Okay, so I've been slackin' much more than even by my own pathetic standards. But I know I haven't been (and won't be) getting any sympathy from you people. I get the message. In fact, I have a fittingly pathetic anecdote that reinforces it. Here goes.
A few years back, I was looking to sell a couple of exotic birds that proved unamusing within 2-days of original acquisition. Turns out exotic birds are like fruitcakes (which probably explains why it's ONLY fruitcakes who can enjoy their company for longer than the aformentioned 2-days). There's the original purchase, and then the inevitable never-ending quest for the next owner/victim, usually in the form of a "gift".
Anyhow, I posted an ad in the paper, with an "attractive" price for quick sale. Attractive being - of course - a misnomer, since anyone with common sense wouldn't be interested even if the price was FREE, and the bottom of the cage was littered with five dollar bills.
It was during this period of irrational belief in the value of exotic birds, and irrational optimism in the sanity of "bird buffs", that I foolishly and anxiously waited for my phone to ring with excited offers.
Okay. Let me cut to the chase. After all, this is only supposed to be an anecdote. I received a total of two calls. One was from a guy apparently just coming down from a Rubbing Alcohol binge (probably "sans-pants" and wondering if I'd throw in a roll of duct tape); and the next and final ringy-dingy was from a lady who - at first - sounded reasonably normal.
But then she made me realize that perhaps the "Birdman of Alcatraz" had a daughter who somehow up to this point managed to "fly the coop" and elude authorities. Again, since this is only an anecdote, I'll spare you the sordid details of our "convo", other then it wrapped up with the following exchange.
Lady Bird: "Why are you getting rid of them?"
World Weary Pug: "Because I don't have the time for them."
Lady Bird: "You have to MAKE the time."
World Weary Pug: "Huh?"
And so, the same irritating message that made me want to give that nutjob a "bird of a different feather", somehow reaches across the years to the present. And though no less irritating, it does unfortunately ring true in the case of my posting. Indeed, I have to MAKE the time. Because after all, who knows? Lady Bird may be one of you people.
Stay tuned next time for my "Interview with the (Cruel) Virgin", as part of my "Salute to Virgins and the Fleeting Nature of Their Existence" series!