Saturday, September 29, 2007

Handicapping the Democrats


Hi everybody,

After accidently rolling onto the remote control and away from "Miami Vice", I had the good fortune of stumbling upon a Democratic Presidential Candidates' Debate from some podunk backwater college in New Hampshire the other day. And since I like to turn my good fortune into YOUR good fortune, I thought I'd provide a detailed analysis of the various lifeforms who participated.

This will hopefully help you to more rapidly decide on your next choice for President, thus saving you valuable brain cycles for deciding who should've really won on past seasons of "American Idol" and "So You Think You Can Dance".

So here goes.

It was a classic and splendidly crisp New England fall evening. The cool breeze wafted the reassuring aroma of fallen leaves and evoked fading memories of Katherine Hepburn rolling in them after taking yet another unfortunate spill. Not that we were able to experience any of those things, as we were crowded into a stuffy college auditorium that vaguely smelled of Murphy's Oil Soap, old text books, stale Budweiser, and used latex.

There on the stage were the 7-candidates, resplendent in their Men's Wearhouse and T.J. Maxx ensembles, as well-groomed as any recent Supercuts patron. For that brief moment in time, each and every one of them bristled with an aire of sober regality; a vivid contrast to their intoxicated and bitter solo departures later that evening for destinations unknown.

The realization that the least of these candidates would still represent a tremendous upgrade over President Jethro Cokespoon, made for great anticipation in discovering who the champion of this litter would be. So swifter than the swiftest Swift Boat, I tuned in and opened my Junior Reporter's Notebook to the first blank page (which happened to be the first page).

And then, I carefully observed each candidate and jotted down my thoughts. Here is my rundown - sans automobile - of the "Magnificant Seven", in order from Stage-Right to Stage-Left.


Joe Biden looked tall, handsome and distinguished. In fact, if (more) people based their votes on who most looked like the ideal Starship Enterprise Captain, then Joe Biden would win hands-down. I could picture him in his naugahyde swivel chair, launching photon torpedoes at the Axis of Evil, and beaming down to Camp David for freaky interracial R&R with Lieutenant Uhura.

However there was a disquieting undercurrent with this man. It's tough to pinpoint, but I just had this uneasy feeling that he has a few missing persons chained up in the cellar of his summer cottage for his twisted amusement, perhaps as a substitute for golf (which his busy schedule no longer permits). This is not to say he would make a bad President, since he would be able to constantly play golf, once in office.


Christopher Dodd also was fairly tall and distinguished looking, and therefore ranked second only to Joe Biden in the "who would make the best Starship Enterprise Captain?" voting criteria category. But I couldn't get past the suspicion that he might - unbeknownst to everyone - really be Newt Gingrich's long-lost older brother. As the story goes, Christopher left home years earlier - never to return - after getting chewed out by his dad for competing in a disastrous Alderman race. Over the years, he repeatedly showed up to help Newt win his various competitions, just to disappear after each triumph. Newt being clueless, of course, always had a strange feeling about him, but simply attributed it to his own bisexuality.


John Edwards was both a pleasant surprise and a mild disappointment. I really liked what he had to say. You can sense that his confidence and poise has significantly increased since the 2004 Vice-Presidential debates. He also had an uncanny resemblence to a young John Ritter, so it's easy to envision a White House with TWO Vice-Presidents serving under him. Both attractive, one would be the "dumb blonde" female version of Dan Quayle, and the other would be the more sensible brunette who really gets things done.


He could also have a Chief of Staff who would be constantly attempting to catch him in mid-hijink. Since Don Knotts has already departed for that "Great Berry Farm in the Sky", we unfortunately don't have him available to reprise his lovable Mr. Furley character.



Not to worry, though, as I've already identified someone equally neurotic and effeminate to serve as "Chief of Staff Furley" and Don's body-double.



So - knowing the inquisitive minds of my readers - you're probably wondering what the "mild disappointment" was all about. Well, I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but at first I was HOPING this time around it was the OTHER John Edward (without the "s" at the end).


This one would totally kick ass as our next President. Think about it. He's a psychic. That would be a tremendous advantage in negotiations. Here's an example:

President John Edward: "(Insert Evil Dictator here), I'm sensing the word "Fluffy". It's just floating right there in front of me, in BIG capital letters. Did you once own a cat named Fluffy?"

Stoic Evil Dictator: "I do not see how this is relevant to the point of discussion, but yes, I did have a cat by that name. It was disemboweled by one of my father's political enemies. The infidel then fed it to his camel, then packaged the excrement and had a courier deliver it to me at my 9th birthday party."

President John Edward: "Well, Fluffy is speaking to me right now, and wants me to send you a message. He's in a better place now; and 72-virgins, along with all of the dissidents that you have tortured and killed over the years, take turns holding and feeding him."

Suddenly NOT-so-stoic Evil Dictator: "Forgive my tears, Mr. President. One who reaches into my soul cannot be a Great Satan after all. I shall disarm immediately. May I hug you, and apply a kiss to all 4-cheeks, as is the custom in my country?"


Dennis Kucinich, is another favorite of mine. I really like his position on a lot of things. But he IS a rather odd and eccentric fellow. Okay, I won't beat around the bush: he's a nerd for Chrissakes! But when you think about it, he is the prototypical representative of his party.

You see, the way I sort out candidates from the 2-parties is to use my "Animal House" filter. Here's how it works. Remember the Freshman Pledge Party scene early on, at the Omega House? As you may recall, the "prospects" were sorted out as they were ushered in. Per my filter, the ones that got to hang out with the Omegas in the main room (Kevin Bacon, et. Al.) would be Republicans. The rejects (Flounder, et Al.) would be steered into a distant corner. These are the Democrats.

This is probably why I'm a little cautious about Biden, Dodd and Edwards. They are too polished, handsome, white and male to be Democrats. The others - including Kucinich - are more in the Democrat mold, and would fit in nicely next to the blind guy and the Indian in that obscure corner of the Omega House.

Dennis Kucinich reminds me of that neighbor that everyone has, growing up. You know the one. He has a rock tumbler in his garage that runs day and night. You ask your mom why the grass and flower beds on your block are dead, and are told it's because that "nice Mr. Kucinich is working on a new "Klystron thingy" in his basement".

He was sporting a wicked comb-over for the debate, which shouldn't matter, and yet it does concern me. Will he also seek to "comb-over" our deficit problem, economic woes, and Middle East morass?

Still, I cannot help but believe that Dennis Kucinich could be an effective leader. Were the nerds not ultimately triumphant in all of those "Revenge" movies? Never underestimate nerd-power, for it is quite possible that all would experience a return to prosperity, and there would be a "salami and cheese sandwich in every lunchbox" under his stewardship.


Barack Obama is another up and comer. He is eloquent and - so far - squeaky clean. But I do have a couple of critiques. The first one is that he is still too inexperienced for the Presidency. He doesn't yet know how to fully exploit it for the inevitable post-Presidency return to the private sector. So let's give him another 4-years of seasoning.

The other red flag is his name. Am I the ONLY one who has noticed the similarity to "Osama Bin Laden"? Well if you had purchased my recent puzzlebook, "Close-Enough Palindromes for Dumbshits", you WOULD have.

In his defense, I do think he was set up in this debate to appear more dubious. Not unlike Nixon with his sweaty face and 5-o' Clock shadow in the 1960 Presidential Debate, I don't think Osama was portrayed fairly in the camera lens. For one thing, his ears - unlike in the photograph above - jutted out at perfect 90-degree angles. On the plus side, I suppose this - right or wrong - created the favorable impression that he's a really good listener.


Hillary was wonderful. It was obvious why she is the front-runner. I think I may be falling in love with her. No, wait. I'm already there. I dream about topless Whitewater rafting with her, down through that piece of land she once prized (the name of which escapes me at present). We would apply waterproof SPF-45 to each other, so the only burning would be our passion for each other.

And since every Clinton Presidency should be allowed at least one suspicious death per term, this time perhaps it could be Bill. Now don't get me wrong. I admire Hillary's current spouse, thought he was an excellent President, and have tried to pattern my life after his. But he has to go, so that I may assume my rightful place next to Hillary.

However I am not a killer.

So don't come looking for yours truly when his body is located one grassy knoll over from where Vince Foster was found, half-eaten Twinkie in his hand, the other half lodged in his windpipe.


Mike Gravel was tacked on at the end for comic relief. He was ornery at times, and reminded me of the neighbor who lived just across the alley when I was growing up. True story: this old curmudgeon would bolt out of his garage in a sleeveless white t-shirt with a 2x4 piece of wood after us, just because we were playing too close to his house. Mr. Gravel strikes me as the same type, driving everyone off of the White House lawn and out of the Rose Garden; and in the process, reminding us that at least "W" never pulled THAT crap (Truth be told, "W" would have been that cool neighbor who'd give you sips from his beer and let you look at his stack of Girlie Magazines).

So what choice would we have, but to devise an elaborate scheme for leaving a flaming brown paper sack of fresh dogshit on the front stoop? Sure there's the risk of being shot. But sometimes you have to fight for the freedoms that we hold so dear.

Mr. Gravel didn't always come across as a complete lunatic. Frequently, he appeared more as the Cowardly Lion from "The Wizard of Oz". And while funny and cute, it does worry me that THIS will result in Lamby voting for the man.


Oops. My bad. Mike Richardson was actually wedged in earlier, somewhere between two of the white guys. So, alas, like too many Hispanics in America today, he was overlooked (this time by none other than yours truly). I do recall that every time he spoke, all I could do was think he'd be the perfect Mayor for the town closest to the fictional ranch where Devo's "Whip It" video took place.

Anyway, thanks for pretending you're interested in the future of America long enough to read this post (and hopefully provide your own analysis and/or rebuttal). Per the local Magistrate, this technically fulfills my "Community Service" requirement, which means I may forgo turkey stuffing at the shelter this Thanksgiving. And for that, I give thanks.



.

55 comments:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sweet Jesus, that was entirely too long. No way I'm reading all that shit.

Corn Dog said...

I could vote for was John Edward, the psychic who talks to dead people. He's okay. The rest are shit on a stick. I hate Hillary. Ugh.

RevRee said...

Hillary??? seriously?

I think I'm gonna have you slap you!

Pink said...

I think it would be impolitic for a Canadian to comment.

However, I'm with Corn Doggie - I'd vote for the psychic if you bloody americans would just give us a vote.

Hilary?

You are one weeeeeirdo!

xx
pinks

puerileuwaite said...

Mighty D - You commented, you ol' softie. And that shows you care, which is good enough for me.

***

Corn Dog - See? There IS a candidate in this post for everybody. Just - whatever you do - vote Democrat.

I just wish you wouldn't bash Hillary, because I want us to remain friends, and it will be mondo-uncomfortable when Hillary and I bump into you at Staples.

***

RevRee - Yes, I AM serious. So slap me if you must, preferably with your ta-ta's.

I just wish you wouldn't bash Hillary, because I want us to remain friends, and it will be mondo-uncomfortable when Hillary and I bump into you at the Sex Emporium.

***

Pinks - If I had my way, Canadians would get to vote in our elections. It would give y'all something to do.

I just wish you wouldn't bash Hillary, because I want us to remain friends, and it will be mondo-uncomfortable when Hillary and I bump into you at Starbucks.

Serena Joy said...

I'd vote for Edward, the psychic who speaks to dead guys. Hell, I'd vote for the dead guys. Just don't try to make me vote for Hillary. I propose that the TV people start running mammoth 'Miami Vice' marathons with no political ads.

/t. said...

if
i were
voting here,
then i'd vote for
hillary






















duff

(sweet kid)

/t.

Pink said...

why should we have anything to do? Leave it to the Canadians to be creative and do shit like write code poems.

Don't worry - we don't need to be friends. I could still give you the order for an iced frappacino light and I'm sure Hillary can still manage to pour it.

xx
pinks

Little Lamb said...

decisions, decisions, decisions.

jin said...

Heehee! :-)
Brilliant!!!!
I really didn't think I'd get through all of that when I saw how long it was... but your writing is fabulous and once I started I didn't want to stop!

Uhhh... one question though:
"I just had this uneasy feeling that he has a few missing persons chained up in the cellar of his summer cottage for his twisted amusement"
you mean to say that is a bad thing?
Uh-oh. :-S

Sassy Blondie said...

Hillary is really a man. A very, very evil man. You scared me a lil, Pug, with all the H-Rod-Clinton love.

I do appreciate all the information though...somehow I just didn't catch that debate...maybe on purpose? Ah well...I could sum it up pretty quickly:

Get out of Iraq, more money for socialized healthcare, fix the public education system with more money and more tests, tax the shit out of the working folk to support all the "guests" pouring illegally into our country.

Did I get it right or leave something out?

limpy99 said...

Putting aside the fact that I'll be voting for anyone the Democrats put up, up to and including convicted sex felons, rather than whatever reanimated corpse the Republicans put up there, (Rudy Giuliani and Nosferatu, spearated at birth or just cousins, only not the kind of cousin Rudy actually married? Discuss), I love John Edward.

"I'm seeing the letter 'F' in big letters. Did you have a close friend or family member whose name started with 'F'?"

"Uh, no, but there's an uncle Phineas on my mother's side"

"That's it! he has a message for you from the other side..."

"Uhh, he's not dead John"

Enemy of the Republic said...

My cat Muffin is running. He understands the working man's needs. Food and rest and a heating pad.


How about this for a question: Is there hope for America?

Scary Monster said...

Me would have thought that Mr. Dyckerson would have thrown he condom in the ring. (probably after he used it)
Mike Richardson woud be the perfect Mayor for the town closest to the fictional ranch where Devo's "Whip It" video took place.

That's just too damn funny!

Pug. Whoever gets to bumble and fumble through the next presidency don't matter much too me. What Me will be waiting fer is yer descriptions of them.


Stomp.

puerileuwaite said...

Serena - I like your position on Miami Vice, and with my closet chock full of linen suits to go with an empty sock drawer, you'd expect no different from me.

I just wish you wouldn't bash Hillary, because I want us to remain friends, and it will be mondo-uncomfortable when Hillary and I bump into you at the computer repair shop.

***

/t. - And if I had MY way, it would be our NORTHERN border that would be the poorly guarded one.

I'm just glad you endorse Hillary, because I want us to remain friends, and now it will be mondo-comfortable when Hillary and I bump into you at both your local diner and the tavern (which I suspect are eerily similar to the ones in "Twin Peaks").

***

Pinks - Ouch! Death, where is thy sting? Good one. ;-)

***

Lamby - That's why I'm here to help. We need to bring you back into the light.

***

Jin - Welcome!! And thank you for your kind words. I've been feeling guilty that I haven't been able to post frequently, so I try to make up for it with volume.

But I know it upsets some of my readers to have to think so much, all in one spot (it throws off their daily pace).

To answer your question, no it's not a bad thing, for at least several reasons:

1) The practice provides ample fodder for cable movies (Lifetime in particular). This is good for employment in that industry;

2) Having a hobby is known to reduce liquor consumption and stengthen families;

3) A functional cellar adds to the overall usable living space, and thus increases resale value;

4) I'm an Alice In Chains fan. "Nuff said;

5) A good back stretch is known to improve posture;

6) If it's YOUR cellar, and Yours Truly chained up in it (presumably being fed some of your delicious baked goods on occasion), then - to rip off Martha - it IS a "Good Thing".

I can't WAIT for my Pug Cookie! (It's a male, BTW, so allocate your dough accordingly)

***

Sassy - I like what you stand for, and I would even consider you as my candidate. My main concern, however, is that you might use White House computers to blog.

I just wish you wouldn't bash Hillary, because I want us to remain friends, and it will be mondo-uncomfortable when Hillary and I bump into you at a PTA meeting.

***

Limpy - Amen, brother. FINALLY, a comment that I can totally get behind and "support".

In his defense, at least John Edward doesn't have a cheesy hotline where everytime he answers, he says, "I KNEW you'd call". I hate when that happens.

***

Enemy - You already know my position on Muffins in general, so I look forward to a solid run.

That's a good question and worthy post topic. The game is on!

***

Scary - Thank you for the kind words, my friend. And also for acknowledging my Devo reference (I love that video, and wanted to refer to it at some point in a post. So it's good to feel the love for the effort).

I didn't know how a political post would fly, but I am pleasantly surprised by the response. My readers ARE more sophisticated than I thought!

VOTE!

***

leelee said...

I loved that Pug....and I'm with you!!

Serena Joy said...

I'm not worried about Hillary; I think I could take her. Why don't you go put on one of those pastel linen suits now?:)

Enemy of the Republic said...

Soon I shall do a blog that will endorse Muffin and show the US why he alone can undo the damage wrought over the last 8 years. And yes, Muffin did not dodge the draft; he served in the Persian Gulf War, Bosnia and Somolia. Even my husband salutes when Muffin enters the room!

GirlGoyle said...

In the land of the free and the cradle of democracy, where everyone deserves and receives an equal opportunity it's about time they put their money where their mouth is and vote for someone who doesn't look like the spokes person for a colgate comercial. And for the love of God, please let it be someone who doesn't choke on something as simple as a pretzel.

Pink said...

I think muffin would make an excellent addition to your's and Hilary's new office.

Nothing goes quite so well with a double decaf cappucino as a muffin.

Can you make that to go please?
xx
pinks

cathy said...

handicap!
Kneecapping would be better
(all parties)

I couldn't bring myself to read every word but I think I got the gist, let's see....

.... first you did something perverted with the TV control then you insulted my dancing abilities and did a weather forecast.
and later on you mentioned wanting to do something with hilly's sun resistant breasts ( get real she must be even older than me!)

there was some more stuff but really it's all down to chads so you might as well vote for your mum.

um what was that about stuffing turkeys? It isn't bad enough that you are rolling on devices and having white water fantasies already!!

BOY YOU NEED TO GET OUT MORE.LOL.

The Phosgene Kid said...

Both parties can be quickly summed up - same old shit. Time for a dramatic change, maybe instead of allowing the wealthy and powerful to run things we should give someone with less of a personal agenda a chance. The other factor is you get to vote for the candidate, but you have no voice int he cronies, campaign contributers, and golf buddies he drags into office with him/her. Maybe it is time to start thinking outside the Washington paradigm and consider anarchy as an alternative.

puerileuwaite said...

Hi everybody, just a quick note to let you know I haven't forgotten about you, and I plan on catching up tonight, plus paying y'all a visit as well. Thanks!

Crashtest Comic said...

I didn't know you were political, Dawg.

Me? I've never been the political type, and I've never voted --not once! Not even for American idol. I don't believe it makes a difference whether we vote for a moron or a retard.

I know that makes me sound un-American…whatever. Isn't dissention just as important an opinion in a democracy as any other?

How many Americans DIDN'T vote for George Bush the Second--yet not only did he & his family steal an election, but he steered us into an illegal war of imperialistic occupation despite the better judgment of far smarter people. What made me angry about this was he did it by skirting the democratic process, and no one said a goddamn word about it…

So vote, no vote--what's the difference?

A bunch of smiley-faced pod people getting on the tv making promises they can't even remember, much less keep.

she said...

i am moving to costa rica. im going to buy a teak plantation in the mountains. gettin a jump against the orwellian-thought-control PC police jugernaut of demoncratic shakedown artists. see you at the grassy knoll. grrherhahahaha

Pink said...

hey - if you visit...don't leave any little 'presents' I stepped in your last one.

but if you visit while i'm sleeping, wake me up this time - I'd hate to sleep through the amour - again.
xx
pinks

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - I'm glad you're on-board. Now let's see if both of us can fit in the voting booth at the same time, and still manage to "pull the lever".

:-)

***

Serena - Only if I get to introduce you to my alligator.

:-)

***

Enemy - I forgot if Muffin was a dog or a cat, which makes a difference because prejudiced Americans will - to this day - still refuse to vote for a cat.

***

Girlgoyle - Actually I had no problem with "W" choking on that pretzel. And I was already a fan of pretzels as a snack food prior to that incident.

***

Pinks - As Tracy Ullman would say, "Oh, behave!".

:-)

***

Cathy - I need to get out more? Ya think? Welcome back, my Brittanic / Grecian Goddess. Would it make you feel better to know that I'd prefer a cruise with you, to that rafting trip with Hillary? Perhaps we can even find an automobile below decks that we can make steamy love in, a la "Titanic".

***

PK - Oh, now you done it with all of that "Government of the People / For the People" nonsense. It's that type of free thinking that will have those black helicoptors hovering over "Rancho del Phosgene" in no time.

***

Crash - When you put it that way, you make politics seem so sleazy and unappetizing. And amen, brother (although I do vote in every election that I can ... especially the Presidential races - futile or not).

***

She - I'm right there with you. We shall live as nudists, subsisting only on marijuana and coffee, as I am fed up with feeling exposed, jittery and paranoid in my current lifestyle.

***

Pinks - Funny you should mention that, as I've been told "less amour from yours truly is more ... more or less".

Pink said...

Hi puppy,

Well when you come by my place, please bring flowers and not the usual fertilizer droppings you're so fond of leaving me :)
xx
pinks

leelee said...

You've seen the photos...YOU tell me if we can fit in the booth and still pull the lever..I think it can be done..

:-)

jin said...

Haahahaa....
excellent list!

But, who told you I chain up men in my celler and feed them sweets?

*jin runs downstairs quickly to see if one got away.....*

Little Lamb said...

About me not blogging for now, I will still visit your blog. You're not rid of me, yet.

puerileuwaite said...

Pinks - I'm eager to please, m'lady, so I'll see what I can dig up.

***

Leelee - Well I would sure like to try. After all, politics IS all about pressing the flesh.

***

Jin - Perhaps it is better without the sweets, because then you could be considered as a business; and I'd have to report you for violating the "Maximum Occupancy" ordinance.

(Hmmmm. Why do you remind me of that lady who collects milkmen from that infamous Monty Python sketch? And why do I suddenly want to start delivering on your route?)

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - Yay! You complete me. I always worry that I would get totally out of control if not for your calming and moral influence.

Little Lamb said...

I'm back and haven't been gone very long.

That is so sweet Puggy poo.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Today it struck me how much I hate that picture of John Edwards. Helmet hair.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Muffin is a cat. But he isn't Catholic. He supports church and state separation. His religion is canned food.

CruiserMel said...

Who do I need to sleep with around here to get the psychic nominated? Besides, I hear he's a mean ballroom dancer. Wait, that may have just lost him any possibility of a nomination.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - It's as if you never left!

***

Enemy - But if we judged our Presidential candidates by their hairstyles, we'd only be left with the lemons.

And I'm liking Muffin more and more. Personally I support church and planet separation.

***

Cruisermel - I KNEW you would ask that question! I predict you sleeping with me as a result of my vague promise to "forsee what I can do".

CruiserMel said...

Dayum, boy!

Pink said...

thanks for the wreath, pugsy.

where on earth did you dig that up?

xx
pinks

leelee said...

:-)

GirlGoyle said...

obviously they are faulty cuz it didn't stay lodged in his throat long enough to make a difference....or did it?

Scary Monster said...

Why be Americans still holding presidential elections? Just borrow a prince or princess from some European country, they have lots of extras running around there.
We could then be able to hold lots of silly pageants in honour of the king and also have the occasional revolution and coup d'├ętat.
This would be a lot more lively than sitting around watching the boobs on tv tell us why they're the best.
Put them out on the streets and let them battle it out.

STOMP

puerileuwaite said...

Cruisermel - I will take that as a "YES!!!". You won't regret it. Once I've slept and recharged, I can be quite the snuggler.

***

Pinks - Well, I didn't exactly "dig" it up. I simply detoured over to the Titanic's final resting spot on my way to England. Then it was just a matter of waiting for some obsessed tourist to drop a nice wreath over the side of THEIR boat. Which of course I would then symbolically "rescue" from the chilly waters, in my reenactment of the HMS Carpathia doing the same. I'm sure Celine Dion would agree that my frugality will live on.

***

Leelee - :-) back at cha.

***

Girlgoyle - No, unfortunately, it did not. That's why I want to invent a special pretzel that rapidly expands in the throat (similar to "Dippin' Dots" in concept). I'll require funding.

***

Scary - I like the way you think. Indeed, let it be settled on the streets. I just don't know if I prefer a "Blood" or "Crip" President.

GirlGoyle said...

I don't know...based on some of the decisions he's made and how eloquent he is (not) I'm inclined to think that his brain was deprived of oxygen for quite some time. Could it have been the pretzel's doing?

Little Lamb said...

Your visit meant a lot. I'll tell you what, after I get a new job, my dream job, we can go out for ice cream. ;)

Sassy Blondie said...

Pugsly dear, that post has been up entirely too long. How 'bout some new stuff? K? XOXO

The Phosgene Kid said...

I'm surprised Carter isn't running again. I was surprised (not in a pleasant way) that he is still alive.

Crashtest Comic said...

Jimmy Carter is 200 years old--

cathy said...

ok but I'll skip the icy bath bit if you don't mind.

puerileuwaite said...

Girlgoyle - No, unfortunately he was demonstrating his stupidity long before the pretzel incident. My theory is that George Sr. and Barbara are really brother and sister.

***

Lamby - Okay, but I would like to request fancy, high-dollar ice cream. Blue Bunny brand is for the "hoi polloi".

***

Sassy - For you? Anything. I'd even take my top off. Hopefully sometime this weekend I will have a new post so worthy, that one of your students can borrow from it for their paper. Now come live with me and be my new post muse.

***

PK - When it comes to politics, it IS all in the timing. Maybe this time around, Carter's inability to do ANYTHING would be a refreshing change of pace from President "Desert Fox". As soon as he and his Habitat for Humanity crew are done building my new vacation home, I'll mention it to him.

***

Crash - Nothing wrong with his advanced age. He now closely resembles (and probably smells like) a peanut.

***

Cathy - Would a lovingly administered sponge bath be okay? I'll be cautious around the icebergs even.

:-)

cathy said...

not sponge you fool! TONGUE.

puerileuwaite said...

Cathy - Well in THAT case, what can I say but "MEOW"!

BUMBLE!!! said...

Where is Mr. Roper when you can't have Mr. Furley?

Also, for being such a spaz himself... Dennis Kucinich's wife is actually quite attractive.

puerileuwaite said...

Bumble - Okay, I am intrigued.SO I'm off to find pix of his wife, as this will help validate the whole "Revenge of the Nerds" premise!