Wednesday, October 25, 2006

This Just In - Working Sucks!

.

Hello everyone,

A thousand pardons for taking so damned long to pinch out a new post. The least I can do is subject you all to an excruciatingly long and dull explanation. So here goes.

I am now over a week into my new job. And for the first time in quite a while, I am being forced to consistently earn my pay. Now I understand what one or two of you go through on rare occasions. Holy crap! Work totally bites. There's virtually no time for me to masturbate at my desk, let alone blog* (* the "other" form of gratification with the "other" white meat ... the whites of your eyes!).


I've been run ragged. Is it normal to experience "burn out" after only 8-days in a new job?

I travel quite a bit, but it's all driving, which I don't mind nearly as much as flying. And the new slavemasters really seem to like me. Which is nice, but totally unnecessary, since I'm still under the influence of "New Employee Stockholm Syndrome". I praise memos, send out "great idea" emails, and remain attentive in meetings. The exceptionally kind treatment (I get TWO helpings of gruel, plus one "courtesy reacharound" per day) appears to be making the other prisoners both jealous and surly.

I'm beginning to suspect that they are plotting to throw this particular pug and his amazing technicolor dreamcoat down the nearest well until I can be sold to Egyptian slave traders. Hating me because of my beauty and innocence is an ugly thing. Bastards.


I work with many different accounts, and as a result I meet a wide spectrum of interesting people. But unfortunately so far there have been no offers of sex. However the new compensation plan is due by December, so there is hope on the horizon.

I appreciate everyone who stayed in touch by continuing to comment on my previous post. Moving forward I'll try to be more regular in my posting, commenting and even my bowel movements. I know that some of you are wondering if there's much difference between the three.



.

63 comments:

/t. said...

pug,
whatever
it is that
you do there --
it sounds like a dream job

this small bit of advice -- it always is a popular move for the newbies to profess profound love of the job, which love transcends any need for monetary recompense

good luck (or good lick, whatever it is that you do there)

/t.

tfg said...

What are you selling?

Little Lamb said...

You seem to have a sit down job. Let's trade jobs.

leelee said...

I had no idea that selling the 25 or 32 piece sets of plastic storage containers could be so demanding..but then again, I have no idea what it must be like to work for URE - Uncle Rico Enterprises.

Pud said...

This whole work thing you have going on is getting in your way of blogging and your stalking of me.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - With money I can purchase love on my own terms.

***

tfg - Fortunately I'm on the engineering side. Probably something similar to what you do (but I prefer to keep it vague). The only selling that I do these days involves my soul.

***

Little Lamb - Quite the opposite. Very little sitting. But a lot of "bending over". Besides, I don't want to trade jobs. I want to "work" alongside you as the next slacker.

***

Leelee - Tupperware doesn't sell itself, you know. And it certainly is NOT a party. I need to look into other opportunities, such as breast augmentation (especially for the "site surveys" and chances to draw on teats with grease pens ... which is strictly a hobby right now), in-home time machines, and glamour photography. I wish I was still playing football, as I have continued to stay in shape through constant passing drills. My girlfriend, who is a model but couldn't be here today because she's on a "shoot", totally supports whatever I want to do.

***

Pud - Exactly my point. I can only dream of winning Powerball, so I can stalk you FULL-TIME in my brand new LAMBORGHINI DIABLO!

***

JAMESEE-ST-SMILE said...

good picture

DykesDog said...

Puggy!!! Good to see you have joined the slave gang again! I missed you!!!

puerileuwaite said...

Jamesee-st-smile - Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment. I like your blogger name and regret that is it already taken and therefore unavailable for my use. I trust that your visit has confirmed that not all Americans are ugly.

***

Dykesdog - Thanks. You reminded me that I need to load The Pretenders' "Back On The Chain Gang" back into my iPod. Now if only i had a nickle for everyone who claims they missed me. Or wanted me to go away, in order to see if that feeling developed.

***

Mighty Dyckerson said...

At least you get to see the world a little bit. I'm stuck in a goddamned windowless padded cell (aka "cubicle") for 8+ hours a frigging day. It's slowly eating away at my soul.

BTW, see if your place has a conference room. Sometimes I masturbate in ours.

Anonymous said...

Finally someone other than me bitching about work.

Pud said...

Where oh where is my pug at?

jmeped said...

Reach arounds don't happen until christmas bonuses come out. I don't know about you, but I couldn't have a bm at work if I was paid to do it. Unlike my co-workers who think it's ok to leave the stall door open, as long as the main door is closed! Give your self another week for the new job glint in your eye to be replaced with the you people suck glaze over.

puerileuwaite said...

Mighty D - We actually do have a very nice conference room. Sling a pie chart up on the projector, and I'm horny as all get out.

***

FHC - Yes, now there are at least two of us on the Internet doing it. Maybe we can convince others that it's okay to vent about their jobs, and start our own version of the "wave".

***

Pud - I right here, replete with lotion, Kleenex, and your latest post picture. I hereby proclaim that the color blue shall no longer be associated with depression.

***

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped - Thanks for the heads-up. Well then I guess there's no point installing a surveillance camera in the john just for "number one", tinkle-belle.

You should come work for me, as I'd GLADLY pay you to do it. Anything to break up the monotony and at the same time have a fun and unpredictable outcome to bet on.

Little Lamb said...

Pug its funny you should want to work along side of me being the next slacker. The boss lady found a stuffed pug or bulldog and put it on my table. Every time I look at that stuffed animal, I think of you. She found another one today and she called him his cousin or his son, she couldn't make up her mind what the 2nd one should be.

So I have you all to myself at work.

And yes, work sucks.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - I am seriously touched that you think of me via this stuffed mascot.

And guess what?

You just reminded me that I have - in my office - one of those stuffed Serta sheep that came with the mattress as a promotion. It's pink (not yellow, unfortunately) with the number 3 on its sides.

How cool is that?

Willo Keays said...

I miss your vists to my blog Pug :( But I'm glad to see you're adjusting well to the new environment.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I enjoyed the frank honesty of this post. You also gave me a great insight into myself: I blog because my religion forbids masterbation. I didn't know that. And I only blog at home, because I too, have to actually earn my money. Life is so unfair. Thanks for posting. I plan on linking you.
But I know my blog is nowhere near as fun as yours.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, we can think of each other at work.

I have been told my lamb is orange. I thought it was beige. Do you think I look yellow, orange or beige?

/t. said...

orange

/t.

Little Lamb said...

Pug, do you agree with him?

Anonymous said...

Pug,
You are the only one in the world who can make yourself happy- This is America dagnabbit! (You are free to remind me of this the next time I post a blog that seems a little on the blue side!)

Now I finally understad why my boss kept trying to lure me into the conference room...

My job for the last 11 years has been managing fiscal resources and budget control. All human relattions issues are coordinated and resolved by me, as well as the regulation of all inventory, product consumption and distribution.
The CEO of our organization is mostly a figure head who leaves all decision making up to me. Occasionally I need his input on matters of travel, or disputes between subordinates- but those occasions are rare.
In essence- I am the General Manager of my Universe- aka, "Mom" :)

Here's a rub between those ears and a kiss on that smooshy little pug nose of yours. Go out tomorrow and be everything a product of democracy says you should be! The best in your field with a drive to get ahead, and enjoy those lower gas prices and taxes! It won't last forever~ but I sure hope it lasts past 2008!

puerileuwaite said...

Willo - I like visiting your blog, and commented on the last post before your "members only" one. I was worried you were planning on going private! But I realize that you're dealing with another issue right now. I am sincerely glad that you like having me around (and indeed, that makes you a member, perhaps, of the most exclusive club of all).

***

Enemy - Thank you for your praise.

I hope you won't take offense with the next paragraph; hopefully you won't. But for yours truly, the opposite is true.

You see, my masturbation forbids religion. Except at the end, when I've been know to "go Pentecostal"!

Actually I probably mention masturbation WAY too much. But it's too damned funny a mechanism to ignore.

I need to update my links and add you as well. Lately I've been remiss in visiting my commenters. But I do check my links regularly, so listing you there will make you a regular on my rounds (as appetizing as THAT sounds).

As far as my blog being "fun", I'm not able to be objective in that department. I'm the twisted ex-felon toothless guy operating the Tilt-a-Whirl. Though it CAN be contagious* (* a good word to use in this particular analogy BTW) when I see riders enjoying themselves, it also can bite when I have vomit and the occasional lost limb to contend with.

***

Lamby - If I did that, I'd never get any work done. This would truly turn me into the slacker type that you despise so fervently.
As such, I'll have to limit thoughts of you to 5-minute daydreams every 2-hours.

BTW, I've noticed that your color varies with the lighting of the room I'm in. Right now you look yellow, but earlier (in another room) you were definitely orange. And /t. with his trained - yet spooky - eyes confirmed that you're orange.

I dunno. Maybe you're one of those "mood lambs"!

***

Little Lamb said...

Mood lambs? Hmmm, I like that. Ok that's what I'll be for you.

puerileuwaite said...

Fair Mayden - Thank you for your insightful and honest comment (This of course is not meant to imply that all of your previous ones weren't insightful and honest. I'm sure the vast majority of them were!).

I had no idea that you had access to corporate funds. This certainly "irons out" the complexity of our friendship. Did I say friendship? I meant relationship!

You hit the nail on the head, too. The problem up to this point is that I've always considered myself a "byproduct" of democracy. I now realize this is a self-defeating visualization.

No more!

Henceforth, I am simply a "product" of democracy, likely as a result of multiplication between closely-related "integers".

My new reality confirms that I may be closer to my dream of dropping out and relocating to the Bahamas with a vivacious (and rich!) blonde.

All you need to do is make that last withdrawal from the corporate account and meet me at the Miami airport next Tuesday.

And remember, helping me attain my dream does not make you an "enabler"; it makes you a dear friend!

***

Just teasin'! I do sincerely appreciate your thoughts and advice.

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - A good woman is always "in the mood". If you catch my drift.

Little Lamb said...

That's me, pug, if you catch my drift.

Pud said...

I'm in the mood!

puerileuwaite said...

Lamby - I knew there was a reason I liked you.

***

Pud - Your HNT pix were my first indication.

***

Congratulations, ladies. You've met the first requirement. Later on, we'll get to the talent competition!

leelee said...

I had a sneaking suspicion you were of "carnie" (sic?) lineage P..

Anonymous said...

PW- The Bahamas are not quite exotic enough...how about Fiji, in the South Pacific?
I have a feeling the CEO won't be to keen on this idea...mine or yours :)

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - What tipped you off? Was it the perpetual B.O. or the constant leering?

***

FM - Does it really matter what the CEO thinks? The point is moot, since we're not inviting him along. Fiji it is, then. Meet you at LAX!

leelee said...

the insistance that you buckle my "safety" restraint yourself.

Bella Page said...

Hey Studly Puggy! I hope you are released from your chains to have a little fun this weekend!

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee - With me, it's "safety first". Okay ... well maybe not "first", exactly. There are other, more important compulsions ... er, considerations.

***

Bella - The Pug is indeed unleashed, and enjoying his Bacardi Dark (whiskey season is officially over), because he happens to not only enjoy talking in the 3rd person, but currently is on a rum kick. You too, sexy!

***

miss_lissa said...

Bacardi Dark?

I'll take some of that action. A mai tai sounds bout right.

Happy friday puggy!

puerileuwaite said...

Miss_Lissa - You and me, babe. Let's get another bottle and make your Tahiti Tingle.

/t. said...

this just out

"sucking works"

this just in

"slukgng wrrgz"

/t.

flic said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
flic said...

Well, for the rest of the day (and night), I am kept busy with patients at the hospital.

puerileuwaite said...

/t. - I'm starting to get nervous. Your comments are getting easier to decifer. Yet another sign of the impending apocalyse, I'm afraid.

***

Comment Deleted - I shall now be in mild agony for the remainder of the evening, wondering who you were and what you wrote.

***

flic - Hang in there. Who knows? That could be ME in there on life-support. (Don't even THINK it! I want to LIVE!)

Thank you for your visit. I REALLY like your blog, and the way that you think. But it COULD just be the illegal prescriptions talking. (You don't happen to have a good friend who works in the pharmacy, by chance ... I'm joking of course! I'm way too crazy already.)


***

Party Girl said...

Soooooooooo, what you're saying is, you don't like being a slave?...Hmmm, there's something about the daily tedium I find comforting.

puerileuwaite said...

Party Girl - Actually I wouldn't have a problem with being YOUR slave. It's being a slave to the daily tedium that I have an issue with.

DykesDog said...

Back to the slave gang with ya! Have a good Monday Puggy!

puerileuwaite said...

You too, DD. No playin' 'possum for me today.

puerileuwaite said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Party Girl said...

Yayhhhh!! I was looking for a new one.

You and I will make beautiful screams of orgasms together!

limpy99 said...

A courtesy reach around per day? Are they still hiring?

Bella Page said...

Hey Puggy old boy. I hope you are keeping your tan and boyish charm with your new slave labor contract :)

puerileuwaite said...

Party Girl - Um, don't think that I'm not grateful, horny and eager, but ... just out of curiousity ... what happened to the last one?

***

Limpy - They're a little behind the curve in "staffing up", but I might be able to grease your way in. However you may have to be flexible regarding your position.

***

Bella - I'm "holding my own", which is both encouraging and discouraging.

miss_lissa said...

awww, look at that. I left puggy alone with the bacardi and now he's holding his own.

It's a hard job but someone has to do it, right?

loved that you put the stones in your comment, btw.
In my video blog, the tshirt I'm wearing is my stones shirt. But, you can't tell that because I have my hoodie done up.

Party Girl said...

Oh, he's tied up right now and can't come to the computer, but he sends his regards.

puerileuwaite said...

Miss_Lissa - Glad to read that The Stones struck a chord with you. They're one of my favorite bands. Good news on the Bacardi Dark front, BTW: I just picked up some more. Hurray for me! Not that I get the chance to drink much these days, or post, for that matter (get yer mini violins out). No rest (or fun) for the wicked.

Is that the video of you prancing around in your undies? Rings a bell for some reason. Doesn't matter if it isn't, though, since in MY imagination that's what you're doin'.

***

Party Girl - Thanks for covering for me. It's difficult right now to seriously blog. I even have posts I want to do. I just need the time to write 'em. Ditto for commenting. Thanks for thinking of me!

miss_lissa said...

I'd wip out my mini violin but yeah it's preoccupied at the moment. No excuses heard here man, I'm a single momma 3 kids & 2 jobs yet I still manage to be an alcoholic and computer addict. My mother should be fuckin proud. hahaha

hmmmm, you know if you fed me Bacardi Dark for a while or even just a few shots of Jose Cuervo a video like that would be in existance...
actually, I've made dirtier videos (for real) with less alcohol in my system.
& the stones will always hit a chord with me.
Next halloween I said I'm going as a geriatric stones groupie, wanna be my Mick?

GirlGoyle said...

Sounds to me like you went from the pan to the hot coals. And work sux if interferes with blogging. Actually...work interferes with life in general is what I say. I just don't understand those people that live to work. My rule is work to live. So, if I should ever hit the jack pot I'll share if you stop kissing ass and outgrow the newbie stockholm syndrome. It's just never atractive even for a cute pug.

Pud said...

Where have you been? Don't bore me with some story of you working.

jmeped said...

I've died and this post is still here! Listen we should start our own company where people pay us to blog and bitch about them.

puerileuwaite said...

Miss_Lissa - It's a date. Unless the "Mick" reference was a swipe at my Irish heritage. Oh hell, I'll still go, regardless.

***

Girlgoyle - Not to worry. Houseflies live longer than does my enthusiasm for a new job.

***

Pud - See what you've done?! With that demand, you have just negated my next 4-posts! If you weren't so damned sexy (and considerate in revealing your flesh), I'd REALLY be outraged!

***

Jmeped - I LOVE your idea. Except for one logic flaw: I wouldn't want any disgruntled employees working for MY company. "Those" whiney bastards can go work for the competition.

miss_lissa said...

seeing as I'm part Irish, it wasn't a swipe.

and *yay* I've always wanted to dress a pug up for halloween :)

puerileuwaite said...

Miss_Lissa - I had no idea that you are also part Irish. What can I say? I am SO sorry.

Could be worse. At least we both do not have "Little Orphan Annie" red hair, or extremely pale skin with enormous freckles.

And sure, you are very welcome to dress me up anytime. Just be careful of my enormous genitals with those zippers and snaps.

miss_lissa said...

yeah... (fortunately?) I have more German in me then anything, from my moms side. My dad is Irish/Native (now there's a combo!)

Anyway why the hell am I telling you all that? lol.

& not a worry studly puggy, I promise to be gentle and provide an experience you won't soon forget.
~you like pink tutu's, right?

puerileuwaite said...

Miss_Lissa - Your German side will come in handy as you attempt to conquer and occupy me. Once you have accomplished that, I will have no choice but to comply with your "tu-tu" related demands.