I realized I've been neglecting those of you out there in Blogland who look to The Pug for guidance as you attempt to navigate the treacherous racetrack of romance. So allow me to inject some much-needed STD, oops - STP, into your crankcases, as you prepare for the goal of trading in your checkered pasts for checkered flags.
Ladies, this one's for you. By reading and learning what The Pug's "hot buttons" are, you should be able to apply this lesson in the event that you find a "real man" equivalent. So here goes.
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The 5-Things The Pug Loves to Hear on a Date
“Then what happened?”
Even though (quite pathetically) it is not, a male likes to think that his life is reasonably interesting. And while interrupting him, changing the subject, or acting bored are well-known tactics for my female readers, it’s not enough to just sit there, smile, and say, “Uh-huh” every few seconds* (* after all, this is not intercourse). Actively egg him (on) with comments like, “Wow, I never knew golf could be so very, very damned fascinating.” or “Go on ... though there's the door (and freedom from your little vignette), strangely, I appear to be glued to my seat.” That way, he’ll know you’re genuinely interested versus just wanting to sign him up for DirecTV in order to get the $50 for "turning a friend on to DirecTV".
“That’s pretty impressive.”
Maybe he almost placed in the "Darts Tourney" at the local watering hole. Or got a fleeting "Great suggestion, but we only need ONE row of Twix bars in the vending machine" kudo at work. Or figured out how to use Yoga for self-pleasure. Whatever he’s done, if he’s mentioning it on a date, he’s most likely proud of it—and if you feed his ego by listing the 5-reasons why you'll never view the world the same ever again, he may overlook the fact that you'll never say the aforementioned 3-words when he's naked.
“Thank you.”
No doubt about it, manners matter—and are sorely lacking in today’s less formal dating scene. Tap into your inner Emily Post, and maybe he will want to tap into you using his. So, thank him when he tells you that you look pretty tonight, instead of responding with, "What? Just tonight? You bastard!". And so what if he had a 2-for-1 coupon? Thank him for dinner anyway. Also thank him for the "Fireman's Carry" to your car, even if you WERE marginally sober enough to make it on your own gams. It’s so small a gesture, but what you may receive in return could be equally touching (and small).
“What do you do when you’re not at work?”
This will indicate that you are ready for a serious relationship, as this is a question that wives and other co-dependents frequently ask. And if there's 2-things a male on a date is interested in, it's commitment and a voracious interest in every single minute of his day.
“I’d like to get your opinion on something.”
We "Mr. Fix-Its" LOVE when a woman voluntarily comes to us for advice. So DO ask a challenging question. One that forces us to employ our stupendous intellects. Here's an example: "I only sleep with men when I don't care about them. But I care for you so much. However if I slept with you tonight, I wouldn't want to ever see you again. What should I do?".
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Pug on Date Night (Courtesy of Scary Monster)***
Stay tuned next time for Part II.
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