Monday, August 06, 2007

The Bad Samaritan

Hi everybody,

With apologies to the Cruel Virgin (a.k.a. "Enemy of the Republic"), I still don't have the time to do a PROPER job of addressing her interview questions.

So instead I was hoping to "weasel by" a bit longer with a very short story. I heard this one on "The Bob and Tom Show" this morning on the radio. They have THE best radio comedy show that I personally have ever listened to, and they're syndicated (out of Indy, I believe; perhaps Pud may have heard of them), so they might be on in your area. And if they are, check 'em out.

Here goes. Hope you like.

*** *** *** *** *** *** ***

The Bad Samaritan (my title, BTW)

*** *** *** *** *** *** ***

It's 2AM when the couple awakens to a persistant knock on their front door.

The husband slowly gets up, meanders to the door, and answers the knock.

It's a man standing out there in a fierce downpour.

"Mister, could you give me a push?"

The husband is not in a generous mood.

"No, I can't. Sorry."

And he returns to his wife and bed.

"Honey, who was at the door?"

"It was a man needing a push."

"Now sweetie, don't you remember last month when OUR car broke down, and that kindly man helped US out? Now's the time to pay it forward. Go and give that man a push."

"Dang it. You're right."

So the husband gets dressed, puts on his galoshes and raincoat, and heads out the front door.

"Sir, are you still here? Do you still need a push?"

The husband hears the man reply, "Yes. I do.", but he can't see him through the blinding rain.

So the husband says, "Where are you?"

The man replies, "Over here. On the swing."


.

38 comments:

Little Lamb said...

I've heard tat one before.

Sassy Blondie said...

That's not new, but it's still funny...

puerileuwaite said...

Well HELLO there ladies! You caught me as I was still doing some "fine tuning".

I must've been hiding out in Bin Laden's cave all these years, because it was the first time for me. And I thought I'd heard them all.

I hadn't laughed that hard in quite some time!

Little Lamb said...

You sure are popular. I just left this comment and I come back and there are two other comments. So what if one belongs to our pug.

Ok, you want to flirt? You look cute and cuddly. We should cuddle. Keep that sheepskin handy.

puerileuwaite said...

You've got it Lamby. I have my primer-gray, 1973 Camaro gassed up and ready to head due southeast. Hurricane Puerileuwaite is ready to strike the coast from the wrong direction, baby. Lock up the livestock and get out the plywood!

Enemy of the Republic said...

Oh, you weasel you. And I worked so hard....

puerileuwaite said...

Sorry my dear Enemy. Like the late great Orson Welles, I shall serve no wine before it's time!

Serena Joy said...

I hadn't heard that one before, so thanks for the laugh. I needed that.:)

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - No problemo, little lady. When I heard this joke, I knew I HAD to post it. Not to worry, though. I just wanted to buy another day or two (or 3), until I can get my completed "Interview with the Cruel Virgin" out for general consumption (and indigestion for a few, I'm sure).

Little Lamb said...

I know you'll come up with something entertaining. I just know you will. I have confidence in you, my furry friend.

/t. said...

HA HA AHAH AHA A HHA HA AHA HAH AHA A AH HA HA A HAHA HAHAHAH HA HA AH A HAH AH AAH A HAHAH A HAHA HHA HAHAHAHHAHA AHAHA HA AHH A AHAH AH AH AHHAHAHAHAH AHA AH AHHAHAH AHAH A HAH AHA AH AH HAHA AHA HAH AHAH AHAH A AHA HA HA!

but wait -- what have you done to the lamb -- you're turning her to the dark side?!?

DANG!

/t.

Pink said...

No...no more black sheep!!!!


Funny pugsy...I was hoping he was on the roof, but thats just my sunshiny personality for you.
xx
pinks

leelee said...

I'm with /t HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I LOVE THAT..LOLOLOLOL

Scary Monster said...

leelee comment be lookin like /t's. Is that beauty copying art?

Strange, the variations on a knocking door theme we have.

STOMP.

Scary Monster said...

But of course you made folks laugh...Me just makes em confused.

she said...

my goodness you've got that lamb turned over! grrherha whats next a push?

leelee said...

~BLUSH~ hugs!! for the monster!!!!

;-)

Little Lamb said...

Yes, Pug may be turning me to the darkside. There is that possibility.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I think you need to answer those interview questions.

Oh yeah, and /t is a dipshit.

/t. said...

HA HAHAHA HA AHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAH AH A HHA HAHAHA HAHAH A HAHHAH AHAH AHAH HAHA AHA HAHA HAHAH HAHA HAHAHAH HAAHHAHAH AHA HAH AH HAHA to the asshat clown

/t.

Little Lamb said...

Who me? Answer interview questions? Where? What? Who?

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Are you sure? Gee, what if it turns out to be a flop, like that time Barbara Walters attempted to interview me? She asked me what kind of tree I would be, if I were a tree (I said lady, I PEE on trees). Then she tried to get me to cry. I hate that.

***

/t. - I've known for some time that the dark side has always been there in Lamby. What, being Republican and all. With Lamby and me "hooking up", I think we can condense that Kim Basinger "9 1/2 Weeks" movie into a torrid 4.75 Weeks.

***

Pinks - I like the "cut of yer jib". If this freaky affair with Lamby doesn't work out, I'll be looking to further "slip a few time zones for some fish and chips action".

***

Leelee - You're WITH /t.? Well I guess SOMEBODY had to draw the short straw! ;-)

***

puerileuwaite said...

Scary - Is it any wonder I've been getting back into the classic "I Hear You Knockin'" (either the Dave Edmunds or Alvin Lee versions)? Oh, and also "Who Can It Be Now?" by Men At Work.

***

She - No, the NEXT move is to put her out on the streets to recruit other members to the "Cult".

***

Lamby - Admit it. It's way more entertaining. It like comparing Orlando to Vegas, baby! There is NO comparison. Welcome aboard. Hope you forgot your swimsuit, because we don't wear 'em here.

***



***

puerileuwaite said...

Mighty D - Yes, I do. Even Enemy is starting to get surly over my procrastination. My routine lately has me feeling like the first clown to get in the little car, becoming trapped under that bridge, and then being the last to get out. See how bad it's gotten? Even my analogies are suffering.

***

/t. - Now boys, if you don't stop fighting this instant, I'm turning this blog around right and strictly posting religious material.

***

Lamby - You know where, my little honorary black sheep.

GirlGoyle said...

If I were awakened in the middle of the night for something like that I'd give him a push alright!

Little Lamb said...

No, I don't, Pug, I really don't. Show me where or tell me where.

Corn Dog said...

Pug posting religious material? Here? Now? I'm scared or laughing, or maybe both.

Pud said...

OF COURSE I'VE HEARD OF BOB & TOM!!!!!!!

They are THE best!

Oh....but not as great as you.

puerileuwaite said...

Girlgoyle - Not to worry. If I DID wake you up in the middle of the night, it wouldn't be for swinging. Unless of course, if you INTO that sort of activity.

***

Lamby - I would start at the Stuckey's out on Route 28, and then work my way into the outlying areas.

***

Corn Dog - I assure you, it's NOT an idle threat. In fact, I already have my first topic selected:

"The Rosettta Stone: Not Just the Name of a Cheech and Chong Character".

***

Pud - Aw shucks. The nudity never made me blush (it had a different "effect"), but your comment sure did. Okay, that's it, then. The damned yellow ribbon is going back on the old oak tree. So what if it's all "70's Retro"? I'm GLAD I didn't "hop on the bus, forget about us".

Enemy of the Republic said...

I am plotting your demise!

Enemy of the Republic said...

Oh, procrastinate away. I'll let you live. She who is without sin...I've been a shit blogger.

/t. said...

a confessional

that's what we need here

a place for people steeped in sin to come to brag

/w incense

/t.

leelee said...

/t's not so bad Pug.. ;-)

Little Lamb said...

Will you come with me?

Scary Monster said...

Ya know, everytime me comes here the punchline be changing. Makes it tough to keep up with the joke.

STOMP.

Me once dated Sister Mary Elephant

puerileuwaite said...

Enemy - In the immortal words of Michael Jackson, I'm a lover, not a fighter. (Of course, I suspect it means something radically different -to me - than what he had in mind, My "sleepovers" are more socially acceptable, and usually only the boundaries of good taste are "violated".

This weekend is "Interview Weekend", BTW.

***

/t. - I already had that in my teens and early 20's, but sure, why not. I'll need some black light posters of the 12-Stations of the Cross, and two London phone booths that I can paint and join together.

Then I'll need some emotionally/psychologically fragile (and highly impressionable) participants (if you know where I can find any).

***

Leelee - To borrow from some famous English bloke (whose name escapes me), "The Lady doth protest too much".

I never said /t. was bad, per se. Sure, so he did slip an extra "t" into "Rosetta" in one of my previous comments. And sure, he is an enabler for Lamby. And, yes, sure he is Canadian. But does this make him evil? Or is he more a Curmudgeon-like figure?

And who are we to judge? The stone you cast, tempting as it is, may have ancient writing on it.

***

Lamby - That's a tall order. It puts all sorts of expectations on my performance that I may not be able to meet. I say we start out with a glass of the bubbly and see what unfolds.

***

Scary - I know. She TOLD me. Apparently the experience was so traumatic, she is unable to forget it.

gautami tripathy said...

Here I was thinking of another kind of push..:D

puerileuwaite said...

Gautami - Exactly. And the cruel reality is that there are way too many people who would pull that stunt.