place was at a local church. For those of you who have "known" me for awhile, you're likely wondering if I burst into flames upon entry. Amazingly I did not. Although the pea* (* that's the one spelled with an "a") soup did start to come up a bit; probably acid reflux due to suspected Republicans being present. A back wall in the room containing the voting machines had an interesting mural. On a flat black background, there was a lone fireman viewed from the back, with a wall of flames in front of him. This was an earnest and sincerely touching tribute, apparently in response to 9/11. I thought it was neat. But then, I started to wonder: what if there was an ACTUAL fire in the church? What if there was a real firefighter in there, trying to work toward an exit, perhaps attempting to follow the figure on the wall? People, you need to think things through.
***
I hope you enjoyed this installment. I will TRY to post more often.
.
78 comments:
I like your randomness P.
Leelee - Thanks. I may on (to) something here.
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/t. - Thanks. It does make me do bad things, er, posts.
yeah, we also had new voting machines, real hi-tech stuff, where you get a paper ballot about 14 feet long and you darken in the squares, like the Iowa basic Skills tests. Then, having given yourself a sore wrist from all that tiny, detailed darkening, you feed the ballot into a scanner/shredder, so it can do as it damn pleases with no evidence...
so you don't like republicans. Oh well. I am a republican and you like me.
It looks like the new voting machines worked. The best of it all is there were no recountz.
/bark bark bark
ive always been partial to your phrase "pinch out another one myself"...so visual..
take smokey bear and the weeping indian and youve got the A team of guilt triggering ninjas. smokey bear is the man! wouldnt you love to see an ad where it shows a pyro starting one of his homicidal and environment killing fires ...and smokey bear walks up behind him and hits him over the head with a shovel?
/grrr
E_R - Sounds like you received our old machines. I agree with you regarding the low "trust" factor with the scanning process.
Our new machines are entirely CRT-based. But once you've placed all of your bets, er, votes, the printer right next to the CRT prints a recap/confirmation. If you see any vote that you want to change, you still can. Then, once you've checked the entire printout, you complete the voting confirmation.
Heck, even the ladies running the place (known in elections past as "Vote Nazis", due to their gruff, authoritarian, yelling at you for doing SOMETHING wrong manner) were FRIENDLY and encouraging.
A good time was had by all (except the Republicans).
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Lamby - It speaks volumes of our relationship that indeed I do like you despite your Republicanism.
Because I LOATHE politics (and find it difficult to read political blogs and posts), I don't want to spend much time on this subject.
The Republicans are no closer to God than the Democrats. And their actions reveal time and again that they are much more interested in lining their own pockets and those of their rich buddies, than in showing compassion for the average American, let alone to poor and down-trodden.
Thank God (because after all, despite my issues, the Supreme Being is MY God too) America is starting to WAKE THE F*CK UP.
I know I sound like a liberal Democrat. But bear this in mind. I am a registered Republican (something I am now ashamed to admit), who is absolutely disgustedby Bush, Cheney, and my former party.
Mom was a lifelong Democrat. She would be proud that the prodigal son has returned.
The Democratic party, despite its MANY flaws and bad apples (Ted "Chappaquiddick" Kennedy, Hilary Clinton, and others) IS the party of compassion and economic stability. I don't care if Bill Clinton was a sleazeball; he was an excellent President, and the entire country (not just a handful of rich f*cks) prospered during his terms.
Rant out.
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k9 - GREAT comment. I'd love to see Smokey kick some serious ass with that shovel. And then conveniently use it to bury his victims. I like the way you think, cowboy, er, rottie! I'm going to be keeping my eye on you.
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Bella - Holy crap! Are you saying that even Missouri stopped blindly voting Republican? You know what this means ... the "Rapture" (no, not Blondie's version) is near!
That "Do Not Litter" commercial with the Indian was very interesting indeed, especially because it gave the impression (at least to kids who saw the commercial) that Indians were still living [as authentic Indians] out in the woods somewhere off on the sides of highways around the country. A strange thing. A classic in the annals of commercials, for sure.
I found all the "flames and church" talk amusing.
We Canadians also got new voting machines...
a hole punch & a 3"x4" recipe card with the candidates names printed on it.
It's a huge upgrade from the chisel and stone tablet.
So, you're a registered Republican hey?
*crickets*
wow & you think you know a pug.
I loved K9's comment!!
~that is all~
(oh, except I fixed what was broken in that post... sorry. All is well now, puggy can rest his weary head.)
I would like to see the good of the democrats and the good of the republicans in one party. Yes, I do want a perfect party. I want them to believe everything I believe. But alas, that won't happen. Oh well.
Lamby - I agree. Why do we have so many choices in trivial matters, yet - when it comes to the future of our country - we have only two? It's rather unfortunate that we are often forced to vote for the "lesser of two evils", instead of the best person for the job.
Flic - They ... don't? Then who the heck's been leaving all of those empty kegs, shallow graves and fire pits back there? Maybe I should find another place to walk my dogs ...
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Miss_Lissa - That is all to be expected. Canadians would only squander any advancements in technology toward peaceful initiatives. Plus you hosers have ALL of that time on your hands until ice fishing season commmences. We, on the other hand, have places to go and people to exploit (especially on Fridays!).
Jmeped - Enough! You had me at the drinking part. And yes, for you I'll make an exception. Except for the part about pleasuring ourselves (since I'm assuming that a "do unto others" approach would be more appropriate under the circumstances). This should all make for a juicy confession at the Catholic Church down the block!
/t. - Very enjoyable. I like that nostalgic crap. Except for the so-called "Sons of the Pioneers". Some of them were lying "Sons of Bitches".
I don't mind waiting in line when voting either.
It's my right and I am happy to take the time it take to cast my vote. It is truly an emotional experience for me.
Those who choose to get upset by the lines and those who had to go to a different line for whatever reason and tried to complain to me about it, I simply ignored them.
I mean, truly. What is it to wait in a line for a few minutes, hours, or even if it took days. Many, many other have given much, much more for us to have this right.
Party Girl - You're dead on. And to their credit, not a single person there was heard to complain or leave line. It was truly inspiring. (I'm serious.)
(p.s. - I really like your new avatar, and remember that picture well!)
/bark bark bark
halla-looya jmeped! i put my church suit on and got an "offering" at the ready
ah0ooooooooooooo!
/howl
Jmeped - No donuts (because it was early evening, I suppose). But they did serve us coffee and water in line. No beer, though.
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Willo - With what you've gone through, who is anybody to judge? If you would go to church otherwise, don't let that keep you out. I wouldn't.
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k9 - Evil demons come out!
We voted in church too- I didn't see anyone catch fire...but I didn't see any dead people voting either- so I was happy about that :)
Lamby and I are on the same team- though I've met loads of Dems that I like- and many who like me.
There are good people on both sides of the fence, and corrupt ones too...as you pointed out.
I honesly think that if there were a solid 3rd party- I'd be part of it. I'm conservative on economic issues, and a tiny bit liberal on social things-
I loved Ross Perot :) Yeah- call me a freak...
He reminded me of a no nonsense Grandfather who knew how to run a business, and take care of his family. I've said too much now- I'm sure :)
Here's a rub behind those ears...
Hey! You've got a soft spot too!
:P
FM - It's amazing how close we are politically (except for being on opposite sides of the fence). I felt the same way about Perot, and thought of voting for him. But I knew that the forces in Washington (from both parties) would do their best to render him ineffective. Plus, he DID unravel a bit toward the end. Finally, as someone with Texas blood from my dad's side, I must admit that Texans do tend to make shitty Presidents. So let's all agree to "Just Say No" to any more Texans in the White House. Bushes too (sorry Jeb, Jenna and Barbara ... you're dealing with 3-strikes [also known as 3-Bush terms of office] already). Go rig something else.
Soft spot? How far back did you go? ;-)
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Et tu, /t.? Et tu?
I was told on my blog that I've been missed here.
Lamby! Yes, you were. Welcome back, my passionate little Q-Tip!
Pug that sounds cute when you call me your passionate little Q-Tip. ;-)
Puggy, I can think of better things to do with "all that time" ...
instead of ice fishing.
& yes, we're generally a peaceful bunch with the exception of my favorite politician Ralph Klein.
Ironically he's conservative but his mouth cracks me up from time to time..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhkKphcUqOs
(not that it really matters, it is after all Canadian dramorama but fyi silver spoon politician Belinda Stronach was a conservative turn liberal after dating Conservative Deputy Leader Peter Mackay. It was all so Young and the Restless. lol)
/t. - So what patriotic groups do they have up there?
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Lamby - That was my intent. So glad to have you back in the fold.
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Miss_Lissa - Still, I do miss stories about the horny ex-wife of your former Prime Minister (WTF was her name? Something Trudeau. In that department, Canada currently does have the edge (at least since Clinton left office). All we can do down here is fantasize about Laura Bush. I daydream about her reading "Letters to Forum" to me as I drift off to sleep against her ample bosum. Alas, so far she appears to be squeaky clean.
Much funniness.
Enjoying your random rant...lol.
pug, you want me to come here more often, but you're not here.
but his tail looks cute curly.
Yo, I'm back.
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TFG - Thanks. Get well soon.
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Retro Girl - Welcome! I have a weakness for redheads, and I like your blog. You may have just drawn another stalker to it.
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/t. - Quite alright. Gordon Lightfoot and Rush have helped to maintain Canada's "prestige" at marginally acceptable levels. "We're laughin'."
Trash the place? Would anyone notice a difference?
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Lamby - I AM here, but I'm in and out quite a bit. Mostly garage/car stuff. Still glad to have a feminine lamb's presence to keep things sweet and tidy, though.
And my tail shouldn't be any straighter than I am. Wait, that sounded gay. How 'bout that it shouldn't be any less crooked? Better?
Oh crap. /t.'s gone Pentecostal on me!
No, keep it curly, it looks cute on you.
/t. wanted to break your comments. What shall we do with him?
No, /t.'s gone digital again.
Oh no. I've stumbled onto an international domestic dispute. On my very own blog, no less. Should I leave you two alone to work things out? I CAN go and wait on one of your blogs, I suppose ...
I want no part in evil doing. I'm a good lamb, or at least I try to be.
Pug, /t.'s making fun of me on your blog. Aren't you going to stick up for me?
Um, okay.
/t., would you be a good chap, and kindly desist from your rather impolite treatment of Little Lamb?
Thank you so very, very much.
Cheers!
ooo
I love stumbling across domestic disputes (or not)
in this case tho..
I think the dispute may be over. Little Lamb is probably cowering somewhere, crying her little lamb eyes out.
Artistes can be so cruel. Performance artistes, more so.
Thank you, pug, for sticking up for your little Q-Tip.
Lamby - No problem, my woolen little blanket of bliss. Now I know why the Chinese built that wall (to keep marauding heathens from the north out).
Go set fire to the church so you can see if it's true that the firefighter wall art would confuse the real firefighters. C'mon, it'd be a fun experiment. You're already going to hell, so what's to lose?
Finally we see you are alive and still random.
Willo - Sorry that you missed the show. Not to worry. There may be a matinee.
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Karla - That's just what one of the voices in my head told me to do. But then the Rottweiler next door advised me that it would be crazy to not get as many opinions as possible. Thanks.
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Pud - Likewise. I was worried that someone got a little too excited by your latest lingerie post, and kidnapped you for their sex slave. Which would've really pissed me off, since I've had that idea for some time now.
I noticed a lot of those state type of bumper stickers in Colorado. Apparently those who are native to the state get impatient with dealing with those who come from elsewhere. I have heard that folks from North Carolina and Georgia also get annoyed, but I don't recall any bumper stickers.
I am living in a state of which I am not native and believe me, they can have it. The liquor laws alone are absurd.
I'm bored...
just thought I'd see what your lil pugalicious mind was up to.
.... apparently nothing...
mmm I'm going to Dykes place now.
Enemy - I thought the "Native" stickers were in most states. Maybe it's more of a "west of the Mississippi" affliction.
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Girlgoyle - It's been awhile. Good to hear from you. Whether it was the church environment or the fancy new machines, whatever helped to rid us of Republican majorities was much appreciated.
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Miss_Lissa - Nothing? I'm hurt. I've been reading books on how to successfully woo challenging women, just to maintain your loyalty. And THIS is the thanks I get?
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/t. - Dude, I'm not the Canadian here.
You are a Pug of many fine traits.
You drink, your wit amuse me and you read...
I do believe that qualifies for ~are you ready~
//clears throat//
*woo!*
(get it? nudge nudge)
hey do you wear lil puggy reading glasses?
How cute would that be!?!
oh and I feel like I should scratch you behind the ears after hearing you say I'm a challenging woman. awwwww...
(oh & btw, I totally take that as a compliment)
/t.
high 5
They don't know what they're missin oot on up here eh? ;)
Im on my way, wish me luck!!!
What happened to all our avatars? I only see miss lisa's and /t's and revree's avatars. And why does rev look small?
/t. - Yes, I was forced to "upgrade" to beta last night. It appeared to be the only way for me to get into my own damned blog. At first I was concerned that you guys finally got enough names on the petition to do away with it. So consider me a reluctant Master Beta.
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Miss_Lissa - Anything to get some action. And even though I don't need glasses, I'll wear them (and nothing else) if indeed you prefer "brainy" types.
BTW, if it's a "High 5" down here, shouldn't it be a "High 4" in Canada? What, with the exchange rate being what it is ...
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Rev - I've been missing you. Hurry and get situated, so you can rejoin the insanity. Take care and good luck!
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Lamby - It's that damned beta blogger. See my reply to /t. above.
Yo Mr /t. the prairies?
... really?
but you seem so amusing and well,
educated.
;)
I'm a BC girl ~is it any big surprise?
And Puggy tsk tsk, you got it backwards...
If you have $5 american then you have 5.67 Canadian. $4 would just mean the Canadian dollar was worth more (no worries, I stifled laughter too.kinda @ your expense since you made the faux pas but the idea of the Canadian dollar being worth more... well, that time is older than I am)
Anyway, yes I do prefer brainy men. Is it wrong that I found myself slightly more attracted to Clark Kent then to superman? I mean the suit and the glasses.. rrrrow!
/bark bark bark
arent you 'spossed to be desceased before you can desist?
grrrr
Test
Man oh man, does BETA friggin' SUCK!
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/t. - Tough words to write, but you are correct about beta. It totally BLOWS! The only f*cking reason I switched to it is because I encountered major difficulties logging into my own damned blog yesterday. And I thought it was their way of forcing me to "upgrade" to beta.
After almost 24-hours of frustration* (* as far as someone can get frustrated with the trivial world of blogging), I am pissed, and considering a change of venue (possibly to Wordpress).
WTF is up with no avatars? WTF is up with having to log in every time? Beta sucks!!!
Sorry for the inconvenience, dudes and dudettes.
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k9 - At this point, I'm close to considering testing that concept firsthand.
Is there ANY way to go back to the NON-beta version???
Pug, is that you or is the one who, Oh I don't know how to ask. Let me ask this way: Is puerileuwaite and pug the same one?
/bArk bark bark''
did the universe shift while i was out? you turned to the dark side because you were temporarily inconvenienced...and now, NOW you know the true meaning of inconvenience grrherheaha....you felt you were forced to change and you caved just like that?? and now comes the bitching grrherhaha
/howl
Lamby - I'll never tell.
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k9 - That made no sense whatsoever.
Ok, Pug, you have a twin and you don't want your twin to get any of the love you get here. You want it all to yourself. I see how it is.
You email unsuspecting bloggers and ask them to join you for ice cream. And you're a pug, 'nuff said.
I've got to warn everybody about you.
You do know I'm kidding don't you?
Lamby - Of course I do! I also know that you're still crazy about me.
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/t. - Just for you, I fixed it. I would be lost if you didn't frequently run amok in my comments section.
/t. - I think I may have accidentally gotten her wet. Apparently wool can shrink just like suede.
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Bella - Sorry that - with all of the beta bullshit - I almost forgot about your comment. Thanks, my sweet! In your honor I'm going to play Madonna's "Like a Virgin" and Foreigner's "Feels Like The First Time". Except that I'll have to subsitute Weird Al's parody of Madonna in place of Madonna. I hope you'll understand.
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Miss_Lissa - I'll be your Clark Kent, if you promise to weaken me like Kryponite.
Puggie, You know all the right things to say to say to a girl :)
oh and way to fix that whole choose an identity thing.. you're my hero Clark.
& as for Lamb's pic...
uhm, you do know that you shouldn't stick lil Lambs in the dryer right???
For the love of all that is Pure as snow please tell me you knew THAT!!!
oh & /t. Cool! Vancouver is where this girl is moving for school come March (if everything goes as planned...) not really expecting a parade or anything. Just thought Id let you know. Carry on. :)
Miss_Lissa - There's plenty more where that cam from, baby. I haven't even mentioned yet that I enjoy long walks on the beach, and making love during a thunderstorm. Preferably with an actual woman!
BTW, the dryer ploy was just so I could get Lamby to tumble for me, just like in that Boy George song. Thank goodness I never have to worry about shrinkage.
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/t. - It's a deal. I even have an inflatable item here that I will donate to the festivities (after I'm done with it).
/t. must be happy now that he broke this blog.
/bark bark bark
smells like wet blankets in here. puerileuwaite looks like you got the beta to bend to your pugnacious will! back later for the parade
/grr
I haven't been forced to switch to Beta yet. They will have to force me kicking and screaming! I hate the new beta. It asks too many questions!
/t. - Not to worry. This may come as a surprise, but I have a whole harem, er, collection of them. Besides the one I want to donate has become way too "clingy" in recent weeks. She's been giving me a great deal of static. But when I try to talk to her about it, I get nothing but dead air. It's time to let her go, and slide onto better opportunities.
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Bella - That all depends. Is it safe for my dolphin? It absolutely must be dolphin-safe. I've become quite the environMENTAList of late.
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Lamby - This blog, your blog, the bounds of good taste, even: but he has yet to break our hearts. Which is why I continue to wait for him to change. Your love and my friendship will see him through this cocoon stage of his, as protracted as it may be.
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k9 - Still, I wish I could go back. Now I've discovered that I can no longer post as myself on other blogspot blogs until THOSE bloggers "upgrade" to beta. This is just like the "clap", without the initial enjoyment.
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Pud - Your blog is a perfect example. This morning I had to post anonymously. What if people don't recognize that it's me behind the witty and charming comments?
Pug- We all know it's you...don't worry :)
What are you doing for Thanksgiving? How's the job coming along?
Don't resist Beta...it's really quite nice once you get used to it, and here is an important tip- are you ready?
***When you go to a blog that isn't Beta and you type a reply- copy the reply before you enter your google acct info. Your reply will vanish, but then you can paste it after you've signed in.
You probably figured that out, but I was just trying to help :)
FM - That was very good advice. Thanks!
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/t. - Most people rain on my parade (or worse). You rained an actual parade. Miss Lissa will be so happy (being Canadian and all, this will be a BIG thrill).
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Jmeped - I'm due for one, I suppose. Now, just to actually write it. Remind me to tell you my tuba joke.
OMG!!!!!!!!!!
dayumn I missed the parade but caught the highlights on the 7pm news reel... ;)
You guys seriously~
I had a shit ass day at work (this was after my daycare panned out on me today.. bitch) and I had to scramble at 7am to find someone new. I mean, it was so busy and go go go that at one point I just kinda started crying- that whole stress thing. So to come here and see a Parade and Puggy telling me he likes making love in thunderstorms well...
shucks!!!
You turned this frown upside down Baby!!
Thanks /t. ~kiss~
and Thanks for allowing the Parade on your blog Pugalicious ~lotsa kisses~ (although I'm slightly perturbed by the blowup thing but hey.. thats men for ya)
Jmeped -Okay, here goes.
+++
A man wanders into bar after bar, explaining that he is looking for his wallet.
You see, he really "tied one on" the night before, and handed it over to a bartender (for safe keeping) at the last one of the many nightspots that he hit.
But, alas, he couldn't remember WHICH one.
All he COULD remember is that THE place had a rather unique, brass plated toilet.
And so he went from bar to bar.
Finally, he enters one, mentions his plight, and asks if they, indeed, have a brass plated toilet.
The bartender does a double-take, turns beet red, and shouts, "So YOU'RE the asshole who SHIT in my tuba!".
***
Miss_Lissa - Glad we could be here you you. and in /t. we also (FINALLY!) have a Canadian interpreter. So now "we're laughin'". Hope tomorrow is better for you, gorgeous.
And don't get thrown off by the doll (even though I frequently do). It's simply a way to "build up my endurance" for our first date!
God, my typing blows tonight!
Pug, ummm...
What kinda girl do you take me for?
1st date indeed.
;)
unless you take me to WalMart our first date. Then woooo! miss manners goes out the window. There truly is something to be said about gigantic box montrosities that appeal to the mass fungi of North American society and remind us of everything gone wrong in our economy. And that something is: Yeah baby!!
(my day today should be much better too. Thanks for thinking of me. I'm at the clothing store today so it's kinda my own version of playing with dolls. Except for I just dress other women up in outfits... and it ends there...)
/t. - It's okay. I've got you covered. Ahem, "Ladies, that is shrinkage due to /t. just having been in the pool." Please do not laugh or question his masculinity.
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Mel - Excited by trips to Walmart? Gee, then perhaps a date with yours truly WOULDN'T suck.
And where IS this mystical paradise, where I can get paid to dress women up in outfits (WITHOUT having to kidnap them first)? Do tell.
/t.'s head was getting to big for him anyway.
Does miss lisa have a blog?
Lamby - Yes. I get to it through Dykesdog's blog.
***
/t. - Whew! That's a relief (not your head gettingback to normal size, but rather the fact that I peed on your tire).
***
Jmeped - Did you mention to dad that we plan to get married? That usually runs 'em off.
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