Saturday, March 03, 2007

The Lost Mission: Pugs on the Wing


Hi everybody,

Scary Monster left a comment yesterday asking about the meaning behind grouping bloggers into White Sheep and Black Sheep pens on my sidebar. I started to respond, but realized I needed a post that I could "phone in". So here we are with a classic "Win (me, for being able to phone it in) - Win (Scary, for receiving a more detailed answer than in a comment) - Lose (those of you who were hoping(?) for a real post)" scenario.

And what is the basic "politically correct" answer? It's the same as I explained to RevRee: White Sheep might use a feather during foreplay. Black Sheep would prefer the whole chicken.

But in "reality", it goes much deeper than that (I probably overuse that line more than I should).

It's a riches to rags tale that - alas - is too often recounted. When I started out blogging "back in the day", I fell in with a good crowd. They were wholesome and pure (except for Leelee, as I subsequently found out), and much too innocent for the likes of me.

Note: the western tip of the Triangle points to Leelee's Antique Shoppe. Coincidence?

My inner compass (which surprisingly works BEST in the Bermuda Triangle) advised me to take my blog in uncharted directions. Ones that pandered to my own whimSICKal version of life, and my penchant for burying treasure. So I reluctantly said goodbye to those landlubbers who would be appalled by my saltiness and nocturnal (brain) emissions, although I do sometimes miss and think about them as I'm "shivering me timber".

However, much to my delight, some of the White Sheep stayed on, and even new ones signed up for full shares on the voyage of this Ship of Fools into the "Bermuda Triangle of Short Subjects", or "Bermuda Shorts", if you prefer (and I know that some of you do ... sickos).

Only the White Sheep get regular floggings on this cruise, because the Black Sheep are too into it

So, I thought I would try to do my best to keep them in separate compartments below decks. Hence, we have the White Sheep and the Black Sheep (little did I know that Lamby would hijack the whole "sheep" concept for her own disgusting amusement).

But anymore, I can't tell the White Sheep from the Black Sheep, and nothing is as it should be. The compass says "north", but the moon isn't cooperating. I feel like Lt. Chuck Taylor of the ill-fated Flight 19 squadron, wondering if I'm actually in the Gulf of Mexico.

Well, like they say, when mixing metaphors, why not add the lemons that life drops into your lap for extra tangy-ness? We may as well enjoy ourselves on our little voyage of the damned. Here are a few activities (besides the floggings) for us to get our "Jolly Roger on":

On clear nights and calm seas (when vomiting is at a minimum), we can all gather on deck with our snifters of Cognac and stargaze. And unlike those Titanic idiots, we WILL have binoculars to view the wonders of the heavens, and to distract ourselves as certain passengers elect to play "sub hunt" with each other instead.


Another popular recreational treat is swimming. Even the more timid passengers are "encouraged" to partake in this often solo activity, and since the body does tend to stay afloat more readily in salt water, their fears quickly submerge, er, subside. And as such, being in the water theoretically improves their odds for survival versus being on-deck.


Who doesn't enjoy a good weenie roast? We can start with one of the White Sheep. Careful with that lighter fluid!


Before I wrap-up this installment, I would like to leave you with a relevant "Sea Chanty" that I know Mighty D in particular is quite fond of. And as a "Reader Rewards Bonus", I've taken "special liberties" with it, in the form of extra lyrics. So enjoy, mateys.

***

Love, exciting and new (Especially, when ... we first get nude)

Come Aboard. We're expecting you (On the lost voyage ... you are so screwed)

Love, life's sweetest reward (Until one month into it ... then I really get bored)

Let it flow, it floats back to you. (Not unlike ... a turd in the loo)

Love Boat soon will be making another run (As soon as I deposit this batch ... in the o-ce-an)

The Love Boat promises something for everyone (Hepatitis, Herpes and VD ... not all of it's fun)

Set a course for adventure (Our compass points to dementia)

Your mind on a new romance (Who may or may not be wearing pants)

Love won't hurt anymore (We have plenty of K-Y ... in our shipboard store)

It's an open smile on a friendly shore (How 'bout naked women? I'd prefer them more)

Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! (hey-ah!) (Cha cha cha)

***


.

65 comments:

/t. said...

hey pug,

when does your
new post go up?

looking forward,

/t.

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Oh no. Not another lambie roaster! You bullys leave poor dolly and lambie alone!

xx
pinks

ps I'm not black or white. I'm pink

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

ps - pink sheep don't use a feather or a chicken. They use the chicken wire and invite all the live barnyard animals to watch.

where do you think the english got the term dogging?

Serena Joy said...

Cruising the Bermuda Triangle and enjoying drunken swimming and singing, romance, the weirdness of magnetic anomalies, feathery foreplay, free medical care if you pick something up -- what's not to like? I do draw the line at cannibalizing the sheep, though.:)

Scary Monster said...

Me no ask no more questions of the pug. Me will just grab me marshmallows and put them on me stick. Then when they are nice and toasted, Me will stomp around on deck and toss them to those who be floundering in the waters below.

P.S. Me still don't know how to pronounce yer name. Will that be in your next post???

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - Well darn it. I had it right around here somewhere ... curse you, foul Bermuda Triangle! You've claimed another victim!

***

Reverend - It's only fitting. How about when folks were roasting the Pug? Did Lamby rise to my defense? No. Nothing but silence from this lamb.

BTW, I had absolutely no idea that the English were so kinky. Sure, I had my suspicions about those "wankers" from my Benny Hill and Monty Python research; but it really hits home when someone I know is into British-style debauchery.

Now let's play Mutiny on the Bounty ...

***

Serena - It's only cannibalism if we BEHAVE like sheep. I learned that from "Lord of the Flies". Or was it Pink Floyd's "Animals"? I forget. Anyhoo, I suppose the main point is that we don't have to BE celebrities to behave like celebrities. In fact, that could be the official tagline for this new charter service. Either that, or "Live like it's your last day on Earth".

***

Scary - You are both kind, and the perfect compliment to my efforts on behalf of those below in the water. Your marshmallows will be the ideal compliment to the hot cocoa that I will be pouring on them.

A lot of folks are confused by my name. So allow me to clear the fog by telling you that it's pronounced the same as it's spelled. P - U - G. Hope this helps. STOMP!

Little Lamb said...

This was a most enjoyable read. I also like reverend sumangali tania pink's attitude towards Dolly. /t. picks on her constantly.

leelee said...

I'll be back to properly comment after tonights movie selection (or maybe tomorrow)...BUT HEY Thanks for the mention and you have me all figured out...the western point of the BT is directly on my shop...and let me tell you that explains sooooooooooo much.

HUGS PUG!!

RevRee said...

You're right! I LOVE Chicken!!!

Mmmmmmm YES BABY!!!

Scary Monster said...

Hey Mr. Pugglesworth. Me forget to tank yew for de plug.

But yew deeeed forget to mention what an incredible stud me be. Deed me menshun just what shtick me was planning to toast dem marshmallows with???

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Thanks. Glad you liked it.

***

Leelee - I can't wait to learn what strange events occur in that shop of yours (besides the blogging, of course).

***

Rev - We "do" chicken right.

***

Scary - Bragging about how much of a stud you are would be counter(re)productive. It's like that old adage, "If you have to TELL people you're powerful, you're not". And I was simply planning to use the throttle control as our roasting stick.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

You have made a complete mockery of the Love Boat theme. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Crashtest Comic said...

Black sheep to the back of the pen...please!

Enemy of the Republic said...

Well, I am a white sheep and proud of it, because everyone else says I'm the black sheep of the family. Pug, you are the only member of humankind who sees my true nature!

puerileuwaite said...

Mighty D - Not only that, but I engaged in no less than six acts of high seas treason with Julie, and stole from Isaac's tip jar.

***

Crash - Who will walk the plank and step up as the Rosa Parks of the Black Sheep? Wait. What am I sayin'? The back of the bus was always the coolest place to be.

***

Enemy - You TOO? I thought "Seasons in the Sun" was written about yours truly. It's all "relative", I guess. The White Sheep here can be Black Sheep somewhere else. Ultimately it's all shades of grey.

Little Lamb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Little Lamb said...

Can the white sheep hang out with the black sheep?

Or

Can the black sheep hang out with the white sheep?

Seeing I'm not a white lamb or a black lamb,I think you should make an exception in my case and make an orange section and put me in it.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Not to worry. Rest assured that you are in a category of your own ;-)

limpy99 said...

I'm so excited to be a black sheep! Now if I could just find a chicken, my packing for this cruise would be complete.

Speaking of "packing", how much KY does the shipboard store carry?

Enemy of the Republic said...

Well, as long as I get to hang out with Lambie, I am cool.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Damn right I'm not sticking an effin' chicken up my butt.

Little Lamb said...

Enemy you can hang out with me anytime.

GirlGoyle said...

I'm not sure I am able to "warm up" to the idea of roasting the little white sheep first. Nope...having a bit of an issue with that one. I'd say start with the black as a)they need half the time to cook b)will surely enjoy it more.

puerileuwaite said...

Limpy - Just avoid the pre-cooked ones with Cajun spices. Trust me on this. To answer your K-Y question: apparently not nearly enough. Fortunately we have a backup supply of motor oil (which I forgot to put in the engine).

***

Enemy - Haven't you already lowered your standards enough, by agreeing to go on this cruise in the first place?

***

MalSnay - It's all in the technique and creativity. The key is to start out smalll, using one of the baby rats from the cargo hold, and a bit of duct tape. Then work your way up to the chicken. Remember: beak first (think of it as the "periscope").

***

Lamby - Ahem. I'm trying to get the White Sheep to act LESS nerdy. If possible.

***

Girlgoyle - What is this? Mutiny already? That's it. You're sequestered to Captain's Quarters for the duration of the cruise for private "Spinning classes".

tfg said...

Went to see the captain
strangest I could find
Layed my proposition down
Layed it on the line;
I won't slave for beggar's pay
likewise gold and jewels
but I would slave to learn the way
to sink your ship of fools


Why do I always thing of song lyrics here?

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

white sheep are not nerdy.

pink sheep are definately faaar from nerdy.

we are just cool deficient.

:s

gautami tripathy said...

Why ask whys/hows/whats. Just follow your instincts and post whatever it is you want. Why look for any directions at all.

My two penny worth.

leelee said...

what? wait...who says the white sheep are nerdy?

hold on...phone....................................back........sorry just the chess club calling to see if I was going to the ice cream social on Friday. You bet I am...

Little Lamb said...

Are you calling us white sheep nerdy? Puggy, I'm an orange sheep.

Serena Joy said...

I'm a crimson sheep, thank you very much. Just because I'm meeting Leelee for ice cream and chess doesn't mean we belong in the nerd pen. Let us out!

puerileuwaite said...

TFG - I have no idea. You seem to be heterosexual everywhere else.

***

Reverend - I see the problem. I mixed you in with a red shirt.

***

Gautami - You're right. You hear that, everyone? You're getting a post on the Pug's "Turn Ons", and damn it ... you'd better like it.

***

Leelee - Well in that case, "Check" please, 'cause I'm outta here.

***

Lamby - Maybe you're like a Creamsickle.

***

Serena - Great. Now I have that "Crimson and Clover" song stuck in my head.

Mayden's Voyage said...

"Munitny on the Bounty's what were all about...we went to White Castle and we got thrown out!!!"
-Beasty Boys...

No sleep 'till Brooklin!
Yeah!!!!

-a White sheep "Mayden", with a dark stripe :) lol :)

puerileuwaite said...

FM - Quoting the Beasties? Color me impressed. I'm starting to see that the "Two Party System" may no longer be adequate. And yet, if I allow every White Sheep to form their own splinter group, won't this turn my humble blog into a microcosm of the Middle East?

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Pug,

Mixed me in with your red shirt!!!Well at least it wasn't your red underpants! Oh no, thats right. Those are leather and don't wash too well.

xx
pinks

leelee said...

LOL pug...

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

black dog rollin with P's white sheep
sick fee zone here wit my peeps
no walking the plank?
or trippin' in the iso tank?
wooden legs and girls named peg
pugs spins yarns and scores some leg
your compass points to ass
everytime! noctural emissions?
so sublime!

white sheep! its true
grrrherherhahahaha!
ive evangelized your crew!

/howl

Enemy of the Republic said...

White Sheep UNITE! Lamb power! We'll give you black sheep a run for your money, even though some of you are my best friends.

K9 said...

/bark!

rot on, enemy! ready to rumble? grrr grrr grrr

/howl

Party Girl said...

Black and white, we all need to dabble in both every now and again.

Once you go black...

then again some say you haven't had it right until you go white.

Me, I'm a dabbler.

Little Lamb said...

Creamsickles are good puggy. I like them.

Anonymous said...

sailing in bermuda,
drinking lots of rhum.

swimming in hot chocolate,
chillin' in the sun.

The love boat was kickin.
we were havin fun.

limpy brought a chicken,
and Snay wanted some.

Then tiny little Puggy.
Had trouble with his flock.
both the black sheep,
and the white sheep,
started to throw rocks.

Lamby in the middle,
always skipping rope
the party girl brought us together and showed us how to cope.

Black on white and white on pink and pink on everyone.
orgies on the high seas
will everybody come.

Capitain puggy sits there
checking out the moves.
happy with his love boat
and overflowing juice.

Anonymous said...

Tee Hee

puerileuwaite said...

Reverend - No, my assless chaps are leather. I usually go "commando style", so the red that you spotted must've been immediately after a session with my Dominatrix.

***

Leelee - Dave's not here ;-)

***

k9 - That was beautiful, and touched me both deeply and inappropriately. You know, I never bought into that retirement bullshit. So where's that new post?

***

Enemy - Like Seinfeld said (while admiring a half-chocolate / half vanilla cookie): "Look to the cookie". Black and white, equal halves, coexisting in harmony. And both should be consumed with equal ferocity. Especially if one has already partook of the "special brownie".

***

Party Girl - Oh, the stories I could tell on that particular topic. But I won't. So instead I'll simply remind you to "look to the nookie, er, cookie".

***

Lamby - Un momento, as I look up your comment in my "Dictionary of Sexual Euphemisms" ...

***

Anonymous - I wanna party with you, my little Ginger-snap. Your ditty is way better than that dorky "Sloop John B" crap. And I like how you're starting out as "Anonymous", rather than in shame AFTER I show you my dinghy.

Anonymous said...

Awww puggers didn't you recognize the style? keep on guessing.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, I liked your response. It made me laugh. You put a smile on my face. :-)

leelee said...

who's Dave?

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Pug,

Are you sure your ready for domination so extreme? I'd think carefully - she's known to bust chops!

;)

LADY LUXIE said...

ha!ha!ha!ha!ha!hee!hee!...your singing voice is ringing in my head!

kate said...

and I thought it was a color thing.

Even us white sheep have deep dark corners lurking under the surface. I generally keep that bit hidden... then come over here for a quick fix and can go back to my PG rated life. lol

Me still anoymous, tee hee said...

It's me dave, C'mon man I think the cops followed me..

Dave? Dave?

Yeah, Me dave...


LOL

puerileuwaite said...

Anonymous - Don't ask, don't tell, right?

***

Lamby - I made you smile? Damn. How did that happen? The stress MUST be gettin' to me.

***

Leelee - That's what I'd like to know. Whoever he is, he keeps knocking at my door.

***

Reverend - I'm picturing treatment more along the lines of Monty Python: "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!".

***

Lady Luxie - I thought I was the only one with extra voices in my head. Why, this is just like that "Message in a Bottle" song by The Police. Oh, now I've done it. I have that in my head too. Get the drill.

***

Kate - What is this? Women USING me for quick and dirty gratification? I feel so ... cheap. Not that I mind. I'm all about "volume" (though some contents tend to shift due to packaging).

***

Anonymous - I know it was you, Scary. You broke my heart, Scary. You broke my heart!

leelee said...

Scary..I KNEW YOU WERE DAVE

Scary Monster said...

Puggers me be away from home without a way to sign in.
Just me doin me stomppy thang. No insult intended.
Me be nice Monster from now on.
No put me inna basement.
Me no like bread and water.

Me couldn't resist the Cheech and Chong gag, Me just couldn't. Sniff.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - Well it's a good thing we didn't open the door, then.

***

Scary - No worries, mate. I was just doing a "riff' from The Godfather Part II at your expense.

***

BTW, I'll be having another KILLER day today (with no Internet access as added punishment), so I may not be able to post (or comment - anywhere - until tomorrow), you lucky devils.

Pud said...

Lions and tigers and bears..Oh My!

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

scary monster speaks just like the tasmanian devil

"why for you put me in da cold cold ground?"

/stomp! (love that: stomp!)

see ya'll at the revival. Lido deck. 7:30


/grrrrr

Mel said...

I've always loved cruising and right about now I'll take anywhere in the tropics including the triangle.
and only once have I actually pushed someone off a boat. erm, I mean encouraged him to swim...
maybe thats why I'm in the black sheep catagory
(or it could be that I rather enjoy that sub game you mentioned)

.. been some time since I commented Puggy. I'd say I deserve a flogging but..
;)

kate said...

Yip used and tossed to the side... until the next time I need a quick pick me up! lol Do you feel like a piece of meet... dog meat? lol hummmm

puerileuwaite said...

Pud - Um, okay.

***

k9 - Now you've done it. You've encouraged Scary. And actually the Revival will be a boat-wide event. Seems that everybody finds religion when the boat is slowly going under.

***

Mel - Like Smoky sang, I love it when we go cruisin' together.

***

Kate - Well at least you always do come back. It's like I'm rebounding my own missed shots.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Just want to be comment number 60. Hey ya Pug!

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

new post new post!

:(

xx
blue

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

PW: grrrrherherhahaha! youre a better flock leader than jim jones, only without the percodans.

/howl

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

White sheep (and pink and orange) of the world unite!

Let us overthow our dictator!

How can we be expected to have a decent orgy if we're all kept apart?

;-)

puerileuwaite said...

Enemy - Sixty is indeed a magical number. And it makes you the "Babe Ruth" of this post.

***

Reverend - If you don't behave, I'm turning this ship of fools around RIGHT NOW and heading for port.
;-)

***

k9 - Thanks for rubbing it (my lack of Percodans) in. Attempting religiously-skewed mind control while sober is truly a test of faith.

And don't get me started on my Koolaid rant (Why does it only come in Grape and Cherry flavors? And why are the containers so small? Grrrrrrrrr!)

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Pugs,

How can I ever break out of whitesheepdom if you want me to behave?

xxx (thats triple x for you)
Pinks