Thursday, August 10, 2006

Eight Interesting Facts About Me

Hi all,

One posting formula I have managed to resist is the one consisting of "things about me". ("Who I Am" was different.) Until now. PJ just did an "8-Things" post on her blog, and apparently by reading it, I have been "tagged". So here goes.

***

1) I like vanilla ice cream, especially if said purchase irritates the crap out of other dinner attendees (Awwwww, why'd you get VANILLA ...)(Why? Because I'm evil! Bwahahahahahaha! Screw you! Don't have any then, you whiney pain-in-the-ass! More for me! More for me! Awwww, don't pout. Here, I'll give you money to go to Baskin Robbins. But wait ...... you can only buy more vanilla ice cream with it! Bwahahahahahhaha!)

What's not to like?



2) I am a dog person (like you couldn't tell). Not that I don't like cats (Especially kittens! Only a cold, heartless bastard doesn't like kittens. Bob Dole probably hates 'em. Babies too. This suspicion swung my (key) vote to Clinton.). I've owned 'em. But when the last one (my favorite) died, I decided to stop there. Plus, there is truth to the old adage: "Care for a dog - it thinks you're a god. Care for a cat - it thinks that it's a god.".

"I'm Bob Dole. As a Republican, I don't have to like kittens or babies. In fact, they both should be outlawed."



3) I like those "Love is ..." cartoons. ('Nuff said. I promised myself that I wouldn't get emotional today.)

I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me.



4) The "Cathy" comic strip, on the other hand, bites the BIG one. In fact, during the process of "possible love interest evaluation", the "What do you think of "Cathy"?" question is always towards the top. (This is similar to the famous Groucho line: "Are you married? Do you have money? Answer the second question first.".)

One question. Is this comic supposed to be funny? (You may be wondering the same thing about my blog.)



4) My dream job is to be a writer, especially comedy, and for Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (MST3K for short) in particular. If you haven't seen any episodes, make a point to do so. I'd say more here about it, but I plan to do a future post on MST3K.

After a 10-year run, they no longer make 'em. But they ought to.



5) I despise the telephone, and given the choice, wouldn't have one. I don't carry a cell phone for this reason (even though my company would pay for it), but also because cell companies are particularly evil. The main problem is that people will actually attempt to CALL me on it. F*ckers.

But if I were to get one, it would be a version of the Motorola Razr.



6) I'm a straight guy (or else I'm in severe denial, so they tell me), but yet I LOVE a good musical...............okay, I'm back. I had to briefly prance around the room singing "Such a Pretty Me" from West Side Story. Since you're dying to know, my favorites include "The Music Man", "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Annie Get Your Gun", "The Phantom of the Opera", "The King and I", "Cats", "My Fair Lady", "Jesus Christ Superstar", and "West Side Story". I could go on, but that's enough gaiety for one post.

What kind of wood doesn't float?



7) I consider sex to be the most sacred form of personal amusement. With another person, the specialness of it takes on exponential proportions. This is why I am compelled to ask "that special gal" for it constantly. And to find as many "special gals" as I can.

I can't think of sex without visualizing Dr. Ruth. Nor would I want to.



8) I enjoy conversations with people who can keep their side to 50-words or less, preferably double-spaced. This is why they have you do this on your school papers! Get a clue, Einstein!

Silent Cal. Former American President. A woman who sat next to him at a dinner bet that she could get him to say more than 2-words. At the end of the evening, he turned to her and said "You lose.". What a charmer!



9) This one is a "bonus thing". Similar to number 4 above, I use the TV show "Friends" for evaluation of potential "new hires". If they HATE the show, they're in. No further explanation should be necessary.

The urge to punch anyone who introduces himself as "Chandler" may prove too overwhelming to resist. Sorry. It's a character flaw that I possess.


***

Now it's your turn. I want all of you do one of these. And for heaven's sake, would you at least TRY to portray yourselves as interesting people?

62 comments:

jmeped said...

You asked, don't forget I didn't just offer up this dribble!

1. I love chocolate, the darker the better.
2. I hate people with really bad, yellowed snaggle teeth. Not that it's their fault (to an extent) but I can't concentrate on what their saying.
3. I hate people who use the wrong word for their thought. Such as if someone is sceptical of something and they say they are spectacle, dumb asses.
4. I am loyal to the death, but if you betray it I will never speak to you again, you will be dead to me.
5. I could sustain life on sushi and ice cream and eat nothing else for the rest of my life and be fine with it.
6. I am a camel when it comes to sex, but when you open the flood gate look out. I am very sexual with that one person, but I don't connect love and sex if it's not. I think I am a man in the respect that if I am having sex for the sake of sex, well, get off me who told you we could snuggle? But if I love you, I could sleep in your arms forever blah, blah....
7. My secret untold dream that I have never told anyone is.....like I'm going to tell you!
8. I ask my magic 8 ball everything, and when I asked if I should answer #7 it said don't count on it.

Bonus* ask me whatever you like, I will probably tell you.

leelee said...

Interesting is in the eyes of the beholder. I put my 8 up on my blog.

That was more fun then I thought. Thanks.

and you ARE interesting, thanks for sharing.

Party Girl said...

Gheesh, less than 50 words? I'm soooo out.


..I'll get mine back to you in a day or so..

Now, back to my 10-page paper that is already 11 pages.

Party Girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
puerileuwaite said...

Okay jmeped, let's review.

1) I'm sometimes that way with my women. And my humor (or lack thereof).

2) I'll take mine out so they don't diminish your focus on my witticisms. Leaving them out will also benefit you in other ways.

3) So do I. But I like you too much to point out that you used "dribble" when the correct word in this context is "drivel".

4) So if you discover my disloyalty I will have to immediately kill you. Thus helping you meet your first condition, while I deftly manage to avoid your second and third options. I don't want to be like Fredo from "The Godfather", becoming dead to you as he became to Michael. (That was so sad. Poor Fredo got screwed. But then, that was the way Pops wanted it.)

5) You are one weird chick. Oh no, don't turn away, I treasure functional weirdness. As long as it doesn't get to the point of irritation. Besides, I like sushi too. And of course you already know where I stand on ice cream.

6) A camel? So many jokes for this one, but unfortunately they're all too dirty for this wholesome blog. (Which I need to keep family-oriented, since Disney has expressed interest.) And, well, if you HAVE to keep them disconnected, then I'd like to stay with the "sex" boxcar. "Who told you we could snuggle?" is an awesome line, one that is t-shirt worthy. Way to go. Sleeping in my arms forever, on the other hand sounds incredibly tedious and blood flow restricting. Can we set a more finite time limit at least?

7) Don't tell me. I'll only find a way to unintentionally smother it.

8) I need to substitute your magic eight ball for something I like to call "free will". Either that, or swap it for one where every answer is "Take clothes off and wait for further instructions".

I'm going to hold onto "ask me whatever you like" as my "Get Out of Jail Free" card and save it for the opportune time.

Thanks for playin', playa.

puerileuwaite said...

Leelee, you shall be my next victim. See you on your blog. These "free-form" ones (where you choose what you want to share) can be fun, if you're in the right frame of mind.

puerileuwaite said...

Party Girl, I left you some paper topics in a comment on an earlier post of mine. Did you see them? Just trying to help!

GirlGoyle said...

Hummm...despite your comment on women not knowing what they want....I bed to differ. I'm very clear on what I want and even who I want...I've found all said qualities in different people. The difficulty is finding that one that has them all. As for scary...I'm not afraid...as the lion would say...'put em up....c'mon....put 'em up" and I totally concurr with your number 7. As well as your love for vanilla....I'm easy like that....if it's ice cream I'll eat it.

puerileuwaite said...

GG, yes, you do have high standards. I have a lot of respect for that. You keep me on my toes, and you have me carefully choosing my words. It keeps me sharp (well, somewhat). I love your intensity. I love that we agree on numbers 1 and 7. I miss it when we don't banter. I hope you are enjoying your vacation.

Paula said...

Very Interesting.

puerileuwaite said...

Oh no, PJ, I need MORE than that! You will have me on edge all through the weekend! Please!

jmeped said...

No, I meant dribble. Good catch though. While drivel would indicate I would be talking stupidly, dribble would indicate that I was talking with a flow, much like the small crap I threw out there for you. Had you been paying attention you probably would have caught this, but I will forgive you because of the whole teeth thing. What exactly is it you plan on doing anyway?

A Suicide Blonde said...

Answered...at my place :)

puerileuwaite said...

I don't want to lead you on, jmeped, but my teeth are white, non-crooked (unlike my mind) and unfortunately do not come out. So any acts requiring the absence of teeth would have to wait 40-years or so. Or until your visit to Decatur.

jmeped said...

Hey, you said you could take them out, as far as I am concerned that's false advertising. While I am glad they are white and straight. Now I will be able to focus on your words and not your teeth. Poor Pissy is probably still sitting there waiting, I don't know where Decatur even is.

Yeah, him. said...

Cell phones are evil. Pure and simple. If I become leader of the free world, I will charge people $100 a minute for their usage. Then we'll see who uses them.

As for 7 other things...

hmm...

puerileuwaite said...

Alright then, jmeped, let's make a deal. I'll find a way to have my teeth painlessly extracted, provided you can reveal an activity (requiring gums only) SO enticing that my effort is justified. (How's that for a run-on sentence?)

Or else you have to go to Decatur to get yer ya-ya's out.

puerileuwaite said...

Dan, or rather, "President Dan", I like the way you think. Welcome to my blog and make yourself at home. As for the other seven, I look forward to what you come up with.

Lady Lux said...

interesting....maybe I will...

jmeped said...

Ummmmmmmm???????????? Your better to just leave them in and be yer purrty self =)

Paula said...

Oh, okay. I like dogs too.

puerileuwaite said...

Hi luxlucisvica. Wow, your name is almost as difficult to handle as my own.

However, I cannot structure my life around "maybe", anymore. "Maybe" mom will come back to feed me. "Maybe" my date will come back with my car. "Maybe" people will stop by to read my blog. No longer for this chap.

So can I get you to commit just this once. Stretch a bit by making a promise which you then keep!

Just teasing. Welcome to my blog. I am happy with your visit and your comment. Do come back often.

puerileuwaite said...

Luxlucisvita - Perhaps there is hope for improvement in my spelling ability.

Jmeped - Whew! I didn't want you to call my bluff.

PJ - Didn't mean to make you go out on a limb. No worries. Your dark secret is safe with me.

jmeped said...

I already know your full of it, and by the way the test came back positive. Congratulations! I hope this doesn't ruin what we have here when I tell you I'm suing for full support!

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped, no, not at all. You wouldn't go to all this trouble if you didn't care. You could've picked anyone to victimize. This only makes me feel more special.

Mayden's Voyage said...

PW- You are a nut! :)

jmeped said...

Victimize! LOL. You are funny. Now stop distracting me I have to find a job.

Paula said...

Whew!

By the by, who won the pimp contest?

puerileuwaite said...

FM - I'M a nut? Hey, I'm not the one trying to make Lassie jump through a hoop of fire! (I'm drinking beer and watching Lassie right now.)

Jmeped - Find me a (better) job too, would ya? We can make it a package deal. You can be the Robin to my Batman.

PJ - How dare you hold me accountable? I know, I need to announce a winner and do the special post. I'm on it!

Mayden's Voyage said...

I can understand drinking beer...and watching MST3K- which I love and have not seen in ages, but watching Lassie??? LOL~

Between the beer and the sappy dog crisis...I'd be crying my head off!

But it makes me laugh to think about it :)

Malnurtured Snay said...

I'm sorry, I would do this meme, but my cats need a backrub.

puerileuwaite said...

FM, and that was just "Lassie". Before that, "The Lone Ranger" was on. I always wanted to be him for Halloween. But the way my life typically plays out, I'd have to stop at the bank first, and would forget I had the damned costume on.

And what's the deal with Tonto? Did his tribe kick him out for being a "goody two shoes"? Is that what "Tonto" means? These are the questions that I contemplate as the empty beer cans pile up.

puerileuwaite said...

MS, I rest my case. Not only about cats, but about you as well.

Malnurtured Snay said...

I'm a spineless fish who bends myself backwards to please my felines? Yes. And ugly to boot.

puerileuwaite said...

Whoa! I just meant that I rest the "dogs vs. cats" case, and how cat owners are enablers.

See MS, you already gave us two (Even though the 2nd one isn't true ... you look like a stylish young Al Capone, but without the scar! And just like Al, there you were in your recent pic with a babe on your arm. While here I am, so ugly that they don't even let me keep the pictures that come with the frames.).

Was that so hard? And I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. Your blog is a continuous (and interesting) meme.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Hah! Dude, I always knock myself, I didn't take any of what you said personally!

(But thanks for the compliments!)

jmeped said...

Robin sucks! I want to be cat woman! You would be wowed at my agility and the things I can do with a whip!

Party Girl said...

okay, I finally have time to do this.

1) Chocolate. Dark, dark chocolate.
But, I do like a twist cones. Best of both worlds.

2) Dogs over cats any day. I do like cats and cats love me, but cats make my asthma flare up and well, I like to breathe.

3) I like the DQ commercials. Crack-me-up.
I miss the TV show, "American Dreams" Smart, relevant writing. Seems like any YV show I really like, or that is really smart never stays around.

4) Cathy sucks.
OH, I know. I miss, "Calvin and Hobbes." God, what a classic.

5)I've really gotten to the point where I'm no longer a talker on the phone. Sort conversations because I'd rather see you in person and enjoy our time together that way.

6) Musicals are good. Unless its, "Suesseical the Musical"...I do enjoy going to broadway plays. Sadly, I'm not able to very often.

7)Sex, sure. I guess it's sacred. I simply find it fun and enjoyable with or without strings.
I do think it is when we are at our most vulnerable especially right before and after orgasm.

8)Hmmm, we wouldn't get along then.I'm a talker. AN animated one at that.

9)
Friends was good up until about season 7. When ever Chandler and Monica got together. After that it was seriously stupid.

puerileuwaite said...

Jmeped, congratulations. You passed one of the many arbitrary tests that I'll be throwing your way. Had you meekly accepted the roll of Robin, I would have been disappointed.

Cat Woman it shall be. What's with the whip, though? My new approach is to locate that elusive female who does NOT inflict pain. Physical or emotional. Perhaps once I have you spayed, you will lose this urge.

jmeped said...

Who said I want to hurt you with it, it's mearly for protection. bwhaaahhaa ; )

jmeped said...

While I will agree that I don't like emotional pain, what is wrong with a little spanking here and there?

puerileuwaite said...

Okay, PG, let's review.

1) So you like "dark" and "twisted". No surprises there. And your propensity for cones will fuel my need to liberally dispense cone jokes during dessert. Win/win.

2) Check. You like to breathe. Faith Hill would enjoy that. She likes to listen in on breathing. While on the other hand, I find it annoying and tedious.

3) I don't recall either the DQ commercials or "American Dreams". Please explain, if you can find the time.

4) Apparently you are the first "cool" person to openly profess her enjoyment of Calvin and Hobbes. To me they're just marginally okay. But I have noticed (Warning! I'm about to be politically - instead of just the usual "anatomically" - incorrect!) that they seem WAY TOO POPULAR with nerds and lesbians. Especially nerdy lesbians. I have a lesbian friend (the total lack of mutual sexual attraction is probably WHY she has chosen to remain friends with me after the mandatory 90-day "trial period") who had their sticker in her back truck window. What's up with that? Is it a "signal", like a pink bandana in the back pocket, a Judy Garland record, or the "bat signal" illuminated over Gotham City?). You may want to keep this one on the down low until my research is complete, PG.

5) Yes! My point exactly.

6) Another pleasant surprise. I didn't expect Party Girl to be into musicals. Not that they are a keystone of my existence. It's just that it would be fun to do a drunken him-and-her Karaoke duet to one someday. And why no Suessical? Did you see it and decide that it sucks?

7) Vulnerable? Not me. I'm only vulnerable during the "right before" part. What if she doesn't accept me for who I am? What if she doesn't feel like sharing how her day went? Worst of all, what if there's a fire and I can't get my pants back on in time? That's why I always wear MC Hammer style Parachute pants whenever I'm planning on gettin' busy, just in case. But then the neighbors are always be able to tell when I'm going to score ("Well, if it isn't Hugh Hefner in his parachute pants! Who's his vinyl victim tonight? I didn't see UPS deliver anything today, so it's probably the same gal they delivered last week."

Afterwards, I am bored and distant, and am only vulnerable (physically in this case) if I foolishly share these particular feelings with the "special gal".

8) Don't get me wrong. If I find the woman to be "interesting", I can hang on her every word, even if there's an unbearably long string of them. Until number 7 is complete, that is.

9) Um, no. Homey don't play dat game.

puerileuwaite said...

Why, there's nothing wrong with it, Jmeped. So come on over and I'll be happy to administer one.

jmeped said...

Well I've been drinking, this is what happens when you don't have a job. I spent the day here, then went shopping at the secret for new panties, which the mcdonalds drive through guy wanted to see and then didn't even give me free fries, and now I'm a few into a six pack and here again. Too bad you don't live in the hood...........

puerileuwaite said...

Drunk shopping for panties? I thought I was the only one. I wish I was in your 'hood too, since it probably has the only Victoria's Secret I haven't been banned from.

Sheesh! Why have changing rooms if you're not going to allow customers to use 'em?

And I don't think asking if they're "reversible for extended wear", is an inappropriate question. Do you?

Henceforth I shall refrain from watching their insipid commercials. This should make them rethink their conservative policies.

Oh, and the deal with McDonald's is that they have an unwritten protocol. You have to drive through in your underwear. Then they give you free McNuggets.

If they really like what they see, they'll ask if you want fries (free!) to go with that shake.

Just don't drink while watching "Lassie" like I did last Friday. It's too melan-collie. (Get it?)

jmeped said...

I'll get you in as my seeing eye dog, to help ensure proper fit. Lasie, am I the one drinking?

puerileuwaite said...

Oooh, so many jokes come to mind. All are dirty. But since I haven't yet alienated every one of my readers, and since the Disney folks are still negotiating, I'll try discretion for once.

Party Girl said...

The DQ commercials: The Moo-latte where someone is trying to stealt them? The guy who has the new hot and spicy burger and flames keep shooting out of his mouth? Yeah, the tickle me.

"American Dreams" was on for about 2 years, maybe 3 and was set right after JFK was assisinated. Oh, it went off the air last year, was on NBC on Sunday nights. It centered around a Catholic family in PA and a black family in PA. The Catholic family had the older, star football player son who goes into the military and goes to Vietnam leaving his girlfriend behind. The oldest daughter was on American Bandstand, much to her fathers dismay, and then two younger kids.
The dad owned an appliance store.
The dad of the black family worked for the white dad and so the two families knew each other.

It was just very, very well written, very smart writing, and was edited and flowed so seamlessly into each family and the situations they were all going through during this time period. Brilliant.

Oh, and I missed the paper topics. Where are they?

puerileuwaite said...

Party Girl, I'm always glad when you come for an extended visit!

"Moo-Latte" rings a bell. Next time I'll pay closer attention.

"American Dreams" sounds like an interesting show. Too bad it was on for too short a timeframe. Not long enough for a second chance in syndication.

And since you asked about my paper topics, here is the thread. Maybe you can use 'em next time.

***

Party Girl said...

Note to self: Bend at the waist and tell Puerileuwaite that I have a 10 pager due on Thursday and a 15 pager due on the 19th.

He can pick the topic as I feel the humor will win the professor over.

***

puerileuwaite said...

Okay, PG, you're on. Let me know the classes, and give me some topics that interest you. Then we'll brainstorm. (I'm serious)I'll be working late today and tomorrow, so I'll be "here".

- Your humble servant


then puerileuwaite said...

Okay PG, I have a few to toss at you just to get those juices flowin'. No silly, I meant CREATIVE juices! So here goes:

***

"The Visigoths: Black Clad Warriors Who Hated Their Parents? Or the First Optometrists? You be the Judge."

"The Renaissance: Age of Enlightment? Or the Inspiration for Godawful Festivals?"

"Born Toulouse: The Tragic Life of Toulouse Lautrec."

"Lend Me Your Ear: The Madness of Vincent Van Gogh"

"Ass Cracks and Sink Traps: A History of Indoor Plumbing"

"Cookie Monsters: A History of the Girl Scouts"

"The Day the Universe Changed Forever: The Birth of Paris Hilton"

***

Okay Party Girl. Take these and run with 'em. Let me know what you wanna do.

Party Girl said...

oh.my.jesus. How, tell me how, did I not see those topic? Much better than what I am actually working on. Much.
Damn.
Okay. I'm committing them to long-term for grad school.
I'm just sayin'
Or...
Yes, or, Inner Dork Thursdays.

Hmmm, now I'm a thinkin'......

puerileuwaite said...

See, Party Girl? Who's there for you? Who's crazy about you? Who's your daddy?

Party Girl said...

Spank me, baby, spank me!

puerileuwaite said...

Only if you get bad grades. Or if you get really good grades. Hell, just try to show up at class every once in awhile. And I'll see what I can do.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Ah fuck it, I'm bored, I'm doing it! Done! Blogged!

Malnurtured Snay said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
puerileuwaite said...

Okay, MSnay, thanks for playin'. I've recently visited your blog and have graded your efforts.

Malnurtured Snay said...

SNAKES.

ON.

A.

PLANE.

YEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!

puerileuwaite said...

Sssssssssssssimmer down, MSnay. Don't make me call Animal Control on you (again).

I think "Snakes on a Submarine" would be even more claustrophobic.

Also, I'm wondering if The Daily Show or Colbert Report have used this reference yet for any Republican junkets ...

C Love "The Rap Addict" said...

rayzr's are EVIL!

The worse phones ever made IMO

puerileuwaite said...

C Love - You serious? What don't you like? Because if the reception sucks, then no way I'm getting one.

Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read » »

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