Writer's Block

Hello everyone,

I trust that you are all doing well. Actually for most of you, I know this is the case, since I've been spending more time lately on your blogs than my own. Easier to comment than create, or so I've read.

Well, since my Internet connection is thwarting my efforts to upload pictures for a post that I'm working on, I may as well go heavy on the verbose for this one. However there is a slight problem. I have writer's block! It's true. I cannot think of a single coherent topic to ruminate upon. And yes, I AM capable of coherency! Codependency too. So pipe down. Or better yet, hold me.

And yet, hungry verbiage vultures that you are, quotas must be met. I have fallen victim to your expectations of high volume at low prices. So I have no choice but to "wing it" with whatever comes to mind. Sure, I could've surrendered my will to the considerable power of the meme, but I'm trying this foreign approach known in some circles as abstinence. I've been told it makes the heart grow fonder. And yet, I've never been fond of women who force it upon me. Go figure.

I guess that it was unavoidable: I would eventually have to post on mundane details and musings from my marginal existence.

So, what to do. Wait, a thought just occurred to me. Don't you HATE mosquitoes? Those little pests are everywhere right now. I can't even go for a run, which I wanted to do instead of posting. I read somewhere that "lemon eucalyptus oil", whatever that is, is a natural repellent. Is there such a thing as a lemon eucalyptus? I thought the two were mutually exclusive, much like me and popularity.

And where can I obtain this oil? Would it be in the same aisle as frankincense and myrrh? And what would I smell like with it on? Would I smell like hippies do when they wear that chulupa oil? Do they still call them hippies? Or is it no longer hip?

This reminds me of an old SNL Weekend Update joke, as follows: "Liza Minelli had hip surgery earlier this past week, which is the first time in 20-years that the words "Liza Minelli" and "hip" have been used in the same sentence.".

By the way, now is probably not the best time you inform you that I plan to launch a second blog. That's right. Apparently I am way too prolific, and have an overabundance of great material for just one URL to safely contain. Okay, I'll come clean. The REAL reason is because I have ideas and topics that really aren't appropriate for this forum. For point of illustration, this blog is meant to display all of the shiny, tasteful(?) tschotschkes that I polish and set out for company to fuss over and become enamored of.

The "other" blog is to be the black sheep that I hide in the back room until company leaves. Then I have my way with it. Just kidding. It's a metaphor, people! A better description is that it represents all of the crappe that I quickly cram into drawers (cramming crappe into drawers? that doesn't sound right either) and closets while the doorbell is ringing. Anyway, stay tuned. I'll let you know when it's ready, if anyone is desperate enough to be even remotely interested.

On another unrelated topic, I was able to get in a solid workout today, despite the fact that, due to fate's cruelty, "The Big Cheese" (nice man, a millionaire too, though I regret to inform that his management style closely resembles that of Dilbert's boss) is in town. So it was either flee the scene, or get tapped to count the number of toilet paper rolls hung improperly throughout the campus.

For the majority of my time there, the weight room was empty. So I could focus with laser precision on my routine and bask in the solitude. I love solitude, and wish you all could've been there with me to enjoy it.

To further isolate, I listened to my iPod. Most of the songs are fairly innocuous, classic rock fare. But since headphones are involved, no one needs to know (much like my secret fetishes for Kuchina Dolls and Faberge Eggs) what I'm into. Don't ask, don't tell, don't sing along.

As a result of this freedom from drive-by criticism, I always sneak a few guilty pleasures into the mix. Right these would include "Cruel, Cruel Summer" by Bananarama, "Toxic" by Britney Spears, "Uncontrollable Urge" by Devo, "I Got You, Babe" by UB40 and Chrissy Hynde, and a couple of Joni Mitchell tunes. I've really been on a Joni kick lately. I know why, but I can't tell you, since I know that you're all good for shit at keeping secrets. There's more, but these should arm you with enough arrows to shoot back my way.

Thank you for helping(?) me through this. I hope to start thinking again real soon.