Courtesy of Blackbird, here is my first meme. And if I embarrass myself enough, it is likely my last!
• What is your salad dressing of choice?
> It's a tie between Oriental Sesame Ginger and (REAL) Blue Cheese.
• What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
• What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
> It varies. Right now I'm jonesing for Ranalli's Pizza on Clark Street (Old Town) in Chicago. The best pizza on the planet.
• On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 15 - 20%.
> 20%, at least, always. Unless the service was REALLY BAD or VERY UNFRIENDLY (I do factor in how busy they are, or if the wait staff is dealing with issues beyond their control); then I usually say something, yet still give 15%.
• What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
> This is a tough one. Two safe choices are good pizza, or good Mexican food.
• Name three foods you detest above all others.
> Head cheese (mom used to buy it; WTF is IN it?!; I'd never touch it; do they even still make it?), cow tongue (yuck, I'd rather French-kiss a live cow; mom had weird eating habits), liver (had to eat it once a week as a kid; at that time it was supposed to be good for you ... rich in iron; now, it evokes images of Hannibal Lechter ... maybe if I had it with a glass of Chianti ...).
• What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?
> Dun Show Ping, my favorite waitress! She love me long time. Okay, you want SERIOUS answer. Okay, then. Schezchuan (i.e. - Kung Pow Beef or Chicken).
• What are your pizza toppings of choice?
> I'm a plain cheese guy. As for toppings: veggies.
• What do you like to put on your toast?
> I alternate. Either just butter, or with grape or strawberry jelly. I like to live on the edge.
• What is your favorite type of gum?
> Trident Sugar-Free Whitening: Cinnamon, Spearmint, Peppermint or Winter Fresh.
• What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?
> Stop! There may be kids reading this! Okay, I'll go with a socially-acceptable answer: my general physique (6'1", 185 lbs).
• Are you right handed or left handed?
> Right-handed. But for some off-handed reason, I shoot pool - and rifles, usually from office buildings - left-handed.
• Do you like your smile?
> It's okay, I guess. I don't spend a lot of time in front of a mirror, so I don't have a strong opinion on this topic. Crocodiles always smile back at me, for what it's worth.
• Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
> BESIDES my soul? Not voluntarily. But who knows what happens during my frequent alien encounters? I am likely THEIR version of the "Operation" game.
• Would you like to?
> Well, I just watched "TransAmerica" the other day, so it got me to thinkin' ... what is SO important about being able to stand up to urinate?
• Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
> Wow, there's FIVE? I gotta get out more ...
• When was the last time you had a cavity?
> Mid-'80's. Not big on dentists, so I take care of my chompers. Whew! Thank God you didn't add "search" after that question!
• What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?
> Well, there still may be a few underagers reading, so I'll go with my tool case. Oh, and weights.
• Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
> Yes. I am only semi-conscious right now.
• If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
> No way. The suspense would kill me! Make it a surprise. Oh, and make it quick.
• If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
> Right now, I'm thinkin' "Superfly". But it varies with mood. In fact, I suggest that first names SHOULD be changeable to reflect current state of mind (example: "Asshole Smith, party of one").
• How do you express your artistic side?
> I "tag" railroad boxcars.
• What color do you think you look best in?
> Natural flesh tones ;-)
• How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?
> It depends on whether I play "hard to get". The courting ritual alone could take 6-months.
• Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
> Well, I HAVE dined at Taco Bell in the past, so I'm going to assume that I have.
• If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?
> Well, if I were from the south, I would argue with the "bound by society's conventions" statement. But I'm from the north, so I'd say Uncle Ernie.
• How often do you go to church?
> This is the proverbial can of worms. NEVER, if I can help it. Let me say that I am very open-minded, and am always researching and seeking divine enlightenment. Having been raised as a Catholic, I WANT to believe. I also think that we shouldn't be pricks to each other for the majority of the time, just to behave in a special building for a few hours out of each week. Earth should be an extension of heaven, not a morally barren place full of judgemental, self-absorbed and materialistic assholes. Organized religion, in general, has a manipulative agenda all its own, one that is exclusive from the Supreme Being's (assuming/hoping there is one). But hey, if it works for you, then great. I believe that at some point this should become an educated, individual journey. If some of us wind up in the same building, and do no harm to others, then, okay. End of cuckoo rant.
• Have you ever saved someone’s life?
> Probably. Every time that I successfully fight the impulse to push someone in front of a train, I feel that I'm doing my part. Oh, and stay away from Taco Bell! There, I just saved at least one of you.
• Has someone ever saved yours?
> Yes. This story is personal, though.
For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.
• Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
> Absolutely. But first, show me the money. No "I-owe-you's" like last time. Let me know in advance, please, so that I can start my Enzyte and Viagra training regimen.
• Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
> Only on weekends, as part of my second line of work. Oh, and not on the lips. I don't want to fall in love like "Pretty Woman".
• Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000?
> I can get reimbursed for these activities? Cool.
• Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
> Well, I have until Friday to come up with the money. So we'll see.
• Would you never blog again for $50,000?
> Who put you up to this? Is there really a collection going? C'mon, my blog can't be THAT bad.
• Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
> Sure. They do still publish "High Times", don't they? I'll be the "before" shot for the Enzyte ad.
• Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
> What do YOU think?! Duh! In these parts, we call this drink the "Flaming Sphincter".
• Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
> No. Thou shalt not kill.
• Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?
> You betcha. Throw in a double-date with Sinead O'Conner, the singer from "Live", and one of the Manson girls, and you've gotta deal, pardner.
• Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
> Okay, who put you up to this? Why, this reminds me of the time on "The Courtship of Eddie's Father", where ...... oh, never mind. Sure, okay, I'll do it, you sadists. If there's no better way for you to get yer jollies!
Thanks for the meme - ories.
By Your Side...
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