The Lost Mission: Pugs on the Wing

Hi everybody,

Scary Monster left a comment yesterday asking about the meaning behind grouping bloggers into White Sheep and Black Sheep pens on my sidebar. I started to respond, but realized I needed a post that I could "phone in". So here we are with a classic "Win (me, for being able to phone it in) - Win (Scary, for receiving a more detailed answer than in a comment) - Lose (those of you who were hoping(?) for a real post)" scenario.

And what is the basic "politically correct" answer? It's the same as I explained to RevRee: White Sheep might use a feather during foreplay. Black Sheep would prefer the whole chicken.

But in "reality", it goes much deeper than that (I probably overuse that line more than I should).

It's a riches to rags tale that - alas - is too often recounted. When I started out blogging "back in the day", I fell in with a good crowd. They were wholesome and pure (except for Leelee, as I subsequently found out), and much too innocent for the likes of me.

Note: the western tip of the Triangle points to Leelee's Antique Shoppe. Coincidence?

My inner compass (which surprisingly works BEST in the Bermuda Triangle) advised me to take my blog in uncharted directions. Ones that pandered to my own whimSICKal version of life, and my penchant for burying treasure. So I reluctantly said goodbye to those landlubbers who would be appalled by my saltiness and nocturnal (brain) emissions, although I do sometimes miss and think about them as I'm "shivering me timber".

However, much to my delight, some of the White Sheep stayed on, and even new ones signed up for full shares on the voyage of this Ship of Fools into the "Bermuda Triangle of Short Subjects", or "Bermuda Shorts", if you prefer (and I know that some of you do ... sickos).

Only the White Sheep get regular floggings on this cruise, because the Black Sheep are too into it

So, I thought I would try to do my best to keep them in separate compartments below decks. Hence, we have the White Sheep and the Black Sheep (little did I know that Lamby would hijack the whole "sheep" concept for her own disgusting amusement).

But anymore, I can't tell the White Sheep from the Black Sheep, and nothing is as it should be. The compass says "north", but the moon isn't cooperating. I feel like Lt. Chuck Taylor of the ill-fated Flight 19 squadron, wondering if I'm actually in the Gulf of Mexico.

Well, like they say, when mixing metaphors, why not add the lemons that life drops into your lap for extra tangy-ness? We may as well enjoy ourselves on our little voyage of the damned. Here are a few activities (besides the floggings) for us to get our "Jolly Roger on":

On clear nights and calm seas (when vomiting is at a minimum), we can all gather on deck with our snifters of Cognac and stargaze. And unlike those Titanic idiots, we WILL have binoculars to view the wonders of the heavens, and to distract ourselves as certain passengers elect to play "sub hunt" with each other instead.


Another popular recreational treat is swimming. Even the more timid passengers are "encouraged" to partake in this often solo activity, and since the body does tend to stay afloat more readily in salt water, their fears quickly submerge, er, subside. And as such, being in the water theoretically improves their odds for survival versus being on-deck.


Who doesn't enjoy a good weenie roast? We can start with one of the White Sheep. Careful with that lighter fluid!


Before I wrap-up this installment, I would like to leave you with a relevant "Sea Chanty" that I know Mighty D in particular is quite fond of. And as a "Reader Rewards Bonus", I've taken "special liberties" with it, in the form of extra lyrics. So enjoy, mateys.

***

Love, exciting and new (Especially, when ... we first get nude)

Come Aboard. We're expecting you (On the lost voyage ... you are so screwed)

Love, life's sweetest reward (Until one month into it ... then I really get bored)

Let it flow, it floats back to you. (Not unlike ... a turd in the loo)

Love Boat soon will be making another run (As soon as I deposit this batch ... in the o-ce-an)

The Love Boat promises something for everyone (Hepatitis, Herpes and VD ... not all of it's fun)

Set a course for adventure (Our compass points to dementia)

Your mind on a new romance (Who may or may not be wearing pants)

Love won't hurt anymore (We have plenty of K-Y ... in our shipboard store)

It's an open smile on a friendly shore (How 'bout naked women? I'd prefer them more)

Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! (hey-ah!) (Cha cha cha)

***


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