Puerileuwaite to Magazine: I'm Celibate
Aug 5, 10:05 PM EST
The Associated Press
LONDON -- Puerileuwaite says he is sick of women and is celibate.
The 25-year-old (actually he is slightly older but bends the truth for greater sex appeal) who gained international fame when a former girlfriend posted a videotape of the couple having lurid (he loves that word, and insisted that we add it) sex on the Internet denied leading a promiscuous lifestyle in an interview with the British edition of GQ magazine.
"I'm not having sex for a year. ... I'll kiss, but nothing else," says Puerileuwaite, who told the magazine he has had sex with only two men, er women (okay! they were mannish women) during his lifetime.
Of his videotape with Paris Hilton that became one of the most searched-for items on the Internet in 2003, he said: "I never received a dime from it. It's just dirty money for senseless acts of beastiality and she should give it all to some charity for the sexually abandoned or something."
The Thrifty Nickel Saver heir and uber-goober told the magazine he is "very shy" and relates to the late Princess Diana, who was also hounded by photographers, and was the subject of a tragic Elton John song modification as well.
"I've been in cars driven by intoxicated Frenchmen trying to get away from speeding paparazzi before and it's horrible, so I can relate to Diana and the problems she had," Puerileuwaite is quoted as saying. "Strangely enough, I've also been in cars driven by frightened paparazzi trying to get away from intoxicated Frenchmen."
He also went on to describe his fear of "psychos and nut-cases out there who don't view my life as newsworthy".
During the interview, Puerileuwaite also displayed some political illiteracy, referring to President Bush as a "beacon for competency" and Laura Bush as "our sexiest First Lady since Dolly Madison". Visibly under the influence, he then uttered a barely coherent remark about their "cupcakes".
When asked about British Prime Minister Tony Blair, his response was: "Who? ... Oh, yeah, he was in that creepy "Exorcist" movie, and didn't he also sleep with Rick James?".
Puerileuwaite also told the magazine he collects $500,000 in fees just to show up at parties and that he comments on other blogs as part of his community service obligation. His best-paying gig, he said, was a recent Austrian appearance, where in his inimitable style he arrived in full kangaroo costume drinking a "Foster's".
"I had to say `heil' and lay it on thick why I loved Austria so much, due to threat of non-payment. " he is quoted as saying. "It wasn't easy to think of anything genuine, so I simply said I'd lay down for them anytime, just as they did for the Germans." Danke-shame, indeed.
And why does he like Austria? "Because they pay me $1 million to wave at crowds!" "Pwnd! Suckers! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."
(Picture stolen from "The Idle Receptionist")
Oh, and if any crackheads are interested in the Paris Hilton original version, here is the link.
Don't hate me because of the simple life that I lead. Just love me.
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