Lamb Tips: Don't Try Them at Home

Hi everybody,

I am currently working on and off on a new adventure. However, I was just over at my (very) dear Lamby's place catching up on her posts; and I was inspired to leave the following feedback to a recent one where she provided insightful helpful tips incorporating common household items. I thought I would share my own results after playing "Guinea Pug". Enjoy.

PEPPER

Everyone knows Clorox's catchy ditty about keeping clothes bright, but all you need is pepper. Add a teaspoon of pepper to the wash before you add in your clothes and it will keep the colors from fading.

The only problem is that I now sneeze constantly.

WHITE VINEGAR

Deodorant stains can ruin a perfectly good shirt. Save your whites by spraying white vinegar (no need to mix with water) onto the underarm areas. Then you can wash per usual.

I don't like to waste anything, so I poured the vinegar THROUGH the pit areas onto the big salad I had prepared for my guests. They didn't seem to enjoy the salad as much as usual. But I DID get positive comments on the shirt.

SHORTENING

For a natural solution to diaper rash, try coating the area with a thin layer of shortening. It will act as a moisturizer.

I tried this with my nephew, but his butt was a tough squeeze into the Crisco can. I barely got him out before having to use the Crisco to cook for some Blogger guests. There HAS GOT to be an easier way.

POTATOES

Too much to drink last night and now you have puffy eyes? Apply a thin slice of cold potato to your eyes and leave on for five minutes. Then splash with cool water, put on your makeup (or just some moisturizer -- this means you, too, guys!) and head to work!

Oops. So THAT explains the "shrinkage" when I placed a potato in my Speedo to impress the gals at the beach.

ORANGES

Don't you hate it when you have to start a fire and little bits of newspaper are flying everywhere? Next time, air-dry orange peels, which contain flammable oils that burn longer, and use those instead of the paper. The delicious smell is a bonus.

The only complication when I tried this, is that my house caught on fire. Unfortunately a nearby orange grove went ablaze at the same time, so the firemen couldn't follow the scent to my home.

OLIVE OIL

Does it seem like nothing is working for your bad skin? Use 4 tablespoons of salt and 3 tablespoons of olive oil to create a paste. Leave it on your face for 2 minutes and rinse with warm water. Then wash your face as normal. Use every day for a week and then cut back to 3 days a week and you should notice an improvement.

All this did was make my pizza face more "authentic". Thanks a lot.

MUSTARD

It may make you smell like a hot dog, but rubbing a thin layer of mustard over your chest and covering with a hot towel can relieve a stuffy head and chest.

They kicked me out of the ballpark when I tried this. Maybe I should've discretely used mustard PACKETS, instead of the huge pump-bottle at the hot dog stand.

MILK

Oh no! You forgot to put the cap on your pen and now there is ink seeping into your shirt. No worries -- just grab some milk and soak the area. Depending on the type of ink, this process can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 24 hours. Patience is a virtue.

This was a fun one, actually. The key is to find a lactating woman who is approximately the same shirt size, and have her wear the shirt bra-less for a day or so.

LEMONS

Dandruff can be an embarrassing health problem, but the special shampoo often smells yucky. Try massaging 2 tablespoons of lemon juice into your scalp and rinsing with warm water. Follow with a leave-in rinse of 1 teaspoon lemonjuice in 1 cup of warm water. Use this daily until your scalp is healed.

No thanks. Isn't it bad enough that I look like the dude on the "Lemonheads" box? I have to SMELL like him too?

FLOUR

You have an ant problem but are worried about the poisonous ant traps around your pets. Just sprinkle flour wherever you see ants entering the house and along the pantry shelves, since they are most likely after your food.

This is another bad idea. Don't you remember what happened to the bad guys in "Billy Jack" who poured flour onto the Native Americans in the Ice Cream Shoppe? They got their butts kicked by Billy Jack! What if there is a "Billy Jack" ant? No thanks.

EGGS

No time to hit the salon before your big event? Get your hair super shiny and conditioned with eggs! Take two beaten egg yolks and massage into hair. Start at the scalp and work in small sections. Then gather all of the hair in a shower cap, wrap in a warm towel and wait 30 minutes (you could cook the kids' dinner). Rinse with cool water and shampoo as usual.

I heard a rumor that this is how Benedict Arnold became forever associated with eggs.

CASTOR OIL

While most of us associate castor oil with constipation or childbirth, did you know it can also help get rid of pesky moles in your yard? Just mix a 1/2 cup of castor oil with two gallons of water and pour the mixture down the mole(s) hole(s). Don't worry, the solution is animal friendly and they will likely relocate.

Great. Now they're under my house, they're pissed, and I'm out of Castor Oil. What now?

BUTTER

A jewelry box can help you organize, but sometimes those thin-chained necklaces just want to get tangled and you can't stop them! Rub some butter into the knot and lay on a flat surface. Then take a sewing needle to untangle. When finished just run under hot water to rinse off the butter.

I also use these same techniques to untangle human knots. In fact, I wouldn't even attempt to use the Kama Sutra without a stick of butter close by.

BANANAS

Before you throw your banana peel in the compost pile, remove any stringy pulp and use the peel as a buffer. This works with silverware as well as leather shoes and leather furniture. Just rub the peel over the object and buff with a soft cloth. Be sure to test a small section of your furniture first!

I tried banana peels on my shoes, and the last time I went to the zoo, every monkey in the place tried to hump them.


Thank you for trying, Lamby. That is one reason among many why I think you are wonderful! And yes, I mean it.

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