Sunday, May 27, 2007

Getting Your Dating Mojo On - Part I

Hi everybody,

I realized I've been neglecting those of you out there in Blogland who look to The Pug for guidance as you attempt to navigate the treacherous racetrack of romance. So allow me to inject some much-needed STD, oops - STP, into your crankcases, as you prepare for the goal of trading in your checkered pasts for checkered flags.



Ladies, this one's for you. By reading and learning what The Pug's "hot buttons" are, you should be able to apply this lesson in the event that you find a "real man" equivalent. So here goes.

***

The 5-Things The Pug Loves to Hear on a Date

“Then what happened?”

Even though (quite pathetically) it is not, a male likes to think that his life is reasonably interesting. And while interrupting him, changing the subject, or acting bored are well-known tactics for my female readers, it’s not enough to just sit there, smile, and say, “Uh-huh” every few seconds* (* after all, this is not intercourse). Actively egg him (on) with comments like, “Wow, I never knew golf could be so very, very damned fascinating.” or “Go on ... though there's the door (and freedom from your little vignette), strangely, I appear to be glued to my seat.” That way, he’ll know you’re genuinely interested versus just wanting to sign him up for DirecTV in order to get the $50 for "turning a friend on to DirecTV".

“That’s pretty impressive.”

Maybe he almost placed in the "Darts Tourney" at the local watering hole. Or got a fleeting "Great suggestion, but we only need ONE row of Twix bars in the vending machine" kudo at work. Or figured out how to use Yoga for self-pleasure. Whatever he’s done, if he’s mentioning it on a date, he’s most likely proud of it—and if you feed his ego by listing the 5-reasons why you'll never view the world the same ever again, he may overlook the fact that you'll never say the aforementioned 3-words when he's naked.

“Thank you.”

No doubt about it, manners matter—and are sorely lacking in today’s less formal dating scene. Tap into your inner Emily Post, and maybe he will want to tap into you using his. So, thank him when he tells you that you look pretty tonight, instead of responding with, "What? Just tonight? You bastard!". And so what if he had a 2-for-1 coupon? Thank him for dinner anyway. Also thank him for the "Fireman's Carry" to your car, even if you WERE marginally sober enough to make it on your own gams. It’s so small a gesture, but what you may receive in return could be equally touching (and small).

“What do you do when you’re not at work?”

This will indicate that you are ready for a serious relationship, as this is a question that wives and other co-dependents frequently ask. And if there's 2-things a male on a date is interested in, it's commitment and a voracious interest in every single minute of his day.

“I’d like to get your opinion on something.”

We "Mr. Fix-Its" LOVE when a woman voluntarily comes to us for advice. So DO ask a challenging question. One that forces us to employ our stupendous intellects. Here's an example: "I only sleep with men when I don't care about them. But I care for you so much. However if I slept with you tonight, I wouldn't want to ever see you again. What should I do?".

***

Pug on Date Night (Courtesy of Scary Monster)

***

Stay tuned next time for Part II.

.

112 comments:

Little Lamb said...

good rules to go by. I'll have to write all those down and bring them on a date with me.

Serena Joy said...

Will these pointers still be valid in the year 2050 when I just might conceivably have another date?

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Wow!

Is this what you do when you're not at work? That's very interesting! I was going to ask you're advice on dating and wow there it is! You are so in tune with the female psyche! Thank you!

I wonder what will happen next in part two...I can't wait to see...?!

(is that what you had in mind?)
xx
pinks

Corn Dog said...

WOW, Pug. Love the top hat and tails.

Dating advice...hmmm...dating. I vaguely remember that..I think.

leelee said...

Wow....those are great, thanks...wonder if those suggestions work with the married ones...I mean the one I am married to. Those response PLUS this new black wig ought to spice things up!!

"Pugsssssssssss...puttin' on his top hat....tyin' up his white tie...brushin' off his tailsssssssssssss

He's dudin' up his shirt front...
Puttin' in the shirt studs...Polishin' his nailssssssssss"

so damned dashing, I'm sorry I missed the prom :o(

Serena Joy said...

Was that stylish Pug there yesterday? I swear I don't remember seeing him. Maybe I'm going blind in my old age. That is one fine looking Pug in his tophat and tails.

/t. said...

dapper
dog, dude

i mean, wow!

(yeah, i'd do ya)

/t.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Oh, in your case there's really no need, as I know you do all the proper things already.

***

Serena - By then, cloning should be perfected AND legal. And not just for surplus body parts either. We'll be able to purchase clones of favorite celebrities for our own sick little amusement. So dating won't be necessary. Yay, technology!

***

Reverend - I also paint and sculpt. Oh crap. You acknowledged my mention of Part II. Now I have to write it. I am so screwed.

***

Corn Dog - Now all I need is for someone to put me on a Ritz.

***

Leelee - The married ones? Why waste the effort? That's like trying to impress your mom and dad with your performance in the school play. What's the point? They'll pretend they like it because they really have no choice.

***

Serena - I was there, but flying under the radar and ladies' dresses.

***

/t. - Whoa. Looks like I need to "kick it down a notch", so my appeal doesn't go beyond the "Slot-B" demographic into "Tab-A" territory!

Serena Joy said...

We'll be able to purchase clones of favorite celebrities for our own sick little amusement. So dating won't be necessary. Yay, technology!

Will they have working parts?

Little Lamb said...

Oh dear! You must be spying on me. Or were you my last date in disguise?

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

Oh Pugsy!

I missed the photo the first time around. How cute!

If only I'd known...I would have asked you to my summer ball....

there's the winter black tie affair...can you pencil me in for december?
xx
pinks

GirlGoyle said...

What type of racetrack of romance are you racing on? Never would've made you out to be a NASCAR fan. Thought it's funny you should mention that women should at least prentend to be interested in what a guy has to say. I on the other hand seem to be surrounded by men who are only interested in whining about their day/life. "So how was your day dear?" or "what is new with you??" is just rethoric as you are never really get a chance to answer it because you are too busy dodging the barrage of crap that "Oh my god" happened to HIM. Probably explains why I've never been on a date. I have no patience...

she said...

and then what happened? i mean, what happened at 6:38 monday, may 28th after work? was that your car i saw parked out in front of the rubber playware for men club? what your opinion of the life-likeness appearance of your purchase? pretty impressive post. thank you.

btw i have mayden here with me..were bloggin' in a free WiFi spot in our bikinis. of course, my top is fitted with 8 cups but i hate to brag.

tfg said...

You mean that women really aren't impressed when I tell them I can unhook a bra with one hand?

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - If they're anything like the cloned sheep I purchased, then HELL YEAH(!) they'll have working parts!

***

Lamby - Yes, I was that wolf in sheep's clothing.

***

Reverend - That'll teach you to judge a Pug by it's cover. Those "in the know", know that you have to look under the covers.

***

Girlgoyle - I'll let you in on a secret: NASCAR has little, if any, appeal for me. Life itself contains enough going in circles for yours truly.

On the other topic: as long as there's a nice bottle of vino and a pretty gal on the other side of it, I can listen to her all night (well hopefully not ALL night ... after all, there ARE other activities that are more "participatory"). No patience required.

***

She - When it comes to the "Rubber Playware Club for Men", I'm not just a founder, I'm also a client. But I would give it all up, and go legit, just for a chance to see you in a bikini. Because you are a "hottie", my former k9!

***

TFG - Yes, but only if SHE is the one wearing the bra. Don't ask me how I know ...

Malnurtured Snay said...

I hate when people ask for my opinion, 'cuz I'm all like, "chica, my opinion is your problems would all be solved if I could put my penis inside you."

Serena Joy said...

Well, all right, then. If I can get something besides sheep, sign me up.

puerileuwaite said...

MalSnay - Wow! I always wondered if reincarnation REALLY happens, and if so, where Humphrey Bogart wound up. Now I know the answer to both of those questions.

***

Serena - That's the spirit! But unfortunately I just checked, and right now they only have an emu and a burrow owl. So I recommend you hold out for bigger game.

Serena Joy said...

I might be interested in the emu. Especially if he can dance and order from a menu he doesn't have to yell into.

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

under the covers eh?

I could do that.

xx
pinks

cathy said...

If only I'd known that "accidentally" dipping my hand in the sauce then sucking my fingers was a waste of time and effort!

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Okay then. I'll reserve him for you. Just so you know: when he dances, he's all feet. Oh, and he pecks at his food (it's rather disgusting). Personally I would've gone with the burrow owl.

***

Reverend - Well, SHEET! I wish I would've known that earlier.

***

Cathy - Congrats! Thanks to you, the Pug has a NEW Number 1! Talk is SO overrated anyhoo.

Serena Joy said...

Yeah, but don't owls peck and bite and claw? Which is okay sometimes, but the emu probably dresses better.

Reverend Sumangali Tania Pink said...

woof. sniff sniff.

you snooze, pup, you lose.

I distinctly remember something about a part II.

Hurry! I have a date tonight!

xx
pinks

limpy99 said...

I usually find that the conversation takes an interesting turn when I show up for a date wearng my "Ask me about my 14" penis" T-shirt.

You'd be surprised how many laws there are against false advertising.

cathy said...

So glad I could be of assistance.

Is it just me or does a 14" Limpy sound like a recipe for disillusinment?

Pink said...

Hey Woofie,

I'm all dressed up - and I even switched to a pair of shoes with toes...so my date can drink champagne from them...

I need part two!
xx
pinks

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Owls may do the things you mentioned. But bear in mind that they also are discrete when asked to name names.

***

Reverend - Now I realize why Hollywood churns out the sequels. It has nothing to do with money, or riding a concept into the ground. It's the fans who have an unquenchable thirst for sequels. How did the date go? Did you remain chaste and pure?

***

Limpy - I do my darndest to steer conversation and the evening AWAY from talk of "Mr. Happy's" size and prowess. What male would want to cut short an evening of witty, intellectual banter, a bit of dancing, and fully clothed moonlit walks for sweaty intimacy and primal gratification? That is precisely why I wear my "Please DON'T ask me about my 14" penis" t-shirt.

***

Cathy - Not that I want to dwell on the topic of Limpy's penis, so please allow me to use a favorite joke to address your concern:

A pediatrician goes to a taxidermist, and shows him the bag of foreskins that he's collected throughout a career of performing circumcisions.

Pediatrician: "I'm retiring, and would like to have these foreskins fashioned into something that will commemerate my life's work. Can you do that?"

Taxidermist: "Sure. Come back in 4-weeks, and it'll be ready."

Four weeks pass. The pediatrician returns to the taxidermy shoppe.

The taxidermist takes out a box from the back room and hands it to the pediatrician. The box is opened, and the padding is shuffled aside to reveal a wallet.

Pediatrician: "All those foreskins? My life's work! And all you could make out of it was a WALLET?!

Taxidermist: "Yes, but if you rub it, it folds out into a suitcase."


***

Reverend - Alrighty then, I'll see what I can do ...

Enemy of the Republic said...

Seriously, those are good rules, particularly the latter ones. I haven't dated in years due to my marital status, but I knew the date was flat when all the guy did was either talk about how great he was, bombard me with drinks and talk about sex.

puerileuwaite said...

Enemy - I'll let you in on a dirty little secret* (* probably the only one that I have): the rules are good ones because I "borrowed" them from an actual article. But the Pug's "insights" for each rule are his own.

And jeez, who DID you date? Bob Guccione? Even the Pug in his heyday wasn't THAT obnoxious ...

Serena Joy said...

Discretion rules. I'll go with the owl and trust him to hurt me nicely -- and not tell anyone.

Pink said...

Pugsy...he chaste me around...but I made him buy me champagne first...made sure he pured me a good long glass...

I seem to have lost a slipper tho.

:)

she said...

okay if youre gonna get technical about it then 6 teats, all with their patinas worn off. grrherhaha
i DO have emporers to nurse after all. nice tux. and thank you.

she said...

er, emperors i meant

Malnurtured Snay said...

Such a pretty pug!

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - You have seen the light, and have shown that you are as wise as the owl. Therefore you are now worthy of his company. (I'm in a Zen mood today for some reason)

***

Reverend - I can only hope that "losing your slipper" is just that, and not a euphemism for some other twisted activity.

***

K9 - I'm not sure what emperors are in this context. But The Pug is jealous, so he may be "The Last Emperor" if he doesn't leave your teats alone.

Speaking of teats, can we negotiate down to two, patinas intact and rings optional?

BTW, I am reminded of a favorite limerick that "dove-tails" nicely into this topic:

There once was a lady named Pat
Who had 3 brats named Nat, Scat and Tat
They were fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding
When she found that she had no tit for Tat


:-)

puerileuwaite said...

MalSnay - I would prefer "handsome", but "pretty" works too as long as it doesn't send the wrong message.

she said...

grrherhaha!

Scary Monster said...

Man me hates being away from this blog at the beginning of a post.
The stuff that happens in the comment section is like a circus.

When me goes out it usually be me that plays conductor. Me likes to create a score on Me own

Serena Joy said...

Thank God. I can use some company -- and some light -- today. Let the games begin.

puerileuwaite said...

She - Your laugh makes me laugh.

***

Scary - Just be careful around those power lines. That's one case where it's good NOT to be a Conductor.

***

Serena - Just remember to go toward the light when it's time (hopefully not for a while yet).

karla said...

So that's it? The whole list of what you like to hear on a date? Because I've gotten a lot of praise for a line I'm famous for using: "Do I taste better covered in whip cream or in vanilla pudding?"

Pink said...

Well Puppy, my twisted activity is absolutely fitting for a circus (a la Stompy).

xx pinks

ps - I don't use euphamisms. I find it deadens my pleasure.

puerileuwaite said...

Karla - The problem with your line is that it is most illogical, Captain. At that point, I wouldn't yet know the answer to that question. And once I determine the answer, there is no need to continue the dating process.

***

Reverend - Euthanasia deadens MY pleasure.

:-)

Serena Joy said...

Is there any pleasure in the light, or is that just a euphemism for euthanasia?

Pink said...

Pugsy,

Only pugnacious pugs suffer the displeasure of euthanasia :)

xx
pinks

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - If we are bugs, and the light is a bug zapper, then the answer is "no".

***

Pink - Then this is probably a good time for me to heed Satan's, er, Santa's advice, and "be good for goodness sake". Because apparently, I'd better watch out.

Pink said...

awww puppy...big kiss

feel better?
xx
pinksie

cathy said...

sorry pug but limpy's penis in conjunction with that joke just makes matters worse. If you rub a 14' limpy the result is likely to be something for a randy decorator to sit on whilst they paint the ceiling. I can't believe I am having this conversation!

Pink said...

:-0

whats happened to the wholesome nature of this blog community!

:-o

Bring it on!

Serena Joy said...

There's just no percentage in wholesome, Pinks.:-)

I don't like the zapper idea. I'm not going anywhere near the light. Not now, not ever.:)

Pink said...

Serena...well I don't know about you...but I'm 10% genuine wholesome. At least, that is, after I eat my toast in the morning :)

Now Puppy,I thank you for keeping your blog stuck on 27 May - the day of my glorious birth...but since YOU are ALSO a Gemini...the day of YOUR glorious birth must also be upon us soon. Happy Birthday Puppy, but getting a year older does not serve as an excuse for not posting a new bit of reading for us!!!

Its time to move on, Puppy.

xx
pinks

puerileuwaite said...

Pinksie - I DO feel better. It made the swelling go down! Oh, wait, that's NOT better ... is it?

***

Cathy - Speaking of swelling ... what kind of decorators do they have there in Greece? I thought, per The Eagles, "The Greeks Don't Want No Freaks".

***

Pinksie - Wholesome? Around here, that's like trying to mix Type-O Neg with Type-A Pos.

***

Serena - My kinda gal, and yet another reason "We's like peas and carrots".

***

Pinksie - Oh crap. I DID mention in my profile that I'm a Gemini. My dirty little shameful secret is out. No wonder I've been attracting other pesky Geminis to my blog. D'oh!

Okay, no promises, but I *may* be able to get a post out late today sometime ...

:-)

Pink said...

Pesky Geminis?

My kiss made the swelling go DOWN?

:(

you know how to hurt a girl.

just post already.
xx

puerileuwaite said...

I'm such a tease. You KNOW I didn't mean it. The Devil made me do it (and is also keeping me from posting).

:-)

Serena Joy said...

As a fellow Gemini, I think I resent that nobody kissed MY swelling to make it go down. They just threw me a package a frozen peas and carrots.:-)

Pink said...

Its alright pugsy, I'm arranging for photos over at my blog...you can skip the 3 other weddings and even STAR in the show.

;-)

(i'm a tease too)

Serena - kiss kiss.
xx
pinks

cathy said...

firstly I do my own decorating but my husband does the ceilings LOL!

As for The Eagles, too late they have already got me!

cathy said...

PINK - Have you been kissing my husband? LOL!

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - Count your blessings. Most women don't get my package.

***

Pinksie - Well I suppose it's better than being the main attraction at a wedding.

***

Cathy - I always wondered how they did those ceilings with the repetitive swirl patterns. Now I know!

***

I hope you people are happy now. You forced me to whip out my ... my ... new post. Damn you!

Serena Joy said...

Mailman must have stolen my damn package.:-)

Thank you, Pinks. Now I feel better.:-)

karla said...

In response to your recent comment: Pounce away, mofo. I was finishing a post just as you commented.

kate said...

just when i thought i had lost my mojo, the answers are posted right here. I so underestimate you my friend!

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - That's why I prefer to use Uninterrupted Package Shipping instead. You need to sic your dog on that mailman.

***

Karla - Wow! It worked! I'm going to try my "Power of Suggestion" on women for other request.

***

Kate - They don't call me "Mr. Mojo Risin' " for nothing.

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The relative complexities of women's and men's fashion

Both men and women could feel the demands of maintaining their wardrobe up-to-date and in time, yet men's fashion usually seems a lot less complicated. Of program, for both sexes, clothes and style options can be equally as complex, and there are several'fashionable'things that can rapidly become fashion faux pas - who is able to say they frequently see people walking on in 70s flares? On the other side, men's fashion has a few staple things that will exist eternally - which man is planning to keep an eye out of position with a good-quality, tailored suit, for example? Select traditional pieces, colors and fabrics and you'll never look out-of-place.

Why classic men's style is amazing

The common man's suit has hardly changed for over a hundred years. True, there are several varieties for various events, however they are all popular in their quest for a smart, sharp search for the individual. The good thing about common fashion for men is that it is effectively trendy simply cool. A well-groomed lady can almost always look his sharpest in a well-tailored suit, and it is a testament to the style of such apparel. A suit will be used to work in several occupations because of the professional search it offers to the wearer, instilling a feeling of respect and trust. Equally a match will be used to many social functions, such as a tuxedo to a black-tie event. This amazing versatility which allows suits to be used in just about all events is what gives it its amazing side and a lasting invest men's fashion.

Contemporary developments in traditional men's style

Though basic men's designs will never be replaced, it is interesting to remember that shifts in men's fashion trends have brought particular classic garments back into fashion. The reputation of vintage clothing, particularly, has had back a wide-variety of classic models into men's wardrobes, such as that of the dandy gentleman. 'Dandy'is a term used to reference men who clothe themselves in a classic yet luxurious way, placing importance on appearance and operating in a sophisticated manner. This trend for nearly'over-the-top'traditional fashion for men is evident from events such as the'Tweed Run', where men and women of all ages dress yourself in notably Victorian-style clothing and take to the roads on vintage cycles - with many of the men sporting remarkable mustaches! That is just one single of many types of evidence showing the revival of such variations. There are also numerous blogs on the web which give attention to gentlemanly style - such as'The Dandy Project'and'Dandyism'- as well as complete sites such as'The Art of Manliness'specialized in providing articles on basic men's fashion and grooming.

In summary, although certain issues with common men's style may be brought back as new styles, the fundamental garments that they derive from will never fall out of fashion.

"All it takes really are a few simple clothes. And there is one key - the easier the better." - Cary Grant

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